chiquen81

Can anyone hand out some advice? I feel like literally everything is driving me insane or aggravating me today. I don’t know what causes it. I went to a meeting, met with sponsor, went to a doctor appointment. I was in traffic for two hours.

Coming up on 9 months without a drink, I used to have wine to help the aggravation and it would immediately alleviate it. Wow isn’t it scary how well that stuff worked?

Please don’t say exercise because I did that already. I think maybe it’s just acceptance and accepting that I’m cranky pants today and to just go to bed early.

I just feel like im going to snap. Did anyone have this in they first year?

Dee74

Hi chiquen

Its hard to know what to suggest when you haven;t said what triggers the aggravation apart from traffic so I'll keep it general...

Have you tried meditation or relaxation exercises - there's a ton on youtiube - some are guided and some not.

Hobbies are good too - anything that gets you involved and takes you away a little - also listening or playing music, a good book, netflix, whatever.

and...I am going to say exercise I'm afraid because I found the odd bit of exercise didn't do much - it had to be a regular thing for me - and not exercising yourself into the ground...even 10 minutes of gentle exercise can change my mood now.

Of course if this aggravation is really debilitating it might be a good idea to see a therapist or counsellor if you haven;t already?

D

entropy1964

Well I'd say if you had an aggravating day, that's pretty darn normal. Take a nice bath and throw in the towel...go to bed.

If the aggravation is chronic and everything is pissing you off. That might need some deeper digging.

Otherwise, its just life.

Misssy2

I'm typically someone who gets aggravated easily. I have zero patience..and I have an anxiety level that is very high.

I'm not going to say exercise...lol....But I used to take vitamins as a joke...I have noticed recently that vitamins do take the edge off....I guess they bring our bodies to "correct operating levels".

The B vitamins are good for mood, sleep and brain....Take it or leave it..they work they really do..I hope you feel better soon.

Seriously thou..."wine" is only going to make agitation go away for about an hour and then after that..alcohol is known to cause "anxiety" anxiety is know to cause agitation.


I trust you will get thru this and your just venting....I would get some B complex vitamin combo and drink plenty of other fluids!

AnvilheadII

cranky pants days happen. being sober does not prevent them. i go by the rule "just don't do anything stupid" and that seems to help. i may be having a rough day, but it is not the world's job to fix me, or placate me, or be nice to me. so i try to keep my head down, do no harm and tag up safe.

DriGuy

I experienced some aggravation, but mostly I experienced it's close cousin, resentment. This was both before and after getting sober. The Big Book mentions letting go of resentments, but it doesn't really teach us how. However, I did gain control of my resentments in discussions with other members of the group who coached me a bit and gave me some insight into why I was holding on to them. Once, I realized I was clinging to them for illogical reasons, I started to practice letting them go. This was not some overnight thing where the light comes on, and everything is fixed. I had to practice not thinking about my resentments and went out of my way to be nice to people I felt had betrayed me. This helped a lot.

I don't know if anything about this registers, but one of the things I think is that holding resentments and allowing ourselves to be triggered into aggravation can be habits. That's much of what was behind it for me. It was an easy habit for me to get into, and one of the harder habits for me to break. But it's a really unhealthy habit that can take a severe toll on our emotional well being.

You might give this habit issue some thought. It may or may not apply to you the way it did to me. I not completely free of this demon, but I've got things to a manageable level. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I still sometimes allow myself the indulgence of a resentment as long as it doesn't mess with my head and make me crazy. I'm not a pro at this. I'm just a lot better than I was. Right now, I happy with my progress. Maybe I'll get even better at it. But I'm at a place where I don't think about it much anymore.

Dee74

how are things chiquen?

D

D122y

It helped me to not relapse so far knowing that all the issues I was having were pretty much the result of physical and mental damage I had done while drinking.

It was explained here like this. My kitchen is nice and clean. To celebrate this I am going to make a huge mess in it.

The brain takes years to normalize. Yesterday, for the first time ever, I got noticeably excited finding some new product at the market.

I finally got noticable dopamine from shopping. That is a huge deal. My dopamine levels are still improving. I haven't been intoxicated in well over 4 years.

I am pretty much drug free though. If I was taking dr. Prescribed meds, I doubt I would be getting these normal dopamine feeling.

I was so angry for years at work. I openly hated my boss and certain coworkers. Those days are gone. Now I don't like my boss, but I respect him. Very different.

So, my experience is time heals. I have said that I didn't really get well, I just got used to being messed up. That is why it takes so long to feel better.

The brain damage is permanent. My brain has rewired. Any relapse and I will do more damage.

Eventually the crazy won't go,away.

I don't want that. I was given so many chances to quit. This might be my last one.

I am a born again non drinker. I hate booze.

Sr saved my life.

Thanks.

chiquen81

Thank you for all your responses.

i am still having a tough time. The extreme aggravation is still there to the point that I don’t even think I can sit in a meeting. I don’t want to listen to people talk about how great everything got once they stopped drinking and how God is working. It makes me so annoyed.

Sometimes I feel as though many of these people don’t deal with severe biochemical imbalances. My sponsor doesn’t even take meds. She’s not against me taking them. I know what I’m dealing with is a chemical issue and I really don’t want to listen to people saying God fixes everything. There is NO way a meeting with help with this issue.

I am so tired of AA and how they say people aren’t unique. The fact is that certain situations ARE highly unique and no brain is alike.

This too shall pass...

Callas

Yip I think you nailed it in this last post. No use fighting or resisting. Just go through whatever you are feeling untill it eases up.

doggonecarl

In your previous post, about depression, you said you were seeing your psychiatrist in a week. Did you talk with him/her about about what you are going through? Or did the aggravation come after the visit?

Stay strong.

chiquen81

You are exactly right, though. The wine works amazingly in that it takes that initial edge off. However, then what I am looking at is ANOTHER relapse and ANOTHER step in the wrong direction. Wine was literally my way out of EVERY problem and it is terrifying how perfectly well it worked for my entire life. Now that I can't go to the wine to take that sharp, sharp edge off it's like I go into a spiral. I beeped at so many people on the road just now. They were driving poorly and definitely deserved those HONKS. *BEEP BEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

By the way, another thing to note is that I did Step 4 and took Step 5 with my sponsor on Monday. I thought this was supposed to be the cathartic step. Sometimes I feel like there's something wrong with me. (well, there is...)

chiquen81

I actually checked and I am seeing my guy on August 6. I think a LOT of this is sleep related/insomia induced. I am getting very non-restorative, non-REM sleep in sobriety. It has been like that since I quit drinking. I have tried so many medications (traz, remeron both make me feel worse than if i had a handle of SCOTCH the night before) and the final step may possibly be Seroquel, which is an anti-psychotic sometimes used in small doses off-label for sleep. I've been avoiding this medication because it's serious stuff, and I'm a little nervous about taking something this powerful.

I swear that if my sleep issues cleared up this would be MUCH EASIER. My sleep is garbage.

chiquen81

I don't know why I AM capitalizing RANDOM words. Very Trump-esque of me.

I appreciate anyone in here listening to me rant like a literal crazy person! Yipee!

doggonecarl

Your aggrevation/anger could be related to the step work.

I was an angry, brooding, easily P.O'd drinker and that didn't disappear just because I put down the drink. One thing I noticed about my anger/frustration/aggravation was that while I initially identified the source of my aggravation as being someone or something else, the cause was usually me. Anger at myself for how I perceived myself, anger at how I dealt with life, anger at how sobriety was often frustrating for me. It was easier to come home and kick the dog (not literally) than it was to kick the real culprit.

What is your step work revealing?

Anna

I completely relate to your comments about sleep. I am a chronic insomniac and I know how miserable it feels to not sleep well.

I also agree with what Carl said. I was very angry, easily irritated and always annoyed. I'm not an AA person, but I began to realize that my anger was directed at myself. I was furious with myself for my emotional problems and that I had turned to alcohol and made such a mess of my life. I had to do some serious work on forgiving myself.

I don't have much advice, except to say, don't give up. Keep searching for the answers you need for your recovery.

tomsteve

awesome for doing that! did you jump into step 6 and 7?
the spiritual awakening occurs as a result of all of the steps. the 10th step is when the BB tells us we will gain quite a bit of relief- we cease fighting everyone and everything.

is any of this related to maybe trying to play yer HP? things arent going your way?

D122y

I have heard that mixing meds with booze is a high like no other.

Getting off the booze while still needing the meds is going to hurt like hell.

Obviously, nobody can understand or judge what a person feels inside. There may be a need for temporary prescription adjustment with a weening regime after some time.

Thanks.

wehav2day

Chiquen,

You hit the nail in the head that everyone is different. To a point. The “terminal uniqueness you refer to in aa is more about shooting down the idea most alcoholics have that OUR SITUATION IS DIFFERENT because of -insert some lame reason here- so we can drink over a, b, c, or we don’t need to do step whateverrrr. We are all the same in the fact that we’re alcoholic and need to quit. And if you choose aa as your program to quit, the steps are the way to do that particular program.

That said, everyone is different, just like you said. This step thing is a journey, and results vary. I never felt that spiritual awakening thing. I just slowly felt more grounded and spiritually, mentally ok.

It took me a year to trust my brain, thoughts and reactions again. A year. I definitely had days like yours. I had to learn to sit with my feelings. Which sucks, to be honest. But being able to get through sucky feelings without drinking brings power. Power you take with you to the next time you have sucky feelings. (And you will)

Then, when you have great days (and you will), they will be truly great days that you can fully appreciate because you won’t be bogged down with wine.

Derringer

Some days you just have to keep your mouth shut, get to bed early and know that tomorrow is another day.

Learn to live in uncomfortable feelings because .... that's all they are.