Conflict of interest
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 200
Conflict of interest
the solicitor I had booked a free 20 min consultation with just rang to say they can’t speak to me as there is a “conflict of interest”
so AH clearly has been seeking legal advice. I was so upset and assumed he had been trying to transfer the deeds to the house he owns to bury the assets incase I go for a divorce. So when he dropped the kids off today I challenged him on the driveway. I said “when were you going to tell me about your dealings with X solicitor?”
He he looked dumb at first and totally denied all knowledge of it. Then when I explained - oh .. THAT solicitor! Yes he’d been in just for “advice” that was it. He was doing nothing. They were not taking any action.
Then he got very emotional and said that he was struggling with being alone. He’d been to see a councillor because he felt suicidal. He said he is struggling with debts, parking fines, speeding tickets etc and he was crying.
I just feel wretched. I said I didn’t know if I trusted him anymore and that actions spoke louder than words from now on. He said he’d transfer money over to my account tonight and at the weekend and that he’d keep it up. I said that was all I had asked for in the first place. It wasn’t about the amount so much as the attitude towards paying me. He said again that he would give us everything he could.
Alcohol wasn't mentioned. Still the elephant in the room.
I don't know what to do next. Honestly I am terrified that he feels suicidal I don’t know if he’s bluffing to make me feel bad or genuine. He just knows which buttons to press.
so AH clearly has been seeking legal advice. I was so upset and assumed he had been trying to transfer the deeds to the house he owns to bury the assets incase I go for a divorce. So when he dropped the kids off today I challenged him on the driveway. I said “when were you going to tell me about your dealings with X solicitor?”
He he looked dumb at first and totally denied all knowledge of it. Then when I explained - oh .. THAT solicitor! Yes he’d been in just for “advice” that was it. He was doing nothing. They were not taking any action.
Then he got very emotional and said that he was struggling with being alone. He’d been to see a councillor because he felt suicidal. He said he is struggling with debts, parking fines, speeding tickets etc and he was crying.
I just feel wretched. I said I didn’t know if I trusted him anymore and that actions spoke louder than words from now on. He said he’d transfer money over to my account tonight and at the weekend and that he’d keep it up. I said that was all I had asked for in the first place. It wasn’t about the amount so much as the attitude towards paying me. He said again that he would give us everything he could.
Alcohol wasn't mentioned. Still the elephant in the room.
I don't know what to do next. Honestly I am terrified that he feels suicidal I don’t know if he’s bluffing to make me feel bad or genuine. He just knows which buttons to press.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
RB, find another solicitor ASAP.
Do you see how he deflected your questions? There is no point discussing this directly with him anymore, you are just opening yourself up for manipulation. It's long past time to let lawyers manage relations between you.
Do you see how he deflected your questions? There is no point discussing this directly with him anymore, you are just opening yourself up for manipulation. It's long past time to let lawyers manage relations between you.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Find a lawyer right now. If he’s talked to more than one they’re all going to have the same conflict, so HURRY, yes?
He’s obviously saying whatever it takes to manipulate you while simultaneously going behind your back to protect his own interests.
Those are not the actions of someone who is suicidal, not one bit, so you can stop letting that distress you.
At this point, he is not someone you trust about ANYTHING. Get mad, get strong, get lawyered up.
Sending you strength...
He’s obviously saying whatever it takes to manipulate you while simultaneously going behind your back to protect his own interests.
Those are not the actions of someone who is suicidal, not one bit, so you can stop letting that distress you.
At this point, he is not someone you trust about ANYTHING. Get mad, get strong, get lawyered up.
Sending you strength...
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
in my less than humble opinion, you are being played BIG time. and he is maneuvering to his own advantage and that will not bode well for you. the longer you delay, the better it works for him.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by RainingButtons 
I don’t know if he’s bluffing to make me feel bad or genuine.
RB, I totally understand what you are saying. To have someone you once cared about standing in front of you crying, talking about suicide, seemingly pouring their heart out to you is not easy.
It looks like he has taken off the mask of bravado and laid his innermost feelings on the line.
Now, that's how it seems, but as Suki said, why is he seeing a lawyer and not a doctor.
He lied to you about seeing the lawyer, lied right to your face.
Now, he could just be deflecting of course and he could well be depressed and not liking being alone, that part might be true. It's also not your problem.
Alcoholics can be notorious for not taking care of their business (literally in this case). That is his choice. I take it he is not a stupid person and if he quit drinking and went in to recovery would perhaps be quite successful.
- He needs friends and close family
- He needs to attend to his business to support himself
- He needs to pay his own way - whatever that takes
- He needs to treat others with respect (yes, even you)
He's not doing any of this things. Time for him to adult-up and get his - stuff - together.
This is not your responsibility. He has made a huge mess here, personal relationships, business relationships, finances. Why on earth is that your problem? You are struggling and doing the best you can, can you afford, even emotionally, to take on his struggles too? To do so at this time will be throwing yourself under the bus.
RB, honestly it's time to cut and run. You do need a lawyer, you cannot trust someone who lies to your face.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it is also a classic move to "visit" with numerous divorce attorneys as this then creates a Conflict of Interest and they cannot see you. I mean what are the odds that the ONE attorney's office you picked he had already been to?
i would devote today to getting myself across the desk from an attorney by tomorrow at the latest. if'n it were me.
i would devote today to getting myself across the desk from an attorney by tomorrow at the latest. if'n it were me.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Ugh RB. Just when you get up the courage to do what you need to do, and this happens. That sucks.
I hope you can find another solicitor. I'm not sure what social services are available in the UK.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other the best you can.
I hope you can find another solicitor. I'm not sure what social services are available in the UK.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other the best you can.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Sheer manipulation, and holding another person emotionally hostage. It's a form of abuse.
Most who are suicidal are seeking therapy, not the advise of a attorney. Please find another attorney. I also think you and your children deserve a set amount as allowed. What he is doing is shameful, monetarily stringing you along while you struggle.
Just my two cents.
PS...I agree with the above post about people going to speak to different attorneys to block them. I did it myself. There were two or three attorneys that are like bull dogs that I did not want my XAH to be able to access. I went and spoke to them myself for that reason. It's not something I am proud of, but I was in a desperate place and ready to fight for my children in any way I had to.
Most who are suicidal are seeking therapy, not the advise of a attorney. Please find another attorney. I also think you and your children deserve a set amount as allowed. What he is doing is shameful, monetarily stringing you along while you struggle.
Just my two cents.
PS...I agree with the above post about people going to speak to different attorneys to block them. I did it myself. There were two or three attorneys that are like bull dogs that I did not want my XAH to be able to access. I went and spoke to them myself for that reason. It's not something I am proud of, but I was in a desperate place and ready to fight for my children in any way I had to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Like everybody said - a not-uncommon tactic. In some jurisdictions, lawyers can't take on a client if they have provided legal services to the opposing party in a case (even an introductory consultation can count as "providing legal services"). So if I wanted to make sure my STBX would not have good legal representation and would be disadvantaged in any court proceedings involving me, I would visit every competent lawyer in town first "just for a consultation", so my STBX would be unable to retain them to represent her.
He may indeed be struggling with debts, parking fines, etc, but this is profoundly not your problem. You are not responsible for his mood.
He may indeed be struggling with debts, parking fines, etc, but this is profoundly not your problem. You are not responsible for his mood.
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