Callas

Early sobriety is difficult for all the obvious reasons. I am sure that all of us being so uniquely different also have our own singular struggles.

Personally I find social interaction the most difficult aspect to negotiate in this period of my life. For most of my adult life (which also represent my drinking life) I considered myself to be likeable, generally kind and fun. Apparently this is not the real me. As a totally sober person now I am irritable, critical, easlily bored and sometimes downright nasty. I work extremely hard to suppress these aspects of myself and mostly succeed. But not always. When I fail I regret it immediately. Still, it is not so nice to get to know the real me.

My sobriety plan is to limit social interaction to the maximum that I can and hope that in time a different person will emerge. If not I will just accept that perhaps I am just not cut out for such interaction and to my own detriment I tried to use alcohol to dull my social akwardness and general dislike of people.

Keeping myself to myself untill I know and accept myself sounds like a sensible approach for the medium term.

totfit

I would be careful to judge for "social awkwardness" initially. I found that after a while, I became even more "responsibly social" than I had been before. That being said, there is not requirement that we be "socialites". I find exercise and a healthy diet has done more than anything else to help me relax in my own skin and associate with others. Be aware, but don't judge yourself. I think remembering that it is about the journey and just putting one foot in front of the other helps me.

Anna

Callas, when I stopped drinking, I found that I wasn't the person I thought I was either. Recovery definitely gave me a different perspective on things and I became fully aware of my part in all my relationships.

Give yourself some time to get used to socializing without alcohol, and if you find you want to socialize a bit less, that's okay. Try to be kind to yourself and not judge yourself too harshly.

2ndhandrose

Callas, I had a pretty tough first year sober.

Who I was in early recovery has changed dramatically 4 1/2 years on.

Thankfully, as I grew and recovered and discovered myself, I found a really great person.

Give yourself room and time. You may be surprised to find you actually are a kind, fun and likeable person

Misssy2

Your still not your real self...you are too early in sobriety....it will take time to discover who you really are after working out some of these awkward kinks you are feeling...your brain is not healed yet..and you have a lot more to learn about yourself....

melski

Some great insights here but I would add that there is a prominent physical detox component to early sobriety that creates irritability, anxiety and general feeling lousy-ness...
Once that settles down your nervous system will too.

Callas

Thank you all for the support and kind thoughts. What bothers me is that I am going into month 5 of sobriety now. I am well over any detox and any desire to drink. Instead of getting “better” with company I find it increasingly laborious and hard work. My mother was completely anti-social and perhaps that is just the real me suppressed by years of drinking and thinking that I enjoy socialising. Whoever the real me is in sobriety, that is the person that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

NicLin

Callas,

Hey. I am new at all of this and hope to get to five months! Congrats!

I was a fun, the more the merrier, "socialite" type person. When I drank, I wanted everyone around having fun with me and wanted every one to like me. I was witty, energetic and didn't have much of a filter.

Getting sober has changed that in a sense. Instead of loud, crowded places with as many friends I can cram in...I am finding myself wanting to have one on ones with my friends, small doses of interaction and generally keeping to myself. I thought it was strange, but I am trying to embrace this new, protective me.

Don't think too much into it and start labeling yourself, you seem very sweet and kind and there are many ways to socialize in whatever capacity works for you.

nez

When I took alcohol away, I took away my coping mechanism. Taking away alcohol was hard work, but it was doable. Developing new coping mechanisms since I no longer had my crutch was hard work, but it was doable.

During the process of developing new coping mechanisms, I became more comfortable with myself. As a result, I became more comfortable with other people. I will never be confused with being a social butterfly, but I am not anti-social any more.

I am slowly discovering and developing new aspects to my personality. The real me can and is changing. I can hardly wait until tomorrow to discover even more about the real me. What a great thing that is!

Robert88

After 6 months in recovery, I am finally able to at least share in meetings because I know that it is going to help someone else. I do not like to socialize much outside of meetings. I live in a sober living but I am finally socializing with them after about 1 week being here. I think that it is just going to take time for you to be more social and it is not like you have to be the center of a huge crowd or anything like that. I find that being close to a few people is better. I felt how you have felt so I know how you feel. Maybe you have just not found the people that you are comfortable being around yet.