ThatWasTheOldMe

The words describe me perfectly. Let me give you the reasons.

1. I have a degree but don't use it and I would greatly benefit from using it. But I'm too stupid to get or even pass an interview.

2. I can't afford healthcare or dentist work because I make too much money to qualify for Medicaid, but not enough money to live off of.

3. I have federal student loans holding me back.

4. If my car ever breaks at all, I'm completely screwed.

5. I hate my job and no one there wants to work with me anyway. I'm the laughing stock.

6. I have no friends or family. Just coworkers and a racist dad.

7. I drink to stop caring about any of this stuff and just start calling into work.

8. I'm not going to AA - it costs money to get there.

9. I still live with my aforementioned dad - yet I'm 32 years old. This one's especially pathetic.

10. I mean, is nine reasons not enough? I'll let you know as the reasons pop into my head.

wildflower70

If your still drinking, the list will get longer, because drinking makes you feel worthless!!

If your sober and still feel this way, talking to a professional may be the answer. Everyone has self worth.

Are you still drinking?

least

Drinking made me feel like a loser. I wasn't, but couldn't see that til I got some sober time.

You're not a loser.

Finalround

A solid detailed plan would help address all of those. How about starting with,

1. What does TWTOM want?

Begin with the end in mind. You have all the pieces, sounds like they just need to be put to use. Just like sobriety, it starts with a plan and action by us.

Constantly telling yourself you are worthless will keep you there. Booze will be the anchor.

CRRHCC

Matthew 11:28-30: 28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [a]gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life. No one would deny that life is full of adversity. We can’t control our circumstances, but we can control how we think about our circumstances and how we respond. Christ uses three key verbs when speaking of stress management: come, learn, and take. Christ wants us to come to Him, collaborate with Him, learn from Him, take on a lighter load. God does not give us overcoming life— He gives us grace, as we overcome. Discomfort is the price of admission if you want to have a meaningful life. The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength. The number-one contributor to growth is difficult circumstances.​ All addictions are a by-product of how we decide to manage difficult circumstances.

Change your thinking and change your life. Choose a better life. The choice is yours.

nez

I used to do the same thing. The only problem with that solution was that it was not selective in what I stopped caring about and so one of the things that got included in the process was caring about me.

In order for anything to change, I needed to start caring about something and "me", was the best place and something to start with.

When I started to care about me, I knew that not drinking was the first thing I needed to do in order to care for me; because drinking was killing me.

It was not easy by any stretch. Many times alcohol would be screaming my name and I would be about to pick up a drink and stop caring about myself. When that happened, I would tell myself to wait 15 minutes. I would scream in my head "Anybody can wait 15 minutes!" If in 15 minutes, I still wanted that drink, it would be waiting for me. I would go for a walk to get my mind off of the drink. Many times it would take a second 15 minutes, even a third 15 minutes, but eventually it would quieten down.

When I decided to start caring about myself, I didn't do a grand and glorious instantaneous 180 degree turn, but I did what I could. What I was capable of doing at the time. With that small humble 15 minute start, my recovery journey began.

It has been a few years now and I have managed to complete the 180 degree turn that had such a seemingly negligible beginning.

It has been worth every inch of the way.

Newbeginning421

How about stopping the drinking and fixing your life instead of complaining about how bad everything is. I am pretty much in the same boat 32 live with mother in massive debt with a lot of psych problems from my childhood. Alcohol will not make any of these things better. In the short 70 days I have been sober I have already seen massive changes cause each day I have been working on myself and you can to if you just stop drinking and repeating same nonsense patterns. I mean that sincerely cause you could be my clone in the way you sound. I did 5 years double majored in accounting and finance and work in unrelated field. I could barely wake up and get out of 3pm to do current job so no way I could have ever got a job in my field. If you stop drinking you can actually begin to fix your life. Not going to AA cause it cost money to get there, ok there are other ways to recover but sounds to me you want a pity party. Stop the pity party get help it is within your reach if you actually want it

CRRHCC

I like your Avatar of the man deliberating. Reminds me of Socrates, " An unexamined life is a life not worth living."

You have taken the first step now in examining your life in writing. Now change your thinking and change your life.

brighterday1234

snitch

Sounds like you are living in self-pity. I was the same when I was drinking. Instead of writing a list of everything that is bad how about writing a list of everything you are grateful for. It could go something like this.

Today I am grateful because:-

1. I have a degree.
2. I am earning money.
3. There are places/schemes that can help me sort my debts out.
4. I have a car.
5. I have a job.
6. My father is alive.
7. I need never take another drink again.
8. There is an amazing free place I can go to to get support and help for my drinking problem called AA.
9. I have a roof over my head.

I will fill in 10 for you.

10. I am alive. And whilst I am alive there is hope. Hope for a better life without the chains of alcohol.

There is a saying. Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you are an alcoholic like me you will not be able to do anything about any aspects of your life until you quit drinking. Alcohol fuels self pity and resentment. Start with getting sober and then you can work on the other stuff.

🙏🙏🙏

kk1k5x

My friend, you need help from a professional. Your posts are extremely up and down. Everyone has ups and down, but yours are sort of ...distinctive and pronounced. It's very difficult in that state of being to get anything on your list done or changed.
And to be honest, all of those things on the list either can be changed or aren't issues at all. For example, I live with my mother (I'm 29) but I pay half the rent. It's both financially prudent for me at this moment and I honestly don't see the benefit gained from moving out, getting a rental (I could probably afford like an outhouse in the city lol) and then spending all of my time alone .... why, so I could tell the friends I don't have that I live alone now? I just don't see the social credit that provides. You say you live with your father - other issues aside, would it make a difference if your father 'lived with you'? I mean, the facts of who resides where alongside whom would be EXACTLY the same, so it's just some sort of ego thing related to 'claiming territory'. Let that go, mate, focus on other, more pressing issues.

I have a degree, I only slightly use it. Most people don't get a law degree and then ...translate contracts. But I like this type of work a lot more, so I do that. Were I built differently, I'm sure I could 'squeeze' more utility out of the degree in terms of 'what the degree is for, essentially' (but it's not what I personally want). One thing I realised whilst obtaining the degree, is that a degree in and of itself is utterly useless. It's the person holding it that matters. More often than not, a degree (regardless of the subject) is no more than a sign that the person has spent some time in school. I'd be the absolute shittiest lawyer even though I have the degree, so it's irrelevant. Stop focussing on the degree, start focussing on what you want to do and how are you going to get there. If the degree isn't helpful in that, then screw it.
Last but not least - drinking isn't helping with any of the aforementioned items. It's just a pity party and that is something all alcoholics know A LOT about. How is drinking, for example, going to help with colleagues or your dad or your car or money? If you're an alcoholic like I am, drinking drives people away and doesn’t allow new people to come in. Drinking also ruins relationships with relatives. Drinking costs money, doesn't earn it, so anything that requires money is undermined by it, not helped.
You have way more power in you than you currently give yourself credit for. Get rid of the ball and chain that is alcohol, get professional help - start from that for example: make a plan - how much is it? - what can I save on to get there? And stop looking for excuses, start looking for solutions. They are out there, just like the excuses are. Take care!

Callas

Yes that is a pretty grim list. I have sympathy. Sounds like you can’t change much but ironically the one thing you can change free of charge you don’t. Why don’t you stop drinking and see where that takes you. It’s worth a shot.

Hawkeye13

Self-pity won't solve your problems, but make them bigger.
So will continuing to drink.

Nobody can change that but you. I hope you choose to do so--you seem like you are in a frequent negative-spin cycle. It won't get better unless you are ready to change.

I did it too, so I get where you are coming from--what about reaching out for face-to-face support / rehab / therapy? You deserve better.

KTB5000

TWTOM,

I havent been on here for awhile bc Ive been running around a lot....but everytime I am on here, your posts always stick out to me....

Ive said this before, I know. And sorry to sound redundant, but I want you to know that I know too well how you feel. In fact, it was one of your threads that gave was my saving grace and you edged me towards getting sober. I was very alone and isolated at the time, and just to hear someone having the same symptoms as me gave me a visceral sense of relief after struggling from many years of relapses and depression....

I am sober from alcohol today (4/28/2019), but have a laundry list of shortcomings, insecurities, and issues that Im constantly battling with internally each day.....

I felt like a series of failures have played out in my life over the past couple of decades like a Rube Goldberg machine. Meanwhile I watched everyone around me excel, reaching new heights in their careers and personal lives, as I disappeared into a fog of loneliness and isolation (at my dads house,).....

The only way out is for you to SAVE yourself; and you will have to Want it and Commit to this..Death is not an option or a relief; you will deal with this and I pray that you won't be given a situation worse than your current circumstance
(i.e. legal, health, etc.), to propel you into what belongs to you. I wondered for years and years, why I lacked the ambition and motivation that I once had. Slowly, very slowly, my hopes and dreams are coming back. I hope and believe that it will get better over time. You will find purpose and lasting joy in your life if you refuse to allow anything to get in the way of it. As an alcoholic, the only way to achieve this is through continued sobriety and dedication to your recovery.

As ((least)) always says, you have to want to be sober MORE than you want to drink. Simple, but not easy....

Anna

I suspect it doesn't seem like stopping drinking could change your life and your outlook on your life as much as it will. I don't know if you enjoy reading, but if so, Wayne Dyer's book is amazing.

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Wayne Dyer

KTB5000

....and TWTOM, I'm still struggling (...ALOT).
If you enjoy bibliotherapy, here's a link to something I picked up to pass time when I'm HALT..

https://soberandunashamed.com/guide-to-early-sobriety/

You may not find it 'life-changing', but its just where I am at currently. My intention is to fill a space in my life that is committed to sobriety in some form on a regular basis. For me, doing this seems to help my brain stay on point, and distracted from romanticizing my next drink.

My thoughts & prayers to you.

magnum102

you sound like me almost exactly accounting degree, but work retail, no friends here, no car, im 35, but im setting goals for myself first one stop drinking, then im trying to get into this electrician apprenticeship program early next year because I like working on my feet not behind a desk.

just set little goals and do what you can each day to slowly get towards them, I would get frustrated before with how long it takes to get to some of the goals and drink, then the drinking just puts you another year or more away from reaching that goal. you can do this! we can do this!

ScottFromWI

Lots of drunk logic there TWTOM. A couple days ago you were going to an AA meeting, I'm guessing that didn't happen? I would question how you can afford alcohol but can't afford to drive to an AA meeting ( call for a ride? do an online meeting? ) but when you are drinking logic kind of goes out the window anyway, doesn't it?

You have options - and one of them is to stop drinking alcohol. Most of your problems are because of it - not because you are "loser", your just and addict like me and most others here. I hope you can make the decision to do something about it before it's too late.

Misssy2

I agree with "brighterday" nothing in your list is hopeless.

Everything feels hopeless when you are in a rut like this and saying all these negative things to yourself and about yourself...

Look back to when you quit before for any period of time...your life got better right? It can't get worse...but it CAN GET BETTER...

MovingForward1

Stopping drinking didn't solve any of my problems. BUT it has presented me with the opportunity to do something about it! And to my surprise, help is popping up along the way.
I hope you can put down the drink and let some hope shine in.