desertkid

...I'm going to quit drinking. A couple of weeks ago I went six days without any sauce. I looked and felt better and was kind of proud of myself so I decided to celebrate with a drink and then proceeded to drink for seven days in a row. I took Sunday off but drank Monday and Tuesday. On a positive note I was happy to see I didn't have any physical withdrawal symptoms during my six day vacation. I don't get hangovers after imbibing but do wake up with low energy and dehydration.

A bit about me: I'm 55 years old and didn't start drinking heavily until about four years ago. By heavy I mean about half a fifth a day. Usually vodka but sometimes tequila or scotch. I didn't drink in high school or college, drank a day or two a week when I was in the military(not to excess) and didn't drink during grad school or all that much in my 30s or 40s(twice a week or so, one or two beers). I used to have such discipline. I could keep a fifth in my cupboard and would only imbibe Friday and/or Saturday. Never Sunday through Thursday. I can't seem to find the catalyst that made me lose that discipline. I also don't like that over these past four years my weight has gone from 168 to 185 and my blood pressure has gone from120/78 to 143/90. I did notice that my bp went down during that six day vacation to 130/83 though.

Anyway, I apologize for the length of my first post and hope to recapture that discipline.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope our advice and support can help you get sober for good.

Dee74

Trust me there's no better day than today desertkid - the longer you put quitting off the harder it is..

Tons of support and good ideas here though - I'm glad you've joined us
Welcome!

D.

Misssy2

Hi..nice to meet you..you can't just have "hope" you have to take action.

Your weight and BP will correct itself when you stop..

If you don't set a time and a plan to stop in your mind...you can go on and on like this...I am 55 also...and we can't afford to have BP that high all the time

D122y

You are in a better boat than I was. I drank excessively off and on since I was 5 years old.

I quit at 50. I was having bad physical and mental issues and knew in my heart it was almost all due to my drinking. I tried to blame it on other things but my analytical mind knew better.

What you described in you last few drinking days was me as well. I am not that smart, I tend to make decisions based on limited information, but it has served me well.

On that note, booze fries the brain. The fact that I drank harder than you for so many years meant my brain was more damaged. The damage is permanent. The brain adapts.

Some folks that make it drinking into their 60's, 70's etc. seem a bit crazy. This may get chalked up to being old. I chalk it up to drinking.

Quitting hurts like hell and the av would say anything to get me to drink. It doesn't hurt anymore, which of course is a reason for my addict mind to want to drink.

SR reminds me by the second if needed that I never want to drink again. The damage in the brain involves dopamine.

There is so much more, but the dopamine is the big deal.

Thanks.

Purpleman

Thing is, alcohol (or the alcoholic voice, addictive voice etc etc) doesn't care about stuff like what we want, hope for, wish for, pray for, need. It's not interested in our "good intentions". It's about action.....setting short-term, achievable goals & then aligning your behavior to support those goals. Best wishes desertkid

AtomicBlue

The progression of alcoholism varies from person to person. But once you cross the line into alcoholism there’s no turning back. There’s no way to “recapture the discipline”. 55, you’ve had a good run. Mine ended at 37. Maybe time to hang it up. Good news is life is way better sober!

AnvilheadII

welcome! was there any catalyst that prompted the increased consumption 4 years ago?

Hevyn

Good to have you with us, desertkid. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life (& will continue to do). Once it was in my system, I never knew where it would take me - often it led to danger & chaos. I'm so glad to be free.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Interesting term for your short stint of sobriety. You used it twice. A vacation. Not exactly what you might call a life-time commitment to an alcohol free life.

Vacations end. Sobriety, for the alcoholic, can't. Maybe you went into this not fully committed to never drinking again. Make that commitment now, and do everything in your power to support that decision.

desertkid

I think it is just boredom. I really do. I live in Vegas and it's not my kind of city and I really struggle to find things of interest to do.

August252015

Today is the best day.

SoberRican

Hey better late than never. Starting now. Keep coming back.

Dee74

Sometimes you have to look hard but I'm sure a town the size of Vegas has something for everyone?

but...I'd also urge you to look beyond boredom as a reason.
We can't be enervated and engaged 24/7 365 days a year.

If downtime is a problem for you that downtime is a good place to start looking for strategies to stay sober

It might be as simple as finding things to do, or changing your routines - or it might not.

Plenty of good ideas and support here tho

D

desertkid

Tonight I had two double vodkas on the rocks and then stopped. Switched to seltzer and feel good. I still struggle with wondering if I am an alcoholic or not.

doggonecarl

I think you struggle with quitting drinking, if that is indeed your goal.

If thinking you aren't an alcoholic is keeping you drinking, what's the logic behind that? You'll only quit if you're an alcoholic?

I spent a long time trying to keep drinking but just end the consequences of my drinking. Doesn't work that way. It's a package deal--drinking and the effects of drinking.

AtomicBlue

Have you tried drinking in moderation before? It never worked in the long run for me and I wasted so many years trying to do it.

Dee74

I replied on your other thread but yeah I wondered if I was an alcoholic too - it was easier to have that mental debate when I was drinking after work, or 'only' binge drinking at weekends...

But I kept on wondering right through the booze at lunch and the booze to fall asleep and then the booze get up in the morning...

right up to the point where I was drinking all day every day week after week...
I wasn't an alcoholic , I was just going through a rough patch...

In the end I decided that, whatever I called it, my drinking was a problem and the level I was drinking nearly killed me,

I knew it would get worse, dangerously worse, unless I stopped.

D