ShiftHappens

Hi everyone and thank you in advance for reading,

Im a mess.

I am down from a 12 pack to six pack. I'm trying to taper to reduce the physical, mental and emotional shock to my system

To be clear I an not trying to "moderate".

I don't even LIKE alcohol. Very strange. I am just suffering and want it gone from my life

My life is not so great with or without it at this point but it is now making things worse. And Im sick of buying it. A mess at 7 am

Im writing for that very reason. Im a mess. And ashamed.

I have to go to court tomorrow on an unrelated issue (expired car registration)

I feel paranoid I guess. Afraid to face anyone

I was up all nigh with nightmares, I feel hopeless and have the shakes.

I know this is something no one can do for me, but I feel like a scared child right now

I feel like everyone will know about my "problem" and Im terrified.

So I drink to get through.

This takes time and I everything is falling apart and I have no support IRL.

Thank you for reading. I guess I just needed to get that out.

Its almost 6 am and Im starting to sweat of alcohol.

I feel like I just need to make it through tomorrow like a zombie. Go through the motions, come home and collapse.

Ty to all

Dropsie

SA,

I am so sorry you are feeling so low. We have all been there, and its not a nice way to feel. Not at all.

I remember when going to the grocery store felt like climbing mount everest because of anxiety.

Most of us have tried and failed to taper, but if you are worried about your physical reaction always good to see a doctor.

For me, I had to pull the band aid off.

It was not easy, but also not as bad as I thought it would be to stop. Took a couple tries to stay stopped, but that was my stupidity thinking I had it covered.

For me, its all about taking the decision. And then never changing my mind.

And making a plan. We all need a plan. Some of us have gone to AA, others have done some form of rational recovery, others have mainly used this site. But we all had a plan.

If you feel you need f2f support, AA is a great resource, or smart recovery may have meetings in your area.

You can do this. You really can.

I hope the court appearance was OK -- stop now and it never has to be the dreaded DUI.

I love your name, which for me sums it up -- shift does happen!

Misssy2

It is SO FRIGGIN DEPRESSING...I know....

And I know you are "tapering" because the withdrawals are so bad...that is what I HAD to do.

Realize you are not alone...you have "us"...and I went thru the same just 23 days ago....I HAD to drink and HATED it at the same time...which makes me believe that you have the desire to stop now.....like I did and have been successful.

When you go to court tomorrow just keep reminding yourself...that you are not in court because you are an alcoholic....drink a shot if your are still tapering to level you out..so your not a "mess" in court.

I remember being a mess everyday and waiting for a liquor store to open at 8am...in this particular liquor store....the man didn't even speak to me nicely...so that made me feel even more like crap.

Many times I pulled on the door at 758 and the jerk would not open it till 8am.

I know how you feel and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...You will get thru this with us by your side...

ShiftHappens

Thank you both very much.

Misssy you are an angel for me today.

I had an old friend shout at me to "put my big girl panties on". Devastating.

Thank you

Culture

Lots of support here, keep checking in hour by hour if necessary.
I remember the shame well but don't turn it inwards on yourself it really won't help. I used to do that and it only led to a worse place. Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness. Hope the court case went ok for you .

biminiblue

I'm sorry that person said that to you.

I did a taper. Don't drag it out. A couple days, then quit. There are going to be a few days of discomfort, that's for sure - but the sooner you jump off the sooner that is over and the sooner your body, mind and spirit will begin to heal.

I'm sure you'll do fine at court. Whatever the situation is you'll get through it. Let us know how it went.

FreshStartOk

I'm finding it hard to taper, judging what's dangerous withdrawal or just about bearable unpleasantness. I can't even manage a ten minute task because my concentrations shot.

I suppose I could go to hospital again, but I only went 2 months ago, and I'm not as bad as then. Plus it would be embarrassing. I think I'll battle through and shiver under a blanket!

Bobbieka

The good thing about withdrawals is the further away from your last drink - the sooner you are to getting through it.

Drink tons and tons of water. Move even when you don't want to. If you feel really bad (swelling, severe shakes) go to the hospital.

I can honestly tell you though - you can and will get through this. It sucks right now but I promise it gets better.

Good luck at court.

biminiblue

Do you have a regular doctor? They know what to prescribe, it doesn't have to be the hospital.

Where I live there are many "Urgent Care" small clinics, too. Any one of those can prescribe, as well.

It may be time to get some inexpensive meds to help get you off safely.

I hope you don't go through this again. It will keep getting worse and harder due to kindling.

Kindling

SoberRican

Welcome. Hey stick around on this site. Let me tell you . you are not alone. The taper thing was not for me. Cold Turkey. And mess I was it sucked big time. But its only temporary. It Will pass. But that doesnt mean like oh I feel better bow I can booze feel me. Cause all that does is reset the cycle all over again. For me I play that tape whenever I have even a thought of boozing . I am at 74 days now. And I promise you will not want to go back to it. Once you get a taste of this(sobriety) I will put you on my prayer list as well. Like I do for all who arw suffering . Keep coming back.

Anna

You always can find support here and we do understand. You will be able to get through the court issue tomorrow. Personally, I think that cutting back just prolongs the agony, but, I wish you well.

althea309

I know exactly what you mean when you say, "I don't even like alcohol." You are in my thoughts. Hope you feel better soon...

FreshStartOk

I live in the UK and they are reluctant to proscribe benzodiazepines to any one with a history of addiction. I've asked before. Supposedly because they're addictive too. I don't really understand the logic, as how are you going to get addicted with a weeks prescription? So it's just the hospital.

ShiftHappens

Anna I agree with you.

I can't cope anymore.

I have a refill on my Klonopin on Sunday, provided I live that long, and I will give up the alcohol and start professional counseling.

I'm in pain and my self esteem is in the toilet. I just need support getting through tomorrow and then getting help.

If I thought a hospital would give care I would already be there and have them fax a note to the court

They will not

They're as disgusted and impatient as I am

biminiblue

Oh, I see.

Well, you drank six yesterday. Try one today. Just one. Sip it slowly, like it's medicine. I know everyone will say go cold turkey, but I went from 12 to two on Day One of my taper. From two to one on Day Two of my taper. Third day, I had a half shot of rum and poured the rest of the rum down the drain. I was trying to mitigate withdrawal a little bit, but I wasn't willing to drag it out for more than a couple days or have more than one drink in a 24 hour period: more than one drink would set me off/trigger me to drink more. I really didn't know what I was doing nor did I have a plan, I just wanted to not drink ever again. It could have gone horribly wrong I suppose, but I didn't know any better and it did work out for me.

It was uncomfortable, but I survived it. I know in the UK they want you to taper if you can.

Hang on.

ShiftHappens

Yes, the whole world is waging a war on drugs.

Exept alcohol. Imagine that.

All I want is medical help and to never touch anything again.

Callas

I went to my GP, played open cards with her and she prescribed medication for a month. No idea what it was but it helped immensely. Cutting down would not have cut it for me. Maybe members of AA can point you to a ympathetic GP. Getting help is the right thing to do, there is no shame in that.

ShiftHappens

Callas my insurance company will prescribe for anxiety.

Its just too complicated. I suppose if I had unlimited funds like a celeb I would get help

FreshStartOk

Sorry I'm hijacking thread by mistake. Court doesn't sound nice, but it doesn't sound a hugely serious incident if it's any consolation, and it's not really anyone elses business if you will look stressed or ill from withdrawal.

ShiftHappens

Thank you FSO. IF I make it tomorrow it wont be pretty but even if I survive that I will collapse when I get home

This is too much already