Callas

When I embarked on this sober journey my aim was only to stop drinking. I did that and am still doing that. I never paid any attention as to why I was drinking to excess and why I ended up an alcoholic. I did not think it was important or that the “why” would make a difference. My only aim was to get out of the vicious spiral of this addiction.

Now that I have managed some sober time I am starting to wonder if there are identifiable reasons why I ended up like this. I grew up in a solid ordinary middle class family with all my physical and financial needs taken care of. I was given opportunities of tertiary education which I took and completed. I have had a fairly successful career so far. I have no history of addiction in my family.

On paper there are no obvious reasons for my situation. Yet somehow I am interested in pinpointing the cause or reason for my addiction and why I felt that I needed alcohol to the extent that I did. I do not know if I will ever find a difinitive answer and whatever the reason it will make no difference to my resolve to not drink again.

Perhaps I will figure it out in time or perhaps I will conlude that is was just one of those things that happened.

To the English members of this forum: congratualations on winning the Cricket World Cup. To the Kiwis: well done on a spell-binding final.

WeThinkNot

I've come to realize that there is no point in asking why.

There is trauma from my past that I attributed as part of my addiction. However a childhood friend of mine, who I saw recently, had a much more troubled childhood than I did. The guy is suffering depression, still hasn't conquered his demons, and is in a rut in general.

The dude is capable of drinking normally. Logically the question becomes if his upbringing was objectively worse than mine why am I the addict?

Then there are stories like yours where there doesn't appear to be any reasons why you ended up as an addict but still did anyways.

I've accepted that neither I nor anybody else will ever know the answers to these questions.

SoberRican

It's Different Strokes for different folks

Misssy2

I think you will figure it out in time.

I figured out for me although it is in my family....that I have very bad anxiety...and I was self medicating...I rarely drank when I was happy.

I drank when someone hurt me...or I got into an argument or there was stuff going on at work...anything that gave me anxiety I wanted to drink and DID

tomsteve

i had a plethora of underlying issues alcohol was a symptom of.

Atlast9999

FreshStartOk

I've mentioned him before sorry, but he's interesting. Jordan Peterson says alcoholics have more responsive opiod receptors in the brain. I'm no expert but I think that means you biologically get a bigger kick out of it than most people.

Of course that can't be totally true. There will be a whole host psychological reasons too.

Rd2quit

I just kept drinking too much alcohol. I thought every enjoyable activity required alcohol. It took me 6 months of sober time to really learn that I can have more fun without alcohol, than with it.

Abraham

I'm right there with you callas and others. It cant hurt to ponder. I often do also. I figure what ever I was drinking because of(if anything) must be gone now because it aint making my drink anymore. I grew up in a big party crowd so it became the norm then habit then addiction. Then I quit. All I know is what ever issues I may or may not have had are not apparent to me now.

SoberCAH

I think that knowing how we came to be alcoholics and addicts is a worthwhile endeavor.

I wouldn't want to focus on it too much early on - when we need to be channeling our efforts toward learning how to get and stay sober.

But I have needed to know who I am as a person as well as who I am as a drunk and who I am, and who I aspire to be, as a sober person.

I had a raft of emotional baggage way before I started experimenting with alcohol and drugs.

Knowing the source of my vulnerability to addiction is helpful to me, because I learn the source of feelings and behavior and reaction patterns.

The feelings don't change, but my responses and behaviors can if I work the 12 Steps and pursue my relationship with God.

D122y

If someone would have told me when i was a little kid that booze is poison because etc etc, i think i would have been better off.

I always knew heroin was very bad and never tried it.

I believe it is a lack of education that gets folks to experiment and end up addicted to booze.

Thanks.

dcg

I've been listening to an audio book of 12 lectures by a neuroscientist on the science of addiction called, The Addictive Brain. Only a few lectures in, and haven't gotten to the booze lecture, but it's been pretty interesting, albeit like the psy 101 class I took in school (except centered 100% on addiction), and seems to do what it says it will do, which is stick to the science of it.

dcg

Sure, but how often were you around heroin users that seemed to handle their usage just fine? It's hard to demonize alcohol and expect that to carry you through adulthood when people all around you are using it socially just fine.

dcg

One other tidbit from these lectures:

- There are dozens of addictive genes identified
- Just because one is genetically susceptible doesn't mean he or she will necessarily become addict; it just means he or she is more susceptible and needs to be careful
- Most of these genes have a small effect by themselves - it's the interaction of multiple genes that leads to addiction susceptibility
- Many of the same addictive genes contribute to a variety of addictions

brighterday1234

D122y

Some folks can quit without any help. they decide to quit and then do it.

of course, i wasn't one of them. i needed sr to educate me. otherwise i would have relapsed 100 times by now.

I elect to not identify myself as a problem drinker because i never had a documented problem.

I prefer to not have things like that on my resume if i can avoid it.

The main thing is to never drink again. relating drinking to heroin, crack, coffee, candy, food, sleep, sex...whatever is something I decided to do.

If my offering helps someone stay clean...yay! If someone decides what I say is a trigger and relapse...don't do it!

Booze is poison.

Thanks.