FreshStartOk

For me it's the gut wrenching guilt. I don't believe I've ever done anything violent, but I honestly couldn't swear I haven't because of often have blackouts.

It's the horrendous guilt from bad behaviour. For example I said something horrendously inappropriate to a mother who was just out having a nice meal on a sunny day. I think they just asked me to leave, which I did. This information came to mind several days after!

I'm absolutely sick of this. I want to feel secure of my everyday actions. I'm in my mid thirties and I don't want to wake up every day worried my name will be in the news.

SoberRican

Give sobriety a chance. One day at a time. Starting now😁

Hevyn

Hi FreshStart.

I'm with you - the guilt is horrific. Unfortunately, when I was your age I did little to avoid the inevitable. I kept trying to be a social drinker. This need not happen to you - get free of it now. Alcohol changes who we are. The regrets are so hard to overcome.

Glad you are here.

Dee74

Yes I don't miss the guilt.
I learned to forgive myself the longer I stayed sober - I hope you will too Fresh :


D

LiveLikeGold6

I'm approaching my mid thirties and feel ive aged myself horribly over my substance use. The worst thing about drinking for me is not knowing if I will be with a strang man doing meth within a few hours of that first drink. I don't want to ever go back to that life. I'm not waking up head spinning needing to go to the ER anymore. If I eat a cheeseburger I'm guilty but it's not even half as bad as going back out. If I speak in a meeting I'm very anxious but not half as bad as not being able to sleep because my body is trying to jolt itself back into balance after a near deadly binge.

FreshStartOk

It's quite late here in the Uk and there are beers here I won't be able to not drink. Going forward I'll have to have no booze in the house. But thanks and I do intend not to drink tommorow, unless I become dangerously withdrawn and need a small amount from not having seizures.

I am thoroughly warn out by the whole fiasco though, and the very real risk of losing my car license, my home or ny liberty is not sustainable. I think I'm in the end stages of alcoholism and this place is a massive help.

DriGuy

Guilt was my second worst thing. The first was the sense of losing control over my drinking, the last months of my drinking were a downward spiral, and my loss of control was something I could not ignore. My guilt was depressing. My loss of control was hideous. When I think back on it now, it's like remembering a nightmare, except that it was no dream. It was a nightmare that was actually happening.

WhoDeyPI

Yeah, I don't miss that feeling at all. I get called "boring" by some of my friends now...but I'll take that over "WTF did you do last night, and WHY?!".

The sober train is a nice ride, hop on board.

FreshStartOk

I almost invariably do something stupid drinking in public these days, for progressing alcoholism I'd guess. But the funny thing is I remember feeling guilt in earlier days for no reasons and people reassuring me I did nothing wrong. I think it might actually be a physiological thing prompted by your body to say stop poisoning yourself!

Rd2quit

I knew There were would be multiple benifits if I got sober. However, what drove me to finally quit drinking is I could no longer live with my behavior when I was blackout drunk. It is wonderful not having to deal with that anymore.

One other huge benifit though that I did not even realize until after a couple months sober was my depression went away. I had no idea that it was 100% caused by alcohol. I thought alcohol was helping my depression because the only time I did not feel depressed was when I was drinking.

DreamCatcher17

OH man, those moments I do NOT miss at all.

I got over them the longer I was sober. At times something stupid I did will pop into my head and I now laugh about it, seriously. There is nothing I can do to change what I did, I can only be a better sober human one day at a time

FreshStartOk

The other day I thankfully happened to see a blood stain on the wall that was in full view of neighbours that I cleaned off, that was clearly me coming home drunk with my wrist bleeding , not badly at all much thankfully. My first thought's are, Christ this is dangerous and just plainly embarrassing.

MLD51

When I drank, my behavior was stupid, embarrassing, and dangerous. I won't go into the gory details, but I am lucky I'm not dead, to be honest. And it finally got to the point where I didn't want to wake up in the morning, because I was so depressed and ashamed of myself. I hated myself.

It took some time after I quit to stop feeling ashamed and guilty about my past. Sometimes even now (over 4 and a half years sober) I'll be reminded of something I did or said and a wave of guilt washes over me. But I can forgive myself for almost everything now. I am no longer depressed, at all. It was ALL caused by alcohol. Without alcohol I behave like the person I always really was deep down, and even better in many ways. Life on the other side of that living nightmare really is pretty wonderful.

I hope you quit drinking and discover how great life can be without alcohol in it.

WaterOx

This is exactly how I felt as well. No matter how composed I might have been, the next day I’m feeling anxious about something I may have said. Blackouts aren’t even common with me but it didn’t matter.

After a while I began to realize that it didn’t matter. It was the withdrawl. I could have been a saint and I’d still feel anxious the next day. It would take on the form of guilt and depression and then I needed a drink to get rid of that.

boreas

One thing that really helped me was to understand the progressive nature of alcoholism and to read about the experiences of others. I don’t have to personally experience embarrassment, tragedy, and loss to know that it was in my future if I continued. For me, rock bottom was a myth. I can benefit from the willingness of others to share their stories, and know that all of those stories could easily be my own.

Instead of “rock bottom”, I suppose I hit “bad enough”. My only regret is I didn’t wake up sooner.
-bora

Misssy2

Black out drinking is super scary...In 2005 I was in a program and a girl had hit 2 old ladies in her car and killed them and did not remember it...she served 7 years in jail...

Now she is out and had another BAD accident drinking and driving and she is going back to jail.

I didn't always black out drinking...but it appears it only takes that one time to completely destroy the life of others not to mention your own.

I wish you strength to quit.

FreshStartOk

Blackouting is super scary, and anyone who drinks heavily is not exempt, because you won't know about it unless someone tells you about later, or you're in jail.

Robin Williams described it as something funny. Basicically your conscience just leaving and going into witness protection because you are about to **** a hobbit.

MLD51

I had many scary blackout experiences. I had two drunk driving accidents. Property damage only, no one got hurt. The second one was the last time I ever drank. Wake-up call, for sure. But if I ever think drinking is a good idea, I'll remind myself I might not be so lucky next time. Not willing to ever take that chance again. I have seen lives nearly ruined by one bad night of drinking and driving. My incidents were bad enough, and can still cause some shame when the memories pop up. But at least no one was hurt. I have been given a chance to live the rest of my life without ever having to go through that again. I'm embracing that chance.