Can it get worse?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Can it get worse?
Accidentally posted this in the wrong forum. Hopefully moderators delete it.
Where to begin? Fighting three cases in two states, lost my gf of two years (although she wasn’t good for me it still hurts so badly because she lied and cheated), been working with my sponsor (who is awesome), taking Antabuse, but I just came off of a 7 bender where I didn’t eat anything, I’ve had to take Xanax to fight the withdrawals, now I’m out of those, called my 11 daughter drunk AGAIN, and now she’s not talking to me which is of no consequence because my phone is now broken. My drinking has left me SO isolated.
Been having some some really dark thoughts lately, but no plans to harm myself or others.
I just want to hear that someone in there 40s in the final stages of alcoholism to tell me there’s still hope.
Where to begin? Fighting three cases in two states, lost my gf of two years (although she wasn’t good for me it still hurts so badly because she lied and cheated), been working with my sponsor (who is awesome), taking Antabuse, but I just came off of a 7 bender where I didn’t eat anything, I’ve had to take Xanax to fight the withdrawals, now I’m out of those, called my 11 daughter drunk AGAIN, and now she’s not talking to me which is of no consequence because my phone is now broken. My drinking has left me SO isolated.
Been having some some really dark thoughts lately, but no plans to harm myself or others.
I just want to hear that someone in there 40s in the final stages of alcoholism to tell me there’s still hope.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I quit when I was 40 after nearly dying. I was drinkign all day everyday - so yes there's hope.
You really need to commit to serious change - but sounds like you might be ready for that, BeABetterMan?
D
You really need to commit to serious change - but sounds like you might be ready for that, BeABetterMan?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
instead of hearing from someone in their 40's who is in the final stages of alcoholism, imma gonna post as someone 51 years old that got sober at 36,alcoholism was rather advanced yet i had further down the scale to go physically and was at a point i had 2 choices-get help or suicide.
yes-theres hope. i chose get help and that was through AA. i made the decision i was willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol then busted my ass off working the steps and fighting the mental obsession until that was removed.
making the decision to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol was the best decision i have ever made.
yes-theres hope. i chose get help and that was through AA. i made the decision i was willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol then busted my ass off working the steps and fighting the mental obsession until that was removed.
making the decision to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol was the best decision i have ever made.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 312
BeABetterMan, I quit a year and a half ago, when I was 41.
I was in a very dark place and spiralling downwards. I'm a mom of two amazing kids, now 8 and 10. Though most of the time I was "functioning," I confused and sometimes scared the kids with my behavior. My rock bottom came when my drinking caused me to put my kids in actual danger.
Sometimes, it's tough to feel hope for the future, especially once we've reached a certain age. It's tempting to shrug and think "well, I've destroyed this much of my life, what's the point of trying to change things now?"
That, or get stuck with the regret and shame for having wasted so much of our lives.
But chances are, (especially if you turn things around and get healthy) you've got more than half a life to live, still. That's what I tell myself, and it helps keep me motivated to keep moving forward.
The other thing? You've still got a lot of your kid's childhood to experience with them. When I quit, the one thing that got me through the earliest, hardest days with grim purpose was the thought that I wanted to be the mother that my kids needed and deserved. I wanted them to grow up proud of their mom, not confused, scared or ashamed.
I'm 501 days in now, and things have changed for the better in so many ways. There *is* hope, but it's up to you to do the work. Good luck, you can do it.
I was in a very dark place and spiralling downwards. I'm a mom of two amazing kids, now 8 and 10. Though most of the time I was "functioning," I confused and sometimes scared the kids with my behavior. My rock bottom came when my drinking caused me to put my kids in actual danger.
Sometimes, it's tough to feel hope for the future, especially once we've reached a certain age. It's tempting to shrug and think "well, I've destroyed this much of my life, what's the point of trying to change things now?"
That, or get stuck with the regret and shame for having wasted so much of our lives.
But chances are, (especially if you turn things around and get healthy) you've got more than half a life to live, still. That's what I tell myself, and it helps keep me motivated to keep moving forward.
The other thing? You've still got a lot of your kid's childhood to experience with them. When I quit, the one thing that got me through the earliest, hardest days with grim purpose was the thought that I wanted to be the mother that my kids needed and deserved. I wanted them to grow up proud of their mom, not confused, scared or ashamed.
I'm 501 days in now, and things have changed for the better in so many ways. There *is* hope, but it's up to you to do the work. Good luck, you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Another one here. 41 when I quit, kids, wife, career, life, spirit, health - all were hanging in the balance. All have been reclaimed and redeemed since getting sober last April. I'm 42 now and my children and my family and my future in every way are mine, finally, for maybe the first time in my life.
But it can get worse and, it seems to me, it's going to inevitably get worse unless we do the work and make the sacrifices to right our ships and get better.
Welcome to SR, you'll find the support and guidance you need here. It got me sober.
But it can get worse and, it seems to me, it's going to inevitably get worse unless we do the work and make the sacrifices to right our ships and get better.
Welcome to SR, you'll find the support and guidance you need here. It got me sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Hey you at the place. Better late than never. Me? 48 years old . got tired of the vicious cycle. Put my body thru the ringer. Among everything else. My theory is if your not part of the solution then you must be part of the problem. Took boozing out of the picture and yes things are clearer for me. Now I look back at all the carnage I created. And think wow what a mess. Before be like screw it might as well try to drink my problem away.......riiiiggt. Guess what? Their still there and then some. Also my thinking is the Lord is not going to put anything on your shoulder you cant handle. Feel me
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Yep, it can always get worse. I quit when I was 42 also and it was unquestionably one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. It will take time, and some wounds can never fully heal - but you can absolutely turn things around now if you want to. Relationships can be rebuilt, careers can improve, health can get better - pretty much every facet of my life has improved drastically since I quit drinking and worked on improving myself in other areas too.
You'll find a ton of support here to not only quit, but stay quit. And also advice on how to improve other areas of your life - which is probably the most important piece of all after you quit. Removing alcohol from your life is the most important first step, but the real work begins after that is done.
You'll find a ton of support here to not only quit, but stay quit. And also advice on how to improve other areas of your life - which is probably the most important piece of all after you quit. Removing alcohol from your life is the most important first step, but the real work begins after that is done.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
40 is pretty old for a practicing alcoholic. For a sober person, it's not. I'm still early in sobriety (something like 50 days -- lost count), but I feel and look much younger already.
There's no problem so bad that drinking can't make it worse. Hope you find your way out of the darkness, man. The sober life is good.
There's no problem so bad that drinking can't make it worse. Hope you find your way out of the darkness, man. The sober life is good.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Quit at 48, I knew that if I continued I would not only lose everything, but also it would slowly kill me or render me disabled from a health standpoint. I compare alcoholic to a death spiral. A spiral we need to stop and reverse and go on to live a fruitful life.
There is certainly hope for you. You owe it to yourself to try with all your might. keep posting.
There is certainly hope for you. You owe it to yourself to try with all your might. keep posting.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Oh, yes. It can get worse.
I'm another one who reached a quit or die point (again)- I finally heard the message and realized I didn't want to die. I was 39. Turned 40 just before my 6 month and will turn 43 in a few weeks. I was given a yr, 18 mo if I didn't quit.
The end of the line is the worst: death. There's no alternative for us, unless we quit.
You're here with us- so you still have a chance. Take this one. Lots of support here and IRL - I strongly encourage you to take the terrifying leap into sobriety. With the medical help (tests of all the scary kind, a great psych, regular GP needs, so on), AA, a rebuilt life of only supportive people, on and on, I live the best life I can imagine. It's perfectly imperfect and I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I only have it because I quit drinking and built a life with a backdrop of recovery.
I'm another one who reached a quit or die point (again)- I finally heard the message and realized I didn't want to die. I was 39. Turned 40 just before my 6 month and will turn 43 in a few weeks. I was given a yr, 18 mo if I didn't quit.
The end of the line is the worst: death. There's no alternative for us, unless we quit.
You're here with us- so you still have a chance. Take this one. Lots of support here and IRL - I strongly encourage you to take the terrifying leap into sobriety. With the medical help (tests of all the scary kind, a great psych, regular GP needs, so on), AA, a rebuilt life of only supportive people, on and on, I live the best life I can imagine. It's perfectly imperfect and I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I only have it because I quit drinking and built a life with a backdrop of recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Well, that helped.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I’m two days sober off of booze. And starting the sobriety clock again. I’m so sick of killing myself but it seems to be my default. There are some definite triggers that I need to avoid and I struggle daily with handing it over to my higher power, God.
Still, I’m at the bottom of a dark hole and only a speck of light appears visible above.
Still, I’m at the bottom of a dark hole and only a speck of light appears visible above.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Well yea it gets worse. Its a progressive thing. A fatal disease if not treated. Has it got worse or better for you over the years? I know I went from a few beers on the weekend to a fifth a day every day. It does get worse and WILL continue to get worse if you dont stop. Guaranteed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Keep in touch with that Higher Power. Prayer helps me every day. Every day I ask for help multiple times a day.
Sometimes when I just can't settle I'll recite a long prayer I've memorized. It always works.
Help is just a prayer away.
Sometimes when I just can't settle I'll recite a long prayer I've memorized. It always works.
Help is just a prayer away.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,953
OP, Here's an excerpt from your good bye letter to alcohol (almost 5 years back):
"It wasn’t as fun anymore. The wake of destruction left behind everywhere we went was filled with sadness and hurt. It was clear that we had changed. I had changed. I was hurting those around me. I was hurting myself. It just wasn't fun anymore. Inside I’ve known for a long time, but recently it became tragically apparent to me, that I can no longer have you in my life. I will destroy myself if we do not separate. I will die. Because I am in a tough spot in my life, I don’t value my life all that much. But I can not hurt my children any more. I am a man. I will provide the love and care and essentials that they provide as long as I’m alive, and I hope that is for a long time. I will miss you dearly Alcohol. But I’ve lost too much. My bleak future is too certain with us together. I know that you will not be lonely. I know that you never meant to hurt me. I’ve tried every way imaginable to avoid having to write this letter. I never wanted this. I have come to admit that I am powerless and I can not survive with you in my life. Goodbye Alcohol. I’m sorry.
"
What are you going to do differently this time? Of course, we are always here to support but do you hate alcohol enough to carry on without it forever?
"It wasn’t as fun anymore. The wake of destruction left behind everywhere we went was filled with sadness and hurt. It was clear that we had changed. I had changed. I was hurting those around me. I was hurting myself. It just wasn't fun anymore. Inside I’ve known for a long time, but recently it became tragically apparent to me, that I can no longer have you in my life. I will destroy myself if we do not separate. I will die. Because I am in a tough spot in my life, I don’t value my life all that much. But I can not hurt my children any more. I am a man. I will provide the love and care and essentials that they provide as long as I’m alive, and I hope that is for a long time. I will miss you dearly Alcohol. But I’ve lost too much. My bleak future is too certain with us together. I know that you will not be lonely. I know that you never meant to hurt me. I’ve tried every way imaginable to avoid having to write this letter. I never wanted this. I have come to admit that I am powerless and I can not survive with you in my life. Goodbye Alcohol. I’m sorry.
"
What are you going to do differently this time? Of course, we are always here to support but do you hate alcohol enough to carry on without it forever?
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