thequest

I've seen the blame game/blame shifting before which were lies or flatout wrong . But now the game has turned to 100% lies to rationalize THEIR behavior.

Basically it involves forcing his point of view by being the first to speak in a rapid manner so he get's his unsolicited opinion to help validate HIS narrative for what ever. Among the other ooze coming out of his mouth he blames his parents and other family for having poopy incompetent doctors who missed the diagnoses of his current medical issues which are from his lifestyle and alcohol abuse-he did nothing wrong you see. Now he's blaming other family members, not doctors creating conditions for his health issues again. He complains about anything from dirt, too hot or cold, lack of regular exterminator visits because he sees a bug . And when talking others in the room are treated like his employee.

He's lying so much now as they say if it's repeated enough it will become the truth. He's doing in front of other family, friends, acquaintances. On one hand I think many family see right through his crap as do some of his friends(of which many longtime friends have no contact anymore). But I noticed he really wants to get his unsolicited opinion/account thing really fast now.

Meadow123

I hear you and have recently learned about the blame game. My XABF blames me for the loss of our relationship... he only lashes out at me when I leave him no choice, to get my attention, when at the end of his rope... blah blah garbage.
I learned the hard way, giving him chances.
I am no contact with him because the pattern is predictable. I dont deserve it and either do you. It takes time. I never imagined I could be this strong but I am and you will be too.

velma929

I suspect Late AH started drinking in his teens. Can't prove it, just a guess, as some of his life skills seem to have stalled about that time. he seemed oblivious to certain things people take for granted: He'd wipe off the counter - and brush all the crumbs onto the floor. When called on it, there were two excuses, 1) no one ever told him or showed him the right thing to do. 2) If people did to him what he had done, he'd claim other people weren't setting a good example.

trailmix

Totally agree Meadow.

Dazedandconfus

thequest

I always heard maturity stops/stalls at the age in which they started drinking or drugging. Besides being high who has motivation for much of anything hung over. The half century old alcoholic here get ups late like teen gets angry if he has to do physical work before noon especially without sports drinks. If you try to do a basic task properly or safely you are considered fussy or using over kill. They have the attitude of child being forced to take out the trash along with zero patience, ZERO patience. They are constantly trying to do as little as possible either out of laziness or show how they game the system ie they always know a short cut. It always about what THEY can get away with. They are always trying to get over. Your way is wrong not their insulting show of expertise & work play acting.

But that goes back to the blame game because it's you not them.

Hawkeye13

Thequest, why don't you go no contact?

itsmepoppy

My AH recently relapsed after almost two years of sobriety - court ordered but he’s been taken off of UA’s recently, so none of those consequences to hold him accountable anymore. His version of the blame game includes basically being in a rage about wanting to “destroy” this guy he works with and being upset with his parents for screwing up their finances so badly that they’re constantly hitting us up for money. Then there’s good ol’ me that he can blame everything on when he’s exhausted the other two topics. He has never learned to manage his feelings. With him, there’s no just getting momentarily irritated about something and letting it go. Instead, he obsesses over it and internalizes it until it’s too much to compete with and then he has a meltdown. When he was on court ordered sobriety, he’d basically just sulk in bed for days on end. Now with those pesky UA’s out of the way, he’s back to smuggling alcohol into our home and drinking to “cope”.

thequest

After some legal & business hurdles are cleared by the end of summer.

He's already pooping because my new home and others are too far away for him to use for a crash pad or favor. His enabling gf is already fretting because it means she'll have to bare the brunt/burden of his lifestyle with designated driving, locations & time they'll be limited to.

I just like to make sure he doesn't rob me blind with some business issues, it's not even the money but the point. I'm already taking losses(which I accounted for knowing how he operates) to expedite detachment & no contact.

Now halfway thru a 90 day countdown.