lizzy777

Please pray for Brian. He's an alcoholic that drinks until he blacks out, falls on the floor, etc. He's tried to quit for the sake of our relationship and future. It seems that he did fine for about six months. We broke up and he went out and got drunk the entire time we were apart. Now every couple of months he starts a fight, breaks up, goes out and gets drunk, calls and begs forgiveness, swears he'll never touch another drop....on and on the story goes. I've about had it. His entire personality changes when he's been drinking and I seem to pay the price. Is there any solution to this, other than just leaving the relationship...period?

subliminalurge

Yes, there is, but it has to come from within him. There is absolutely nothing you can do to influence the situation.

You say he's trying to quit "for the sake of your relationship". Speaking from my own personal experience, as well stories I've heard from other alcoholics, that ain't gonna cut it. He won't quit until he tries to quit for HIMSELF.

That might happen tomorrow. It may also take another 40 years before it happens. Are you willing to put your happiness on hold for that long?

As someone who has been where he is, my advice to you is to get out now. Don't reconsider the realationship until he has at least 3 years of sobriety under his belt.

Your heartache over a breakup will fade in a year or so. Your heartache from staying with him may very well last a lifetime.

This is his problem, not yours.

1Marty

Prayer is a good idea. Its all my wife had when I was a drunk. The prayer was eventually answered. Not necessarily in the best way for us, but we are making it through together, I'm sober, and in recovery. I'll definately pray for you and Brian.

Chy

I know my husband couldn't take it anymore and left. He had to do what was best for him at the time. Gratefully, I was able to get sober, and we've reconciled. Do what is best for you and stick to your guns, he'll never get it, quit, change, until he's ready for himself, not you unfortunatly. *hugs*

hector

(((lizzy)))

No one's suggested Al-Anon yet. You could benefit from it. Please look into it, for your health and his.

subliminalurge

Be careful with that suggestion. Al-Anon isn't what it used to be. The current state of Al-Anon is NOT a healthy way for people to think....

Time2Surrender

Why do you say that? Just curious. I have never been to an Al-Anon meeting myself,so I dont know.I always thought Al-Anon was also a 12 step program for people recovering from having family or loved ones who were alcoholics or addicts.But,like I said.I have never been to an Al-Anon meeting.

Pony

Alanon is a great 12-step program that teaches you to take care of yourself. To take responsibity for your own happiness, and not depend on the addict in your life to be the one to dictate your happiness by his/her sober or drunk times; Helps you to learn to detach from the addicts behavior and let go and let them live their lives and consequences; helps you to go on living and not get lost in the drama surrounding the addict. Many times the program can also help teach you alot about yourself and why you have made the choices you have made in your own life concerning relationships and such.

It is a good place to receive support from others that have been and are still going through some of the same issues surrounding an addict.

Lizzy, if you are determined to stay in this relationship, then yeah, Alanon might be a great place for you to get support and help for yourself. But remember, this will not make you boyfriend get sober.....you cannot make him get sober. He has to want that for himself.......it will never last otherwise.

Gabe

Um, I need further explanation on the above comment.
Lizzy, I will keep Brian in my prayers.

DesertEyes

Lizzy, welcome to this forum, lots of good people here. I'll be praying for you and Brian. Definetly consider the suggestions other folks have made, they're all good.

Mike :-)

lizzy777

Thanks everyone for your responses and prayers. I will probably be leaving the relationship because Brian likes being drunk more than he cares about me, his kids, his financial problems, or our relationship and future. So sad for him.........he's losing a lot of good things.....