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Old 06-30-2019, 05:44 AM
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New here

hi,
i am new here. Struggling to know if I’m dealing with someone who has an issue or not. They’ve been good the last few months, were bad last fall when couldn’t even get up to go to work. Hit a depression the last month and drinking more than normal. Also think they could be into something else too. How do I help turn off my worries? Talking wasn’t helping. I don’t smell any booze on them though.

Thanks.
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Old 06-30-2019, 05:53 AM
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Hi and welcome Krpop

Not sure what this person is to you, but its hard to get to the nub of anythign if talking gets you nowhere.

It might be easier to ask is this situation a problem for me and what do I want to do anything about it?

D
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Old 06-30-2019, 06:20 AM
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They denied an issue last fall/winter and we broke up. I thought it was better when we got back together in February and it has seemed that way. Changed from wine to beer. But has been drinking then going to bed and staying there for a few days. Is that normal?
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Old 06-30-2019, 06:33 AM
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Do you stay in bed for a few days? Does your friends or family stay in bed for a few days? I have never known anyone to stay in bed for a few days unless they were sick. Is this even a serious question? Sorry but it seems like an odd question. As a fairly huge drinker for over two decades I know I dont go to bed for a few days unless I am sick and really not even then. I have read and heard of other drugs making people sleep for a few days. Not sure if this person is sleeping or just in their bedroom. Perhaps they are depressed or highly anxious and are hiding in their room. Perhaps they are sick. Perhaps they are into hard drugs. Hard to say with out further info. How do they look. sound, act? Bright eyed and bushy tailed? I would be able to tell just by looking at them and talking to them what they were into. I can spot a drunk a mile away, easy to tell usually if someone is doing coke, a heroin user is uber obvious. But no, I would venture to guess that staying in bed for several days is not normal, unless we are talking about a teenager.
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Old 06-30-2019, 08:56 AM
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Krpop,
welcome.
you might want to check out the forums farther down the list , for Friends And Family; lots of people there, too.
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Old 06-30-2019, 08:59 AM
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It's not even about whether it's normal or not. Does it bother and upset you? If so, then it's a problem.

The best thing for you to do is to take care of yourself. You might consider AlAnon in your city as a support for you.
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Old 07-01-2019, 10:37 AM
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I do think there’s depression involved. But I also not sure if he’s doing this bc he’s depressed over his life or us. He stopped bathing on weekends and everything. So am I blaming myself or us? Maybe. But he asked the other day if he had something deep down mentally ill with him. So maybe it’s something else.

hes not drinking as much as before. No bushy tail but he held up how iPad go show me the time and it was a text the didn’t realize he was showing me bc I think he was drunk. I think he may be into drugs as well. How do I know? What are the signs? He moved into a new apt and didn’t do anything but put mattress on floor and sofa in room. He has stuff.. but nothing. We are not in the same city. He stayed home one weekend and said he got a lot done.. but house was still a mess. Not even vacuumed. No bed set up. Just did his laundry.

Is this a stage in a drinking problem? Will it get worse like last year? His family member moved in with him and it switched everything off. He got place set up, gave them his room and put bed on the bed rails. Moved into extra room where sofa was and started sleeping on floor. Started screaming at me if I called (even if I had a funny joke to share). Anger came out again when I accidentally called during dinner at restaurant (I was having miscarriage and needed to talk to him). He blew me off all week pretty much.

Is this relationship issue? Alcoholic issue? Drug issue?
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Old 07-01-2019, 11:16 AM
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So hard to say. Could be either or all three. Do some ***** searches online. There is tons of info out there. Just search each issue and see what the symptoms are. These are not any symptoms I have had from being a heavy alcoholic.
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Old 07-01-2019, 12:18 PM
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Hey Krpop, sounds like your friend has a lot of issues. It's hard to say whether he's an alcoholic or addict, but even if he is, there isn't much you can do about it beyond expressing your concern. Best of luck.
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Old 07-01-2019, 12:45 PM
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There is nothing you can do for him and it is something you will never be able to figure out or understand.

My advice would be dont waste your life trying to figure out something that can't be figured out.

Rather than think about him think about you. What is good for you your health mental health and sanity. You can't cure or control him just decide what level of abuse youre prepared to put up with. Or not.
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