Gasping
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 835
Gasping
I need a drink right now. A nice big cold glass of chardonnay. It's so warm in the UK and I want to sit in the garden with a big cold glass of the stuff like other people.
I have asked my husband to take me out for dinner to take my mind off it.
However tomorrow we have friends coming over for a BBQ and I don't know what to do. Cancelling isn't an option and they are big drinkers and i mean BIG. At least 3 bottles each, so is my husband in their company.
We are due to go on holiday with them in September as well and then they start drinking at 12 o'clock.m then. This is a test for me to stay sober and I'm not looking forward to it.
Any helpful suggestions please
I have asked my husband to take me out for dinner to take my mind off it.
However tomorrow we have friends coming over for a BBQ and I don't know what to do. Cancelling isn't an option and they are big drinkers and i mean BIG. At least 3 bottles each, so is my husband in their company.
We are due to go on holiday with them in September as well and then they start drinking at 12 o'clock.m then. This is a test for me to stay sober and I'm not looking forward to it.
Any helpful suggestions please
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I have no suggestions, but I would have been miserable in both of those situations.
You said there's no option to cancel, but I think there is always an option to cancel and in the situation of early recovery, the most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself. I wouldn't be joining them for holiday in a couple of months either. But, that's just me.
I hope you get through this.
You said there's no option to cancel, but I think there is always an option to cancel and in the situation of early recovery, the most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself. I wouldn't be joining them for holiday in a couple of months either. But, that's just me.
I hope you get through this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Just dont drink. I am around drinkers all the time. All of my friends are drinkers and I have not stopped hanging out with them just because I quit drinking. That was my choice. I chose to knowing that they drink. My one friend still stops by almost everyday after work with a pint of 100 proof peppermint schnapps and some beer. I used to drink with him, now I dont because I wanted to stop drinking(he was not part of my decision). July 4th is my birthday and I always have a huge party with well over 100 people, all drinking (and who knows what else). I am not going to stop the party(im still looking forward to it). I just wont be drinking. We all know quitting aint easy. You just have to be tough. At least thats how I approach it. So far so good. Although from what I read I could have hundreds of relapses left considering this is my first go at it and I only have 20 days under my belt.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
It sounds like you're setting yourself up for failure. This is coming from someone who still hosts parties with friends, goes to brunches with them and lives with a person who drinks, therefore a house full of rum, wine etc and have done since I quit nearly a year ago.
The difference is I haven't thought 'I need a drink right now' since I decided to quit nearly a year ago. I CAN'T drink. A nice cold Chardonnay on the weekend would turn into an absolute s*** show for me. If you are still longing for a drink in the warm weather, you are still glamorizing alcohol consumption, so you will likely slip either at this party or on the holiday. For me, I accepted there was absolutely nothing glamorous about the way I drank. I had to want sobriety more than I wanted drink. It sounds like you still want to drink.
The difference is I haven't thought 'I need a drink right now' since I decided to quit nearly a year ago. I CAN'T drink. A nice cold Chardonnay on the weekend would turn into an absolute s*** show for me. If you are still longing for a drink in the warm weather, you are still glamorizing alcohol consumption, so you will likely slip either at this party or on the holiday. For me, I accepted there was absolutely nothing glamorous about the way I drank. I had to want sobriety more than I wanted drink. It sounds like you still want to drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Thats a good point. I assume we all stay in our lanes and I am just giving my opinion from my point of view. I did not stop to realize the difference is they are still longing for a drink and we are not. I'm just pointing out that you have to be strong but if one would rather cancel then cancel. Whatever it takes for that person is what is right. I know folks who did not long for a drink and went to aa and counselors and quit hanging out with friends who drank and still set themself up for failure(or at least failed somehow). I also know of folks who just quit one day cold turkey and never looked back to this day. I guess (as we all know already) it just comes down to how one wants to handle the situation, and what works for them. Meantime all we can do is offer our advise if someone asks. My take is just tough it out. Its what works for me. Hopefully the original poster will find what works for them amongst the opinions given and not set them self up for failure. Why even suggest it. I say do what you think best and you will NOT set yourself up for failure. Lets be positive and hope for the best. Best of luck to you and I do not think you are setting yourself up for failure. You will succeed. This party and holiday does not need to be a failure. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
I'm in the UK and I'm sitting with a nice cold glass of lemonade.
People working tonight and overnight are doing similar.
There IS an option to cancel - I just think that deep down you don't want to and also deep down, you know....what will happen.
I hope I'm wrong and good luck whatever you decide x
People working tonight and overnight are doing similar.
There IS an option to cancel - I just think that deep down you don't want to and also deep down, you know....what will happen.
I hope I'm wrong and good luck whatever you decide x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I'm sorry to say, but I'll give my two cents. It sounds like (my previous lifestyle) and that much of the social activity revolves around drinking. Leaving behind drinking buddies is very hard, but sometimes necessary.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Pinky1 
... I want to sit in the garden with a big cold glass of the stuff like other people.
So you don't want a single glass, do you. Easier to have none that just one.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
I would say do it. Say a prayer. And go for it. See who it is thays gonna feel like crap in the morning while you arw up eating breakfast having a good o cup of java. Then give thanks for another sober fun filled time with fam and friends.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Originally Posted by NerfThis
It sounds like you're setting yourself up for failure. This is coming from someone who still hosts parties with friends, goes to brunches with them and lives with a person who drinks, therefore a house full of rum, wine etc and have done since I quit nearly a year ago.
The difference is I haven't thought 'I need a drink right now' since I decided to quit nearly a year ago. I CAN'T drink. A nice cold Chardonnay on the weekend would turn into an absolute s*** show for me. If you are still longing for a drink in the warm weather, you are still glamorizing alcohol consumption, so you will likely slip either at this party or on the holiday. For me, I accepted there was absolutely nothing glamorous about the way I drank. I had to want sobriety more than I wanted drink. It sounds like you still want to drink.
The difference is I haven't thought 'I need a drink right now' since I decided to quit nearly a year ago. I CAN'T drink. A nice cold Chardonnay on the weekend would turn into an absolute s*** show for me. If you are still longing for a drink in the warm weather, you are still glamorizing alcohol consumption, so you will likely slip either at this party or on the holiday. For me, I accepted there was absolutely nothing glamorous about the way I drank. I had to want sobriety more than I wanted drink. It sounds like you still want to drink.
In early sobriety there is no event important enough that it can't be skipped or canceled. But if the first sentence is "I need a drink right now" then the relapse has already begun before the first sip.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
Like Abraham said "do not drink." Motivation is the number one factor in not drinking. If you think you might drink you are probably going to drink. If you know there is absolutely no way you will drink them you won't drink.
I have had alcoh
I have had alcoh
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
My priorities changed when staying sober became number one priority, but if
you're adamant that you need to do these things, at least go into them with a plan Pinky?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
D
you're adamant that you need to do these things, at least go into them with a plan Pinky?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
D
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
My drinking buddies seemed more bothered by my not drinking than me.
Whispers...put that away...D112y cant drink any more...whatever dude. If my buddies want to drink themselves to hell and back...after I warned them...I will enjoy the show.
God didn't intend for us to be drunks. Booze is an unusual concoction. It is a drug that alters the CNS. It is a learned behavior.
There are entire societies that don't drink. They never learned.
Watching craving normies go from craving to drunk is a bit funny to me these days. Even my wife. She weighs 110 lbs.
She had 2 white Russians last week while we were playing bingo. She was working hard to not slur. This didn't do anything to me. Her cheeks flush.
I enjoy the show and wake up cleaner than the day before.
It was hard at first though. I remember my Dad leaving a bottle of vodka on the counter. The thought of just guzzling it was creepy...but there.
Those days are gone thank God.
Thanks.
Whispers...put that away...D112y cant drink any more...whatever dude. If my buddies want to drink themselves to hell and back...after I warned them...I will enjoy the show.
God didn't intend for us to be drunks. Booze is an unusual concoction. It is a drug that alters the CNS. It is a learned behavior.
There are entire societies that don't drink. They never learned.
Watching craving normies go from craving to drunk is a bit funny to me these days. Even my wife. She weighs 110 lbs.
She had 2 white Russians last week while we were playing bingo. She was working hard to not slur. This didn't do anything to me. Her cheeks flush.
I enjoy the show and wake up cleaner than the day before.
It was hard at first though. I remember my Dad leaving a bottle of vodka on the counter. The thought of just guzzling it was creepy...but there.
Those days are gone thank God.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I need a drink right now. A nice big cold glass of chardonnay. It's so warm in the UK and I want to sit in the garden with a big cold glass of the stuff like other people.
Ok so that statement right there is the one you need to focus on. That's your thinking, your desire and your delusion. The party? That can be cancelled. The vacation, that can be rescheduled.
1. You don't need a drink right now.
2. A cold glass of wine reminds me of vomit
3. You have no idea what others are drinking. I'm sure many are not drinking booze.
With that thinking I would not recommend being around heavy boozing friends. 3 bottles each? That sounds like a very pricey **** show.
Until you are able to be confident in the easiest of situations, pls reconsider putting yourself in situations rife with pitfalls.
Good luck
Ok so that statement right there is the one you need to focus on. That's your thinking, your desire and your delusion. The party? That can be cancelled. The vacation, that can be rescheduled.
1. You don't need a drink right now.
2. A cold glass of wine reminds me of vomit
3. You have no idea what others are drinking. I'm sure many are not drinking booze.
With that thinking I would not recommend being around heavy boozing friends. 3 bottles each? That sounds like a very pricey **** show.
Until you are able to be confident in the easiest of situations, pls reconsider putting yourself in situations rife with pitfalls.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
3 bottles each, you'll be waiting up feeling sick and anxious and desperate for another drink if you drink that much.
You aren't going to have one glass of wine, it's never just one glass. What is the point in drinking just one glass? Much easier to just not drink at all.
You aren't going to have one glass of wine, it's never just one glass. What is the point in drinking just one glass? Much easier to just not drink at all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Well, this craving will pass. Just breathe and get through it. You can do it.
As for entertaining and traveling with a heavy drinking couple....yikes. You can cancel but it is difficult to do that. I say this from experience. My husband is an alcoholic and likes to invite our friends around, or go by them, and they all end up ridiculously drunk. We have even vacationed together just a few months ago where they all ended up ridiculously drunk.
For me, I have survived these situations by hosting parties differently. I leave the dishes until everyone is starting to get drunk. That becomes my excuse out of the situation to “get a breather”. I take my sweet time and dont worry about entertaining anyone because, let’s face it, they’re getting wasted, not caring about what I’m doing. I may visit for a few minutes after cleaning up but then develop a headache or stomachache and head to bed. This approach has decreased the amount of parties occurring at my house.
On vacation, I found other things to do with my time. Swimming alone, tending to the children, cooking elaborate meals solo, etc. Anything to pass the time. It was the worst vacation we’ve had and I will not be vacationing with those friends in the future to avoid all my solitary time.
What im saying in a long winded manner is that it can be done but perhaps your approach to entertaining must change in order to protect yourself.
As for entertaining and traveling with a heavy drinking couple....yikes. You can cancel but it is difficult to do that. I say this from experience. My husband is an alcoholic and likes to invite our friends around, or go by them, and they all end up ridiculously drunk. We have even vacationed together just a few months ago where they all ended up ridiculously drunk.
For me, I have survived these situations by hosting parties differently. I leave the dishes until everyone is starting to get drunk. That becomes my excuse out of the situation to “get a breather”. I take my sweet time and dont worry about entertaining anyone because, let’s face it, they’re getting wasted, not caring about what I’m doing. I may visit for a few minutes after cleaning up but then develop a headache or stomachache and head to bed. This approach has decreased the amount of parties occurring at my house.
On vacation, I found other things to do with my time. Swimming alone, tending to the children, cooking elaborate meals solo, etc. Anything to pass the time. It was the worst vacation we’ve had and I will not be vacationing with those friends in the future to avoid all my solitary time.
What im saying in a long winded manner is that it can be done but perhaps your approach to entertaining must change in order to protect yourself.
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