So far from normal life
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
So far from normal life
So day 10 and I’m feeling a lot better. Still bit anxious but have had good few days. Today was a lovely day and felt happy. Then I remember that only 10 days ago I drank and did redicilous shsmeful things. I lost it and even phoned an ex who I have to see this weekend to exchange daughter. I’m mortified he has already expressed his anger at my lack of recovery. Thing I’m getting at is my life goes well everything going ok no drama chaos anxiety then bam I did that. It now seems so insane to me to drink and think it is ok. It’s like a shadow that won’t let go and I just can’t believe I was so irresponsible and acctually drank alcohol and behaved like a idiot. It’s so nice t normal in any way. Three months them bam. Then over a week of feeling horrendous. Why why why and how will I face my ex on sat? I’m scared of what he will say and I’m scared that I have it in my to self destruct like I did. I do not want to go through this again
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Eve, you don't have to go through it again, ever. You've got 10 days of sobriety and there is nothing that can make you go back to drinking. I'm sorry that you have to deal with your ex on the weekend and it will be uncomfortable, but you can show up sober and strong and hold your head up high. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Hi, eve123. I'm sorry you are going through this. Don't be afraid of what you're ex may say - just be prepared. He he starts in on you, just nip it in the bud and say something like, "Yes, I was a total jerk and I am sorry I called you while I had been drinking. That was wrong of me to do. I am XX days sober now and I feel so much better" and then leave it at that.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by eve123 
Thing I’m getting at is my life goes well everything going ok no drama chaos anxiety then bam I did that.
3 months now and feels like things are not getting better. Feel like this is it for the rest of my life. Sorry for moaning
In other posts you write of terrible remorse, regrets, and building resentments. You seem clearly unhappy in sobriety. And what's the go to for unhappy alcoholics? Drinking.
I don't know what your expectations for sobriety are. "Better" is a pretty subjective thing. But in the wake of you last relapse, I would think the lack of chaos and drama you write about in this thread would be sufficient to make sobriety tolerable...at least in the short run. Then time should show you the benefits of the sober life. At least I hope so.
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Thabks Anna and puppies yes I’m going to have to just deal with Iran’s keep focused I have sent a message apologising. Droggoncarl thabks for your words. Yes after everything iv said and all the pain that it would be enough to tolorate sobriety. But I have struggled to maintain long term. I need to change in every way to achieve this. I wish I had got this years ago but thabks your your insight and honesty. I need to up my efforts obviously
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
in order to change in every way, ya have to WANT to change and be willing to go to ANY lengths-one day at a time- to make that happen.
even- it would be wise to toss out the ass kickin machine. youre not a bad person-just a sick one. bad people dont feel remorse and regret. sick people do and there IS a solution.
even- it would be wise to toss out the ass kickin machine. youre not a bad person-just a sick one. bad people dont feel remorse and regret. sick people do and there IS a solution.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Hi Eve
I think at some point you have to forgive yourself - the relapse is been and gone. If you hang onto the shame and guilt it could actually drive you back to drinking again.
It takes a lot of energy to continually beat outselves up,
Why not use that energy to work out a recovery action plan and in finding support instead?
D
I think at some point you have to forgive yourself - the relapse is been and gone. If you hang onto the shame and guilt it could actually drive you back to drinking again.
It takes a lot of energy to continually beat outselves up,
Why not use that energy to work out a recovery action plan and in finding support instead?
D
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