How could I possibly be happy without booze? Weekenders 28 June - 01 July 2019
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,666
How could I possibly be happy without booze? Weekenders 28 June - 01 July 2019
Welcome to the Weekenders
Making the decision to stop drinking......forever wasn’t something I thought I was capable of and maybe didn’t want to contemplate either.
After so many failure attempts, reaping the repercussions that drinking brought to me, I realised this was the only way...complete abstinence.
That was something I didn’t relish, being without booze...forever.
I saw a life stretched before me that would be unbearable, boring, sad and pathetic.
How could people laugh and enjoy themselves without booze...I reasoned to myself.
All these thoughts and doubts and many more ran through my mind wondering what lies ahead in the new sober life.
Could there possibly be a life after booze? Could it be a good life?
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 437
This weekend coming will be my third sober weekend and I'm looking forward to it
I was invited to a lunch but it's a boozy lunch and tbh, it doesn't tempt me to go. Part of it is being surrounded by friends knowing whatever I say as to why I'm not drinking I'll have the lines "sure 1 drink won't hurt" etc.
Also a bigger part of me loves my sober weekends! I get stuff done, I relax, I watch programs- and remember them! I enjoy my hobbies and I enjoy getting out.
I've been sober for longer previously but I really am making more of an effort this time round and I'm noticing the benefits. I feel happier, I eat better and I hope my appearance is better. My skin is no way near as dry as it used to be so there's a lot more positives.
Hope everyone has a great weekend too!
I was invited to a lunch but it's a boozy lunch and tbh, it doesn't tempt me to go. Part of it is being surrounded by friends knowing whatever I say as to why I'm not drinking I'll have the lines "sure 1 drink won't hurt" etc.
Also a bigger part of me loves my sober weekends! I get stuff done, I relax, I watch programs- and remember them! I enjoy my hobbies and I enjoy getting out.
I've been sober for longer previously but I really am making more of an effort this time round and I'm noticing the benefits. I feel happier, I eat better and I hope my appearance is better. My skin is no way near as dry as it used to be so there's a lot more positives.
Hope everyone has a great weekend too!
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,666
I think when I admitted to myself that I had a problem with drinking that had got out of hand, and didn’t like what I’d become, I was able to move forward into recovery.
Once I’d made that decision I had to figure out how not to drink again, with the aid of recovery.
Once I’d made that decision I had to figure out how not to drink again, with the aid of recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,059
Thanks Mags.
In the latter years of my addiction I was self medicating with alcohol, it was no longer about being happy and relaxed, it was about being numb to anything that caused me discomfort. And there were and are a lot of things.
It was a terrifying thought take that away, I was left feeling raw and exposed, like a wound without a scab. Slowly it begins to heal, bit by little bit.
The thoughts of never again are difficult at times but the memories of being constantly drunk/hungover or in temporary withdrawal are worse. Yes I would love the feel good feeling of a little drink, would I stop there? Unfortunately not.
Happy without it is a work in progress but certainly happier than I was with it.
In the latter years of my addiction I was self medicating with alcohol, it was no longer about being happy and relaxed, it was about being numb to anything that caused me discomfort. And there were and are a lot of things.
It was a terrifying thought take that away, I was left feeling raw and exposed, like a wound without a scab. Slowly it begins to heal, bit by little bit.
The thoughts of never again are difficult at times but the memories of being constantly drunk/hungover or in temporary withdrawal are worse. Yes I would love the feel good feeling of a little drink, would I stop there? Unfortunately not.
Happy without it is a work in progress but certainly happier than I was with it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 437
I think the idea of sobriety being forever- when you've just stopped can be a bit daunting. I look at it on day 17 as " I'm not drinking today"- and slowly I've been getting my life back together and I feel so much gratitude for being able to do these little things that I really took for granted for far too long.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Kaily 
Morning all,
Felt like I was walking through treacle yesterday, my mind was blurry and that f*** button was looming. I knew I was in a danger zone. Glad I posted/vented and got some much needed support. Thank you. It certainly helped. I also went for a long country walk to try and calm myself. Think I got overwhelmed. See what today brings.
Sharpy sorry you have had a slip. Hope you hang around here for support and chat.
Bim good luck with the job hunting today.
Vman hope your bearing up in the heat, must be exhausting.
Felt like I was walking through treacle yesterday, my mind was blurry and that f*** button was looming. I knew I was in a danger zone. Glad I posted/vented and got some much needed support. Thank you. It certainly helped. I also went for a long country walk to try and calm myself. Think I got overwhelmed. See what today brings.
Sharpy sorry you have had a slip. Hope you hang around here for support and chat.
Bim good luck with the job hunting today.
Vman hope your bearing up in the heat, must be exhausting.
It's freakin' hard to admit defeat or overwhelm or just being tired of the ish life can throw at me. Even little stuff when there's a lot of it can be too much for me and I get snappy or my brain starts running a million miles an hour.
I have to find ways to distract, move my body, and reframe my thoughts. Sometimes I really need one of you or someone else to straighten out my thinking a bit. That's why this thread and this site is helpful to me.
Happy. Hm. Well first - Shotgun. Then I think happiness is what I think it is. I know it isn't in the bottom of a bottle - of that much I can be sure. Everything else that I add to my positive experience of life is happiness to me. Gratitude. Peaceful coexistence. Live and let live. One day at a time. Gorillas. Beach walks. All that.
Being gentle with myself and others...blessings.
Oh, and I got a reprieve from the job thingy. I have to be here for the painters today. Whew. That was close.
Vman, I take my happiness where I can find it.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
The big question for me was how can I be happy with booze, like I used to be. but each time I tried to recreate the happy days, I got the opposite until I could not see a happy life with or without it. That was a black place.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Originally Posted by Gottalife
The big question for me was how can I be happy with booze, like I used to be. but each time I tried to recreate the happy days, I got the opposite until I could not see a happy life with or without it. That was a black place.
I've gotten through a handful of events sober now and while I'm not rushing to test myself, I've realized that things are really fun without alcohol, and I feel much better the next day. Idk. I also am not thinking about forever right now, just a day at a time and they are adding up quickly. It's easy to get overwhelmed, so I just keep moving forward as best I can and take the challenges as they come. A mosaic of days will make up the bigger picture of a lifetime.
My plans this weekend include more zoo of course, and perhaps more lyfting for a few extra bucks, we'll see. I need to start running because I signed up for a Tough Mudder race with my friends in September and my cardio needs work if I'm gonna do the race and not die. We'll see. Easy does it, as they say.
Happy Thursday.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
This topic resonated with me big time.
I had painted myself into a corner in the final days of my drinking. My progression had entered end stage alcoholism and the wheels were starting to come off the ride that was my life. If I continued with the drinking these were my options: death by organ failure, death in a car wreck, or God forbid killing innocent people while driving and going to prison. Make no mistake, if the last option had happened I would have killed myself the first chance I got. There is absolutely no way I would be able to live with the guilt and shame.
My goal in sobriety was simply to get over the mental obsession. Nothing more and nothing less. Had I managed to function normally in society without constantly white knuckling it I would have considered that a win.
I never thought I would find happiness. Even as a kid I knew there was something "missing" on the inside and that had carried into adulthood. Only by putting in the hard work on myself was I able to fill the void that alcohol had promised but in the end sobriety had delivered.
That is my message of hope to those early in their journeys or still struggling. Happiness can be achieved, the only caveat is that it will not fall into your lap.
I had painted myself into a corner in the final days of my drinking. My progression had entered end stage alcoholism and the wheels were starting to come off the ride that was my life. If I continued with the drinking these were my options: death by organ failure, death in a car wreck, or God forbid killing innocent people while driving and going to prison. Make no mistake, if the last option had happened I would have killed myself the first chance I got. There is absolutely no way I would be able to live with the guilt and shame.
My goal in sobriety was simply to get over the mental obsession. Nothing more and nothing less. Had I managed to function normally in society without constantly white knuckling it I would have considered that a win.
I never thought I would find happiness. Even as a kid I knew there was something "missing" on the inside and that had carried into adulthood. Only by putting in the hard work on myself was I able to fill the void that alcohol had promised but in the end sobriety had delivered.
That is my message of hope to those early in their journeys or still struggling. Happiness can be achieved, the only caveat is that it will not fall into your lap.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
You can't get addicted to a substance unless you have learned it does something for you.
The first step to recovery is understanding, "Why," we choose the quick fix or mood changer of alcohol. Alcohol abuse always serves an emotional purpose and that purpose is to regain control of our feelings.
We all need to recognize our feelings and face them, reframe the pros and cons of our drinking, replace the drinking with other high value behaviors that are important to us.
To be true to ourselves, we must think, feel, and behave in alignment with our moral and spiritual values.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Matthew 11:28-30: 28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [a]gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
The first step to recovery is understanding, "Why," we choose the quick fix or mood changer of alcohol. Alcohol abuse always serves an emotional purpose and that purpose is to regain control of our feelings.
We all need to recognize our feelings and face them, reframe the pros and cons of our drinking, replace the drinking with other high value behaviors that are important to us.
To be true to ourselves, we must think, feel, and behave in alignment with our moral and spiritual values.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Matthew 11:28-30: 28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [a]gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
ours de petit cerveau
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,630
alcohol certainly made me happy in the early days, but for a looong time before I quit it was just keeping the anxiety & shakes away. if you're on SR, it would suggest that alcohol isn't really making you as happy as it used to, or as happy as it would have you believe.
anyway, it's a lovely day here. it was so nice that I nearly went to the beach in London:
anyway, it's a lovely day here. it was so nice that I nearly went to the beach in London:
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I'm in!
Thanks, Mags.
This sounds so much like me. At the beginning happiness wasn't the goal. I just needed to get out from under the obsession and get to a place where I could begin to find some sort of peace. I don't even know what "happiness" is. But I will say, over the years, with work and determination and mindfulness, I have come to a place where I think I see glimmers of actual happiness. I certainly have contentment most of the time, and I feel at ease in my own skin most of the time. I never thought that could happen.
AND - life is not a boring wasteland of loneliness - AT ALL. I have way more fun now than I did when I was drinking heavily. That "fun" I thought I was having was an illusion.
I saw this blog post on facebook yesterday in another support group I'm a part of, and it really hit a nerve with me, and is super relevant to this week's OP.
https://www.holandwell.com/post/no-f...WBhIZE4XzbQ6jo
Thanks, Mags.
Originally Posted by WeThinkNot
This topic resonated with me big time.
I had painted myself into a corner in the final days of my drinking. My progression had entered end stage alcoholism and the wheels were starting to come off the ride that was my life. If I continued with the drinking these were my options: death by organ failure, death in a car wreck, or God forbid killing innocent people while driving and going to prison. Make no mistake, if the last option had happened I would have killed myself the first chance I got. There is absolutely no way I would be able to live with the guilt and shame.
My goal in sobriety was simply to get over the mental obsession. Nothing more and nothing less. Had I managed to function normally in society without constantly white knuckling it I would have considered that a win.
I never thought I would find happiness. Even as a kid I knew there was something "missing" on the inside and that had carried into adulthood. Only by putting in the hard work on myself was I able to fill the void that alcohol had promised but in the end sobriety had delivered.
That is my message of hope to those early in their journeys or still struggling. Happiness can be achieved, the only caveat is that it will not fall into your lap.
I had painted myself into a corner in the final days of my drinking. My progression had entered end stage alcoholism and the wheels were starting to come off the ride that was my life. If I continued with the drinking these were my options: death by organ failure, death in a car wreck, or God forbid killing innocent people while driving and going to prison. Make no mistake, if the last option had happened I would have killed myself the first chance I got. There is absolutely no way I would be able to live with the guilt and shame.
My goal in sobriety was simply to get over the mental obsession. Nothing more and nothing less. Had I managed to function normally in society without constantly white knuckling it I would have considered that a win.
I never thought I would find happiness. Even as a kid I knew there was something "missing" on the inside and that had carried into adulthood. Only by putting in the hard work on myself was I able to fill the void that alcohol had promised but in the end sobriety had delivered.
That is my message of hope to those early in their journeys or still struggling. Happiness can be achieved, the only caveat is that it will not fall into your lap.
AND - life is not a boring wasteland of loneliness - AT ALL. I have way more fun now than I did when I was drinking heavily. That "fun" I thought I was having was an illusion.
I saw this blog post on facebook yesterday in another support group I'm a part of, and it really hit a nerve with me, and is super relevant to this week's OP.
https://www.holandwell.com/post/no-f...WBhIZE4XzbQ6jo
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,200
IN!
Forever is daunting if you dwell on it but once you get a few months of sobriety in the bag then you pretty much stop thinking about it being for ever, leastways I did. After a while forever becomes a concept that takes care of itself.
Either side of WW2 London did used to have a beach as 1500 tons of sand was dumped by barges every year. Surprised that the pollution didn't "do" for anyone foolhardy enough to go in the water.
Forever is daunting if you dwell on it but once you get a few months of sobriety in the bag then you pretty much stop thinking about it being for ever, leastways I did. After a while forever becomes a concept that takes care of itself.
Either side of WW2 London did used to have a beach as 1500 tons of sand was dumped by barges every year. Surprised that the pollution didn't "do" for anyone foolhardy enough to go in the water.
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