Lonely/sad/agitated
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
Lonely/sad/agitated
Does anyone else ever feel lonely in their sobriety? I’ve recently felt disconnected and overall sad in my life and sobriety. How do I turn that around to refocus on the things I should be grateful for? It’s been over 200 days sober and I’m really wondering why I even care as much as I do. I’m tired all the time, never seem to be caught up, am resentful towards my partner for many things, and just feel so alone and awkward. Is this normal? Any tips to refocus thoughts in thsee situations? Thank you!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
The best advice I ever got was to practice gratitude every day. 
It was hard at first but I kept on until it was a habit.
I find it bolsters my sobriety and gives me a positive attitude. It also makes me happier.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
It was hard at first but I kept on until it was a habit. I find it bolsters my sobriety and gives me a positive attitude. It also makes me happier.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
Yes, kamm, I've felt the exact same way before. Unfortunately, it often led me to drink, so CONGRATULATIONS on over 200 days sober!
About your being tired a lot....have you had bloodwork done recently?
Can you talk to your partner about your resentments? If not, maybe a friend or Dr. People here on SR are so kind and helpful too.
These feelings will pass.
About your being tired a lot....have you had bloodwork done recently?
Can you talk to your partner about your resentments? If not, maybe a friend or Dr. People here on SR are so kind and helpful too.
These feelings will pass.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Kamm
congrats on your sober time
I not only had to stop drinking I had to change my life too - my drinking life was pretty solitary even when I drank with other people.
what other things have you changed in the last 200 days? what would you like to change?
D
congrats on your sober time
I not only had to stop drinking I had to change my life too - my drinking life was pretty solitary even when I drank with other people.
what other things have you changed in the last 200 days? what would you like to change?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 177
Hi kamm. I can relate to your post, I felt very similar last Feb to you now, I had 208 days and just felt numb or something, every thing had become blah blah blah , plus living on my own I became too isolated, unfortunately went back drinking which just ruined everything I was beginning to take as normal SO defo don't do that. This time round I'm definitely going to push myself outside my comfort zone , I'm working on a fitness plan , going to have a look at doing some evenings classes . I do think though you should recognise How well your doin , I did t until I threw it away, maybe take up something completely new , take on a challenge big enough to really test you , best of luck and Keep Going.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Maybe you are seeing things in different ways now that you are not encumbered by covering it up with inebriation, or perhaps you are just having normal emotions that we all experience from time to time. What are your priorities aside from living clean? Are you doing things that make you happy or still in survival mode after quitting?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
I notice it's not so much an issue of now being lonely versus being connected before, but rather that I now perceive the reality of my situation more clearly. When I'm drunk at a party and talking nonsense, I'm around people, but I'm still lonely in the sense that all the nonsense talk is an attempt to connect with people, and nearly always fell flat. I was actually lonely then, too, I just didn't realize because I was drunk, and the next day when I was dealing with the hangover I didn't care about being lonely.
Now that I'm more aware of it, it doesn't mean it's easy. But it's not like I went from having tons of friends and things to do to having none. 90% of what I was enjoying was an illusion. Now that the veil is finally torn and I see reality better, I can make solid steps toward making real connections. They're small and slow-going, but they're real.
Lonely time is also free time in the sense you have the liberty to follow an inclination to try something you never would have thought of or approach tasks a different way, which would be harder to do if you already had a set routine full of commitments and relationships. Maybe this is the quiet time that will allow a whole new dimension of yourself to emerge
Now that I'm more aware of it, it doesn't mean it's easy. But it's not like I went from having tons of friends and things to do to having none. 90% of what I was enjoying was an illusion. Now that the veil is finally torn and I see reality better, I can make solid steps toward making real connections. They're small and slow-going, but they're real.
Lonely time is also free time in the sense you have the liberty to follow an inclination to try something you never would have thought of or approach tasks a different way, which would be harder to do if you already had a set routine full of commitments and relationships. Maybe this is the quiet time that will allow a whole new dimension of yourself to emerge
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
How specifically do I practice being grateful? Are there steps that I can take?
thank you so much For all of the advice. I really have a tough time these days just rolling with the emotions of every day. I’m finding this is just normal and I need to adjust my expectations.
thank you so much For all of the advice. I really have a tough time these days just rolling with the emotions of every day. I’m finding this is just normal and I need to adjust my expectations.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Hi kamm
There are several gratitude threads if you want to have a look at them. I didn’t really understand gratitude to begin with but as I went and wrote on daily and read other members comments, something clicked into place.
Here’s the link
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/gratitude-list/
There are several gratitude threads if you want to have a look at them. I didn’t really understand gratitude to begin with but as I went and wrote on daily and read other members comments, something clicked into place.
Here’s the link
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/gratitude-list/
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,407
Practicing gratitude can be as simple as just running through all that you have in your life which you can be grateful for each morning and night. Existence itself is something which is a miracle in itself so my gratitude stems from there.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
