DreamCatcher17

The time is flying by.

So, as of late I am running into a brick wall with myself and I am hoping someone (i know some will be able to send some good advice) can assist me here.

I am FULL of resentments.

My SO is a normal drinker, doesn't drink often.
Prior to us getting together I explained how I am in recovery and that alcohol is not allowed in the house.
He would ask me if I am feeling OKAY that day, and if it was alright if he had some beer. I am fine that day when he asks BUT the next day I am full of disgust. - We had discussed this to make sure I was not feeling weak, or in a bad mood where I could have easily slipped off the tracks.
I hate alcohol so much.
I hate how in just a couple drinks people change, the energy of them changes, the mood changes and it is just so fake. This is why I hate to be around people drinking. It is all fake.

So for like 3 days after he drinks I have a hard time just looking at him, or talking with him like I used to which was with love and kindness. Now I am just mad.

I am not jealous, I do not wish to drink.
A bunch of feelings come back of how I used to be.

I don't know what else to add, but this is bothering me so much.

I don't want to have a problem with it
I don't want to be upset with him
I don't want to care what he does in that sense.

He has since come to the conclusion he will not be drinking at the hosue anymore and he actually doesn't enjoy drinking as often anymore. Which is great, but then I feel like I have something to do with this because I am so short with him. I don't want him to resent me.

Thanks,
DC

Oh, the mind and emotions.

WeThinkNot

If you look at my oldest posts you'll see I was once in a similar position. I had well over a year and a half of sobriety and no matter what I did I was suffering from PAWS related depression. Exercise, prayer, meditation, gratitude, none of that stuff was helping.

21 months for me is when the transformation occurred. One morning I woke up after a day of feeling bitter and resentful...and I was happy. All day I was in a great mood. Then another day. Then another after that. Then I realized that this was me becoming who I was meant to be.

Part of it was being active and diligent in my program. Part of it was father time. I believe God had a hand in it as well, that is strictly my personal belief. All I know is my old resentments were gone, never to be seen again.

I hope to read soon that the transformation has occurred for you as well.

Anna

DreamCatcher, I'm not sure what the answer to this issue is, but it sounds like something you and your SO really need to talk about. You said you explained at the outset of your relationship that alcohol was not allowed in the house. Then, he asked you sometimes, if it's alright for him to drink. So, that seems to put you back to square one, and I'm not sure either of you are happy with the status quo.

ReadyAtLast

I'm assuming this is quite a newish relationship if you've got together since you got sober. It's not clear from your post if you live together or he's bringing alcohol into your house. Maybe it might help if you go back to your original stance where no alcohol is in the house.

If it's making you feel like this then it is a problem.You can't control if he resents you or not, just your own stuff. Though I'm sure he wont as you set this out when you met.

Maybe sit down and talk it through about how you feel
Wishing you all the best.

Hawkeye13

I've recently figured out that my spouse's drinking in the house upsets me because I grew up in a drinking household and it was unstable and out of my control.

Although I thought my problems with my spouse's drinking had to do with me managing my own drinking, I think now it is more to do with me wanting control in the household around all drinking--that is to say, to manage now what I could not manage as a child.

Maybe this is a kind of co-dependency, or just me being controlling, but do you have any issues from the past like this that might be contributing to the current situation?

I am more relaxed since I realized this, but I still don't like alcohol in my home, or the way it affects people's behavior. I am pretty up front with my spouse about this. I asked him recently to keep the house "dry" on weekends when I'm visiting (I work in another town during the week). Being honest about it helped quite a bit. Maybe you just need to tell him again that you don't want it around you.

I know people have a right to do what they want, but home should be a safe place of refuge. At least for now you could request that he not drink there and give you a break.

D122y

I've been sober a while and I recently started doing so much better.

The physical came back first. The mental is now a state of constant see saw, frustration then gratitude. All day, off and on. If I am fully immersed in something, I feel only that. Otherwise, I go around like a broken record.

I don't think I am crazy. At least not rage out crazy. More like still healing.

My wife and son say...you are so relaxed these days. Have you been laying off the monster energy drinks. I say..usually.

I don't resent anyone anymore. Those are old dead emotions. I made this bed. I am sleeping in it. I should say, if I start to resent someone, I catch myself.

Thanks.