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Over a year and having ups and downs

Old 06-24-2019, 02:02 AM
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Over a year and having ups and downs

I hit one year sober early this month and physically and mostly mentally feel great. Work has been challenging but in the last three months or so, I am almost paranoid about losing my job. I have been there 25 years and the VP I work for now is very chaotic and it is hard lead my group with all the constant shifting of agendas.
I have worked the steps, turned things over to God, have an excellent support system and Sponsor- my fear isn’t falling off the wagon, I just go through waves of worry and then things are ok. When I worry about work, all other irrational worries seem to hit too. I guess drinking just numbed everything.
Thoughts?
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Old 06-24-2019, 02:17 AM
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Good morning!

Some worries are bigger than others, and you got some serious stuff going on. In a way it sounds healthy to have enough appreciation for having a job that you're worried about losing it, versus caring all about booze and nothing else, like when we were drinking. Pain is a sign of living tissue, so to speak.

I recently started writing my concerns down in a journal, and setting aside pages specifically for them. Then, later one, whenever a thought about that concern grabs me, I note it down with the date. It doesn't make it go away, but it gives me something to do with it. And in the past week I noticed a job-related concern didn't cross my mind as much. The issue is still there. But it's been dealt with in a concrete way.

I never tried this before, and am amazed at how well it's worked in this little bit of time. Who knows if it will be a long-term thing or not, but I guess I'll just keep doing it till it fails. Not sure what I'll do if it does fail...

Now I got another entry for the journal

And congratulations on a year!!! I'm on Day 21, so feel free to take my "advice" with a grain of salt. But that concern-journaling jumped into my mind as soon as I read your post, like someone else was telling me to share it.
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Old 06-24-2019, 04:42 AM
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I hit about 9-10 months and my anxiety (which I'd medicated with alcohol, just like so many others) came back with rollover minutes. I was panicked about everything. I work a high stress, high stakes job too, and where I work is a small firm. They can't really fire me and I KNOW it. But every time they called me in, that little voice in my head said, "This is it, they're firing you."

I toughed it out for a month or so, and then my mom (who is probably the closest thing to perfection on this planet) said, "Maybe you need to try some medication?" She's big on letting people live their own lives and make their own decisions, so that little utterance was tantamount to her screaming at me through a bullhorn that I was scaring the crap out of her with my incessant freaking out.

I went in, got on some meds, the dosage was all wrong, and we spent a month tinkering, and now.... it's okay. I still worry all the time, but it's like a whisper rather than a roar. Plus, I'm just a really anxious person.

I was also really sliding into a bout with depression and hadn't realized it. I was like, "I'm sober, life is infinitely better, what's there to be sad about?" But pressure and life and worry are always there. So now things are way more manageable, and I feel like I'm more useful to the people in my life this way.

Maybe talk to your doctor? Meds aren't the answer for everyone, but they are a possibility, and in my case, they made my life infinitely better. And I'm still sober!

Best of luck to you.
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Old 06-24-2019, 06:44 PM
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Hi Kids Everywhere.

I'm a worrier too - I put some things together a while back about fear worry and anxiety and how maybe to deal with them in a healthy way?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...f-respite.html (Relief and Respite)

Hope it helps you too

D
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Old 06-24-2019, 06:59 PM
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I hope you can find some peace of mind. Congrats on your sober year!
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Old 06-24-2019, 08:00 PM
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I drank and still crave the drink sometimes because i am an addict for the rest of my life.

I have been doing the same job for about 23 years and I think I am good at it. I believe in myself all the way.

My problem is that I go back and forth, almost every day, resenting, then respecting my bosses.

I know that I am a ninja at the job. The best on the planet. But, my boss ranks me bottom 10%. He treats me with respect, but he basically ignores me otherwise.

So, i have to still believe in myself, respect my boss, and get along with my coworkers.

The answer is there. I accept it at times, other times i get waves of demoralization.

I get paid way too much to quit and the job is pretty easy for me.

Sober life. Nothing is perfect. I made this bed.

Thanks.
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Old 06-24-2019, 09:50 PM
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Shifting priorities, especially seemingly random ones, do introduce stress. I'm sure that your reports are feeling it too, and you probably have concerns about how they feel about being ping pong balls in the match. If you are a perfectionist, it's all the harder when you don't think that you have the time to put in the detail work to make something come out "just so".

Communication is so important in all work, but especially when the seas underneath are rough and unpredictable. I don't know if you receive much feedback from above on the hows and whys of what comes your way, but if you do/did, it's something you can live with more easily. You may have to be clear with your boss about what the effects are going to be on the whole picture for you and for your group when these changes happen. If you're just expected to get it all done regardless, well, that comes with being close to the top, too.

About the alcohol, it might have made it comfortable to go home and put your feelings into the bottle, but that's definitely not going to help anything, you already know that. Maybe just putting it down here is going to help you say that it's getting to you, but you can do more, and the latter is up to you to find what works from advice from SR and perhaps from other external sources.

Just make sure that sobriety remains a priority along with your work. I stepped aside from my prior career path to be away from what I knew was too risky for me with respect to the drink. If you are threatened by these circumstances in your work world, you always have other options to consider, being a successful manager.

You will figure it out!
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Old 06-25-2019, 03:53 AM
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A year is awesome! Great going.

I just commented on another thread- and, again, people don't like it when I say this - a year is still early.

I've added other "Stuff" to my AA program. I've had a tremendously fantastic psych, done a lot of reading including spiritual stuff, plenty of learning about the stages and stuff and healing that happens in recovery...and seen the ups and downs that come with- real life. That's so much better than the drama, roller coaster and obscene disarray of my drunk life.

SR often has good articles on the right hand column of the page- they cover a whole lot of topics and might be interesting or useful. I also find a LOT of support and learning on Instagram accounts - there are a lot of sober people I've even gotten to know for real not just user name

Keep going - my sponsor told me recently that as much progress and loveliness and REAL life as I have found in 3.5 yr, I will continue to see even more as I go along. I'm betting she's right.
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:24 AM
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if ya pray dont worry.
if ya worry dont pray.

worry is like rockin in a chair-its something to do but doesnt get us anywhere.

might be wise to put pen to paper and write it all out. learn the exact nature of the fear.
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