Humbly asking for help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 18
Humbly asking for help
Hello Everyone,
I need some help. I have slipped back into drinking every day! How did I let myself fall back into this pit?
I'm lonely. I'm an expat in a former communist country, with no close friends. People are heavy drinkers here.
I'm scared. I'm a writer, but right now I have no income.
I really have to get myself under control, not only because I'm not earning money, but because I don't have health insurance, and don't dare get sick.
Tomorrow I intend to go cold turkey. Can I just report here every day this week? It would help to know "someone" is holding me "accountable".
I'm not sure which forum to report in on.
If anyone else is new to recovery and wants an email accountability partner, I'd be glad to serve in that capacity! Thank you for listening.
Cassie
I need some help. I have slipped back into drinking every day! How did I let myself fall back into this pit?
I'm lonely. I'm an expat in a former communist country, with no close friends. People are heavy drinkers here.
I'm scared. I'm a writer, but right now I have no income.
I really have to get myself under control, not only because I'm not earning money, but because I don't have health insurance, and don't dare get sick.
Tomorrow I intend to go cold turkey. Can I just report here every day this week? It would help to know "someone" is holding me "accountable".
I'm not sure which forum to report in on.
If anyone else is new to recovery and wants an email accountability partner, I'd be glad to serve in that capacity! Thank you for listening.
Cassie
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hi and welcome to SR.
Maybe come and Join us in the June class too -all people quitting this month
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...2019-a-20.html (Class of June Part 1 2019)
Maybe come and Join us in the June class too -all people quitting this month
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...2019-a-20.html (Class of June Part 1 2019)
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,943
Yikes! I’ve been a lonely expat too, and I feel for you. In some countries I thrived whilst in others I was a lonely drunk. Although I’m very sober now, a spell alone overseas would make it hard to abstain.
I could be hypocritical and recommend non-drinking hobbies, but I never did those. Saying that, I now hit the gym and that helped me realise that alcohol was a lot of empty calories I had to burn off. So are such hobbies an answer? If you had to get up early to meet a running partner for example, you’d soon cut the booze the night before.
Going off on a tangent, is it really worth living there if you’re going to drink and aren’t part of any welfare system to help?
I could be hypocritical and recommend non-drinking hobbies, but I never did those. Saying that, I now hit the gym and that helped me realise that alcohol was a lot of empty calories I had to burn off. So are such hobbies an answer? If you had to get up early to meet a running partner for example, you’d soon cut the booze the night before.
Going off on a tangent, is it really worth living there if you’re going to drink and aren’t part of any welfare system to help?
I hope you'll use the support here to help you get sober for good. 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Welcome back, and of course, you can post here as often as you like. This is a great forum to post in because it's busy and you will get the support you're looking for. And, do check out the June Class link that Readyatlast posted for you where others who have stopped drinking this month are checking in.
This is a great forum to post in because it's busy and you will get the support you're looking for. And, do check out the June Class link that Readyatlast posted for you where others who have stopped drinking this month are checking in.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi Cassandra - it's so good to have you here. I'm glad you want to make this big change in your life.
I once had 3 yrs. sober & slipped back into daily drinking too. I was determined to be a social drinker, even though I had enjoyed my sober years. I really don't understand what I was thinking. It was very difficult to get back on track & it took me a long time - but here I am, 11 yrs. sober after a lifetime of drinking. So I know you can get free too. I hope you'll post here so we can help encourage you.
I once had 3 yrs. sober & slipped back into daily drinking too. I was determined to be a social drinker, even though I had enjoyed my sober years. I really don't understand what I was thinking. It was very difficult to get back on track & it took me a long time - but here I am, 11 yrs. sober after a lifetime of drinking. So I know you can get free too. I hope you'll post here so we can help encourage you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 172
I think the June group is a great idea. I was in the May one and it was very supportive and very active in the sense that there was always someone there. In general there is a lot of support in the forums here.
At Hodd said, would thinking about leaving where you live help? Clearly it isn't something to think about now, but mid-term would you be better off going home?
At Hodd said, would thinking about leaving where you live help? Clearly it isn't something to think about now, but mid-term would you be better off going home?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
What is your plan this time for staying free of the alcohol?
Which methods will you use? You can go to AA meetings or maybe read some Stop Drinking books. I like Rational Recovery and SMART
But make a plan and follow some established method and your journey will be a much smoother one.
Join us on the June 2019 class thread. I am on day 4 myself.
Good luck and see you on the mountaintop!
Which methods will you use? You can go to AA meetings or maybe read some Stop Drinking books. I like Rational Recovery and SMART
But make a plan and follow some established method and your journey will be a much smoother one.
Join us on the June 2019 class thread. I am on day 4 myself.
Good luck and see you on the mountaintop!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,943
Originally Posted by Santi27 
At Hodd said, would thinking about leaving where you live help? Clearly it isn't something to think about now, but mid-term would you be better off going home?
I might be doing myself down, but thinking about it I truly believe if I went abroad now on my own to a country I had no affinity with, I’d 100% start drinking again and not in moderation!
It’s a bit radical, but it’s time to think about moving on. No overseas experience is worth risking your health for.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back Cassandra
you can post here as much as you need to
The June thread is a pretty good support too.
I really think support makes a difference. I had no real world support either but with the help of this community I got sober and stayed that way.
D
you can post here as much as you need to
The June thread is a pretty good support too.
I really think support makes a difference. I had no real world support either but with the help of this community I got sober and stayed that way.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by Hodd
I was speaking from experience sadly. I spent a few years teaching English overseas. A few countries were great as I fitted in and made an effort to get out there. However, I’m not that great at socialising so in a few other countries, I had a lonely time - Internet and beer ☹️
I might be doing myself down, but thinking about it I truly believe if I went abroad now on my own to a country I had no affinity with, I’d 100% start drinking again and not in moderation!
It’s a bit radical, but it’s time to think about moving on. No overseas experience is worth risking your health for.
How are you doing today, Cassandra?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Hodd
Yikes! I’ve been a lonely expat too, and I feel for you. In some countries I thrived whilst in others I was a lonely drunk. Although I’m very sober now, a spell alone overseas would make it hard to abstain.
I could be hypocritical and recommend non-drinking hobbies, but I never did those. Saying that, I now hit the gym and that helped me realise that alcohol was a lot of empty calories I had to burn off. So are such hobbies an answer? If you had to get up early to meet a running partner for example, you’d soon cut the booze the night before.
Going off on a tangent, is it really worth living there if you’re going to drink and aren’t part of any welfare system to help?
I could be hypocritical and recommend non-drinking hobbies, but I never did those. Saying that, I now hit the gym and that helped me realise that alcohol was a lot of empty calories I had to burn off. So are such hobbies an answer? If you had to get up early to meet a running partner for example, you’d soon cut the booze the night before.
Going off on a tangent, is it really worth living there if you’re going to drink and aren’t part of any welfare system to help?
Thanks, Hodd. No, it's not worth it. I mean, I am dying inside, emotionally. I feel like I am rotting away over here. I have no psychological support system. And from some people here, i endure abuse. (I was physically knocked unconscious by a neighbor just for asking him to turn his radio down. I'm only 5 feet 3 inches and weigh 110 pounds. The neighbors saw me lying on the pavement and called the police, but I am so afraid of the guy, i didn't press charges.)
I have this publishing contract and deadline, and the cost of living is lower here. So, I keep driving myself to research and write. But what would have taken me maybe 2 months to research and write, is now stretching out to YEARS. My self-esteem has just plummeted to the point that i feel paralyzed to make the BIG decisions I need to make.
It's becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I come from a very toxic family of origin, with both parents self-absorbed narcissists and 7 siblings, 2 of which committed suicide, back to back, when i was 14 and 16 years old. I have always tamped down my emotions. I have a PhD, and then was mobbed out of my professorship. I saw all the rumors and just could not stand up for myself!
A few months ago i wrote to my narcissist older brother, who has a large house, asking if I could stay with him while i transition to life back in the States. He writes back that he has all these problems, feels like everyone is taking advantage of him, etc., etc (He has not even seen me since 2011, and he writes as if I am in the next state over, not in a third-world country, living in an apartment with mold and RATS climbing up from the basement).
The very next day - this was in the dead of winter over here, by the way - I got a frantic email from my older sister: No! You can't move in with me! (This sister has not seen me since 1984). She has been constantly milking my brother for money. He's paying for her rent, and yet she refuses to let me stay with her?!
Apparently my brother "triangulated" me with her, behind my back. As if I wasn't depressed enough. It gives him a sense of power to have two sisters competing with each other over him.
So, I really don't have any support from any "family" back in the States. There is simply no empathy, only rivalry. That reinforces the feeling of being TRAPPED--miserable here, but with no place to go.
I think the answer is just to send out resumes, although that will slow work on the book. It's hard to "sell myself" when i feel so hopeless. It feels like i will be spending a lot of time crafting letters with nothing to show for it several months down the road.
Well sorry for this long post. I know everyone has problems.
I did not drink today, so this is Day #1. Thanks for listening.
Cassie
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