Denny1974

Hello everyone this is my first post. I’ve been lurking around here for quite some time and deep down inside really, really wanting to quit drinking for a couple years now. I’ve just grown tired of the hang overs, lack of productivity and alcohol consuming so much valuable time in my life. But that wasn’t enough…I just couldn’t quit because I love it so much. I’m happily married with children. As a matter of fact me and my amazing wife just celebrated our 25th anniversary and yes in celebrating I got black out drunk. How stupid and selfish of me. I’ve actually figured out a way to get drunk every night and still do a damn good job with my business and career. A functioning alcoholic I guess you could say. I’m 45 years old and have been around drinking all of my life. My grandfather was a big time whiskey drinker. All of my aunts, uncles and most cousins actually take pride in the fact that we are big time drinkers and that our family is known for it. We have owned bars, have bars in our homes etc. I’ve been proud of it and enjoyed it all of my life. Naturally I’ve surrounded myself with friends who love alcohol. Me and my buddies have joked that if they had a team event in the Olympics for alcohol consumption we could easily win the gold medal. I’ve never really gave much thought to the harm that I am doing to my body. I guess deep down inside I knew it was a possibility but I just always thought “no I’m good, I come from good genetics” as most of my dad and uncles are 20 – 30 years older than me and still going strong. But I could tell something inside me was changing. I’ve had more blackouts in the last two or three years than I can count and more than the previous 29 years or so I’ve been drinking combined. Some pretty embarrassing ones where I was hosting events at my home etc. I’ve been wanting to change but still just keep on drinking a lot on the weekdays after work and an ridiculous amount on weekends. So recently I had some blood work done for the first time in a couple years. My doctor called and said that compared to my last blood work two years ago which was perfect lots of things had changed. My blood pressure was a little high, cholesterol was slightly high, my triglycerides were high, my bilirubin levels were high and my alpha fetoprotein levels were slightly high. Bilirubin and alpha fetoprotein levels are both indications of potential liver problems. My doctor explained everything to me and said that it was at least a possibility that I may have some cirrhosis and that the mildly highly alpha fetoprotein is sometimes a sign of a liver tumor or liver cancer. I was floored. We discussed my drinking and he told me the best thing that I could do, if I could do it was to abstain from drinking going forward. I really wasn’t expecting to have to quit or be faced head on with a quit now or else but I told him right then and there that I was done period. Why hadn’t I done this years ago I kept asking myself. I just had to push it until I have health problems. I don’t want to die yet. I love my wife and my kids, I want to see my grandkids. My grandfather died before he could meet my first born son. He was 65 years old. I can’t believe this is happening all of these thing running through my head. So next step he ordered an ultrasound of my liver. My appointment was yesterday and let me tell you I was thoroughly convinced that my doctor was going to be calling me with bad or very bad news. When my phone rang I was almost scared to answer it. Well it turns out they didn’t see any tumor, cancer or cirrhosis and that is about the best news we can hope for. That said the blood work still indicates that something is going on with my liver function so he will be sending me to a liver specialist for further testing and to be sure that it is not just very early stage cirrhosis or tumor that was undetectable by ultrasound. So I quit drinking cold turkey 6/12/19. My last drink which I didn’t even know would be my last was a stiff titos vodka with a splash of coconut water on Tuesday night 6/11/19. And yes I was pretty well hammered when I went to bed Tuesday night not knowing that it would be my last night drinking…I hope! So anyway today makes one week. My wife told me something this morning and it was true but I had never really thought about it. This past weekend is the first weekend that I have had nothing to drink since she has known me which is 27 years now. That’s crazy! I really didn’t even realize. In this past week the first few days were rough for sure. Like saying good bye to my best friend. I didn’t know for sure if I could do it but knew that I had too. After a couple days though it became a little easier and I am feeling proud of myself. I’m sleeping well, exercising, getting things done around my house that I’ve been needing to, spending more valuable fully awake time with my wife and kids. It feels great actually and I know I can do this. No one in my family or any of my friends know yet that I have quit. That is going to be kind of weird and awkward but in a strange kind of way I almost can’t wait to tell them. I will be seeing the liver specialist soon not sure exactly when yet. Who knows what he will find for sure but for now at least I feel like I have been given a second chance and I’m going to try my best to make the most of it. Sorry for the long winded post but this has all been building up in me for so long. It feels good to get it out there and I will try my best to do what’s right and stay sober. I gotta do it for me, my wife, my kids and the possible grand kids that I look forward to meeting someday.

doggonecarl

Welcome.

I hope you get good news from the second specialist. And I hope when you get that good news, that you don't change your mind about living a sober, alcohol free life.

JADIII

Hey Denny, I'm in your shoes here also. Been drinking for 30 years or so and I knew something was off. I had an ultrasound a few weeks ago and I have a fatty liver and have had it for a while. Hearing that was a game changer for me and an eye opener. Good news on the now tumor/cirrhosis and from reading here, laying off the booze will heal that liver but it will take time (from what I read).

Welcome aboard.

Denny1974

Thank you both for the kind words and warm welcome. I'm hoping for good news but regardless good or bad i know that i am done with the alcohol. It's just not worth it. Looks like i have at a minimum the early stages of fatty liver. I'm going to my best to get and stay healthy.

BrianK

Welcome, Denny!

My wakeup call made me realize all I stand to lose, too. But what I've noticed is I'm looking at it all more and more as a gift. I'm not so much trying to "avoid losing my job, house, health, etc." but every day sober is an act of thanks for all those things. I grab my morning coffee and step out to watch the sun rise and think, "this is a pretty awesome life we get to live here." Seems to put more color in the day, and makes staying sober easier that day. Day 16 here, so not sure how this works long term, but feels better than past attempts.

Good luck to you and hope to see you around in the threads!

entropy1964

Big congrats on getting sober! You are not alone.

I love that you stood up to this whole situation and owned it. You sound like you are really being honest with yourself and that right there is a huge part of the struggle.

Couple things. If you are alcoholic, it will get worse if you keep drinking. Moderation is a myth...trust me. Acceptance that booze is just no longer an option is a very big aspect of staying sober.

It sounds like your life is very booze centric. Yeah, that'll have to change. But if you trust, yes this will get worse, how much fun is blacking out and being hung over? I mean, really think about it. And then dying at 65? Yay booze. There will be ups and downs. It won't always be easy. But it will become normal after some time. Don't be afraid to ask for help, get to know some sober people.

I wish you the best.

Dee74

Welcome aboard Denny - quitting for good was the best thing I ever did

D

Anna

Welcome, Denny! You've made a great decision.

D122y

Much is said about feelings and triggers, but when i understood the science i was in the driver's seat.

It is all about booze and drug induced brain damage, we all have it. It is permanent and will continue to worsen with each relapse.

It is insideous.

Suffering, education, and exercise were my way out.

Great movie on prime about duff from gnr.

I like to use some famous people as role models. Many of them partied like rock stars.

Thanks.

Hevyn

Great to meet you, Denny. We're so glad to have you here.
SR helped me find the courage to stop a lifelong drinking habit & to stay quit. (It's been over 11 yrs. now.) You never have to go back to that uncertain, miserable way of life. It is wonderful to be free.

Congratulations on your week sober. This is a wonderful gift you are giving yourself and your family.

Rd2quit

Hi Denny,

thank you for signing up. I have a similar family dynamic. Everyone, except children, drinks alcohol in my family. We love to get together. Big parties, lots of alcohol, drinking from late morning until 2am. I was really worried i would never have any fun again when I quit drinking. I am happy to say, the exact opposite is true. I am happier now, than I ever was when I drank.

least

Welcome to the family Denny! Getting sober for good was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I hope our support can help you stay sober.

Zamie

I'm in the same boat too Denny. Dodgy liver results. I'm now on day 33. The first few days were horrible, now I'm seeing so many positive results from not drinking.

Good for you and stay strong. Your loved ones are going to totally fall in love with the new sober you!

Atlast9999

Denny1974

Wow thank you all so much for taking me in. It really feels good to be so warmly welcomed and encouraged by people who understand where I'm coming from. It's day 8 and I'm feeling pretty good. Did something for the first time yesterday without alcohol. Me and the wife went out in the boat for a little trip fishing after work yesterday evening. We brought waters, gator aide and green tea. That's a first for me. Kind of proud of myself

lessgravity

Great post and a big congrats on getting yourself here. I'm 42 and just over a year sober for the first time in my life. Similar story re family and career. Turns out that sobriety is the best thing I could have done for my business, my family and my self. It's a path that has rewards you cannot imagine - even if it's not always easy and not always fun.

This site was and is essential to my sobriety. Post, read and be sure to stick around. Looking forward to seeing your journey.

ImNotThatGuy

I'm proud of you too, man! Keep it up. It gets even better.

What's your plan to stay sober? Alcohol tends to trick people into drinking again.

Denny1974

I'm kind of glad you asked that question because it now has made me realize that i don't really have a plan. Maybe I should?? This is my first time trying to quit and i've been drinking like it's going out of style for about 28 years. I made day 8 today and am just so happy that i did. I plan to check in here and stay active on SR but other than that i guess my plan is to just push through. I haven't really been around any of my drinking family or friends yet. Most don't even know that i have quit and i'm sure they will be shocked when they find out. My wife has been very supportive and she has even stopped drinking in an effort to support me. She is not an alcoholic by any stretch of the imagination but has a glass or two of wine most days in the evening. We have started walking/jogging 3 miles in the afternoon and I have gotten a couple mornings into the routine. So I guess exercise in the afternoon when i normally start my daily binge drinking is somewhat part of the plan. Any suggestions??

doggonecarl

Then plan for when you are.

Hevyn

Denny - Congrats on 8 days. For me, everything felt a little strange in the beginning - I was a bit disoriented. Drinking was part of everything I did for many years. I was so relieved to be free of it though - I quickly adjusted. You're doing great.