Depression/anxiety advice during recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 8
Depression/anxiety advice during recovery
Hello, I'm new here and hope I'm in the right place. I joined because I have a little over a year being clean, but I am struggling with depression and extreme social anxiety. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this? I feel I'm still just going through the motions instead of being happy and thankful for this chance to start over.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Hi, welcome to the site!
I would say that if you still feel this way at a year it may be something that needs further investigation, like with a doctor or therapist. You can recover from these feelings, and you deserve a happier life.
I would say that if you still feel this way at a year it may be something that needs further investigation, like with a doctor or therapist. You can recover from these feelings, and you deserve a happier life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 8
Thank you. I moved to a new state to get clean, and I thought if I just secluded myself from it all I would be fine. It worked as far as not using anymore, but now I want to do things and socialize. Everytime I try to go anywhere I panic inside. I think I got so use to using before I had to be around anyone that I don't know how to talk to people sober anymore.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
yeah, it's just different. Maybe start with really safe topics and places. I don't talk about controversial things with anyone in real life. I don't want to, it doesn't serve me. So if things start in that direction I just end the conversation.
I go to the zoo. I bought a membership and it's been a great place to meet other women who also go on a regular basis. Safe to talk about animals at the zoo!
How about a church or a book club or AA meetings? An exercise class or cooking class? Bird watching with the Audubon Club? Somewhere safe where you can practice?
You can talk to us! There are lots of ongoing threads you can join in.
I go to the zoo. I bought a membership and it's been a great place to meet other women who also go on a regular basis. Safe to talk about animals at the zoo!
How about a church or a book club or AA meetings? An exercise class or cooking class? Bird watching with the Audubon Club? Somewhere safe where you can practice?
You can talk to us! There are lots of ongoing threads you can join in.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
Welcome, Kel!
This came to me for some reason...not based on your post...but a passing thought I thought might be helpful. Modern culture promotes anxiety. So many people are putting on a show, posturing, needing to do and say everything "real quick", and if you don't finish a sentence almost as soon as you started it, they're checking their phones for their next hit of "entertainment juice."
Not that this necessarily fixes your situation, but I've had to reconcile with the fact that this can be part of socializing, and sometimes the overall atmosphere feels like pin-pricks coming from all directions. It's helpful to me to realize that it's not 100% my doing. When I get to feeling this or feeling tired, I try to make my way home and rest. I also live alone, which is perfect for recharging.
I'm sure there's going to be tons of other excellent advice coming from people with way more experience in this department than me. I'm only on Day 16 sober so I don't mean to preach.
And since you got a year, I'm looking forward to your input on things around the threads as well!
Glad you joined us
This came to me for some reason...not based on your post...but a passing thought I thought might be helpful. Modern culture promotes anxiety. So many people are putting on a show, posturing, needing to do and say everything "real quick", and if you don't finish a sentence almost as soon as you started it, they're checking their phones for their next hit of "entertainment juice."
Not that this necessarily fixes your situation, but I've had to reconcile with the fact that this can be part of socializing, and sometimes the overall atmosphere feels like pin-pricks coming from all directions. It's helpful to me to realize that it's not 100% my doing. When I get to feeling this or feeling tired, I try to make my way home and rest. I also live alone, which is perfect for recharging.
I'm sure there's going to be tons of other excellent advice coming from people with way more experience in this department than me. I'm only on Day 16 sober so I don't mean to preach.
And since you got a year, I'm looking forward to your input on things around the threads as well!
Glad you joined us
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 8
The zoo is a good idea. I can definitely relate with animals better lol. I do need to talk to a doctor or someone and deal with this. I need a better job and if i cant talk to people its never going to happen.
It's just that talking is my problem. It is just always awkward, and I feel like they can see everything I've ever done. Sometimes my throat literally closes up. I don't know it's crazy. It's hard to explain. I know it's all irrational, but I cant control it. You have given some good ideas though thank you. I just have to suck it up and do it.
It's just that talking is my problem. It is just always awkward, and I feel like they can see everything I've ever done. Sometimes my throat literally closes up. I don't know it's crazy. It's hard to explain. I know it's all irrational, but I cant control it. You have given some good ideas though thank you. I just have to suck it up and do it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
That sounds really familiar and I think alcohol causes that.
The inability to know personal boundaries was the problem for me. I cared what other people thought. I thought they could read my mind. I tried to anticipate what was going to happen next so I could control it.
I had to physically and spiritually separate what was real and what I was making up in my head. I think alcohol lowers the natural protective barriers between individual psyches and I had to re-erect those safe boundaries between me and *you.*
No one can read my mind, and thankfully I can't read theirs either. I used to think I was some kind of empath - but that was magical thinking. I'm not. I don't know better than everyone. I can't foresee the future. I'm not *really* a mind reader.
So - what other people think of me is none of my business.
The inability to know personal boundaries was the problem for me. I cared what other people thought. I thought they could read my mind. I tried to anticipate what was going to happen next so I could control it.
I had to physically and spiritually separate what was real and what I was making up in my head. I think alcohol lowers the natural protective barriers between individual psyches and I had to re-erect those safe boundaries between me and *you.*
No one can read my mind, and thankfully I can't read theirs either. I used to think I was some kind of empath - but that was magical thinking. I'm not. I don't know better than everyone. I can't foresee the future. I'm not *really* a mind reader.
So - what other people think of me is none of my business.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by BrianK 
Welcome, Kel!
This came to me for some reason...not based on your post...but a passing thought I thought might be helpful. Modern culture promotes anxiety. So many people are putting on a show, posturing, needing to do and say everything "real quick", and if you don't finish a sentence almost as soon as you started it, they're checking their phones for their next hit of "entertainment juice."
Not that this necessarily fixes your situation, but I've had to reconcile with the fact that this can be part of socializing, and sometimes the overall atmosphere feels like pin-pricks coming from all directions. It's helpful to me to realize that it's not 100% my doing. When I get to feeling this or feeling tired, I try to make my way home and rest. I also live alone, which is perfect for recharging.
I'm sure there's going to be tons of other excellent advice coming from people with way more experience in this department than me. I'm only on Day 16 sober so I don't mean to preach.
And since you got a year, I'm looking forward to your input on things around the threads as well!
Glad you joined us
This came to me for some reason...not based on your post...but a passing thought I thought might be helpful. Modern culture promotes anxiety. So many people are putting on a show, posturing, needing to do and say everything "real quick", and if you don't finish a sentence almost as soon as you started it, they're checking their phones for their next hit of "entertainment juice."
Not that this necessarily fixes your situation, but I've had to reconcile with the fact that this can be part of socializing, and sometimes the overall atmosphere feels like pin-pricks coming from all directions. It's helpful to me to realize that it's not 100% my doing. When I get to feeling this or feeling tired, I try to make my way home and rest. I also live alone, which is perfect for recharging.
I'm sure there's going to be tons of other excellent advice coming from people with way more experience in this department than me. I'm only on Day 16 sober so I don't mean to preach.
And since you got a year, I'm looking forward to your input on things around the threads as well!
Glad you joined us
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by biminiblue
That sounds really familiar and I think alcohol causes that.
The inability to know personal boundaries was the problem for me. I cared what other people thought. I thought they could read my mind. I tried to anticipate what was going to happen next so I could control it.
I had to physically and spiritually separate what was real and what I was making up in my head. I think alcohol lowers the natural protective barriers between individual psyches and I had to re-erect those safe boundaries between me and *you.*
No one can read my mind, and thankfully I can't read theirs either. I used to think I was some kind of empath - but that was magical thinking. I'm not. I don't know better than everyone. I can't foresee the future. I'm not *really* a mind reader.
So - what other people think of me is none of my business.
The inability to know personal boundaries was the problem for me. I cared what other people thought. I thought they could read my mind. I tried to anticipate what was going to happen next so I could control it.
I had to physically and spiritually separate what was real and what I was making up in my head. I think alcohol lowers the natural protective barriers between individual psyches and I had to re-erect those safe boundaries between me and *you.*
No one can read my mind, and thankfully I can't read theirs either. I used to think I was some kind of empath - but that was magical thinking. I'm not. I don't know better than everyone. I can't foresee the future. I'm not *really* a mind reader.
So - what other people think of me is none of my business.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
That's an excellent insight, even though I hope you know it's not true. No saints on this planet. I've heard it said many times, "Don't compare your insides to other peoples' outsides."
I think doctors and counselors are in the freaking out business. Nothing they hear from you would surprise them.
I think doctors and counselors are in the freaking out business. Nothing they hear from you would surprise them.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Putting aside possible medical issues, I and plenty like me that have stopped drinking for longish periods without any program of recovery have found life to be even more miserable sober than it was when drinking. Fear, a constant companion in drinking, never left. In fact it got worse.
For us it seems there was more to it than mere abstinence. The dry spells seemed to just bring the alcoholism out. There were a host of other underlying issues that needed to be dealt with before we were equipped to face life on life's terms.
For us it seems there was more to it than mere abstinence. The dry spells seemed to just bring the alcoholism out. There were a host of other underlying issues that needed to be dealt with before we were equipped to face life on life's terms.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Putting aside possible medical issues, I and plenty like me that have stopped drinking for longish periods without any program of recovery have found life to be even more miserable sober than it was when drinking. Fear, a constant companion in drinking, never left. In fact it got worse.
For us it seems there was more to it than mere abstinence. The dry spells seemed to just bring the alcoholism out. There were a host of other underlying issues that needed to be dealt with before we were equipped to face life on life's terms.
For us it seems there was more to it than mere abstinence. The dry spells seemed to just bring the alcoholism out. There were a host of other underlying issues that needed to be dealt with before we were equipped to face life on life's terms.
Yes I tried and failed a few times before this. This is the longest Ive stayed clean. I always thought that if I can get through the withdrawal, I can get through anything. I didn't realize I would still be depressed. It's hard for family to understand that too. I think my family thought, ok cool it's all over now. I try not to complain to them. They've dealt with enough.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
Check out the $10 book When Panic Attacks by Burns
That helped me out a ton with social anxiety. It has written exercises and techniques you use to calm yourself down
I also find over the counter supplements 5-htp 200 mg per day and St Johns Wort 300mg per day have helped me alot it takes 3 days before you start to feel the relief.
But dont take those if you are on psychiatric meds already.
That helped me out a ton with social anxiety. It has written exercises and techniques you use to calm yourself down
I also find over the counter supplements 5-htp 200 mg per day and St Johns Wort 300mg per day have helped me alot it takes 3 days before you start to feel the relief.
But dont take those if you are on psychiatric meds already.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by Kel1220
Hello, I'm new here and hope I'm in the right place. I joined because I have a little over a year being clean, but I am struggling with depression and extreme social anxiety. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this? I feel I'm still just going through the motions instead of being happy and thankful for this chance to start over.
To succeed follow the council found in Shakespeare’s Hamlet, "This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." People who are not false to any man are true to themselves. To be true to yourself you must think, feel, and behave in alignment with your moral and spiritual values.
Purpose and values are the main navigational tools in life. If you don't have them find them. If you lost them, find them again.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Kel1220
Yes I tried and failed a few times before this. This is the longest Ive stayed clean. I always thought that if I can get through the withdrawal, I can get through anything. I didn't realize I would still be depressed. It's hard for family to understand that too. I think my family thought, ok cool it's all over now. I try not to complain to them. They've dealt with enough.
If alcohol is the problem then stopping drinking it should be the complete solution, and so it is for the problem drinker. Everything gets better.
But what if alcohol was the solution, and the only way one could feel half decent was with a few drinks in the tank. What if it was the solution to life, the answer, the way to function at our best? What happens when you take it away, the only thing that has ever worked?
It left me bereft of any coping mechanism. While some of the external elements of my life showed improvement, internally I began falling apart. Without any other solution to this, I eventually returned to the old solution and back to square one - one. I had to find a way to live a satisfactory life without the booze.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome to the family. I would also suggest talking to your doctor and ask for a referral to a counselor. I used to see an addiction counselor and it was very helpful to me, not just for my sobriety, but for my whole life. I no longer see her but I come here every day to read and post and that is very helpful to me also.
I hope you can find some peace of mind.
I would also suggest talking to your doctor and ask for a referral to a counselor. I used to see an addiction counselor and it was very helpful to me, not just for my sobriety, but for my whole life. I no longer see her but I come here every day to read and post and that is very helpful to me also. I hope you can find some peace of mind.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 82
Hi Kel,
I could have written your post myself. I have 19 months and I still deal with extreme social anxiety and bouts of depression myself. What I can tell you what I have learned is it does seem to be lessening. I am not sure if this relates but i may. I will have little episodes where i feel fricking amazing and then i will have days where i dont even want to look the cashier in the eye at the grocery store because i am internally freaking out for no reason what so ever. One thing i have noticed the more time has passed is I go into a situation expecting to panic and then when i am in the situation i was freaking out about i realize its not as bad as it used to be. Hence it does get better and I just truly think it takes time for all the damage we have done to heal. I have noticed that ****** bouts seem to get farther apart but they do still happen. I have talked to people on SR that have given me huge peace of mind with more time than me who have experienced the same exact thing and just rode it out and feel normal eventually. I think most want the quick fix and take whatever avenue that looks like to them to not deal with the ****** feelings and some just get lucky enough to never have to deal with it at all. It does get better but like an old timer told me, "if you walk miles into the forest, you have to walk miles out of the forrest". I drank really hard for 10 years and started when i was 15 (now 32). If i felt right as rain in 2 years i would consider that a win. DM me anytime, its nice to chat with someone who knows how you feel.
I could have written your post myself. I have 19 months and I still deal with extreme social anxiety and bouts of depression myself. What I can tell you what I have learned is it does seem to be lessening. I am not sure if this relates but i may. I will have little episodes where i feel fricking amazing and then i will have days where i dont even want to look the cashier in the eye at the grocery store because i am internally freaking out for no reason what so ever. One thing i have noticed the more time has passed is I go into a situation expecting to panic and then when i am in the situation i was freaking out about i realize its not as bad as it used to be. Hence it does get better and I just truly think it takes time for all the damage we have done to heal. I have noticed that ****** bouts seem to get farther apart but they do still happen. I have talked to people on SR that have given me huge peace of mind with more time than me who have experienced the same exact thing and just rode it out and feel normal eventually. I think most want the quick fix and take whatever avenue that looks like to them to not deal with the ****** feelings and some just get lucky enough to never have to deal with it at all. It does get better but like an old timer told me, "if you walk miles into the forest, you have to walk miles out of the forrest". I drank really hard for 10 years and started when i was 15 (now 32). If i felt right as rain in 2 years i would consider that a win. DM me anytime, its nice to chat with someone who knows how you feel.
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