prinzeugen

Hi all. Have posted before but not for some time.

36, UK, male (sounds like MSN messenger back in the day lol).

I drink between 3-6 drinks a night, every night for the past few years, to cope with boredom and loneliness mainly from living alone. Not the biggest amount but enough to make me look like **** and put my blood pressure up way too high and a serious dent in my wallet. My diet is terrible and I smoke, mainly to cope with the constant anxiety I have mostly from drinking.

I'm a health professional and I know I am well on the way to life full of unpleasant and wholly avoidable ailments due to my lifestyle and I know I am now at the age where the damage starts to become harder to reverse purely by virtue of being young.

Anyway, I have noticed the last few weeks I have textbook Terry's Nail's on my big toes. Good old Dr Google comes back with a laundry list of sinister systemic illnesses, including my own personal Ghost from Christmas Future, liver disease.

I am ready to quit now. The last week since seeing the pics on google have seen me living in a fog of anxiety and dread which has been almost a living nightmare. My diet has disappeared, my sleep is listless and every permutation and vision has run through my head. I am being a bit OTT but there are few causes of Terry's Nail or at least the appearance of mine that are innocuous. I'm having to force myself out of the house let alone live a normal life. I am ready to quit. The rides been quite fun but it's getting creaky and rusty and dangerous now and I want off.

I've tried many many times to cut down, but I cannot get past 3-4 drinks per night. I just can't. I want to do so much and achieve so much yet this habit is stopping me and now, finally, it looks like it's got to the stage where I need to reach out and get help. I see an alcohol counsellor, who is OK but they advocate "moderation" essentially tapering which I cannot do.

Here's the thing though.

I'm single. I live alone. I'm not close to my siblings and my friends are all doing their own family things. That's one of the big reasons I drink actually, to alleviate the boredom and isolation. I don't work at present (thankfully). My parents are both retired baby boomers doing their own thing and generally enjoying life. They have absolutely no idea of my predicament and truth be told I'd rather keep it that way.

Essentially the plan is, to see a doctor ASAP to get whatever help I can to get sober, possibly a week-long community detox. But then....then the real work starts! I know I need to join AA, ideology aside purely for a peer group of like-minded people. Has anyone else done this?

Many thanks.

tl:dr - Is it possible to detox and live a life of sobriety without familial or friends support.

dpac414

dpac414

prinzeugen

Thank you for your response dpac. It's got to the stage where I actively avoid looking in the mirror, this has gone way, way past the "friend in a bottle" stage and is now my constant devil on my shoulder.

The good thing is I have been seeing an alcohol counsellor for months now, so if needs to be I can my doc permission to liase which will hopefully make any arrangements for detox/support easier.

I know I will basically need to create an entire new pastime every night, to eat up the 5 hours or so I spend drinking.

Dee74

yeah its possible - thats what this site is all about
I think you need to use it day in day out for a while tho if it's your only support?

There are other real life things too like AA - or SMART or lifering - that are face to face.

Good to see you back prinzeugen

D

prinzeugen

Thanks Dee, it's good to be back!

I realise now after more than a year that you guys are right re sobriety i.e. it's absolute. I have tried every permutation of moderation/tapering possible, I simply cannot do it lol.

AtomicBlue

Good decision on quitting! We all know in the back of our minds it can’t last forever. But how far can we push it right? I quit at 37. Health was getting worse and worse. Between 6 months and 1.5 years sobriety my cholesterol dropped 40 points to normal range. I think my liver was in bad shape. Lost weight, more energy, could go on. Mental health has improved dramatically. Alcohol had CREATED isolation for me. You might find alcohol is doing the opposite of what you think it’s doing.

It’s true having a supportive wife has helped me. I called up a treatment center and went to outpatient treatment for months. Then started AA and go to this day. Don’t worry about friends. You can find many supportive friends in AA.

Again, great decision on quitting. 36 is a good age. Don’t wait any longer.

least

I stay sober now with daily visits here. I used to see an addiction counselor but no longer see her.

Yes, it's possible to get and stay sober without family support, but you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. That's the important part.

prinzeugen

Great post man, thanks. Haha yeah, I sometimes have whimsical thoughts about that guy everyone knows who spent his whole life chugging a bottle of wine everyday and living to a ripe old age. But I know nature doesn't care about fantasies. My BP is way, way too high and my anxiety over small things is through the roof. If I ever needed to go to hospital overnight, I'd have to tell them I was alcohol dependent. I mean at what stage do you sit down and think, this cannot go on?

100% on the isolation. If it wasn't for drinking, I'd be in Asia teaching English right now or otherwise a whole range of options that I am scared of doing at present as I know this health thing is coming back to haunt me at some point.

prinzeugen

Thanks least. I know I will have to fill the void. When I gave smoking (the first time lol), I replaced it with working out and never wanted one for years and years until I stopped working out.

I know I'll have to take it easy at first physically but the plan is to basically dedicate my life to fitness and healthy eating.

AtomicBlue

Man, I had the same thoughts as you about how I was going to be the guy who can drink heavily to ripe old age. Some people can. That just wasn’t me. The wheels were coming off the cart. I had a long enough run. Alcoholism progresses differently for everyone. I have a great friend who sobered up at age 22. Alcohol hit him hard early. I used to think poor fella. No, I was the poor guy who wasted so many extra years with this crap.

AtomicBlue

Oh also, my BP dropped from prehypertension to normal. Results are going to vary and I can’t guarantee any of this stuff to you. One thing for sure though is I had no idea how badly alcohol was affecting my health!
Anxiety- I was more of a binge drinker and would regularly worry about dying of a heart attack at work morning after. Remember worrying I was going to have a heart attack in this big meeting and how embarrassing it would be. Just wanted meeting to finish so I could have the heart attack at my desk instead (less embarrassing). Glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore. Man, why did I continue drinking so long!?

prinzeugen

Yep, mine is pre-hypertensive and has been since last year at least so I wouldn't be surprised if it's hypertension proper by now. My face is looking more and more blotched and red and I clearly don't look the picture of health lol.

In fairness, smoking probably contributes to this in equal measure but the thought of giving up smoking at present is just another demand I can do without.

Haha, my old friend anxiety. Damn, I've lost some hours, sleep and wrinkle free skin to that condition!

AtomicBlue

Smoking has some to do with my health improvements too. I quit smoking at around 5 months sobriety. I believe it would have been impossible for me to quit smoking when still drinking.

I really have hope for you and think you can do this. Are you going to call the doctor today?? Get this started!?

Zevin

I drank partly out of boredom too and then it became a habit and then it became a MAJOR health crisis.
After I quit, my sky-high BP was perfect within a month and my panic attacks stopped. Family and friends were supportive at first, but many continued to drink excessively so I had to pull away from them a bit. Who knew drunks could be so irritating?
So.....what can you do to fill in the 5 hours at night? Working out in the late afternoon has helped me immensely. That's great you are putting exercise into your recovery plan.
One other thing that helped me break the "habit" of reaching for a drink while watching TV, reading or chatting on the phone was to always have a non-alcoholic drink by me. Pineapple juice and club soda was a nice replacement.
If you go to any type of meetings, that will burn some time too.
Hang in there!!

August252015

Why would you want to do it all by yourself?

I mean that quite seriously: examine why you are still approaching this with qualifications.

I remember you from awhile back and am glad you are here again - I have to challenge you to look at where you are still equivocating and trying to quit on your own terms.

People tweak things here and there but I've yet to read anyone on here (and certainly IRL) say that they were sorry they'd listened to the suggestions of others, or happy they tried to do things solo or a harder way than necessary.

Santi27

Perhaps you can do it on your own, but if you've been struggling for a long time then it seems unlikely. Plus, as August says, why would you want to? I think there is plenty of support out there and something that suits everybody. AA works for lots of people but I know it isn't for me. Talking to a therapist helped me a couple of years ago, but I didn't find all the answers I needed. Now I'm going to see a psychiatrist to talk about other options. You need to try different forms of support and see which helps you the most.

Yeah, those Microsoft Messenger days were great.
asl? 47, male, Madrid. You're only in your 30s! Mate, that's too young to be sitting at home every night. Today you won't be able to find 5 things to do to fill the whole week, but you can find one! Cinema, theatre, swim, night classes- Spanish, photography, art. etc. There's loads going on. Maybe where you live there's nothing going on that you are particularly into, but I'm sure that even something that seems boring is better than staying in and getting drunk.

BrianK

Welcome!

I live alone myself, so I get where you're coming from with trying to fill time. I'm finding that a schedule is slowly starting to form each day for me, and posting on here is a part of that. Even if you're doing ok, come on here and give that vibe to someone else. By Day 2, you're going to have something to offer to someone at Day 1 that is still very fresh in your mind. They'll be able to relate to you in a unique way.

I sometimes go to meetings for the same reason. I might not have a lot to share, and some of the ideology doesn't click with me exactly, we're all pretty much rowing in the same direction, and there's cooperative atmosphere versus the competitive tone of most of the rest of the world. And for me, AA opened the door to the spiritual life. Getting in to spiritual reading, from all traditions, brought me to a more solid place and helped me better know who I am. Just a thought. As much or a little as works for you. But for me, I was one who wanted nothing to do with "that spiritual stuff." Turns out it was the most fascinating subject I ever broached For what it's worth.

For me it's important to remember that the "me" I am now is not the same as who I will be and how I will look at things tomorrow, or in a month, etc. If you're still drinking and have a pattern, it's hard to put it down, go to a meeting, and say, "Hey everyone, I need some friends!" Plus, we're guys...we're supposed to be independent and have it all together with no help, right? But as the booze gets out of your system, your brain chemistry actually changes, and I found myself, for example, walking into meetings I'd never been to and other situations, and, get this...NOT looking for a seat in the corner or the back of the room against the wall! If you knew me at all, and, judging from your description of yourself, you already do, sitting in the middle of things an participating was "just something Brian doesn't do". That's now becoming more and more of a past-tense statement. The instinct is still there, but becoming less and less as I let the world in more and more, slowly.

The eyes you're that are seeing things now will themselves be changed with time and sobriety. That's even true on a chemical level. If you quit adding an ingredient, it can't become part of the makeup of the structure. Remembering that has helped me a lot! "I" might be bored today, but tomorrow, with another day of sober, clean living, "I" will actually be different, chemically, physically (and, yes, spiritually), so who knows how I'll feel? It's becoming a more and more exciting journey!

Look forward to more of your posts, and thanks for sharing what you did! Hope you got something out of all this. At least you got me to thinking constructively, so feel free to count that as "service work"!

Culture

I'm single, live alone and also work from home, I had moved to a new place and knew 1 person when I quit drinking. I quit with the support of SR and nothing else.
It can be done. Was it any more difficult on my own? I wasn't alone I had about 175,000 other people on here, day and night whenever I needed help.

August252015

I'll throw in one more thing: working a program alone and living alone or such - two different things.

I got sober living alone, and did so for the first year and a half til I got engaged then we moved in a couple months later. That has no bearing on me getting sober- it meant habits and decisions and new ways of living, but not whether or not I sought support.

Circling back to my original post on the thread - peace,A