rich27

Hey guys, ive been alcohol free for over a year now...2 months ago i met this great girl..we met via a dating site and decided to meet a week later. We met and she showed up half cut and eventually got drunk throughout the night. I first saw her drunk 2 weeks after we met..8 beers and 5 shooters..Recently, we went to the casino and she drank too much and couldnt drive us back home..tonight shes out drinking and turned things around on me thats its my decision to leave her..weve known each other 2 months and only has been alcohol free one weekend..Im believing were both a little codependant but she still probably has a drinking problem. Would leaving her now be the right thing to do?

eve123

rich27

Im being accused of being the one with the insecure issues because im unable to accept her for who she is thru all the good and bad (bad is the drinking). I guess im supposed to accept the drinking if im to stay in the relationship. Ive tried to set a boundary earlier but she accused me of trying to control her. I know this may be the beginning of the end..this is reminding me of my last alcoholic girlfriend..i always seem to be accused of the one with the issues. This sux right now

Dropsie

You sound like a nice guy, but she is right in the sense that you are trying to "control" her by saying you dont want to be around her drunk, which I would call setting healthy boundries. Sounds like whe wants to drink more than she wants you, and if it were me, I would want my sobriety most of all. There are a lot of nice gals who are not such big drinkers.

decchemist

When I was drinking the alcohol was more important than people that I cared about. Sounds like that's where she's at and with no signs of change on the horizon. You don't need this. Move on.

rich27

The whole reason I chose to quit was because i was ruining my relationship due to my excessive alcohol use and now Im feeling what I must have put my exes thru..i really feel alone and helpless with endless thoughts of her behaviour after drinking too much.

Dee74

When you meet the right person it shouldn't be hard Rich.

You're only 2 months in - I think you'd be wise to cut your losses. Just my 02.

D

Hawkeye13

The Universe teaches us by experience. I agree that right now she is focused more on booze than you. It has shown you the other side and the empathy you feel for your Exs is a gift.

Wish GF well and let her go-she has a tough journey ahead herself.

Well done on your sober year!

suki44883

The entire point of dating is getting to know each other and seeing if you have mutual interests and if you "fit" as a couple. It appears her main interest is drinking to excess. A huge red flag, especially since you are a recovering alcoholic (congrats on your year!). I agree with Hawkeye...wish her well and let her go.

ConfusedGuy

Hi - Similar situation also. I have 'on-off' girlfriend, for quite a time. She is alcoholic and does not want to stop, And she does not like me stopping either!. After a couple of months off the drink I went back on, was drinking with her again, and Im now a week away from the drink. I am seeing that she wants a 'drinking buddy' as much as a boyfriend, maybe more so. Im not that guy anymore.
This weekend I switched my phone off, because when I stopped before she got really nasty. So its better for me to stop seeing her now than getting more involved in her life. I wish she would want to stop. But it is not happening. So now I stay away but I know I have to end this up-down on-off chaos of a relationship.
You say you have been dating this girl for just two months, is not working, so why do you want to continue ? Soberierty must come first for us. Then better things will come into our lives.

Ringside

ImNotThatGuy

I'd say cut your losses and dump her. It's not worth the risk to your own sobriety, nor is it worth hanging out with a drunk even if you do manage to stay sober.

Also, shout to ConfusedGuy and congrats on a week of sobriety! That's great, brother! I am pulling for you!

rich27

I dont have any urges to drink but its very tough to watch her give in to alcohol over our relationship

ImNotThatGuy

She's telling you where her priorities are, and I think you should listen.

Seems like you value the relationship more than she does. How long before you "give in" to please her? I'd cut and run if I were you. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

nez

Tell her she is right and so therefore you are obviously not the best choice of a boyfriend for her. You can argue with her logic, but why? Arguments are about who is right. Winning an argument might salve my ego but I am more interested in doing what is right for my soul. Being wrong can sometimes be right. I would rather be wrong and happy than be right and miserable. It all comes down to semantics and words which are merely descriptors, not a good reflection of what is.

ReadyAtLast

So soon into a relationship should be a happy time, a time before problems start to raise their ugly heads. So soon in and so many red flags, definitely best to end it now imo

As a PP touched on, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

DontRemember

For me, the first year of a relationship is the 'get to know ya' part,where everyone tends to be on their best behavior. After 3mo or so peoples 'cracks' start to show and the real them is revealed bit by bit. This girl showed you straight out of the gate what she's about and where she's at in her life. I'd politely excuse myself outta that situation ASAP as not to waste either's time and before catching more feelings.

Delilah1

Hi Rich,

I’m with the others who feel this is probably not the best fit for you. Two months in you are still getting to know each other and seeing if you click. It seems that you have different interests.

You have one year sober which is wonderful, and you have the chance to find someone who values sobriety like you do.

tomsteve

of course youre being accused- a practicing alcoholic doesnt typically like to take a look at themselves and admit their actions are rather insane. its deflection-deflect back to you because she doesnt have the problem in her eyes.
no, youre not supposed to accept the drinking. you dont have to and ya dont have to allow it around you.
however, she is allowed to drink wherever and whenever she chooses.

end the relationship or go down with her-your choice,rich.

head over to the F&F of alcoholics and read some of the many,many threads from people that didnt end the relationship early.
many years of gloom,dispair,and agony.

SparkleKitty

It sounds like her issues with alcohol pre-date your relationship by quite a stretch, so I hope you can resist the urge to take this personally. This is pretty much just her addiction, doing its thing, regardless of the consequences.