BrockBrock

Hi guys. So I Started my 1st thread here a few days ago after going through some very early hurdles. I couldn't say for sure that I was looking to quit cold turkey...but I'm definitely at the point where I realize I have a fundamental issue with my habitual use of alcohol to create fun or meaning in any activity I do.

Although I havent "committed" to abstinence, every day when I get the urge I'm reminding myself "no - this is not a healthy relationship with drinking. I won't allow the habit to continue. If I drink again, it won't be out of impulse or habit."

I've tried to stop or slow down before - but it just ends up an obsessive task of reminding myself not to drink. So instead of the usual drill with that strategy, I want to really focus on succeeded and relearning life. I don't have the luxury of just "avoiding" triggers, because I used in every situation, social or not, appropriate or not.

Just wanted to see if there are any little mental angles or concepts that have worked for you guys, especially those who drank in "non-trigger" situations. What kind of perspective did you change to thrive or at least survive in a normal life without drinking?

ScottFromWI

I don't honestly think there are any "little angles" or concepts other than committing to abstinence Brock. You mention that you haven't committed to that yet, so you really can't expect to have it. Just as if you said you wanted to lose weight, but hadn't really committed to a new diet or exercise program.

For an alcoholic, It's really got to be all or nothing, at least in my personal opinion. And that's really what I had to change about my perspective - that i don't drink any alcohol at all, ever - no matter what.

FeelingGreat

From a practical POV, have a plan for situation where you are used to drinking. The classic one is after work. I would leave work, have a freshly made juice (substitution with something nice), walk part of the way home (relaxation), cup of tea when I got home (new ritual), eat early (avoid hunger). I suggest you come up with your own plans for the times when you'd normally resort to alcohol.

Also there's nothing wrong with avoidance, so if you have to take a break from parties for year, do it.

Dee74

I used this website almost 24/7 in the beginning.
If I was here posting I was NOT out buying booze and drinking it.

Check out the Class of June support thread in this forum - its for everyone quitting this month and all you need to do to join is post in it.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...2019-a-12.html (Class of June Part 1 2019)

Here are some ideas for dealing with cravings
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)

I know it seems like a lot of effort to stay sober but it's less effort than it was to keep me drunk all the time...and that initial level of effort isn't required for the rest of our lives.

We grow we change and staying sober becomes the default....but you need to allow at least a few months for that process.

Years drinking versus a few months is still a good deal.
D

kinzoku

When I first came hear I talked a lot about a holistic approach to healing myself of my drinking habit. That approach also was very soft on "abstinence" or "sobriety".

That got me years of relapses.

What shifted my perspective?

Deciding that quitting is quitting. Not a break. Not a shift of focus. It means I don't drink now. At all.

DriGuy

Everything in your post describes alcoholism to me. It describes me almost to the letter as I was waking up and taking stock. I understand not committing to abstinence fully at this time in your life. That is a last ditch effort of desperation admitting defeat. And make no mistake; Abstinence to an alcoholic is an open declaration of defeat. You are not ready to embrace your powerlessness over alcohol. You just want to reign your drinking in and drink like normal people. I get that; I wanted it too.

But here is something you can file away in the back of your mind, and refer to later. Abstinence is more than just an admission that you are powerless over alcohol. Total abstinence is in fact the opposite of powerlessness. It is the ultimate power over alcohol. You may not be ready to grab that power, but feeling that kind of control when you are ready is an emotional rush.

That emotional rush is an empowering feeling that I continue to wallow in after 25 years of sobriety. Go ahead. You can unleash the control freak inside and unabashedly pride yourself in not being alcohol's bitch. I don't try to work with it, negotiate with it, or beg it not to bother me. I don't allow it to be part of my life. When that little wussy voice tells me I've proven my metal and can treat myself to a drink, I shut it down. I recognize that lie and want no part of it.

That's a power you can have. Admit it; You want that power over your drinking. I've just described the ultimate control, and if you want that control, it's there for you. By you're own admission, you are not quite ready to grab that power, but you're getting close.

Hodd

Grimes

give that guy some more time, he'll get there

Hodd

boreas

Brock,
Based on my personal experience and what I’ve read from others, you should consider committing to something . A month perhaps, then reevaluate.

After pondering the whole “Am I an alcoholic question” for years, drinking all the while, I realized the answer to that question was irrelevant. I can always find folks with higher consumption and more consequences than myself. My personal issue, which was all that mattered, was that I drank in unhealthy ways which were impacting my life. I studied up on Alcohol Use Disorder, and have no doubt that had I continued on that path all of the consequences others had experienced could become my own.

Commitment is important as it takes the day to day evaluation and bargaining out of the equation. It also gives you an opportunity to experience some of the many benefits of sustained sobriety.
I relate to the idea that the behaviors around my drinking were like a well-worn path in my brain. I had to create a new path(s) with new behaviors. Exercise, long walks, dinner at an earlier hour, even bowling(!) for awhile. It worked. Exercise also became my default mechanism when dealing with the many unavoidable “triggers” life brings.

Now, closing in on 2 years, sobriety continues for its own sake as the benefits are numerous. Truth is, I hadn’t “adulted” sober for long stretches before now, and I’ve found that alcohol wasn’t the required companion I thought it was.

Best wishes,
-bora

BrianK

Brock, you sound very self-aware and honest about you're present situation, which I think is a huge asset, especially considering the gravity of what we're dealing with. Some would call this a discernment process, and a key to discernment is honestly examining all options.

It would be easy to post "I'm ready to quit" and soak up all the encouragement that comes with it, and that would feel nice for a little while, but not likely stand up in the face of real temptation. However, you're taking the honest path, and by being open you're able to really soak in and absorb the sense of what the next right move for you is.

My last hangover I had some quiet time to really reflect on how I felt and where life was going. I felt like something inside me shifted and said, "This just won't work." Honestly, I might have a few more years of drinking in me. But why? My life isn't bad, but I want more. And the less I drink, the better it gets. And I almost always go overboard to the point of hangover when I drink. Chewing on this for a while seemed to bring me to a more honest place than swearing "I'll never drink again!" Now, I hope that's the case, and I mean to work on it. But I don't feel like I slammed the decision on the table. The decision sort of made itself for me, from the inside out, if that makes any sense.

For cravings and temptations I try to visualise them as the toxic residue from my old life rising to the surface of my mind and skin and evaporating, leaving me internally cleansed. So the sensation isn't so much, "Man, I need a drink!", as, "Wow, that's a lot of poison I'm getting rid of!" It doesn't instantly clear me of urges, but for me the temptation might go from, say, an 8 to a 6, and I'll take any help I can get.

Hope some of this was useful

boreas

Sitting on the couch with a glass/bottle of wine, I had a hard time envisioning“never again” as I couldn’t imagine life without my constant companion and bestie. I had to get sober to realize and experience how much richer life can be. I had to make a choice and do the work, but sobriety has its own momentum.
I also accepted the very important distinction...if I were to drink again, it will be to excess. I will never be successful at moderation because that was never my goal when I opened a bottle.
I describe it as, “I backed into sobriety”. I made the choice, and all the reasons became clear over time.
-bora

DriGuy

I think each of us has been where Brock is right now. Quitting for good seemed unthinkable at one time.

Daytrippin

Thank you for this DriGuy. I think I'm going to put this on my fridge!

Daytrippin

Thank you for this BrianK. I like it.
D.

Hodd

kk1k5x

I don't want to interrupt the good flow (this thread is excellent!) but the percentages talk got me thinking - sober people, like outlaw bikers, should start their own motorcycle gang but call it 0%ers instead of the ominous 1%er bikers.

Good luck to you Brock. I hope clarity on these matters finds you soon. The inner debate about 'having just one' is, quite likely, the hardest hurdle between active addiction with all its negatives and recovery, where although the world wont automatically change into bliss and no wars - there is inner calm and the ability to notice genuinely nice things.

BrianK

They do: Fifth Chapter MC - Motorcycles, Sober Motorcycle

BrockBrock

Wow...this is some great insight, guys. Thank you so much for responding.

I think the reason I appear to be noncommittal in some ways is due to the fact that I can't say for sure exactly how "big" my problem is. There are definitely people in the world who overuse, recognize it, and reel it in. I'm just confused where I am on the scale.

A lot of your stories ring true with me and smack me in the face with the sobering concept that "damn...maybe I *can't* be one of those "reel it in" guys. You know what, though? Time will tell the story. I am here discussing this with people for the first time. I track my drinks (partially because I'm very anal with stats and for some reason it's an interesting one to me) so I can pinpoint those "X drinks per week" periods in life and look how well I did then (which is to say...not at all). I go over 30 drinks per week (>10% ABV beers being my poison of choice), then I dip down to 7-8 for a week or two....and then back to 30. I know tracking is weird to many of you here, but it helps me to have actual black and white proof of my drink limit strategy not working.

I have reasons to say no. I've gotten away with so much in the past. For whatever reason (maybe my age - 35, maybe the fact that I'm a new business owner and feel a sense of responsibility to do the right thing) I've started to worry about my luck running out.

Today is five whole days, and I know I'm sticking this out two more. That will make the first 7 day period I haven't drank in over 5 years (not counting during illnesses/flu - I don't count those "sobriety" breaks as real). I'm not enjoying things as much but I'm feeling prouder. I appreciate everybody here with all your advice.