Done, done and done
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Southern US
Posts: 14
Done, done and done
Hello everyone, I was a member here before but I’ve been having trouble logging in. So I’ll just pick up my story where I am now. I’ve had some trouble with alcohol in the past but I was always able to quit or cut down to safe levels for periods of time. But I don’t think my relationship with booze was ever normal.
I’ve had MS for almost 25 years but it was manageable until 2 years ago. I hired an assistant who lived with us to help me run the business and do the heavy lifting and physical part of the job. While I did as much as possible, many days I’d quite working earlier due to fatigue. I was so fatigued I often spent the entire weekend in bed just so I could get up and go to work again. And I’d drink.
My husband had a drinking problem when he was younger and he just quit and never drinks now. So when my wine consumption was creeping up and I got falling down drunk a few times we had a talk and I agreed to cut down. That was about 2 years ago. I switched to beer because I didn’t really like it, then I started liking it. So I switched to light beer - which I still don’t like but boy do I drink it!
In January my neurologist and my family agreed that it was time for me to stop working and had an intervention . I won’t bore you with the details but basically my MS has progressed to the point where I can’t walk without a walker or wheelchair, can’t bathe without assistance, I can’t drive, and my cognitive issues are much worse. I’m basically housebound. I’m one of the lucky ones though - I applied for disability expecting a two year battle but received approval within 6 weeks. I just didn’t realize that I had been legally disabled for years and I kept the business going barely making a profit (because I was paying someone to do my job)out of pride, obligation, stubbornness ....whatever the reason. I just didn’t want to quit.
Now to the drinking. After I retired I started drinking earlier in the day around lunchtime. I wouldn’t eat all day and I’d pound them back until my husband got home. We’d have dinner and I wouldn’t drink anymore but just feel like crap. He buys my beer and occasionally we would argue about it but not often. Sometimes when he was out at night I would manage to get more beer and binge. Then I found out you could have liquor delivered. So about once a month I’d order a few bottles of wine and really strong beer. I never drank it all at once but a few times I was at 10 units.
So last week I realized that even without the extra stuff I was still drinking about 7.5 light beers a day for the past three weeks. So I started tapering and told my husband I was done. Today I’m at 3. I realize that tapering isn’t the ideal way but it has been keeping my withdrawals at bay. I plan on being finished on Monday. There is only the beer in the house that my husband leaves me so I’ve stuck to it. Probably only because of not having access.
I’m just done. I expected retirement to be enjoyable but instead I’m sick, lonely and bored. I know if I don’t stop now this will just get worse and I’ll be dead in a few years. Thank you for listening to my story.
I’ve had MS for almost 25 years but it was manageable until 2 years ago. I hired an assistant who lived with us to help me run the business and do the heavy lifting and physical part of the job. While I did as much as possible, many days I’d quite working earlier due to fatigue. I was so fatigued I often spent the entire weekend in bed just so I could get up and go to work again. And I’d drink.
My husband had a drinking problem when he was younger and he just quit and never drinks now. So when my wine consumption was creeping up and I got falling down drunk a few times we had a talk and I agreed to cut down. That was about 2 years ago. I switched to beer because I didn’t really like it, then I started liking it. So I switched to light beer - which I still don’t like but boy do I drink it!
In January my neurologist and my family agreed that it was time for me to stop working and had an intervention . I won’t bore you with the details but basically my MS has progressed to the point where I can’t walk without a walker or wheelchair, can’t bathe without assistance, I can’t drive, and my cognitive issues are much worse. I’m basically housebound. I’m one of the lucky ones though - I applied for disability expecting a two year battle but received approval within 6 weeks. I just didn’t realize that I had been legally disabled for years and I kept the business going barely making a profit (because I was paying someone to do my job)out of pride, obligation, stubbornness ....whatever the reason. I just didn’t want to quit.
Now to the drinking. After I retired I started drinking earlier in the day around lunchtime. I wouldn’t eat all day and I’d pound them back until my husband got home. We’d have dinner and I wouldn’t drink anymore but just feel like crap. He buys my beer and occasionally we would argue about it but not often. Sometimes when he was out at night I would manage to get more beer and binge. Then I found out you could have liquor delivered. So about once a month I’d order a few bottles of wine and really strong beer. I never drank it all at once but a few times I was at 10 units.
So last week I realized that even without the extra stuff I was still drinking about 7.5 light beers a day for the past three weeks. So I started tapering and told my husband I was done. Today I’m at 3. I realize that tapering isn’t the ideal way but it has been keeping my withdrawals at bay. I plan on being finished on Monday. There is only the beer in the house that my husband leaves me so I’ve stuck to it. Probably only because of not having access.
I’m just done. I expected retirement to be enjoyable but instead I’m sick, lonely and bored. I know if I don’t stop now this will just get worse and I’ll be dead in a few years. Thank you for listening to my story.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Southern US
Posts: 14
Thanks Dee.
I don’t take a lot of the meds my Dr gives me because they interact with alcohol.
So hopefully next week when the alcohol is out of my system I can let my body recover a little bit and decide if those will help.
I had a baseline physical a few weeks ago with my GP who is aware of my drinking and by the grace of God I’m in pretty good shape otherwise
I don’t take a lot of the meds my Dr gives me because they interact with alcohol.
So hopefully next week when the alcohol is out of my system I can let my body recover a little bit and decide if those will help.
I had a baseline physical a few weeks ago with my GP who is aware of my drinking and by the grace of God I’m in pretty good shape otherwise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Southern US
Posts: 14
Obviously this isn’t the place for me to get support. Last time I was here not many people replied either.
Must be my personality 😂.
But just one reply all day!? People I was asking for help! Maybe I’ll come back when I’ve actually quit drinking. Which won’t be today.
I have enough isolation in my real life lol
Must be my personality 😂.
But just one reply all day!? People I was asking for help! Maybe I’ll come back when I’ve actually quit drinking. Which won’t be today.
I have enough isolation in my real life lol
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MissLou 
Obviously this isn’t the place for me to get support. Last time I was here not many people replied either.
Must be my personality 😂.
But just one reply all day!? People I was asking for help! Maybe I’ll come back when I’ve actually quit drinking. Which won’t be today.
I have enough isolation in my real life lol
Must be my personality 😂.
But just one reply all day!? People I was asking for help! Maybe I’ll come back when I’ve actually quit drinking. Which won’t be today.
I have enough isolation in my real life lol
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Hi there! I have felt ignored on here before but really it was in my head and I didn’t give people time. I post all the time now and people definitely do come out in droves. Be patient with yourself and others. Your sobriety is worth that your health is worth it you are worth it. Believe that!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
It's good to see you, MissLou. I hope you'll continue to post & stay with us.
I was drinking all day, every day when I came here. I was never high or happy - but was afraid to let go of it because I'd get shaky & sick. With the encouragement I got here I found the courage to let go of it. You can do it.
I was drinking all day, every day when I came here. I was never high or happy - but was afraid to let go of it because I'd get shaky & sick. With the encouragement I got here I found the courage to let go of it. You can do it.
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