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Long time drinker- first time forum writer

Old 06-12-2019, 01:26 PM
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Long time drinker- first time forum writer

I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not, but I have been consistently binge drinking since I was 17, I am now 43.

I drank a lot in University, I went to a party school and I was probably the heaviest drinker on my floor.

I figured I was young and would tone it down after I graduated- which I guess I have, but I still drink quite a bit.

I don't even know if I want to quit but I do think it would be best for my health if I were to cut down drastically.

Drinking has effected my health- I've suffered from gout, high blood pressure and recently was told I have high cholesterol.

Gout I find is very much influenced by beer intake, especially hoppy beer. I've gone through periods where i don't drink beer, only wine or spirits, but I keep coming back to beer.

I've never tried to quit drinking, and I don't know if I am doing that now or not- I'm telling myself I'm just taking a detox break- I guess that it easier to handle then to think I might never drink again.

I generally have great willpower in every other aspect of my life, so I think I can be the type who can drink responsibly. There have been nights where I say I'll only have 3 drinks out at the bar and have been able to stick by that without a problem. But I'll do that a few times, and eventually I don't impose any kind of limit, and then I'm drinking way more then that. 5 drinks has a way of becoming 12.

Anyway, I figured if I write in this forum it would give a reason to not drink for a little bit longer at the very least.

The last drink I had was a $17 cocktail at the Denver airport- which I didn't particularly even want, just ordered out of habit. I'm quite good with money in most aspects of my life, but seem to give myself a free pass on alcohol.

That was on June 1st- so I'm 10 days into not drinking (and also have been eating 100% healthy food in that time and working out). I'll write again tomorrow if I haven't had a drink.
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Old 06-12-2019, 01:42 PM
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Welcome to sober recovery.

Originally Posted by SvenDexter View Post
I'll write again tomorrow if I haven't had a drink.
Write tomorrow even if you drink. That is if you are serious about sobriety. You might struggle with the belief that you are an alcoholic, and that's not unusual. But if you can't quit, despite the apparent health problems, then you have a problem with alcohol and staying away from it.
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Old 06-12-2019, 01:47 PM
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Hello Sven and welcome!

You don't need to be an "alcoholic" to benefit from sobriety. You just need to figure out if it is positively or negatively effecting your life. I wish you the best.
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Old 06-12-2019, 02:02 PM
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Hi Sven and welcome to SR. Write as often as you’d like, there are no limits to the amount that you write. Glad you’re here.
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Old 06-12-2019, 04:13 PM
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Yes, I don't know if I am serious about sobriety. I do admit to having a problem with alcohol though. The idea of never having a drink again is weird to me- kind of like saying I will never go swimming again or never read a book again.

My goal is to at least cut down on my drinking drastically.
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Old 06-12-2019, 04:19 PM
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Hello and welcome, you'll find a lot of support here if you really want to quit drinking.
Only you can decide whether you're an alcoholic or not. I am. I just haven't drank in ten years. I'll always be an alcoholic. I'm one drink away from a drunk.
I started drinking at fourteen and drank alcoholically for thirty five years.
And I can tell you, save yourself some misery and stop now, if you seriously think you have a problem.

Not drinking ever again is hard to handle, that's why I try not to one day at a time. I can manage that.
You're having health problems from drinking. You state you have a hard time controlling how much you drink once you start.
I had those two problems. They're note very good signs, I'm afraid.
Maybe you could try quitting for a month and see if you can control it.

Whatever you decide, we're here for you. And I hope you stick around.
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Old 06-12-2019, 04:24 PM
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Welcome, and thank you for your honesty!!!

Some now refer to an Alcohol Use Disorder spectrum versus alcoholic/nonalcoholic. I might not be clinically alcoholic, but based on my history, I'm, say 90 to 95% of the way there. It always causes trouble for me, and life is better when I don't drink. Yet I don't get shaky when I quit drinking, don't have serious health issues from it (yet). But have been drinking 8 to 15 beers at least once or twice a week for 20 years.

I identify as an alcoholic in AA meetings, and when I talk to people there honestly, they've never said anything like, "Are you sure you belong here?" (AA works for me; not suggesting what you should do one way or the other.)

I ask myself daily now (9 days), "Would today be better if I drank last night?"

I keep coming up with the same answer...
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Old 06-12-2019, 05:39 PM
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I like that BrianK. So yea, Sven. I had a counselor or what ever it was that I had to see for a drunk driving way back in the day and she said she did not consider you an addict if you could comfortably quit for a month with out issue. Just sayin.
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Old 06-12-2019, 05:44 PM
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Welcome Sven.
I knew for years my drinking was unhealthy, and kept right on at it while I pondered the question, “Am I an alcoholic?” I came to realize that the answer to that question didn’t matter. I was getting older and things were changing. I came to understand that when I drink, it is to get drunk. Every time. Without exception. I have no interest in moderation. “Just a couple” would do nothing but set me on edge and **** me off.

Does that make me an alcoholic? Probably. The spectrum Brian refers to makes lots of sense to me. I didn’t have to lose everything to accept that it was time for a change.

Just wanted to weigh in with my experience since you mentioned binge drinking. I’ll also say that you’ll find folks here, myself included, who quit without subscribing to any particular recovery program. However, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have to do a deep dive into the reasons I drank in the first place. In my own experience, and reading the stories of others, there is often/always reasons behind it all that need fixing.

I’ll also say that, given how I drink, sobriety is a much easier path than trying to fit society ‘s definition of “healthy consumption “. I also couldn’t imagine what I would fill my life with if I didn’t have the “activity” of drinking. It took a period of adjustment, but life is so much richer on this side I can do nothing but highly recommend!
Best wishes,
-bora
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Old 06-12-2019, 05:50 PM
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Originally Posted by SvenDexter View Post
Yes, I don't know if I am serious about sobriety. I do admit to having a problem with alcohol though. The idea of never having a drink again is weird to me- kind of like saying I will never go swimming again or never read a book again.

My goal is to at least cut down on my drinking drastically.
Welcome and congratulations on 11 dry days.

Honestly, it sounds like you're not "there" yet. Maybe you're not an alcoholic and don't have a problem, but if you are questioning it and seeing health effects... well...

I did what you're doing for many years -- telling myself I wasn't that bad, white knuckling the odd moderate night here and there -- and didn't have any of the health problems you reported. If you are an alcoholic, you will hit a point where you either quit forever or die. It may be five years from now. It may be next week. For us, drinking is a death sentence.

Maybe you're not an alcoholic. Sounds like maybe you are, but you're not "there" yet. Trust me, it's better not to get there.

Anyway, stick around. You might learn something.
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Old 06-12-2019, 05:59 PM
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Hi...you said first time forum writer....I think you will like "forums" its such a good way to be anonyomous and to air out your thoughts and get positive and constructive feedback.

And to help others...You already HELPED me...because you were "vulnerable" and I need to practice being "vulnerable" instead of always acting as if I am strong.....thank you.

I used to think like you when I was younger...especially when you said..."I figured I was younger and would tone it down"....I had that thought at exactly 17 when my drinking started getting to be heavy.

And Im 55...and still fighting....I did have some long term sobriety but for the last 5 years...I have not been able to successfully stick to any of my plans to stay "stopped"....

Nice to meet you.
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Old 06-12-2019, 06:04 PM
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Honestly, it sounds like you're not "there" yet.
To be fair, I drank all day everyday, had for several years, and binge drank for 20 years before that, nearly died from my drinking - and I wasn't sure I was 'there yet' ready to quit either.....

I'm glad I found this place tho - I saw so many happy together people here that it helped me decide I was actually ready to try another way of living.

I know what you say about it being weird never drinking again Sven - but I've been dry for 12 years and not only do I not miss it, I prefer it not being in my life now - I am a better man - and a far happier and content one - for not self destructively drinking.

Welcome aboard anyway

D
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Old 06-12-2019, 06:06 PM
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Pretend your best friend or a family member wrote your posts and you read them.

What would you advise?

Welcome, friend
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Old 06-12-2019, 06:13 PM
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Hi Sven - It's so good to have you with us.

I began having serious drinking problems in my 40's. Prior to that, it had been mostly fun & easier to control. But something changed - I became more tolerant - it took more & more alcohol to achieve the same effect. I didn't stop, though - I just kept trying to manage it. As a result, I created a nightmare of dependency & chaos. I hope you'll consider kicking it out of your life. Meanwhile, we're very happy you found us.
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:41 PM
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Sounds like you know that you need to quit drinking more than you're willing to let on. Gout is a serious condition, very painful and almost entirely self-inflicted. Hope you can find the way to sobriety. This place is a great place to do so. Welcome and thanks for sharing.
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Old 06-13-2019, 04:27 AM
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To paraphrase I'mNotThatGuy somewhat, I think it's typical for alcoholics to have wondered whether they were really alcoholics or not. That was certainly true for me. Over the years we notice little things that we brush off, comments people made that we take as jest. Eventually, I came to terms with what I really was.

But even if you decide in spite of your years of binge drinking that you are not an alcoholic, it doesn't make any difference. You choice is the same as that of an alcoholic; Continue as you are, or change. If you find this is a struggle, you might question what you really are again, but that doesn't make any difference either. Your goal is to improve your life. You already recognize what you must do.

When you quit, you will be able to see the situation more clearly. At least that is exactly what happened to me.
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Old 06-13-2019, 07:08 AM
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welcome to the club. classic binge-drinker here. as you can tell from my post count, I have been less than diligent about checking in and keeping my drinking in check because it's just easier to pretend I don't have a problem and continue drinking. But it's just pretend. There are all kinds of debates and opinions on what constitutes an alcoholic and indeed the term for the condition has morphed into something other than alcoholism. The simple distinction is this: it's not so much how often, how much and how you manage you're drinking. I know alcoholics (who would not label themselves as such) who only drink on the weekends, don't necessarily get blackout drunk or plastered every time they drink, and have normal lives with good jobs. I'm a little like that myself. The thing is this: even if I tell myself, "tonight, I'm only going to have one or two," there is absolutely no way I can know if I can hold myself to it, and 75% of the time I don't. And I can't. It is SO much easier to have 0 than 1, and I think that is really the yea/nay test if there is one. Others will also suggest trying to abstain for 30 days, something any non-alcoholic ought to be able to pull off with ease. I doubt you will find it easy. I also doubt you'll accept this condition, as most of us don't until we get smacked in the face with reality or have that "sick of tired of being sick and tired" moment, which leads to the inevitable "day one" syndrome. I bet there are 100,000 "day one" threads but only half as many authors, as we try once again to beat that beast. Happily there are also examples of people who no longer have to write the day one thread because they have come to realize life is better without the literal poison that truly has almost zero positive things to add to our lives, but we still use and abuse (never mind the empty calories!)

anyway, sorry for the length, but I'm in the same boat/stage as Misssy2 above, just trying again to cut this out of my life --and yes, would love to be able to just "cut down" or moderate as they say, but if you do a search on threads with that around here, you'll come to realize it's just about impossible. and again, for what? just to feed the addiction and keep it going. as I said, much easier to have zero than one or two. becoming aware of that is a first step and may take you years or forever to accept it, but when you do, people will be here (I wanted to write "we" will be here, but the power of my addictive voice still prevents me from having the confidence to say that. work in progress.) stick around and "waste" some time reading threads here. it's cheaper and better for your health than time at the pub/home/wherever drinking
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Old 06-13-2019, 08:56 AM
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Thanks for all your replies and feedback guys. Someone said that whether I'm an alcoholic or not is just semantics- that kind or resonated with me.

I'm on day 11 now, it hasn't been too bad, I've turned down several drinks including at a formal ball with my wife last Saturday. Dancing without drinking is a little tough, but I wasn't overly tempted. Sunday night I really wanted a drink- but got past that.

80% of the time I am able to have 2 or 3 drinks and be fine- what society would define as responsible drinking- but there have been hundered of times over the years where I have pushed well past that limit.

I've been getting really bad anxiety for the last couple of years- and there has been times when I've self medicated with alcohol- taking 3 or 4 shots in a row to feel better. I definitely recognize that to be a problem and that's something I am certainly trying to avoid.

Just going to keep taking it day by day for now, thanks for listening.
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Old 06-13-2019, 10:28 AM
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Thank you for sharing,

Im also experiencing noticeable anxiety in social settings & situations where I once always used drinking to "relax"...

Just for today, i'll just deal with the uncomfortable feelings; reflect later, and thank God that I won't be waking up with the physical & psychosocial side effects of a night drinking...

And like, ((GetSmart)) noted, IME, it too, IS so much easier to have 0 drinks than to have 1...

....Im only a month and a half w/o a drink and my familial & business affairs are still in a heap; but my personal relationships and physical/mental health are substantially better in comparison.....

Putting my health first and foremost has been a rehabilitating force for me. I've noticed a considerable amount of relief from my anxiety along with an overall sense of well-being once I chose to eliminate alcohol and substitute it with regular physical activity...

Best Wishes & Prayers to you ...

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Old 06-13-2019, 02:10 PM
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Glad you're here, Sven, and that you have started this post.

I probably drank more than you do, but you have drunk more than twice as long as I did.

I know that I am an alcoholic or a suffer of AUD, if you prefer, and you can make that informed decision on your own.

You make a compelling case that the answer should be affirmative, but that's your call.

As Dee said, we don't get into hair-splitting, but he (and I) have both enjoyed our clean and sober lives much, much more than in the days of drinking and/or using.

I don't think you found your way into SR because your drinking was going well - just a guess on my part.

We hope you stick around and that you decide you want to stop drinking.

As another poster has said, we do it one day at a time - we tackle sobriety in inches, not miles.
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