When it rains, it pours
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When it rains, it pours
I went out with a friend yesterday. Had a great time, came home in a great mood, and was getting ready to make the family dinner and do all the nightly “mom” stuff.
My husband was sitting in the kitchen, drinking, and talking to me about the upcoming 4th of July plans. For those outside the US, the 4th is ultimately about celebrating our independence, but it is actually a huge drinking holiday. The amount of beer that freely flows at the hometown parades, fireworks, backyard BBQs, etc is insane and it is known that most everyone in public is drunk.
Anyhow, I should have known not to engage as my husband had the telltale lilt to his voice. The lilt that means he’s tipsy and on the road to drunk.
He started telling me about the plans he made with friends for the holiday. How we will be going to a friend’s party and then we will take all of our friends down to the fireworks via his dump trailer. The 10,000 pound dump trailer after a full day of drinking. Pulled into a space crowded with people, children, pets, whatnot.
I told him that was a bad plan and that we should rethink that. I then told him that i wouldn’t be able to attend our friend’s party for the full duration of the event. Last year, I left the same friend’s party early due to the drinking.
Hubby exploded and told me that it’s (my sobriety) been long enough so I should be over it and able to go for the full duration. He then informed me that I have been too selfish about my sobriety and have left him high and dry because a) he doesn’t know what to say to people when I’m not out/not drinking, b) I haven’t factored his feelings into my sobriety and c) I make him look bad to friends and family because I don’t attend all the events like I used to.
WTF?? The situation quickly devolved. I was not kind or calm in my responses and told him I’m no uncertain terms that he has nothing to do with my sobriety and I do not factor him into that equation at all. Hell, if I did, I’d surely be back to drinking already. Told him how unsupportive he has been throughout my journey. Just two weeks ago he informed me that he liked the drinking me better. Geez, thanks a-hole.
We have a counseling session on Saturday so I’m sure all of this will be discussed. After the last big blowout the counselor stated he thought we could be saved and that we could work toward our marriage together.
I feel like the universe, HP, whatever is testing me. I get it, I’m a strong person so how many more times will I need to prove that?
This wont make me drink. I’m firm in my resolve. Im just frustrated, tired, and completely out of patience.
My husband was sitting in the kitchen, drinking, and talking to me about the upcoming 4th of July plans. For those outside the US, the 4th is ultimately about celebrating our independence, but it is actually a huge drinking holiday. The amount of beer that freely flows at the hometown parades, fireworks, backyard BBQs, etc is insane and it is known that most everyone in public is drunk.
Anyhow, I should have known not to engage as my husband had the telltale lilt to his voice. The lilt that means he’s tipsy and on the road to drunk.
He started telling me about the plans he made with friends for the holiday. How we will be going to a friend’s party and then we will take all of our friends down to the fireworks via his dump trailer. The 10,000 pound dump trailer after a full day of drinking. Pulled into a space crowded with people, children, pets, whatnot.
I told him that was a bad plan and that we should rethink that. I then told him that i wouldn’t be able to attend our friend’s party for the full duration of the event. Last year, I left the same friend’s party early due to the drinking.
Hubby exploded and told me that it’s (my sobriety) been long enough so I should be over it and able to go for the full duration. He then informed me that I have been too selfish about my sobriety and have left him high and dry because a) he doesn’t know what to say to people when I’m not out/not drinking, b) I haven’t factored his feelings into my sobriety and c) I make him look bad to friends and family because I don’t attend all the events like I used to.
WTF?? The situation quickly devolved. I was not kind or calm in my responses and told him I’m no uncertain terms that he has nothing to do with my sobriety and I do not factor him into that equation at all. Hell, if I did, I’d surely be back to drinking already. Told him how unsupportive he has been throughout my journey. Just two weeks ago he informed me that he liked the drinking me better. Geez, thanks a-hole.
We have a counseling session on Saturday so I’m sure all of this will be discussed. After the last big blowout the counselor stated he thought we could be saved and that we could work toward our marriage together.
I feel like the universe, HP, whatever is testing me. I get it, I’m a strong person so how many more times will I need to prove that?
This wont make me drink. I’m firm in my resolve. Im just frustrated, tired, and completely out of patience.
Amazes me how selfish people are. Good job protecting your sobriety. One question I have asked myself and applies to others. Why is drinking such an important thing? When I was drinking heavy, I also would hang out with friends that did not drink, why in the world should people care whether someone is drinking or not is beyond me. If anything you have been supportive of his drinking as drunk people are boring to deal with when sober.
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Amazes me how selfish people are. Good job protecting your sobriety. One question I have asked myself and applies to others. Why is drinking such an important thing? When I was drinking heavy, I also would hang out with friends that did not drink, why in the world should people care whether someone is drinking or not is beyond me. If anything you have been supportive of his drinking as drunk people are boring to deal with when sober.
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Atlast....one thing I can suggest is that for right now, making the decisions about the Vegas party and your son's bday are the most important and positive (that's before the 4th, unless I forget?). I'm not a big 4th person ie party stuff, even much when I was still drinking. Now, we go to the noon mtg at a big clubhouse and there's the picnic after; we are going to volunteer to serve food this yr.
That said, there are multiple issues you're unfortunately dealing with as far as your husband goes. We're here to talk thru them with you- hear you!!- and since I don't have a drinking or alcoholic spouse, I'm not a first-person-accounter just an observer. Others can certainly chime in
Take care of yourself - today.
That said, there are multiple issues you're unfortunately dealing with as far as your husband goes. We're here to talk thru them with you- hear you!!- and since I don't have a drinking or alcoholic spouse, I'm not a first-person-accounter just an observer. Others can certainly chime in
Take care of yourself - today.
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Tell him good luck with the dump truck, drinking and you won’t pay his bail for his dui. Then tell him the kids are going with family, you’ve booked a yoga, meditation, organic eating retreat for those days and that he can’t go because they won’t be comfortable with drunks. What an ass, I would refuse to go at all and have no part of what will be an obvious disaster.
Wow, Atlast, that's incredibly insensitive. I'm really sorry your husband isn't being supportive of you. It sounds like he has some things he needs to work out himself, but who knows.
I can't give too much advice since I don't know you/your marriage (plus I've been single for what seems like a thousand years, lol), but going to a therapy session is a good plan. You have a solid year, and if people want to have an issue with you doing the right thing for yourself, then that's on them, and not you. Not your responsibility to make sure your husband doesn't feel like he "looks bad".
I think you're right in needing to protect your sobriety at all costs. Whatever it takes. Congrats on that year, tho. Don't think I ever said that.
Keep venting if you need it. We're all here for ya.
I can't give too much advice since I don't know you/your marriage (plus I've been single for what seems like a thousand years, lol), but going to a therapy session is a good plan. You have a solid year, and if people want to have an issue with you doing the right thing for yourself, then that's on them, and not you. Not your responsibility to make sure your husband doesn't feel like he "looks bad".
I think you're right in needing to protect your sobriety at all costs. Whatever it takes. Congrats on that year, tho. Don't think I ever said that.
Keep venting if you need it. We're all here for ya.
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Join Date: Jun 2019
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I remember when I was married for a short time many years ago I was thrilled when my wife would drink. She didn't usually, but when she did I felt like I had permission to go all out. I had no idea the depths that alcoholism could drag someone down to or how disgusting my thinking was. It was simply insane. Not that this excuses his behavior. Just more proof of the insanity alcohol abuse leads to. Wow. Thank you for sharing and stay strong. You're an inspiration
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
I remember when I was married for a short time many years ago I was thrilled when my wife would drink. She didn't usually, but when she did I felt like I had permission to go all out. I had no idea the depths that alcoholism could drag someone down to or how disgusting my thinking was. It was simply insane. Not that this excuses his behavior. Just more proof of the insanity alcohol abuse leads to. Wow. Thank you for sharing and stay strong. You're an inspiration
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I think you nailed it on the head through-perhaps the realization that his drinking buddy is 100% for sure gone. The passive-aggressive side of me wants to tell him it’s been long enough, he should get it by now...but alas I will not.
Move forward, I shall...there’s no going back.
Thanks!
Tough stuff Atlast, though as I know you know, the universe is not always in tune with our best intentions and plans. Your husband is displaying a complete lack of grace and class, without any real empathy or compassion. But then again marriage is a mf'er and can make the worst of us at times.
Your strength in your sobriety is apparent here as it always in your posts. Congratulations on achieving that. Keep doing the things you need to do to live a life you can be proud of. Thank you for sharing.
Your strength in your sobriety is apparent here as it always in your posts. Congratulations on achieving that. Keep doing the things you need to do to live a life you can be proud of. Thank you for sharing.
This made me laugh and cry at the same time. I had a visual of the boxing gloves being thrown down, the crowd roaring, and the fist fight starting.
I think you nailed it on the head through-perhaps the realization that his drinking buddy is 100% for sure gone. The passive-aggressive side of me wants to tell him it’s been long enough, he should get it by now...but alas I will not.
Move forward, I shall...there’s no going back.
Thanks!
Stay strong love....you are a beautiful miracle.
One year today, and it has (obviously) not been easy.
So quite obviously..... ....you can do ANYTHING.
Also, I would tell my husband to tell people that you don't drink anymore. End of story. Bet he is the ONLY one who has any issue with it. s
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Stay strong love....you are a beautiful miracle.
One year today, and it has (obviously) not been easy.
So quite obviously..... ....you can do ANYTHING.
Also, I would tell my husband to tell people that you don't drink anymore. End of story. Bet he is the ONLY one who has any issue with it. s
One year today, and it has (obviously) not been easy.
So quite obviously..... ....you can do ANYTHING.
Also, I would tell my husband to tell people that you don't drink anymore. End of story. Bet he is the ONLY one who has any issue with it. s
Unfortunately we cultivated quite the drinking circle. The friends he is referencing do ask about my non drinking whenever I see them. I don’t see them often anymore for obvious reasons. I do actually like them as people but I do not like them when they are drunk.
I think my my sobriety is causing them to have to face their reality and that’s pretty tough for them to do. Hubby has a big mouth so I’m sure he’s told them all. It’s not something I can control and he can do and say whatever he wants. It sure does impact our marriage though.
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