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Leaving guilt behind

Old 06-09-2019, 11:54 AM
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Leaving guilt behind

For those of us self-medicating anxiety, you know how hard it can be to let go of regrets. I'm journeying right now, working with a therapist, working with a psychiatrist, and of course NOT drinking. All of this gives me hope for the future but doesn't calm the anxiety and regrets that all but plague me. It's borderline obsesssive really.

In what ways have you been able to find peace with your past regrets? How can you keep moving ahead when your brain wants to continue dragging you down?

My drinking is both a symptom and a cause of my anxiety. I feel like I'm throwing everything I have at breaking free from it, all while getting my bearings. As determined as I am, I have these moments of feeling lost and wanting to resign to my failures if that makes sense. How can I stop being my own worst enemy?
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Old 06-09-2019, 12:10 PM
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Someone shard with me that excessive guilt is a hidden form of pride. The ego is so subtle that it knows better than to tell the world "I'm perfect!" Of course we'd get called out and embarrassed right away. Instead, it gets a hit of "ego juice" by saying things like "I can't believe I made that mistake!"

I did this recently, actually. Drunk texted a lady at church who I had helped moved some stuff and had chatted with a couple times (we're both single), then saw the text the next morning. The following conversation developed:

Ego: How could I have done that? Oh no! I can never go back there again!!!
Compassionate Realistic Me: What did you send her?
Ego: I don't even wanna look! Just delete all the texts and go somewhere else for church!!!
CRM: Just read it quick and assess the damage.
Ego: Ok, we said we thought she was a really awesome person and were happy to know her.
CRM: That's it?
Ego: Um, yeah.
CRM: Well, if we're not gonna do it again, and we're getting sober, do we really have to leave this wonderful community over one mistake?
Ego: What if we see her?
CRM: Well, she almost never talks to us, but if we do get confronted, just apologize. And the longer before we have any interaction, the more of a track record there will be to prove we're not doing it again. It wasn't really appropriate, but 10:00 on a Friday night isn't a ridiculous time for most people, we weren't vulgar, and what we said we actually did mean. But, yes, we did make a silly mistake. That's all.

The one requirement is that I actually have to let go of the secret belief that I'm perfect. The nice thing is that as soon as I do, I find I'm in agreement with the other 7 billion people on this planet who already know I'm not perfect. AND, I get to stop expecting them to be.
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Old 06-09-2019, 12:17 PM
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I'm only at 7.5 months sober but I'm doing fairly well not dwelling on guilt. I cannot undo all of the terrible things I did while drinking. More importantly, what I did drunk is not the person I am. I now look forward to the future with optimism, not back at the past with regrets.
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Old 06-09-2019, 01:00 PM
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Try to remember that you are a person who made some mistakes, just like everyone else in the universe. You must now allow the guilt and shame to consume you because it will drive you back to drinking. Begin to forgive yourself. It may not happen all at once. For me, I had to go through the process numerous times. Remind yourself that you are not forgetting about the mistakes and problems, merely taking the load off your shoulders so that you can continue your recovery journey.
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Old 06-09-2019, 02:59 PM
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I think it all depends on alcohol consumption the longer I am away from it the more my anxiety subsides..

I have chronic anxiety...I have it right now and I am not drinking and nothing is going on....but I have really bad anxiety which i take medication for....BUT when I am consuming alcohol it really is 100x worse.

I am 11 days sober right now and overall the anxiety and depressive thoughts and self loathing has stopped...and I am ready to let bygones be bygones....it just takes time away from the booze.
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Old 06-09-2019, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Try to remember that you are a person who made some mistakes, just like everyone else in the universe. You must now allow the guilt and shame to consume you because it will drive you back to drinking. Begin to forgive yourself. It may not happen all at once. For me, I had to go through the process numerous times. Remind yourself that you are not forgetting about the mistakes and problems, merely taking the load off your shoulders so that you can continue your recovery journey.
*I think you meant "not". Not to nitpick, BUT in the context of this conversation that particular typo is kinda funny
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Old 06-09-2019, 04:12 PM
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We are our own worst enemies as drinkers - there was a quote I had written down during my last days with the bottle, wasn't sure if it was from a song or a book or where but it was "how in love are you with the worst of yourself?"

Struck a chord I guess. Still does. Grateful to have left that pain behind. You can be too.
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Old 06-09-2019, 10:23 PM
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The guilt gets less slowly day by day as long as we stay sober. I have a lot of guilt and extreme fear of things I’ve done drinking. Several situations I could have died. Each day sober makes small amends towards the guilt. It takes time, it will lift.
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