ConfusedGuy

so sorry to everyone who helped me so much to understand my condition. You are really lovely peoples. I had 2 months of positive sobriety and now I am sinking. I have been drinking and comtrolling this, but i am so frightened, I was with a girl who is also alcoholic and she is so glad to see me back tonight.So what do I do ? - I love this girl, and I know I shared how much she swore at me and everything when I stopped drinking, but I think I love her. And Yes, I am drunk now a little bit but russia is so depressing, I am so sorry. I was so strong when I stopped, but now I am so scared, and I am controlling my drink. But I am not happy, I wish I could stop, but then I would lose Marina and she is all I have in a very lonely life. Right now I am thinkin of just ending everythng because life is such a mess. I will not do this because I am not so brave, Anyone understanding me ??

LiveLikeGold6

Have you tried having a sincere talk with her, maybe you can talk to her while getting sober. But if she’s an alcoholic too it might turn out that once your sober you no longer want go date her. In any event, kindly take her personal name off, and dont give up! Or feel too ashamed for relapsing, it happens, but it doesn’t have to.

least

You're not at the end, unless you mean 'at the end of your drinking'. You are here reaching out for help. I hope you'll stop drinking cause only bad will come from it.

thomas11

You don't need to apologize, and yes I can kind of understand your position. That being said, it is up to us as adults to figure out how to make a better life for ourselves. Particularly when we have faltered.

Anna

ConfusedGuy, I hope you decide to stop drinking and to get back to sobriety. I'm sure you can see that a future with an alcoholic girlfriend is going to be no future at all. You say you think you love her, yet you say you are so unhappy and your life is such a mess. I think if you focus on your recovery, you will find happiness and peace in your life.

BrianK

You are brave for facing the pain and asking for help. And because you did, you're still here and still can make some choices.

Can you put any decisions on hold for 24 hours? (Actually, your avatar kinda suggests that, I just noticed. Coincidence? )

One thing I have learned through many mistakes is that the person I am when I'm in a dark place is like a completely different person from who I might be tomorrow morning, or in a week, or month. Alcohol puts our emotions on a roller coaster even when we've only been sober a short time.

Maybe keep posting and sharing today, sleep on it, come back and check in every day for a while, and just don't worry about making any big decisions for at least a little while. Then when you feel leveled off a bit, see if anything keeps "feeling right." This sometimes works for me. I don't always make the best decision, but it's better than what would have happened if I'd have made a big decision in a drunk dark place.

Hope this was at least a little helpful.

Peace be to you!!!

Dee74

Hi Confused guy - my advice as to what to do right now is stop drinking and go to bed - it's late there right? - you're only making yourself feel worse.

Drinking only makes our despair and sadness 10 times worse.

If you're feeling really low there are some international crisis numbers in this link.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

Many of us have 'hit bottom' and bounced back. As my sig says - everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok its not the end.

Stay sober, recommit to your recovery, and things will get better

D

ConfusedGuy

Thank you all. It is nice to just have a reply because I am feeling now that nobody would notice if I just disapperd. And that somehow it would be ok because nobody would know. Maybe I am not making sense, and i am finding it so hard to say what I feel, because I am totally exhausted. But a small voice in me is stopping me from this. Because yes, I have a small belief somewhere that life could be better. While there is still some belief or hope I cannot just stop. But it is so hard here to drink nothing, So I will try again. But for me it is a hard journey.

ConfusedGuy

Ok. Thanks Dee, I am going to bed. I am not in good place in my head. But i know you understand where i am at. Tomorrow I will make a new start. Thank you.

Dee74

I understand for sure CG. Been there.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, man

D

Kevinmalone

Misssy2

You can NOT drink and have Mariana also....I'm sure you were feeling good the 2 months...please try again...you don't need to drink to keep her....

If she is glad you are back and truly loves you...she will want you to be well...and maybe with you being well...she will WANT to be well.....

Show her the ropes (don't force her or ask her...just do you sober and I think she will like what she sees even more than the drunk you).

Don't beat yourself up...2 months is a long time...and you DID it....
.
I'm lonely also....I have asked a long term partner to leave me alone the anxiety is almost unbearable....I get it...but you are WITH her....so just make the best of it..but try to not drink or drink a non acoholic beer so you still get the taste and feel like you are drinking the same...but you won't be "sick".

I'm so sorry you are struggling...life is hard .....sober.

But it is harder drunk and you know that.

Zucc36

Alcohol has an insedious way of making everything so much darker and hopeless than it really is. That is not meant to diminish what you are feeling by any means. Its just if you can give yourself some time to get sober, and really only focus on fixing yourself, you will be amazed at the possibilities that come your way. Really rooting for you, and things will get better if you work for it

Hevyn

CG - We would certainly notice if you weren't here. We care about you. Please give yourself a chance at a sober life. You need to think things through with a clear head. I hope you'll be back tomorrow.

ThatWasTheOldMe

You won't get to love her for long if you kill yourself with alcohol, ConfusedGuy.

And that's where drinking like we drink lands us. The real you isn't even a drunk. If she's in love with drunk you, she's in love with a fake version of you. Alcohol intoxication SIGNIFICANTLY alters brain chemistry and changes who you are.

ConfusedGuy

Hello. I just wake and its 06;15 and I feel bad. physically sick and I must begin again the not drinking life, I am grateful for people who posted because without you I am really alone. This alcoholism is so horrible - I want to stop again - for about two months I was doing ok, and then I start again and it really feels like I am sliding into a hole. I want to sleep now but I cannot, So tired and so sick. my thinking is dark, and I just want to shut everything out, feeling like screaming and sleeping at the same time. But I really am so glad people reply to me because it is like a lifeline right now. Every post is a small piece of hope. Sorry if I sound confused, it even feels like big effort to type right now. I am crushed, I dont know how to begin again. i am going to try sleep but even lieing down again seems too much. Is like my whole body and mind wants to scream - like some kind of insanity. I will get through this.

Kevinmalone

Dee74

Try and do normal stuff today - even stuff like light housekeeping helped me in the early days

D

snitch

Hey CG . I get it. I've been where you are right now. How do you begin again? By taking it one day at a time. How you are feeling now WILL pass. But there is no other way to get to the other side except to go through the s#$t . And we are here to support you as you do. Then your healing can begin. Stay close to SR and pray. Pray for strength and courage to get you through this and you know the other side is good as you have been there already. Don't worry about what's going to happen with your friend at the moment. This is about you and your life. Everything else can be dealt with later on. Keep it in today only. The only thing you have to deal with at the moment is making sure you do not pick up a drink. That is your only priority.

It will be ok CG. You are alive and you are here. There is hope. And there is a solution. You never EVER have to feel this way again and you never, EVER have to drink again. How wonderful is that? M

🙏❤🙏❤

Zevin

"It will be ok CG. You are alive and you are here. There is hope. And there is a solution. You never EVER have to feel this way again and you never, EVER have to drink again. How wonderful is that?"

Beautifully said, snitch.

Rest up, don't drink and you can re-assess the girlfriend situation later. Take Care of Yourself for the next few days.

🙏❤🙏❤