Misssy2

Level 5 I will drink for sure.

I just texted my sister and a couple close friends.

They really do not know what to say except i need a break...and there is no break in site....well there is the first week in July.

But I am too beautiful, radiant and have to much spirit to be trapped in a house all day with an old man...

This has been going on 2 years...DAILY and He is my Father yes...but I did not MARRY him...WTF....my Mother took off after 55 years cause of his dementia.

I'm not saying I am going to drink but I feel TRAPPED.

Not to mention the summer last year I had with my sister (who is now dead) and my Father. I have no ******* joy in my life and today I am pissed.

I am Level 1 pissed...it takes me to get to Level 5 before drinking.

Usually on Sundays he seems "done" with me after our 3 hours at church so I am going to go to the beach and lay in the sun...but the time permitted will not allow me to even go to the beach that I WANT.

Cherish your joy whatever you get of it today!

Anna

Are there other family members to help care for your father? When my father-in-law had dementia, we were able to get outside help to come in twice a week at first, and then daily when things were most difficult.

ReadyAtLast

Maybe look into getting outside help.

It's also easy for other family members to do nothing g if you do everything. Sometimes you have to take a stand and put your own welfare and sanity first.

Misssy2

I have asked my Dad about outside help and he says he doesn't need help.

And he doesn't he needs companionship...and I am all there is...my sister is working...

And kids are too young to have to deal with this..I wouldn't do this to my worst enemy....

Thank you for your support.

Misssy2

Thank you for your support..he is not open to having anyone here and he is "aware" enough to make those decisions.

And I have tried just not showing up for a day and the guilt I feel is just worse than how I feel...not to make an excuse....I drink cause I dont know how to cope....or I don't have better coping skills....

And this dementia has pushed me over the brink 2 many times in the last couple years.

Newbeginning421

Put yourself first. You come first any threat to your drinking I would just leave. Hard to learn coping skills when you grew up in such a horrible environment. Repeating myself but please put yourself first you have done so much these people don't deserve you. There are things out of your control and you have nothing to feel guilty about, I know easier said then done but as they say anything you put above your sobriety will be lost

nadt

That is a big challenge and a lot to deal with emotionally. It makes sense you feel angry and it sucks that you're in that position alone.

I find that anger and that dealing with everything alone drives me back to drinking too. My situation is different than yours, but the emotions are the same.

I haven't found good coping skills just yet either... I'm back on another day 4, but we're doing it now.

I know it sounds cheesy, but I have found that taking a moment to focus on my breathing and telling myself "I can do this" is helping me some this time.... at least so far. So, have your encouraging posts to me.

you can do this!

Anna

You are asking too much of yourself to do this every single day. Your Dad says he doesn't need help and he doesn't need companionship, so why not take him at his word. Decide what is realistic for you to manage and then make it work. Maybe you could start by finding something you enjoy doing and spend one day a week doing just that.

sortofhomecomin

I was slightly confused when I first started reading the OP as 'pissed' in the UK and Ireland means drunk believe it or not, when we use the expression 'pissed off' it has similar meaning to the American usage of 'pissed'.

Meditation and exercise are the things that help most recovering alkies in your situation.

ReadyAtLast

Me too! I remember first time i read this on SR. Someone saying they were pissed and wanted to drink. I thought surely you have been drinking if you're pissed?

As sort of says - In the UK and ROI being pissed means having had loads to drink!

Misssy2

Thank you so much....you helped me also.

Misssy2

oh no...no...I"m not "pissed" UK language..just "pissed off"...but this site helps.
Thank you for your support.

Misssy2

I know but this morning when I pulled up he was "peering" out the door all alone...looking for me or company...I just CANT take a day away....it breaks my heart...

But, I DID take 7 days away between drinking and being hungover....so yea...I should think more on this.

Thank you for your support.

Misssy2

Congratulations on the 4 days...you just reminded me I do NOT want to be at 4 days again..

But the alchy me tells myself...well don't drink for a week...just drink tonight...but NO....I have church tomorrow with him and I'm busy enough...like I said I'm just over this!

Misssy2

Anyone else that tells me that they don't need help I would believe.
This man...doesn't KNOW he needs help we try to shield him from that..

Just noticed he has been stopping the washing machine before it is done....he forgets to eat....forgets to take medication...so many things...he does he isn't aware of....

Like I said to someone else...I will rethink at least a day when my sister is home from work next week.

But I feel bad for her too...she has 2 kids...works full time and then comes home to this....

My x's Mom is 89 and needs NO HELP during the day...I'm just so angry.

My Dad just turned 80.

Misssy2

I certainly do need some ear plugs for the meditation I used to do at night which really does help me calm down and fall asleep.

Thank you for your support.

Misssy2

Thank you for understanding you seem to have remembered some other stuff I have said in the past....

However, my son who is no longer addicted to drugs..I sent him basically the same message today and he wrote back and put me in my PLACE.

He said it makes no sense to put my drinking on levels...he said he is angry 10 and won't go get 10 bags of dope....He said it sounds like I am going down a slipperly path and looking for support to do so....I hate him...LOL...(joking).

It was hard but I wrote back and said he was right and thanked him

entropy1964

My parents both have dementia and not the kind where they can be alone at all. I have a brother living with them now, lots of outside help, and he's still falling apart. I was planning to move there in September but realize I was putting myself in the absolute worst situation for me. I mean, horrible...for so many reasons. So I get a little bit where you are. I was there for 3 weeks in March and that was rough. Going again on the 12th and then again on the 9th of July. Then, I'm done. I'll visit...but with a kid starting Uni I'm ready to actually do something for myself, like re-focus on my career.

This is forcing the family to make decisions that no one wanted to make because I was going to 'swoop in' and be the hero. My stepping back and saying "He!! NO" is forcing necessary change. Its hard but it has to happen.

Sounds like you can leave your Dad a bit. You don't live there. Set those boundaries, force change. Its ok.

Mango212

Part and parcel of this Family Disease of Alcoholism. Feeling responsible for things we aren't, etc.

"the guilt I feel is just worse than how I feel...not to make an excuse....I drink cause I dont know how to cope....or I don't have better coping skills..."


So you learn better coping skills. Put down the guilt. Your choice. The disease says lies all the time. Becoming aware of lies allows room to make new choices,

Serenity Prayer helps.

I'm not alcoholic. I am in recovery from this family disease.

Good luck!! One day at a time.

Kevinmalone