I'm not pregnant, turd.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 131
I'm not pregnant, turd.
So..........
Sometimes, you leave your Sunday afternoon AA meeting with nothing but happy thoughts running through your head, and big plans to go to the beauty supply store to buy a home waxing kit. (You want to test it out on yourself or your sleeping friends before you go visit your temporarily long-distance boyfriend, and figure its cheaper to buy a home kit than to pay $60 to your usual lady Simona who knid of looks at you creepily when she's near the bikini area). You've been working out hard the past few weeks in anticipation of looking h-o-t, and are feeling good about the upcoming purchase.
Anyway, sometimes you're walking towards your car happily twirling your new 90 day chip around your index finger and humming "At Last" by Etta James, trying to forget that while she sang it at the previous night's concert she gyrated in a way that grandmothers should not gyrate on her performance chair. Performance inDEED Etta. So anyhoo, while you walk you're distractedly aware that you're wearing your baggy sweats that aren't the most flattering, but that you put on before the meeting because you had a big breakfast and you wanted to be comfortable.
Often while you innocently wait at the curb for a chance to cross the street, a seemingly nice little old lady with what you assume to be her granddaughter walks up next to you and starts making small talk. You're feeling good and don't want to be rude, so you indulge her in talking about the weather while you wait for a chance to cross. You notice that said grandchild is looking at your stomach and wont stop staring. You keep chatting, thinking the child is odd but not pointing it out, as you later kind of wish you had. Because all of a sudden, out of nowhere,her grandchild, lets call her Ruby McTalkstoomuch, POINTS TO YOUR STOMACH AND SAYS, "what's your baby's name gonna be"?
I should have preemptively explained to Ruby how babies were made and how exactly you got them out of your body, but then it was time to cross the street.
Kids. You can't live with em, and i'm pretty sure you can't sell em. bleh.
Sometimes, you leave your Sunday afternoon AA meeting with nothing but happy thoughts running through your head, and big plans to go to the beauty supply store to buy a home waxing kit. (You want to test it out on yourself or your sleeping friends before you go visit your temporarily long-distance boyfriend, and figure its cheaper to buy a home kit than to pay $60 to your usual lady Simona who knid of looks at you creepily when she's near the bikini area). You've been working out hard the past few weeks in anticipation of looking h-o-t, and are feeling good about the upcoming purchase.
Anyway, sometimes you're walking towards your car happily twirling your new 90 day chip around your index finger and humming "At Last" by Etta James, trying to forget that while she sang it at the previous night's concert she gyrated in a way that grandmothers should not gyrate on her performance chair. Performance inDEED Etta. So anyhoo, while you walk you're distractedly aware that you're wearing your baggy sweats that aren't the most flattering, but that you put on before the meeting because you had a big breakfast and you wanted to be comfortable.
Often while you innocently wait at the curb for a chance to cross the street, a seemingly nice little old lady with what you assume to be her granddaughter walks up next to you and starts making small talk. You're feeling good and don't want to be rude, so you indulge her in talking about the weather while you wait for a chance to cross. You notice that said grandchild is looking at your stomach and wont stop staring. You keep chatting, thinking the child is odd but not pointing it out, as you later kind of wish you had. Because all of a sudden, out of nowhere,her grandchild, lets call her Ruby McTalkstoomuch, POINTS TO YOUR STOMACH AND SAYS, "what's your baby's name gonna be"?
I should have preemptively explained to Ruby how babies were made and how exactly you got them out of your body, but then it was time to cross the street.
Kids. You can't live with em, and i'm pretty sure you can't sell em. bleh.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
I should have preemptively explained to Ruby how babies were made and how exactly you got them out of your body, but then it was time to cross the street.
And the coffee comes spurting out my nose. Recovery without laughter is missing the whole point. Thanks for the early morning giggles, sick&tired.
And congratulations on your 90 days!
Jah Bless
Little Girl Found
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Andover, MA
Posts: 567
You have a way with words...truly bless-ed story teller. Have you put your talents to any work?
Anyways...thanks for the early morning laugh.
It makes it easier to tackle this grunt work of processing insurance renewal policies. :yelling Ugh...the worst part of my job!
Danielle
Anyways...thanks for the early morning laugh.
It makes it easier to tackle this grunt work of processing insurance renewal policies. :yelling Ugh...the worst part of my job!Danielle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 131
Embracing the pot belly
Thanks for those of you who replied.......i'm glad i could put a smile on your faces this morning.
After my cyber rant last night I proceeded to make a batch of cupcakes. After leering at them for a bit, I proceeded to eat 9 of them. N-I-N-E of them. This is why I should not live alone, and why I wear pants with forgiving waistbands. I woke up today and immediately ran to the mirror to do a sideways belly check, and confirmed that I do have a slight pot belly. Maybe that kid had a right to ask about the baby.
I'm gonna go get a doughnut.
After my cyber rant last night I proceeded to make a batch of cupcakes. After leering at them for a bit, I proceeded to eat 9 of them. N-I-N-E of them. This is why I should not live alone, and why I wear pants with forgiving waistbands. I woke up today and immediately ran to the mirror to do a sideways belly check, and confirmed that I do have a slight pot belly. Maybe that kid had a right to ask about the baby.
I'm gonna go get a doughnut.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 26
Congrats on 90 Days, that's awesome!
I'm so glad you posted this. I've been running more lately to get my weight gain under control and think I'm looking better myself -- it's all in the eyes of the beholder though, eh?
Liz
I'm so glad you posted this. I've been running more lately to get my weight gain under control and think I'm looking better myself -- it's all in the eyes of the beholder though, eh?
Liz
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