argillaceous

One of the things I learned when I first joined SR was the importance of staying close. Since I came back a couple of weeks ago, I haven't done that enough, and consequently, have drank.

And I haven't posted much either, something that's hard for me. But I need to do that, too. So I'm trying something new today, which is to post much earlier than I might (it's 10am where I am now). Since my downfall seems to come in the early evening, I want to get a jump on getting "no" in my head early today.

I've found that when I've been successful it is often due, in part, to getting in a mindset where I just cut AV's voice off at its knees and don't even let myself even entertain the thought of drinking.

I'll check back in later today, and especially as tonight starts to unfold. I'm ready to get my new Day 1 under my belt! Thanks for being here SRers!

doggonecarl

Posting works!

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-1-2019-a.html (Class of June Part 1 2019)

Anna

The early evening was the worst time of the day for me, too.

I began getting out of the house right after dinner clean-up and going for long walks. It helped in so many ways and by the time I returned home, the tough cravings were manageable.

MantaLady

How you getting on Argillaceous? x

Dee74

Posting as often as I needed to - even if I was simply posting to someone else - was a major part of my recovery plan argi

D

argillaceous

Thank you Manta Lady for asking. It's 6:31pm and I'm doing pretty well. I think I may actually get a Day 1 under my belt.

I've had a couple of really frustrating things that have been happening in the past week. But as opposed to burying the anger about them (which, news flash! don't really work...) I am addressing them by reaching out to the people I am angry with to resolve the issues I feel so aggrieved about.

Normally, I would just seethe and rant about these things (and I have been, which then leads to ... ta da! drinking to try to bury/numb those emotions). Instead I am treating these as "it's just business" (something my husband says that often makes me put things into perspective). And asking him to help me craft my responses.

So think I am OK today, and thanks doggonecarl for the link. Going to sign up for June post haste.

Anna, I do need to find some things to do in the evening. Part of my issues is that I have 24/7 chronic jaw/neck pain issues due to trigeminal neuralgia. Chronic pain is a great doorway to depression and the combo of the pain and the sadness makes it hard to even get out of bed until about 3pm. A walk, as you mentioned, does do wonders. Thankfully, I have a 14-year-old greyhound who encourages that behavior as often as possible.

Dee...just seeing your name caused me to have this really lovely sigh of contentment. You have always been such a rock to me. I hadn't thought about just posting to someone else. That's a thought to consider, or even posting on one of the subforums. About to go join June. I found posting in the monthly easier for me.

I've puzzled about why it's so hard to posting at the parent's table--the Newcomers Forum--and even the more specialized forums; I think it has something to do with visibility and fear of someone not responding to my posts...i.e., the fear of rejection or of not being liked; I know intellectually that people don't respond to posts for a million reasons, likely having nothing to do with me...the fear is more of an emotional response.

But post I must, and stay close to this magical place, to get some real days under my belt toward my goal to never drink again. I will make it my goal to post every day for 30 days, whether here or in the June thread.

*virtual hugs*

MantaLady

Glad you posted again and that your hanging in there! I used to have such low self confidence that in the early days I got nervous about posting and if someone didn’t respond quick enough I would automatically believe it was because nobody liked me or some other horrid thing about myself. Getting self confidence back improved greatly with the more sobertime I got and joining the May 2018 class certainly helped me with that.

Keep fighting the good fight, it’s worth it and your worth it too!! xx

argillaceous

Hi MantaLady. I was encouraged to see your post this morning. It made me feel connected and appreciative that you remembered my post and came back to check in. I needed that. So thanks.

The early days are so so so hard. That's why I'm going to try to stay so so so close and post for me and ask for the help I need.

Posting early yesterday, and joining the June monthly as well, definitely helped keep me sober. So I'm gonna try that again and go for a day 2.

I'm seven hours and forty-two minutes into the day. Good morning SR!

biminiblue

Good morning, argi.

Day Two is yours for the taking.

I think we all worry way too much about other peoples' opinions. I know I do (or did when I drank.) Alcohol destroys that natural protective barrier/boundary between people, in my experience. I like the saying I heard at an AA meeting, "What people think of me is none of my business."

Even if it were my business, there's nothing I can do about what someone else has in their own head.

The feeling that people are talking about me or even thinking about me once I walk away has left me with sober time because now I don't spend time worrying about them or what they think. I've given up mind-reading. One more reason to stay away from a substance that increases paranoia and fear.

I liked my Class of March thread. It petered out, but it was good in early days. Then I found Weekenders. I like it too.

DriGuy

Talking these things through with the party involved sometimes helps, and as you mentioned, burying anger can lead to repression, which is psychologically harmful at best, or can explode later on as it builds. No matter how you handle it, eventually you must let it go, and this is critical; Do not confuse "letting it go" with "burying it." They two are very different behaviors with very different outcomes.

In cases where talking it through doesn't help, you can simply let it go, and I have found it more effective. It's a shortcut to clearing your head, and in my case, I had to learn it. I think some people do it instinctively, but it wasn't instinctive in my case. Basically, it involves pushing the anger and it's target out of your head. Like any skill or behavior change, it takes practice.

There is a saying I heard in AA that I love: "When you hold a resentment toward someone, you are allowing them to live in your head rent free." And I know I don't have that much space in my head to let that happen.

MantaLady

I like that phrase DriGuy but I would tweak it a bit to be “When you hold a resentment toward someone, you are allowing them to rent a space in your head and your the one paying their rent for them”! Xx

argillaceous

I had forgotten about that phrase DriGuy, but it is a good one (as is MantaLady's tweak—insult to injury as I am paying the rent).

It's interesting you mention the letting go part DriGuy because after I drafted those three notes (in response to three separate issues) I started to think to myself "why am I really writing these? what do I really want to accomplish with them?" and I'm thinking about not sending 1 or 2 and just as you mention, letting go (which is I agree much different from burying it).

Letting go to me lightens my soul a bit and frees my mind (and soul) to focus on healthier things and interactions. Just thinking that got me to spontaneously take in and breathe out this satisfying sigh. But letting go is hard...it will be interesting to see what my mind holds onto if I don't send some of the notes; paying attention will be important.

So Day 2 is almost one more hour in. It almost seems hour to hour right now. Going to nap a bit (my body is begging for some badly needed self care) and check back in later today.

Thanks all for your thoughts. They help me think about my life and my choices, if that makes any sense, which I find is something I seem to rather actively ignore when I am drinking...AV doesn't like it much when I consider the cost it brings.