Chronic Anxiety?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Chronic Anxiety?
Been reading a good book by Charles Whitfield on healing the inner child and how it relates to being codependent. He says "to get to the point of recovery, we must survive. Survivors are by necessity codependent". We use many coping skills to do this. That's all I have been doing all my life, surviving, not thriving. It's so amazing to see it written in print. Codependents barely survive.
He mentions core issues to be addressed, one of them being "high tolerance for inappropriate behaviour". I experienced this with my ex, many red flags but I put up with them because I thought this is what love is, you put up with things if you love someone! Wrong. Yes you work at relationships but you don't put up with abusive behaviour, which goes back to something I've always wondered about. Most people won't have seen healthy relationships growing up, so we have no framework or template to work with. This is huge.
I have just gone through a bank holiday weekend here, where I had huge anxiety and although had been doing well, I binged on sugary foods and sodas to take the edge off. I'm realising in recovery that I suffer majorly with anxiety and this is a revelation for me. No other person to focus on now has left me with myself now to focus on and I can see even my ex was a reason for me to check out of life, why because I don't like it! It's a bitter pill to swallow to realise at 44 I have only been barely surviving all my life. Anxiety is horrible, so I need to address this. Be interested to hear from others and your anxiety.
He mentions core issues to be addressed, one of them being "high tolerance for inappropriate behaviour". I experienced this with my ex, many red flags but I put up with them because I thought this is what love is, you put up with things if you love someone! Wrong. Yes you work at relationships but you don't put up with abusive behaviour, which goes back to something I've always wondered about. Most people won't have seen healthy relationships growing up, so we have no framework or template to work with. This is huge.
I have just gone through a bank holiday weekend here, where I had huge anxiety and although had been doing well, I binged on sugary foods and sodas to take the edge off. I'm realising in recovery that I suffer majorly with anxiety and this is a revelation for me. No other person to focus on now has left me with myself now to focus on and I can see even my ex was a reason for me to check out of life, why because I don't like it! It's a bitter pill to swallow to realise at 44 I have only been barely surviving all my life. Anxiety is horrible, so I need to address this. Be interested to hear from others and your anxiety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 319
Recently I signed up for Kelly Brogan’s email list (kellybroganmd.com -she’s a Holistic Psychiatrist ), she had info on anxiety in the last email I received. I just went on her website and tried to find the video, but I think you might have to sign up for the email list to get it? It’s video #2. 
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Ah yes. Anxiety. I did not even realize I had anxiety until my mother actually came to my job, took me to the doctor, and went in with me and told the doctor that she thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown if I did not get my horrible anxiety under control. Everyone else could see it, but I did not recognize it myself really.
While my parents are married, their relationship was not really a good one. I am in the same boat, I never had any sort of healthy relationships from the start, and here I was a divorced mom trying to recover from a horrible marriage from an addict while trying to protect my kids. No wonder the anxiety was horrible!
Thus started a long relationship with my psychiatrist (that's right, not counselor at that time, psychiatrist) and doctor, as well as leaning on my family and SR family here for support. Once my medicines were under control and figured out, I moved on to another long relationship with my counselor. Point being, it is a long road with lots of hard work, digging deep, to get it all under control.
Now, I feel like I am in such a better place. I try every second of the day to exhibit healthy behaviors to my own children in the hopes to have broken the chain. Time will tell.
I come by anxiety honestly. I am a pretty keyed up person and my father and sister both have very bad anxiety. That is something to take into account and disclose to the doctor as well.
I DEFINTIELY had a high tolerance for unacceptable behaviors in my past. I was in survivor mode, and we were making it, barely. I come from a long line of people who do not divorce. You do everything you need to do to hold it together. It's ridiculous. All it does is breed codie behaviors and unhappiness. No one has to live a life of misery.
So, that's my story in a very basic nut shell......from a lifelong but recovering codie at heart.
While my parents are married, their relationship was not really a good one. I am in the same boat, I never had any sort of healthy relationships from the start, and here I was a divorced mom trying to recover from a horrible marriage from an addict while trying to protect my kids. No wonder the anxiety was horrible!
Thus started a long relationship with my psychiatrist (that's right, not counselor at that time, psychiatrist) and doctor, as well as leaning on my family and SR family here for support. Once my medicines were under control and figured out, I moved on to another long relationship with my counselor. Point being, it is a long road with lots of hard work, digging deep, to get it all under control.
Now, I feel like I am in such a better place. I try every second of the day to exhibit healthy behaviors to my own children in the hopes to have broken the chain. Time will tell.
I come by anxiety honestly. I am a pretty keyed up person and my father and sister both have very bad anxiety. That is something to take into account and disclose to the doctor as well.
I DEFINTIELY had a high tolerance for unacceptable behaviors in my past. I was in survivor mode, and we were making it, barely. I come from a long line of people who do not divorce. You do everything you need to do to hold it together. It's ridiculous. All it does is breed codie behaviors and unhappiness. No one has to live a life of misery.
So, that's my story in a very basic nut shell......from a lifelong but recovering codie at heart.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Ah yes. Anxiety. I did not even realize I had anxiety until my mother actually came to my job, took me to the doctor, and went in with me and told the doctor that she thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown if I did not get my horrible anxiety under control. Everyone else could see it, but I did not recognize it myself really.
While my parents are married, their relationship was not really a good one. I am in the same boat, I never had any sort of healthy relationships from the start, and here I was a divorced mom trying to recover from a horrible marriage from an addict while trying to protect my kids. No wonder the anxiety was horrible!
Thus started a long relationship with my psychiatrist (that's right, not counselor at that time, psychiatrist) and doctor, as well as leaning on my family and SR family here for support. Once my medicines were under control and figured out, I moved on to another long relationship with my counselor. Point being, it is a long road with lots of hard work, digging deep, to get it all under control.
Now, I feel like I am in such a better place. I try every second of the day to exhibit healthy behaviors to my own children in the hopes to have broken the chain. Time will tell.
I come by anxiety honestly. I am a pretty keyed up person and my father and sister both have very bad anxiety. That is something to take into account and disclose to the doctor as well.
I DEFINTIELY had a high tolerance for unacceptable behaviors in my past. I was in survivor mode, and we were making it, barely. I come from a long line of people who do not divorce. You do everything you need to do to hold it together. It's ridiculous. All it does is breed codie behaviors and unhappiness. No one has to live a life of misery.
So, that's my story in a very basic nut shell......from a lifelong but recovering codie at heart.
While my parents are married, their relationship was not really a good one. I am in the same boat, I never had any sort of healthy relationships from the start, and here I was a divorced mom trying to recover from a horrible marriage from an addict while trying to protect my kids. No wonder the anxiety was horrible!
Thus started a long relationship with my psychiatrist (that's right, not counselor at that time, psychiatrist) and doctor, as well as leaning on my family and SR family here for support. Once my medicines were under control and figured out, I moved on to another long relationship with my counselor. Point being, it is a long road with lots of hard work, digging deep, to get it all under control.
Now, I feel like I am in such a better place. I try every second of the day to exhibit healthy behaviors to my own children in the hopes to have broken the chain. Time will tell.
I come by anxiety honestly. I am a pretty keyed up person and my father and sister both have very bad anxiety. That is something to take into account and disclose to the doctor as well.
I DEFINTIELY had a high tolerance for unacceptable behaviors in my past. I was in survivor mode, and we were making it, barely. I come from a long line of people who do not divorce. You do everything you need to do to hold it together. It's ridiculous. All it does is breed codie behaviors and unhappiness. No one has to live a life of misery.
So, that's my story in a very basic nut shell......from a lifelong but recovering codie at heart.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
First thing I'd "prescribe" to all who deal with anxiety is to unplug from social media - entirely. Social media can be fun, but the emotional ill effects of social media are only beginning to emerge. Comparing ourselves to others, feeling left out, feeling lesser-than, seeing images and written posts that lead us into worrisome thoughts, filters and photoshopped images - on and on. Anxiety is on the rise in every demographic that consumes a large amount of social media. How many hours are you on social media and what is your experience while on it?
Of course, social media is not to blame for all anxiety, but it sure exacerbates the pain of those of us prone to it.
Of course, social media is not to blame for all anxiety, but it sure exacerbates the pain of those of us prone to it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
While we're at it - think about texting, too. If you have a texting relationship with a difficult person, that person has 24/7 access to you and can pop into your life at any time. Doesn't matter if you put your phone away for awhile, that person (or people) still can pop into your life and lob anxiety bombs at any moment. This is another source of anxiety, the ongoing on-alert stance that we maintain when we have a problem person (or people) in our contact list. Someone doesn't need to be an outright, horrendous menace in order to cause us anxiety, it can just be a person who is difficult for us. All the same, having that person (or that job or that committee) in our pocket with 24/7 access to us can lead to a terribly anxiety riddled everyday life.
Think of all the ways that we invite anxiety into our world - and think of all the ways that we invite peace. I'll bet that anxiety sources win out over peaceful ones, hands down. With some conscious weeding, we can change our experience of the everyday. Look through your activities and choices. Give them the Marie Kondo treatment. Ask them if they bring you joy. If they do not, thank them for their service and let them move along out of your life. Codies or not, there are a lot of choices that that we can make to increase our peace over anxiety. Anxiety is not some monolithic condition that we are saddled with because of our crappy pasts (and believe me, I understand crappy.) Much of this comes down to little choices that we make every day. When we pay attention and ask ourselves, "Does this bring me joy?" we are taking back our power to consciously create our lives instead of just letting things happen to us. No, we really do not need to have instant contact with every single person we know. No, we really do not need to "stay in touch" via Facebook. No, we really do not need to look at pictures of celebrities or listen to the "news" if it does not bring us joy. Pay attention to what fosters joy and what fosters yuk and do some weeding.
Think of all the ways that we invite anxiety into our world - and think of all the ways that we invite peace. I'll bet that anxiety sources win out over peaceful ones, hands down. With some conscious weeding, we can change our experience of the everyday. Look through your activities and choices. Give them the Marie Kondo treatment. Ask them if they bring you joy. If they do not, thank them for their service and let them move along out of your life. Codies or not, there are a lot of choices that that we can make to increase our peace over anxiety. Anxiety is not some monolithic condition that we are saddled with because of our crappy pasts (and believe me, I understand crappy.) Much of this comes down to little choices that we make every day. When we pay attention and ask ourselves, "Does this bring me joy?" we are taking back our power to consciously create our lives instead of just letting things happen to us. No, we really do not need to have instant contact with every single person we know. No, we really do not need to "stay in touch" via Facebook. No, we really do not need to look at pictures of celebrities or listen to the "news" if it does not bring us joy. Pay attention to what fosters joy and what fosters yuk and do some weeding.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
"Codependents barely survive."
I see this a bit differently. We survive in very difficult situations!! This is something to be celebrated. We have survived.
My anxiety was trying to tell me something for a very long time. Through Al-Anon, learning and and implementing extreme self-care, service work and new actions, new feelings followed.
I see this a bit differently. We survive in very difficult situations!! This is something to be celebrated. We have survived.
My anxiety was trying to tell me something for a very long time. Through Al-Anon, learning and and implementing extreme self-care, service work and new actions, new feelings followed.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
A quote I relate to:
"By working through the Steps, I was able to quiet my anxiety and fear. I talked with my Sponsor, instead of trying to get comfort from people who weren’t capable of giving it. I learned how to mind my own business and to take care of myself every day."
Having a sponsor step me through life in a new way made a major difference in my recovery.
"By working through the Steps, I was able to quiet my anxiety and fear. I talked with my Sponsor, instead of trying to get comfort from people who weren’t capable of giving it. I learned how to mind my own business and to take care of myself every day."
Having a sponsor step me through life in a new way made a major difference in my recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by FallenAngelina
While we're at it - think about texting, too. If you have a texting relationship with a difficult person, that person has 24/7 access to you and can pop into your life at any time. Doesn't matter if you put your phone away for awhile, that person (or people) still can pop into your life and lob anxiety bombs at any moment. This is another source of anxiety, the ongoing on-alert stance that we maintain when we have a problem person (or people) in our contact list. Someone doesn't need to be an outright, horrendous menace in order to cause us anxiety, it can just be a person who is difficult for us. All the same, having that person (or that job or that committee) in our pocket with 24/7 access to us can lead to a terribly anxiety riddled everyday life.
Think of all the ways that we invite anxiety into our world - and think of all the ways that we invite peace. I'll bet that anxiety sources win out over peaceful ones, hands down. With some conscious weeding, we can change our experience of the everyday. Look through your activities and choices. Give them the Marie Kondo treatment. Ask them if they bring you joy. If they do not, thank them for their service and let them move along out of your life. Codies or not, there are a lot of choices that that we can make to increase our peace over anxiety. Anxiety is not some monolithic condition that we are saddled with because of our crappy pasts (and believe me, I understand crappy.) Much of this comes down to little choices that we make every day. When we pay attention and ask ourselves, "Does this bring me joy?" we are taking back our power to consciously create our lives instead of just letting things happen to us. No, we really do not need to have instant contact with every single person we know. No, we really do not need to "stay in touch" via Facebook. No, we really do not need to look at pictures of celebrities or listen to the "news" if it does not bring us joy. Pay attention to what fosters joy and what fosters yuk and do some weeding.
Think of all the ways that we invite anxiety into our world - and think of all the ways that we invite peace. I'll bet that anxiety sources win out over peaceful ones, hands down. With some conscious weeding, we can change our experience of the everyday. Look through your activities and choices. Give them the Marie Kondo treatment. Ask them if they bring you joy. If they do not, thank them for their service and let them move along out of your life. Codies or not, there are a lot of choices that that we can make to increase our peace over anxiety. Anxiety is not some monolithic condition that we are saddled with because of our crappy pasts (and believe me, I understand crappy.) Much of this comes down to little choices that we make every day. When we pay attention and ask ourselves, "Does this bring me joy?" we are taking back our power to consciously create our lives instead of just letting things happen to us. No, we really do not need to have instant contact with every single person we know. No, we really do not need to "stay in touch" via Facebook. No, we really do not need to look at pictures of celebrities or listen to the "news" if it does not bring us joy. Pay attention to what fosters joy and what fosters yuk and do some weeding.
I like what you say about inviting in stress or not, the weeding. However I can't really avoid a big stressor for me during the summer without feeling I'm being hard done by or lost the battle. That is my neighbours. They are out in garden all the time. If I decide to stay inside as a result I'm stressed because I feel I can't even relax in my own garden. If I stay outside I am stressed listening to them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by Seren
*raises hand*
Yep...anxiety sufferer here, too. I'm starting to work through a book called "Mind over Mood". It's CBT that you work through on your own, and it has started to help YMMV.
Yep...anxiety sufferer here, too. I'm starting to work through a book called "Mind over Mood". It's CBT that you work through on your own, and it has started to help
YMMV.Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by Mango212
"Codependents barely survive."
I see this a bit differently. We survive in very difficult situations!! This is something to be celebrated. We have survived.
My anxiety was trying to tell me something for a very long time. Through Al-Anon, learning and and implementing extreme self-care, service work and new actions, new feelings followed.
I see this a bit differently. We survive in very difficult situations!! This is something to be celebrated. We have survived.
My anxiety was trying to tell me something for a very long time. Through Al-Anon, learning and and implementing extreme self-care, service work and new actions, new feelings followed.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
What will give you some relief today? Just as an alcoholic who's given up drinking yet isn't working a program of recovery and is miserable, the same can be for us. You've given up a "drug". A recovery program can make the difference between existing and healing.
Are you able to get to a meeting today? Are you willing to bookend it with small bits of self-care and gratitude and picking up a recovery slogan to use?
Awareness of what we've been through can be a good thing, yet sometimes can be shelved until we have solid recovery skills to first enjoy forward healing momentum.
Are you able to get to a meeting today? Are you willing to bookend it with small bits of self-care and gratitude and picking up a recovery slogan to use?
Awareness of what we've been through can be a good thing, yet sometimes can be shelved until we have solid recovery skills to first enjoy forward healing momentum.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I have a few thoughts Glen - the first being that you aren't going to find any one magic answer in any one resource... but every new idea can't turn your head completely in a new direction. It's about balance & just picking up the pieces of what actually fits our stories. Don't lose sight of that & go chasing shiny things in recovery or you'll exhaust yourself spinning in circles & picking up & putting down labels to see what fits.
2nd - how often do you spend time in True Silence? Not meditating, not alone with the TV or radio playing, not reading. Silence. We NEED that for those deep AHA moments to have space to bubble up - you have to let all that surface stuff blow off to even get that deep & that takes a LOT of time. Not all at once, but in regular increments over a long stretch.
3rd - I think you are a good candidate for EFT since you do not have any interest in medications. (I don't either) I don't mean that you should learn this technique just for moments of anxiety (although that is very useful), but consider dedicating yourself to doing it for 30 days in a specific & directed way & see how you feel at the end of it.
4th - I did find some natural supplements that help a lot when I feel like I'm really losing control & can't afford to - like I need to attend an event for my kid & can't be melting down. I also use them when I travel & I ordered mine from Amazon, although I later found them at my local Walmart, lol:
Bach Rescue Pastilles - The Original Bach Flower Remedies
5th - I'm something like 8 years into a conscious effort toward recovery & have made awesome progress... yet I still hit rough patches that send me spiraling back into the rabbit hole, finding & fixing things I could not have predicted. Sometimes I think I'm just tidying up a "mental closet" that I cleared a path to & when I wrench open the door I find a whole different wing of the "house" of damage I didn't even know existed. That's because, like hopeful said, it's multi-layered & you literally cannot just dig until you finish. Learning happens in spirals, not linear paths.
6th - remember that article honeypig just shared from Brene? Re-read the end about the briar patch - you maybe need to spend some real time defining what your briar patch is exactly first & then work on not needing a shell or a way to numb you way out of it.
For instance - part of what I've recently learned (like in the last 3 months) about my own BP is that actually dealing with real emotions in real time is a lot more "work" than I understood. Until now, I've done so much healing in hindsight that when I first started sitting with discomfort I initially couldn't recognize it & then when I did I wanted to come out of my skin after about 90 seconds of that raw, uncontrolled emotion. Really witnessing the dichotomy of the situation in front of me & the dialogue playing out in my mind got sort of scary - it's what it must feel like in the horror movies when they realize the killer is actually inside the house. In a real way, I am learning this now for the first time & in that way, I also catch myself behaving like a toddler acting out in the absence of knowing how to manage a situation or to protect my own sensitivities. That means more time reflecting on those new experiences so that I can examine my own reactions & behaviors to improve on them for next time. (i.e. Awareness)
I've had many, many bad moments while still doing my best every step of the way. I've apologized a lot, lol!
2nd - how often do you spend time in True Silence? Not meditating, not alone with the TV or radio playing, not reading. Silence. We NEED that for those deep AHA moments to have space to bubble up - you have to let all that surface stuff blow off to even get that deep & that takes a LOT of time. Not all at once, but in regular increments over a long stretch.
3rd - I think you are a good candidate for EFT since you do not have any interest in medications. (I don't either) I don't mean that you should learn this technique just for moments of anxiety (although that is very useful), but consider dedicating yourself to doing it for 30 days in a specific & directed way & see how you feel at the end of it.
4th - I did find some natural supplements that help a lot when I feel like I'm really losing control & can't afford to - like I need to attend an event for my kid & can't be melting down. I also use them when I travel & I ordered mine from Amazon, although I later found them at my local Walmart, lol:
Bach Rescue Pastilles - The Original Bach Flower Remedies
5th - I'm something like 8 years into a conscious effort toward recovery & have made awesome progress... yet I still hit rough patches that send me spiraling back into the rabbit hole, finding & fixing things I could not have predicted. Sometimes I think I'm just tidying up a "mental closet" that I cleared a path to & when I wrench open the door I find a whole different wing of the "house" of damage I didn't even know existed. That's because, like hopeful said, it's multi-layered & you literally cannot just dig until you finish. Learning happens in spirals, not linear paths.
6th - remember that article honeypig just shared from Brene? Re-read the end about the briar patch - you maybe need to spend some real time defining what your briar patch is exactly first & then work on not needing a shell or a way to numb you way out of it.
For instance - part of what I've recently learned (like in the last 3 months) about my own BP is that actually dealing with real emotions in real time is a lot more "work" than I understood. Until now, I've done so much healing in hindsight that when I first started sitting with discomfort I initially couldn't recognize it & then when I did I wanted to come out of my skin after about 90 seconds of that raw, uncontrolled emotion. Really witnessing the dichotomy of the situation in front of me & the dialogue playing out in my mind got sort of scary - it's what it must feel like in the horror movies when they realize the killer is actually inside the house. In a real way, I am learning this now for the first time & in that way, I also catch myself behaving like a toddler acting out in the absence of knowing how to manage a situation or to protect my own sensitivities. That means more time reflecting on those new experiences so that I can examine my own reactions & behaviors to improve on them for next time. (i.e. Awareness)
I've had many, many bad moments while still doing my best every step of the way. I've apologized a lot, lol!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by FireSprite
I have a few thoughts Glen - the first being that you aren't going to find any one magic answer in any one resource... but every new idea can't turn your head completely in a new direction. It's about balance & just picking up the pieces of what actually fits our stories. Don't lose sight of that & go chasing shiny things in recovery or you'll exhaust yourself spinning in circles & picking up & putting down labels to see what fits.
2nd - how often do you spend time in True Silence? Not meditating, not alone with the TV or radio playing, not reading. Silence. We NEED that for those deep AHA moments to have space to bubble up - you have to let all that surface stuff blow off to even get that deep & that takes a LOT of time. Not all at once, but in regular increments over a long stretch.
3rd - I think you are a good candidate for EFT since you do not have any interest in medications. (I don't either) I don't mean that you should learn this technique just for moments of anxiety (although that is very useful), but consider dedicating yourself to doing it for 30 days in a specific & directed way & see how you feel at the end of it.
4th - I did find some natural supplements that help a lot when I feel like I'm really losing control & can't afford to - like I need to attend an event for my kid & can't be melting down. I also use them when I travel & I ordered mine from Amazon, although I later found them at my local Walmart, lol:
Bach Rescue Pastilles - The Original Bach Flower Remedies
5th - I'm something like 8 years into a conscious effort toward recovery & have made awesome progress... yet I still hit rough patches that send me spiraling back into the rabbit hole, finding & fixing things I could not have predicted. Sometimes I think I'm just tidying up a "mental closet" that I cleared a path to & when I wrench open the door I find a whole different wing of the "house" of damage I didn't even know existed. That's because, like hopeful said, it's multi-layered & you literally cannot just dig until you finish. Learning happens in spirals, not linear paths.
6th - remember that article honeypig just shared from Brene? Re-read the end about the briar patch - you maybe need to spend some real time defining what your briar patch is exactly first & then work on not needing a shell or a way to numb you way out of it.
For instance - part of what I've recently learned (like in the last 3 months) about my own BP is that actually dealing with real emotions in real time is a lot more "work" than I understood. Until now, I've done so much healing in hindsight that when I first started sitting with discomfort I initially couldn't recognize it & then when I did I wanted to come out of my skin after about 90 seconds of that raw, uncontrolled emotion. Really witnessing the dichotomy of the situation in front of me & the dialogue playing out in my mind got sort of scary - it's what it must feel like in the horror movies when they realize the killer is actually inside the house. In a real way, I am learning this now for the first time & in that way, I also catch myself behaving like a toddler acting out in the absence of knowing how to manage a situation or to protect my own sensitivities. That means more time reflecting on those new experiences so that I can examine my own reactions & behaviors to improve on them for next time. (i.e. Awareness)
I've had many, many bad moments while still doing my best every step of the way. I've apologized a lot, lol!
2nd - how often do you spend time in True Silence? Not meditating, not alone with the TV or radio playing, not reading. Silence. We NEED that for those deep AHA moments to have space to bubble up - you have to let all that surface stuff blow off to even get that deep & that takes a LOT of time. Not all at once, but in regular increments over a long stretch.
3rd - I think you are a good candidate for EFT since you do not have any interest in medications. (I don't either) I don't mean that you should learn this technique just for moments of anxiety (although that is very useful), but consider dedicating yourself to doing it for 30 days in a specific & directed way & see how you feel at the end of it.
4th - I did find some natural supplements that help a lot when I feel like I'm really losing control & can't afford to - like I need to attend an event for my kid & can't be melting down. I also use them when I travel & I ordered mine from Amazon, although I later found them at my local Walmart, lol:
Bach Rescue Pastilles - The Original Bach Flower Remedies
5th - I'm something like 8 years into a conscious effort toward recovery & have made awesome progress... yet I still hit rough patches that send me spiraling back into the rabbit hole, finding & fixing things I could not have predicted. Sometimes I think I'm just tidying up a "mental closet" that I cleared a path to & when I wrench open the door I find a whole different wing of the "house" of damage I didn't even know existed. That's because, like hopeful said, it's multi-layered & you literally cannot just dig until you finish. Learning happens in spirals, not linear paths.
6th - remember that article honeypig just shared from Brene? Re-read the end about the briar patch - you maybe need to spend some real time defining what your briar patch is exactly first & then work on not needing a shell or a way to numb you way out of it.
For instance - part of what I've recently learned (like in the last 3 months) about my own BP is that actually dealing with real emotions in real time is a lot more "work" than I understood. Until now, I've done so much healing in hindsight that when I first started sitting with discomfort I initially couldn't recognize it & then when I did I wanted to come out of my skin after about 90 seconds of that raw, uncontrolled emotion. Really witnessing the dichotomy of the situation in front of me & the dialogue playing out in my mind got sort of scary - it's what it must feel like in the horror movies when they realize the killer is actually inside the house. In a real way, I am learning this now for the first time & in that way, I also catch myself behaving like a toddler acting out in the absence of knowing how to manage a situation or to protect my own sensitivities. That means more time reflecting on those new experiences so that I can examine my own reactions & behaviors to improve on them for next time. (i.e. Awareness)
I've had many, many bad moments while still doing my best every step of the way. I've apologized a lot, lol!
Thanks many great points to consider. Funny you mention chasing shiny things in recovery and new ideas exhausting me. I do some work in a helping profession, and received written feedback from my supervisor today. It said I read a lot of material but need to balance this with believing I am enough on my own! It stopped me in my tracks as it got me in a nutshell,goes back to knowing I am enough.
I don't spend a lot of time in true silence, I usually do guided meditation so I need to practice this. As for eft, have heard of it but shall look into it more.
Yes I have printed off that brene brown article and put it into a journal I'm keeping on inner child work. I feel I have been looking at my briar patch over the last few months but honestly I think I've only scratched the surface. I've been using lots of "shells" over the years, none of which are beneficial in the long run. Heck I don't actually like where I physically live, the town/ country not to mention the myriad of other shells I've made for myself.
I can relate to what you said on feeling emotions. I feel I'm only just grasping what this feels like although am still at the very beginning of this. I think I'm feeling exposed/raw lately because I'm learning that I've been doing nothing but surviving these years and I am been given a gift of awakening to this new information about living authentically, recovering from codependency. It's scary but if it means I can live a fulfilled healthy life it will all be worth it. I just hope it's not too late.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Was speaking to a guy today was is a recovering alcoholic of 12 years and sober. Goes to AA still, goes to therapy etc. He then mentioned he suffers with anxiety very badly. He said even in his healthiest moments in his life his anxiety was always there.
I got to thinking of my own anxiety, and how even when I have had great things happen to me I've never fully been able to appreciate and enjoy them because now in heinsight I've always been living with anxiety. I asked that guy today had he ever thought about medication for his anxiety and he said no he doesn't believe in them. This guy still struggles with it to this day, even though his life is well.
Part of me wonders would anxiety meds be worth a try because like him I've been practising and trying lots of different approaches, techniques and beliefs. Although I'm not an alcoholic I could relate to his story.
It's particularly pertinent today as I'm having an extremely lethargic day today, struggling to do anything. Had been feeling a bit more upbeat the last couple of days but today, total Wipeout. This is my anxiety rearing it's head again.
I got to thinking of my own anxiety, and how even when I have had great things happen to me I've never fully been able to appreciate and enjoy them because now in heinsight I've always been living with anxiety. I asked that guy today had he ever thought about medication for his anxiety and he said no he doesn't believe in them. This guy still struggles with it to this day, even though his life is well.
Part of me wonders would anxiety meds be worth a try because like him I've been practising and trying lots of different approaches, techniques and beliefs. Although I'm not an alcoholic I could relate to his story.
It's particularly pertinent today as I'm having an extremely lethargic day today, struggling to do anything. Had been feeling a bit more upbeat the last couple of days but today, total Wipeout. This is my anxiety rearing it's head again.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I think it's important to realize that if you do try a medication, you are not locked down to it. If you try it and don't feel any better, stop taking it. Just like other methods.
That is just my thoughts of course. Big hugs!
That is just my thoughts of course. Big hugs!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,620
Some anti depresents also contain a component for anxiety, I think hawkeye mentioned this earlier and the one I took did - effexor xr.
Your doctor or psychiatrist should be able to advise you on this.
You relate to his story because he has been practicing many alternative approaches to overcome/control anxiety?
There are tried and true methods of controlling anxiety, deep breathing, meditation etc. The question is, how much anxiety do you want to live with? Are you content and generally ok with where you are at with it? His anxiety level may be entirely different to yours. Is he at home feeling anxious and lethargic today or does he suffer from mild anxiety?
There is something here, what is holding you back from exploring this? A visit to a psychiatrist would give you the facts and probably the prescription. You can choose whether to take it or not. Or try it and discontinue it.
Is your approach just general caution or is something else holding you back? (the vibe is - I should be able to conquer this on my own)
Your doctor or psychiatrist should be able to advise you on this.
Part of me wonders would anxiety meds be worth a try because like him I've been practising and trying lots of different approaches, techniques and beliefs. Although I'm not an alcoholic I could relate to his story.
There are tried and true methods of controlling anxiety, deep breathing, meditation etc. The question is, how much anxiety do you want to live with? Are you content and generally ok with where you are at with it? His anxiety level may be entirely different to yours. Is he at home feeling anxious and lethargic today or does he suffer from mild anxiety?
There is something here, what is holding you back from exploring this? A visit to a psychiatrist would give you the facts and probably the prescription. You can choose whether to take it or not. Or try it and discontinue it.
Is your approach just general caution or is something else holding you back? (the vibe is - I should be able to conquer this on my own)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by trailmix
Some anti depresents also contain a component for anxiety, I think hawkeye mentioned this earlier and the one I took did - effexor xr.
Your doctor or psychiatrist should be able to advise you on this.
You relate to his story because he has been practicing many alternative approaches to overcome/control anxiety?
There are tried and true methods of controlling anxiety, deep breathing, meditation etc. The question is, how much anxiety do you want to live with? Are you content and generally ok with where you are at with it? His anxiety level may be entirely different to yours. Is he at home feeling anxious and lethargic today or does he suffer from mild anxiety?
There is something here, what is holding you back from exploring this? A visit to a psychiatrist would give you the facts and probably the prescription. You can choose whether to take it or not. Or try it and discontinue it.
Is your approach just general caution or is something else holding you back? (the vibe is - I should be able to conquer this on my own)
Your doctor or psychiatrist should be able to advise you on this.
You relate to his story because he has been practicing many alternative approaches to overcome/control anxiety?
There are tried and true methods of controlling anxiety, deep breathing, meditation etc. The question is, how much anxiety do you want to live with? Are you content and generally ok with where you are at with it? His anxiety level may be entirely different to yours. Is he at home feeling anxious and lethargic today or does he suffer from mild anxiety?
There is something here, what is holding you back from exploring this? A visit to a psychiatrist would give you the facts and probably the prescription. You can choose whether to take it or not. Or try it and discontinue it.
Is your approach just general caution or is something else holding you back? (the vibe is - I should be able to conquer this on my own)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,620
It's interesting that you say that because I know someone else who said that (to me, about them) almost verbatim.
Now for me, I never considered it that way. If kind-of-being-depressed is part of my life, thought mentality, chemical imbalance, situational - whatever it was, I'm good with changing that.
The first time I took them I knew I needed something. My friend said to me, you are always so snappy. Now that isn't me, I'm generally pretty easy going really, certainly not snappy, so that wasn't me.
Are you a grouch? I know your friend said that to you, which doesn't mean you are, but are you? Is that you? Are you just a grouch? Have you always been?
I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes a little brain chemistry help can make us more of what we are than how we are acting when depressed.
Now for me, I never considered it that way. If kind-of-being-depressed is part of my life, thought mentality, chemical imbalance, situational - whatever it was, I'm good with changing that.
The first time I took them I knew I needed something. My friend said to me, you are always so snappy. Now that isn't me, I'm generally pretty easy going really, certainly not snappy, so that wasn't me.
Are you a grouch? I know your friend said that to you, which doesn't mean you are, but are you? Is that you? Are you just a grouch? Have you always been?
I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes a little brain chemistry help can make us more of what we are than how we are acting when depressed.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
