Checking in to moan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Checking in to moan
Morning everyone 😊,
Today I want to moan, scream an get it out " I'm so bored, frustrated, lacking any motivation, bitter and feeling like "is this what freedom is" I'm not going to drink/drug but I'm so disappointed that my life isn't full of happiness right now.
I have a roof over my head, an amazing son, a job, a few close friends I trust with my life, money, a new puppy which I adore, I go to the gym to fill my time, but its not enough , it should be but its not.
I should be happy, I'm sober but I'm so, so bored.
Happiness should come from within ,but I don't feel it. It bothers me that I never seem satisfied.
I don't trust myself in social gatherings just yet, I think maybe my trigger point of feeling all this is "summer" hearing the neighbors having party's, an all that goes with it. I feel the pang of (as stupid as this sounds) grief that I can't join in.
But I also know that I won't cave in, bad choices always lead to consequences to face.
I keep waiting for it to totally settle down, but it's always there in the back of my head.
I'm rambling now,
Just wanted to get it off my chest
Much love everyone 💖🙏
Today I want to moan, scream an get it out " I'm so bored, frustrated, lacking any motivation, bitter and feeling like "is this what freedom is" I'm not going to drink/drug but I'm so disappointed that my life isn't full of happiness right now.
I have a roof over my head, an amazing son, a job, a few close friends I trust with my life, money, a new puppy which I adore, I go to the gym to fill my time, but its not enough , it should be but its not.
I should be happy, I'm sober but I'm so, so bored.
Happiness should come from within ,but I don't feel it. It bothers me that I never seem satisfied.
I don't trust myself in social gatherings just yet, I think maybe my trigger point of feeling all this is "summer" hearing the neighbors having party's, an all that goes with it. I feel the pang of (as stupid as this sounds) grief that I can't join in.
But I also know that I won't cave in, bad choices always lead to consequences to face.
I keep waiting for it to totally settle down, but it's always there in the back of my head.
I'm rambling now,
Just wanted to get it off my chest
Much love everyone 💖🙏
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Good morning Doris I can related to your dilemma. Been sober 9 years, last week got my DL back after doing without for 15 years, have a hard demanding job that pays a lot of money, nice place way out in the country. I've pretty much overcome my past and I'm not happy either. It's possible that some problems and individual has are not related to alcohol/drugs issues at all. Rootin for ya. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Originally Posted by neferkamichael 
Good morning Doris I can related to your dilemma. Been sober 9 years, last week got my DL back after doing without for 15 years, have a hard demanding job that pays a lot of money, nice place way out in the country. I've pretty much overcome my past and I'm not happy either. It's possible that some problems and individual has are not related to alcohol/drugs issues at all. Rootin for ya.
Some days I just want to find oblivion (I'm not going to do it )
it's a constant fight between rational an irrational thoughts, I have jumped the first hurdle a few more to go I guess.
I know that black cloud will lift, an I will find my motivation. It's just the here an now.
Doris x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Originally Posted by Dee74
To be happy and content and fulfilled I think it's important to find meaning and purpose in life Doris,
Maybe it's time to think about what that might look like to you?
D
Maybe it's time to think about what that might look like to you?
D
Like I say I'm not going to pick up that would be a disaster. I just feel unfulfilled. Sorry for going on 😊
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hey Doris, I think you're halfway there by posting. Now all you need to do is use your obviously fine mind to work it out for yourself.
You are surely missing the sensations your body has been trained to expect over the years. Just guessing from your join date, but you've been sober less than a year and these things can take years to work out as you develop other coping mechanisms.
I suggest you do something fun, but out of your comfort zone. Up to you to decide what that is.
You are surely missing the sensations your body has been trained to expect over the years. Just guessing from your join date, but you've been sober less than a year and these things can take years to work out as you develop other coping mechanisms.
I suggest you do something fun, but out of your comfort zone. Up to you to decide what that is.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Good moaning!
Give your new life choices time to fruit.
The time will come when you harvest what you have planted time after time.
Eg. Walking your dog helps you meet new likeminded people in healthy environments these different encounters lead you down healthy pathways and help positive cognitive behaviour.
Glad you got the moan off your chest.
Give your new life choices time to fruit.
The time will come when you harvest what you have planted time after time.
Eg. Walking your dog helps you meet new likeminded people in healthy environments these different encounters lead you down healthy pathways and help positive cognitive behaviour.
Glad you got the moan off your chest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Originally Posted by Snowydelrico
Good moaning!
Give your new life choices time to fruit.
The time will come when you harvest what you have planted time after time.
Eg. Walking your dog helps you meet new likeminded people in healthy environments these different encounters lead you down healthy pathways and help positive cognitive behaviour.
Glad you got the moan off your chest.
Give your new life choices time to fruit.
The time will come when you harvest what you have planted time after time.
Eg. Walking your dog helps you meet new likeminded people in healthy environments these different encounters lead you down healthy pathways and help positive cognitive behaviour.
Glad you got the moan off your chest.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Hey doris - totally relate to a lot of what you say. You are in early sobriety still and one thing that took me quite awhile (and sometimes pops up still!) is just..."being OK." Least always talks about focusing on gratitude- one thing I do when in some version of the loop you're talking about is name the first 5 things that come to mind that I'm grateful for. Even if it's the nice ladies I see every morning when I get my huge diet lemonade at the Chick Fil A.
Also.....expectations and reality are something we have to learn to separate and, truly, ratchet the expectation part down.
The evening out of my mood and feelings and ups and downs took time, and learning that sobriety is beautiful - and life is REAL. So, it's about how we keep going thru the junk like you're feeling, and know that it will get better. It always does, somehow, if we stay sober and keep dealing with what we need to (whether past issues or those that come up daily).
Keep going.
Also.....expectations and reality are something we have to learn to separate and, truly, ratchet the expectation part down.
The evening out of my mood and feelings and ups and downs took time, and learning that sobriety is beautiful - and life is REAL. So, it's about how we keep going thru the junk like you're feeling, and know that it will get better. It always does, somehow, if we stay sober and keep dealing with what we need to (whether past issues or those that come up daily).
Keep going.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
We don’t have control over the instant gratification like we used to.
That’s the way we are made. Things can make us happy when we least expect it now.
We don’t need to have it now or the world is not worth living in. That’s how it is for now i suppose.
It’s a good place to be once your dopamine levels , level out.
I think that makes sense
That’s the way we are made. Things can make us happy when we least expect it now.
We don’t need to have it now or the world is not worth living in. That’s how it is for now i suppose.
It’s a good place to be once your dopamine levels , level out.
I think that makes sense
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Hi Doris, if you check the weekend thread I’ve been moaning all weekend. I woke up bitter today, looked at the sun outside and thought I’m going to drink today. Then I said no, give it one more day. I’m getting coffee and going to the gym. I’m 9 weeks today.
The excitement is gone from my life, I’m angry with the professional board here. But I do have peace, I feel rested, no major drama, I have a way to pay my bills this month at least. Plus the thought of the taste of alcohol literally makes my stomach turn. Maybe we trade in the masking of our unhappiness for peace when we get sober. Contentment is a good thing. Plus that little puppy you got needs his mommy sober to care for him. My puppies need their mommy in control and not being fearful of drunken fights between mommy and daddy. Give it time, one more day.
The excitement is gone from my life, I’m angry with the professional board here. But I do have peace, I feel rested, no major drama, I have a way to pay my bills this month at least. Plus the thought of the taste of alcohol literally makes my stomach turn. Maybe we trade in the masking of our unhappiness for peace when we get sober. Contentment is a good thing. Plus that little puppy you got needs his mommy sober to care for him. My puppies need their mommy in control and not being fearful of drunken fights between mommy and daddy. Give it time, one more day.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
Peace and an ordinary, uneventful ("boring") life is often underrated. Especially by alcoholics.
I have found that happiness is not "in your face" but more subtle much of the time. It is more like contentment if we surrender to it fully.
I have found that happiness is not "in your face" but more subtle much of the time. It is more like contentment if we surrender to it fully.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Peace and an ordinary, uneventful ("boring") life is often underrated. Especially by alcoholics.
I have found that happiness is not "in your face" but more subtle much of the time. It is more like contentment if we surrender to it fully.
I have found that happiness is not "in your face" but more subtle much of the time. It is more like contentment if we surrender to it fully.
Happiness is fleeting,
Whereas contentment is more sustainable
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
happiness is an inside job- one i wasnt able to "get" for some time.
i can be happy folding clothes if i set my mind to it. if i set my mind to "poor me," it doesnt matter if i have a billion dollars in front of me, i wont be happy.
i dont get bored anymore either. theres always something to do. l can be lazy,whiney, and self centered at times,though. from what im told i do it real good,too! change my thinkin and i can have fun and enjoy scrubbin floors.
it took T.I.M.E for me to get to this point.
doris, maybe accepting this is how you are NOW would help? ya know its not going to be forever but at this moment, it is what it is.
how you are right now isnt WHO you are,too.
i can be happy folding clothes if i set my mind to it. if i set my mind to "poor me," it doesnt matter if i have a billion dollars in front of me, i wont be happy.
i dont get bored anymore either. theres always something to do. l can be lazy,whiney, and self centered at times,though. from what im told i do it real good,too!
change my thinkin and i can have fun and enjoy scrubbin floors.it took T.I.M.E for me to get to this point.
doris, maybe accepting this is how you are NOW would help? ya know its not going to be forever but at this moment, it is what it is.
how you are right now isnt WHO you are,too.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Wonderful responses here.
Doris - I felt the same on & off in early recovery. Seemed like something was missing. I was so used to being oblivious to things when I drank - I'd retreat into my own little bubble. My life revolved around drinking, & I had to build a new life that didn't. I think boredom might be an inevitable part of our recovery. I missed the old 'excitement' - even though I realize how hollow & synthetic it was. I feel completely different now - and have for years. We go through many phases.
I'm glad you posted about this, Doris. You're very self aware & that is so important.
Doris - I felt the same on & off in early recovery. Seemed like something was missing. I was so used to being oblivious to things when I drank - I'd retreat into my own little bubble. My life revolved around drinking, & I had to build a new life that didn't. I think boredom might be an inevitable part of our recovery. I missed the old 'excitement' - even though I realize how hollow & synthetic it was. I feel completely different now - and have for years. We go through many phases.
I'm glad you posted about this, Doris. You're very self aware & that is so important.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Doris -
I'm sympathetic to how you feel in early sobriety.
I would respectfully try to focus on what you're doing and not on how you're feeling.
I believe that happiness is the byproduct of good actions and not an end that we should seek to obtain.
If I do good work for others, I am happy.
We're glad you're here and sharing all of these things.
Early sobriety, and some other events in sobriety, have been true challenges in my life and gotten me down.
I try to return to the mantra of doing the next right thing.
The more I try to do good each day, particularly for others, the better I feel and the happier I become.
I'm sympathetic to how you feel in early sobriety.
I would respectfully try to focus on what you're doing and not on how you're feeling.
I believe that happiness is the byproduct of good actions and not an end that we should seek to obtain.
If I do good work for others, I am happy.
We're glad you're here and sharing all of these things.
Early sobriety, and some other events in sobriety, have been true challenges in my life and gotten me down.
I try to return to the mantra of doing the next right thing.
The more I try to do good each day, particularly for others, the better I feel and the happier I become.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Peace and an ordinary, uneventful ("boring") life is often underrated. Especially by alcoholics.
I have found that happiness is not "in your face" but more subtle much of the time. It is more like contentment if we surrender to it fully.
I have found that happiness is not "in your face" but more subtle much of the time. It is more like contentment if we surrender to it fully.
When I was drinking, I thought that I had to burn a village or engage in human sacrifice to have "fun".
Now, that kind of silliness doesn't interest me.
A good meal, some good exercise, time spent with my wife and pets and something good to read all add up to a very pleasant day or evening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I know I chased 'happiness' for a long time. And I think I had intertwined being high with being happy. So I had to redefine 'happiness' and that took a while.
I also realized that happiness is a feeling, not a way of life. So it comes and goes. Maybe multiple times a day. The good news is sadness or discontentment come and go too. Every up will come down, every down will come up.
I also realized much to my surprise that I can be unhappy, discontent, sad, miserable, whatever, and not drink. Wow! That was huge for me.
To me contentment is a reasonable goal. That maybe what I'm doing is exactly as it should be. Even if I'm pissed off or frustrated, I can still be at some baseline of contentment.
Acceptance is huge. In early abstinence its about accepting that alcohol will never be a substance I can consume, ever. But then acceptance begins to play into all aspects of my life, and its very powerful.
I also realized that happiness is a feeling, not a way of life. So it comes and goes. Maybe multiple times a day. The good news is sadness or discontentment come and go too. Every up will come down, every down will come up.
I also realized much to my surprise that I can be unhappy, discontent, sad, miserable, whatever, and not drink. Wow! That was huge for me.
To me contentment is a reasonable goal. That maybe what I'm doing is exactly as it should be. Even if I'm pissed off or frustrated, I can still be at some baseline of contentment.
Acceptance is huge. In early abstinence its about accepting that alcohol will never be a substance I can consume, ever. But then acceptance begins to play into all aspects of my life, and its very powerful.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
Originally Posted by entropy1964
But then acceptance begins to play into all aspects of my life, and its very powerful.
I'm in and out of this acceptance--in fact, right now I'm resisting starting a pile of work I have to have completed by early tomorrow morning. But I'm able to face that and know the remedy--not a drink and avoidance. Instead, facing it and engaging bit by bit until I am absorbed in the task and the moment. Then it actually feels good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
I can relate to how you feel, Doris. This time of the year for me is particularity trying . FOMO is a bitch and this was around the same time I relapsed last year.
I feel myself hungering for something and the empty feeling is uncomfortable. It's exactly like hunger pangs but on a deeper level.
Nonetheless, I try to keep in mind how far I've come on every level and how a bad sober day is always better than the best day drunk...with the operative word being "try". Believe me I'm right there with you.
Thank you for posting! It's helpful. I sense I'll be doing some "moaning" of my own sometime very soon
I feel myself hungering for something and the empty feeling is uncomfortable. It's exactly like hunger pangs but on a deeper level.
Nonetheless, I try to keep in mind how far I've come on every level and how a bad sober day is always better than the best day drunk...with the operative word being "try". Believe me I'm right there with you.
Thank you for posting! It's helpful. I sense I'll be doing some "moaning" of my own sometime very soon
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