Misssy2

Feel worse today than I did on Day 2 and I stupidly took like 3 sips of coffee this morning that sent me into a tailspin of nausea and just feeling really unwell.

I tried to nap and I was tossing and turning and finally slept for 2 hours.

Showering was a JOB and made me totally exhausted.

I am a Caretaker for my Father and I have not seen him for almost 2 weeks due to the drinking and the recovery process.

I told him the other day it would take me at LEAST until Saturday to get there for him...and I am already anxious that I may feel the same on Day 4.

I am doing all the right things...drinking Pedilyte...taking vitamins...got some real food down today....up until today I could only eat soup and Watermelon.

Didn't sleep well last night...Praying tomorrow is better.

The last time I was on a Day 4 recovery in this state I had to be at my sisters wake...I made it there...so I will push to make it to my Dads tomorrow.

Detoxing sux.

RDBplus3

Detoxing sux... yes.

Being FREE is ... absolutely wonderful and fantastic.

Getting from Detoxing ... to White-Knuckling to stay Clean & Sober ... to getting that 1st glimpse of maybe being FREE ... to actually experiencing the FREEDOM ... to doing the WORK it takes to stay FREE ...

I now LOVE the saying - IT IS FOR FREEDOM GOD SET US FREE -

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous, and FREE ... and I Know U Can B 2

Ghostlight1

You may be doing all the right things now, but what about when you're back to feeling 'normal'?
Will you drink then? And go through the withdrawal that I went through for ten years again?
I know of what of what you speak, I've been there literally hundreds of times.
You don't mention anything about quitting drinking in your post. Do you plan to?
You've got an important responsibility to your father. Is he also suffering because of your drinking?
I hope you choose sobriety. We're here to help and there are other ways. Best to you.

entropy1964

Keep up the good work.

If you are responsible for your dad I hope that someone is filling in for him. If not you can hire people to help him while you recoup. Or Medicaid can usually help you find short term help. I guess this is personal for me because if my folks were without help for a couple of weeks they'd be, well, not good. So not trying to be a nosey Nancy but caregiver is a big job for sure!

Misssy2

No there were at least 5 days where he was on his own during the day...he doesn't qualify for Medicaid yet because my Mother and he are divoricing after 55 years...

But the 5 days I was not there...my sisters kids got home from school at 1pm to check on him...and my sister lives upstairs with them and gets home at 5..

I myself have been diagnosed with dementia and his Caregiving (not using him for an excuse) is overwhelming me..I own my own home, cut my own grass, wash my own floors, etc...I get burnt out and go on binges....and this happens.

Tomorrow he would be alone until 5pm if I werent going over...but I will be going there tomorrow....The kids are home ALL DAY tomorrow but not much help cause they sleep all day....on weekends they are 16 and 17 and honestly seeing their Grandfather like this is too much.

So it is ALL on me or so it feels like...and I have my own disabilities....Also have had many tragedies in the past few months including my closest sister DYING.....I am overwhelmed.

So I will be fitting AA in at night a few nights a week....but I get easily overwhelmed.

This is a punishing disease...it punishes everyone....

Misssy2

can't answer if I will drink again...I am overwhelmed easily....I will try going back to AA meetings at night but it is not always possible to do that either.....

Of course my father is suffering...this is a punishing disease for all.

ImNotThatGuy

My goodness, Missy, your anguish really comes through in your writing. Please be strong for your family. The worst of it will be over in a couple days. Just don't drink.

Misssy2

Yup..am being strong for my family that was never strong for me...my Dad and Mom kicked me out at 16....and so my Dad has forgotten that...we have developed a new relationship...but I have NOT forgotten it....and its been hard on me....I had 8 years sobriety at one time..

Till this "family" came back and needed me...starting with my sister that has died from a drug overdose in Sept....

My son having seizures has moved home....
And it goes on and on....and it gets ovewhelming...I even had a therapist who was not trained in addiction tell me ANYONE WOULD WANT A DRINK.

LOL...But I am strong...I will go back to 5pm meetings a couple times a week...I KNOW sobriety is better...but sometimes the drink is ALL that takes the pain away for ME.

But it is killing me at the same time...duh....lol

Misssy2

@Not that guy...PS...I have been with my Father every single DAY for the past 2 years...with exception of about 4 binge weeks with 5 days recovery each after the binge week.

So far he functions...he is just "lost" that is all....but he cooks his breakfast using the microwave..so far takes his pills correctly from the pill case...we are lucky.

So NOW I'm back for him...Thank God....he has made it without me for a few days again.

Misssy2

I just get really "ticked" when people that don't know me at all or the situation tell me I need to stop drinking to be there for my "family".

Nope..not my job to keep anyone ALIVE BUT MYSELF.

I do the best I can and they are VERY lucky to have me...to help out.

Numblady

That does sound overwhelming. I am so sorry for all you are shouldering. Glad you are not drinking through it as tough as that is. Hugs and strength to you.

Misssy2

Thats ok, the original post was about how crappy I am feeling on Day 3....I will feel better as long as I don't drink....and I will do the best I can with everything....I always do and have.

I wish I was never an alcoholic...because drinking really is the ONLY thing that helps me to totally not care for a "minute"...but then as we know it is ALL DOWN HILL from there.

I am one of the few people I know that are on anxiety meds...which Drs don't like prescribing to alcoholics...but do not drink always and I do not take the meds when I do drink..they trust me....I have been on them for 11 years for various reasons and they do help to an extent...but I need a lot more than they prescribe to keep me away from a drink....but since they don't give me more I make do with what they give me and usually do ok....Last year i had 10 moths sober...then my sister died and I LOST IT...cause I was already over a year into taking care of my Dad.

Thanks for listening.

Zevin

I'm so sorry about what you are going through, Missy. I've been in your shoes (Caregiving for beloved elderly parents, sudden deaths of loved ones, sick children, etc. etc. etc.) and IT IS EXHAUSTING.
But WOW on having 8 years of sobriety behind you! That's amazing. And you know you can do it and how to get it back.
I wish I had some advice or words of wisdom for you. Just know that there are people out here, rooting and praying for you.
It WILL get better.

Misssy2

Curious? When you were going thru all of this Zevin...were you drinking? I know when I was younger and stuff like this was going on...I was caregiving for Grandmother when I was in my 30's...I am 55 now...I drank thru it and worked...and had 2 kids and suffered a little from drinking but nothing like NOW.

Thank you....I really do need to be sober for myself AND to help the rest of my family get thru what is yet to come .

Day 4 ! YEA!

ImNotThatGuy

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to touch that nerve. Please be strong for yourself. Congrats on Day 4.

Newbeginning421

Missy so sorry what you are going through you are so strong. I do not have a good relationship with my parents due to them being complete crap during my childhood as well. May I ask how you forgave them and moved on to have the relationship you do today. I personally would not be able to do what you did.
Thanks

Misssy2

I havent forgave them...my Dad just doesn't remember who he WAS...my Mother moved out of State a few months ago...so I don't see or talk to her....I only associate with my "little" sister and her kids.....

I caretake for my Dad because of disabilities I don't work...and I am available and less than a mile from the house...so I make sure I stop in to see how he is doing.

Sadly...I LIKE MY NEW DAD...cause he isn't the same person anymore.

I've been told by many "professionals" that I should distance myself from my family....for YEARS....

So...never feel guilty for doing what you have to do for you...you only get one life...Hugs.

Newbeginning421

Thanks for your response even if my Dad changed somehow have not talked to him for like 8 years not sure I would be able to do what you have. I applaud your strength and courage!

Misssy2

Thank you ..I will take the compliment....I earned it today between him and my ungrateful grown kids...LOL...Hope you had a good weekend.