On edge
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
On edge
Hi SR, I know drinking will solve nothing and only make things worse. But I’m going through a lot of stress and depression about my life’s direction right now. Everything I’ve worked for, and got into so much student debt for, seems pointless. I’m in a bad waiting game. I’m concerned about finding my next job, I’ve worked in my field for 15 years and know nothing else. Now in this stupid new place I’m passed over for jobs. I’ve always gotten every job I interview for. There’s lots of hoops and bureaucracy right now in my location. I don’t have the energy to continue to fight this. I’m feeling lost. I’m 60 days today.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Mariposa, I'm sorry things are not looking good for your job. 15 years is a lot to invest in a career.
60 days of sobriety is great, and for sure you can continue your recovery journey. As long as you are sober, you will be able to make the right decisions regarding your career.
60 days of sobriety is great, and for sure you can continue your recovery journey. As long as you are sober, you will be able to make the right decisions regarding your career.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I have been doing the same job, in the same place, for 23 years. I have been told I am excellent at my job.
My current boss walked in 10 years ago and basically worked, in his spare time, to slowly eliminate me and others from the picture.
It could be argued it is age discrimination. He has favorites. I fought him as best I could, but lost.
I didn't quit, I just backed off trying to earn his respect. I have relooked at myself and decided that my perception of reality may not be his perception.
He managed to get himself promoted by earning the respect of a new company.
The bottom line for me is this....never quit. Never say die.
That character trait is what gets me out of bed every day.
It emanates from my body.
I may have lost the battle, and the war, but it will not quit. I will only stop trying when I God says it is time to join him in heaven.
Thanks.
My current boss walked in 10 years ago and basically worked, in his spare time, to slowly eliminate me and others from the picture.
It could be argued it is age discrimination. He has favorites. I fought him as best I could, but lost.
I didn't quit, I just backed off trying to earn his respect. I have relooked at myself and decided that my perception of reality may not be his perception.
He managed to get himself promoted by earning the respect of a new company.
The bottom line for me is this....never quit. Never say die.
That character trait is what gets me out of bed every day.
It emanates from my body.
I may have lost the battle, and the war, but it will not quit. I will only stop trying when I God says it is time to join him in heaven.
Thanks.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I get what you're saying.....and probably a lot of how you feel. Very similar history for me. Got every job I ever wanted. Had an 18 year career in a field where I was promoted to what I'd say was moderately high positions and made quite a bit of money.
Over the course of a couple years, everything started to vanish. The job, then the career went.....and took the money with it. Then I couldn't seem to get a new job anywhere, not even the places that I knew were beneath me - jobs I could do in my sleep, working for people I probably wouldn't have hired myself. It was a devastating time in my life - and not in a gentle "think about it occasionally" way. It was like massive chunks of my very existence were being ripped out of me, ripped to shreds, and lit on fire in front of me while the whole world seemed to watch AND agree with what was happening. Oh yeah...... I should mention this fiasco probably started as I was getting sober but it really picked up speed in years 3 - 5 of recovery.
So yeah, 2 years of loss and destruction that were easily as painful as anything I'd ever felt "in addiction" and probably more-so.
What I can say is this - there IS a way through it. Probably a couple ways, actually. The method I used was working the AA program in this area of my life. I'd worked it on my drinking and the results were super......so why not try the same thing in "all my affairs" like the program suggests? I can tell you I just rolled into my 13th year sober so dealing with these types of issues absolutely can be done in a healthy and sober way.....
I encourage you to find your way through. If it's like my experience, you'll be amazed at how many truly wonderful things can come from what seems like a purely negative experience. While I have no desire to go through it again..... I absoluuuuutely wouldn't have as much peace in my life had I not gone through that turmoil.
Over the course of a couple years, everything started to vanish. The job, then the career went.....and took the money with it. Then I couldn't seem to get a new job anywhere, not even the places that I knew were beneath me - jobs I could do in my sleep, working for people I probably wouldn't have hired myself. It was a devastating time in my life - and not in a gentle "think about it occasionally" way. It was like massive chunks of my very existence were being ripped out of me, ripped to shreds, and lit on fire in front of me while the whole world seemed to watch AND agree with what was happening. Oh yeah...... I should mention this fiasco probably started as I was getting sober but it really picked up speed in years 3 - 5 of recovery.
So yeah, 2 years of loss and destruction that were easily as painful as anything I'd ever felt "in addiction" and probably more-so.
What I can say is this - there IS a way through it. Probably a couple ways, actually. The method I used was working the AA program in this area of my life. I'd worked it on my drinking and the results were super......so why not try the same thing in "all my affairs" like the program suggests? I can tell you I just rolled into my 13th year sober so dealing with these types of issues absolutely can be done in a healthy and sober way.....
I encourage you to find your way through. If it's like my experience, you'll be amazed at how many truly wonderful things can come from what seems like a purely negative experience. While I have no desire to go through it again..... I absoluuuuutely wouldn't have as much peace in my life had I not gone through that turmoil.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
As you can see your not alone here...I also..after 19 years was being pushed out. Start looking for other jobs..go on interviews (use vacation time)....
I stuck it out for 7 years past the time they were trying to push me out but they won...I ended up drinking and since in the last 4 years have been in the hospital over 15 times.
I'm trying to say you will sink into a deep dark hole if you leave there with no where to go and you are an alcoholic and you drink.
I'm sorry this is happening to you but know you are not alone and there are solutions...even if you go talk to a temporary agency to see what jobs are available in your area....
Just go in daily..do your job...mind your business and realize this is the nature of business it is not personal TO YOU....and this too shall pass.
I stuck it out for 7 years past the time they were trying to push me out but they won...I ended up drinking and since in the last 4 years have been in the hospital over 15 times.
I'm trying to say you will sink into a deep dark hole if you leave there with no where to go and you are an alcoholic and you drink.
I'm sorry this is happening to you but know you are not alone and there are solutions...even if you go talk to a temporary agency to see what jobs are available in your area....
Just go in daily..do your job...mind your business and realize this is the nature of business it is not personal TO YOU....and this too shall pass.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I think I've shared before that it took me maybe a year to sort my life out after I stopped drinking.
That may seem like a long time right now, but when you consider I spent 20 years drinking, it's not a bad deal
I did feel on edge, lots of the time, but I used the support here and elsewhere and gradually that feeling lessened and then went away entirely.
Fear is probably taking up a lot of your energy right now - that why you feel so drained.
Trust me. You will sort out that debt and find a new job and all the other things not quite right in your life will sort themselves out too - so long as you stay sober
Drinking's not good for patience - we become accustomed to the instant gratification of the bottle...
it's a little tough to learn to wait again...but it's a skill we can develop like anything else.
60- days is great -= from 60-90 was alot asier for me - hope you find that too mariposa
D
That may seem like a long time right now, but when you consider I spent 20 years drinking, it's not a bad deal
I did feel on edge, lots of the time, but I used the support here and elsewhere and gradually that feeling lessened and then went away entirely.
Fear is probably taking up a lot of your energy right now - that why you feel so drained.
Trust me. You will sort out that debt and find a new job and all the other things not quite right in your life will sort themselves out too - so long as you stay sober
Drinking's not good for patience - we become accustomed to the instant gratification of the bottle...
it's a little tough to learn to wait again...but it's a skill we can develop like anything else.
60- days is great -= from 60-90 was alot asier for me - hope you find that too mariposa
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Stay strong mariposa!
I was going for a rant, but I'll keep it brief. Sometimes we, us all, need to realise that getting an 'ought' from an 'is', is a logical fallacy. So we must adapt.
Drinking won't solve anything as you yourself pointed out. I hope you will be able to find a spot where people actually appreciate your experience and skill instead of doing the passive-aggressive 'spit in your coffee' type thing (which is so freaking common). Try and stay calm as much as possible in the meantime, but don't give up the search.
I wish you the best!
I was going for a rant, but I'll keep it brief. Sometimes we, us all, need to realise that getting an 'ought' from an 'is', is a logical fallacy. So we must adapt.
Drinking won't solve anything as you yourself pointed out. I hope you will be able to find a spot where people actually appreciate your experience and skill instead of doing the passive-aggressive 'spit in your coffee' type thing (which is so freaking common). Try and stay calm as much as possible in the meantime, but don't give up the search.
I wish you the best!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Sixty days into not drinking is a great place to be, and maybe it's giving you more time to think about other aspects of your life that you may have just let wash over you in the prior time.
Despite being looked over for promotion recently, it sounds like you do your job well enough to be secure for a while. This gives you time to focus on the changes that are happening with you in a safe space and continue to keep your eyes open for opportunities within and outside your firm. Don't you think that spending some additional investment in your personal life at this time is equally valuable in terms of months for taking stock of where you are headed?
My identity has long been wrapped up in my career, until I wrecked pretty much everything from the alcohol. It took me a long time to get another job, and I am re-evaluating how many points I award to myself as a result of just the vocational aspects of my life. I have concerns over my debt and paying the bills, but I am not self-destructing now.
Despite being looked over for promotion recently, it sounds like you do your job well enough to be secure for a while. This gives you time to focus on the changes that are happening with you in a safe space and continue to keep your eyes open for opportunities within and outside your firm. Don't you think that spending some additional investment in your personal life at this time is equally valuable in terms of months for taking stock of where you are headed?
My identity has long been wrapped up in my career, until I wrecked pretty much everything from the alcohol. It took me a long time to get another job, and I am re-evaluating how many points I award to myself as a result of just the vocational aspects of my life. I have concerns over my debt and paying the bills, but I am not self-destructing now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Thank you all for the support, helps a lot. Today my position ends and I’m going to have too much free time. This stress and worrying is exhausting. I’ve decided I’m going to not think about it or talk about work for a week. I have enough money to get me through till about early July. I’ve been working myself non stop. Then next week I’ll start the application process for jobs. This week I’m going to spend with my husband and pets. Rest and get to the gym everyday. What’s happening to me is literally happening to tens of thousands of people because of government inefficiency and mismanagement. If I lived in any other state I’d be employed already. But I live here, and moving would be too costly without a guaranteed job offer. I felt so depressed and stressed yesterday I was in a white knuckle situation. My friend even said “I’m done” because I was talking about the issue too much. I hope when she goes through this process the government has their mess cleaned up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
A rest is a great idea. Sometimes the "negative" things that happened to me at work and in my family situation actually ended up being postitive in the end--like the universe helping me pivot into a better life. Sure didn't feel like it at the time though.
Wishing you peace and perspective--
Wishing you peace and perspective--
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Great idea to take a short break from thinking about work. By next week you will be ready to start looking for something else. At least your financial situation isn't dire, at this moment. It's understandable that you are stressed right now. Take some time to breathe.
I have faith you will come out of all this just fine, and maybe even better.
I have faith you will come out of all this just fine, and maybe even better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,480
Originally Posted by mariposa 
Thank you all for the support, helps a lot. Today my position ends and I’m going to have too much free time. This stress and worrying is exhausting. I’ve decided I’m going to not think about it or talk about work for a week. I have enough money to get me through till about early July. I’ve been working myself non stop. Then next week I’ll start the application process for jobs. This week I’m going to spend with my husband and pets. Rest and get to the gym everyday. What’s happening to me is literally happening to tens of thousands of people because of government inefficiency and mismanagement. If I lived in any other state I’d be employed already. But I live here, and moving would be too costly without a guaranteed job offer. I felt so depressed and stressed yesterday I was in a white knuckle situation. My friend even said “I’m done” because I was talking about the issue too much. I hope when she goes through this process the government has their mess cleaned up.
Gosh, not a great friend.....she is done listening? Geee.....well we want to listen.
What a lot of stress....and pain.....horribly unfair when a situation like this happens.
I believe you will find another position that is perfect for you, it just might take a little longer than a month. (Perhaps?) I would grab something else while I looked....a part-time anything....an easy-to-get job like waitressing in a place that you love....or not....but something to bring in some cash until someone says YES please come and work for us because you are AMAZING.
You are....60 days is fantastic! And if I was you I would not want to give that up for anything....you can beat this stress and come out on top here as long as you stay sober.
We can do ANYTHING sober.
s xx
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