Thinking About Drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 17
Thinking About Drinking
Hi everyone I've been sober for about a month and everything was going fine. Suddenly, today, I found myself ruminating about alcohol like I used to, trying to convince one part of my brain that I don't actually have a problem and that I should be able to drink on occassions.
It's hard because I want to believe I can be a person who goes out for drinks once or twice a month with friends. It never worked before but even as I type this the cognitive disonance is ringing in my ears.
What I struggle with is that I'm a textbook overthinker. I overthink everything, not just drinking. So part of my brain wants to argue that I'm simply overthinking my alcohol problem.
Any help would be appreciated. I'm currently not going to any meetings but I am thinking of talking to my wife about this.
It's hard because I want to believe I can be a person who goes out for drinks once or twice a month with friends. It never worked before but even as I type this the cognitive disonance is ringing in my ears.
What I struggle with is that I'm a textbook overthinker. I overthink everything, not just drinking. So part of my brain wants to argue that I'm simply overthinking my alcohol problem.
Any help would be appreciated. I'm currently not going to any meetings but I am thinking of talking to my wife about this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on a month sober freshout! To me its a great reminder that getting sober is a process, not a one time event. If you are not doing anything as part of your daily routine to address the new sober you, then it's not surprising at all that you'd struggle with the thoughts of drinking - because your addiction would love nothing more than for you to think that you were somehow "cured" and that you could go back to regular drinking.
Talking with your wife about it might be a good place to start, but be aware that if she does not understand what addiction is it might be a difficult conversation. For me I needed to be around other alcoholics on a regular basis via a support network, and SR was ( and still is ) my support "group". Going to meetings is certainly another very good option.
Regarding your overthinking, have you ever addressed that with a mental health professional? I personally had serious issues with anxiety underlying my addiction and my drinking was a failed attempt at self-medication. Most of us do have underlying issues that need to be addressed as they won't be cured just by stopping. Just something to consider.
Talking with your wife about it might be a good place to start, but be aware that if she does not understand what addiction is it might be a difficult conversation. For me I needed to be around other alcoholics on a regular basis via a support network, and SR was ( and still is ) my support "group". Going to meetings is certainly another very good option.
Regarding your overthinking, have you ever addressed that with a mental health professional? I personally had serious issues with anxiety underlying my addiction and my drinking was a failed attempt at self-medication. Most of us do have underlying issues that need to be addressed as they won't be cured just by stopping. Just something to consider.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Good on you for posting about it. If you say no to this craving, it'll only get easier from here.
I think you're on the right track in considering talking to your wife as well. You can wrestle with your mind all you want, but you'll always be able to come up with a reason you should pick up a drink, so in a way it's futile. Don't even engage with that voice. Tell it no, laugh at it, and move along with your day. Keep posting here. Go to a meeting; they can be really helpful even if you haven't been before or haven't gone for awhile. Do not put yourself in situations where you could drink. Talking to your wife is a smart move because she can be aware of the situation and help you stay accountable.
You can move past this. One question I have for you is this - what would having an alcoholic drink with friends give you that NA beverages with them wouldn't? What does having one or two do? If you're not drinking to get drunk, then it seems a fun NA drink will serve the same purpose. (that's how I've been tackling cravings anyway). I personally never drank for the taste and never will again.
You got this. Posting here is a really good step towards preventing a relapse. Stay close and keep checking in.
I think you're on the right track in considering talking to your wife as well. You can wrestle with your mind all you want, but you'll always be able to come up with a reason you should pick up a drink, so in a way it's futile. Don't even engage with that voice. Tell it no, laugh at it, and move along with your day. Keep posting here. Go to a meeting; they can be really helpful even if you haven't been before or haven't gone for awhile. Do not put yourself in situations where you could drink. Talking to your wife is a smart move because she can be aware of the situation and help you stay accountable.
You can move past this. One question I have for you is this - what would having an alcoholic drink with friends give you that NA beverages with them wouldn't? What does having one or two do? If you're not drinking to get drunk, then it seems a fun NA drink will serve the same purpose. (that's how I've been tackling cravings anyway). I personally never drank for the taste and never will again.
You got this. Posting here is a really good step towards preventing a relapse. Stay close and keep checking in.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you are here and sharing - before you choose to drink.
A month is awesome- what are you doing to stay sober? I was a "why" and overthinker and all that- and when it came to alcoholism, it kept me drinking a long time. I had to accept that I just "am" an alcoholic and I cannot drink, reasonably, consistently or in the long term.
Early on - specific actions to distract you, take up time, ride out urges..."play the tape thru" to what made you quit - ie, what will happen starting with that first drink thru the next day....Note: I highly discourage NA bev drinking - early on specifically. I don't know what your associations w bottles or wine glasses or ice clinking in glasses....but replicating drinking behaviors is highly problematic for some. I'd leave that for more sobriety, if you decide to "try it" - so many stories of people not seeing a connection to a relapse til well after the real drinks re-enter the pic. Just my $0.02 on this common topic from here at 3 yr 3 mo and 8 days. I ALSO very strongly recommend changes people, places and practices for at least your start to sobriety- ie, not going out with those friends where you'd like to have a couple.
Stay with us- and don't drink, today.
A month is awesome- what are you doing to stay sober? I was a "why" and overthinker and all that- and when it came to alcoholism, it kept me drinking a long time. I had to accept that I just "am" an alcoholic and I cannot drink, reasonably, consistently or in the long term.
Early on - specific actions to distract you, take up time, ride out urges..."play the tape thru" to what made you quit - ie, what will happen starting with that first drink thru the next day....Note: I highly discourage NA bev drinking - early on specifically. I don't know what your associations w bottles or wine glasses or ice clinking in glasses....but replicating drinking behaviors is highly problematic for some. I'd leave that for more sobriety, if you decide to "try it" - so many stories of people not seeing a connection to a relapse til well after the real drinks re-enter the pic. Just my $0.02 on this common topic from here at 3 yr 3 mo and 8 days. I ALSO very strongly recommend changes people, places and practices for at least your start to sobriety- ie, not going out with those friends where you'd like to have a couple.
Stay with us- and don't drink, today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by freshout 
Hi everyone I've been sober for about a month and everything was going fine. Suddenly, today, I found myself ruminating about alcohol like I used to, trying to convince one part of my brain that I don't actually have a problem and that I should be able to drink on occassions.
It's hard because I want to believe I can be a person who goes out for drinks once or twice a month with friends. It never worked before but even as I type this the cognitive disonance is ringing in my ears.
What I struggle with is that I'm a textbook overthinker. I overthink everything, not just drinking. So part of my brain wants to argue that I'm simply overthinking my alcohol problem.
Any help would be appreciated. I'm currently not going to any meetings but I am thinking of talking to my wife about this.
It's hard because I want to believe I can be a person who goes out for drinks once or twice a month with friends. It never worked before but even as I type this the cognitive disonance is ringing in my ears.
What I struggle with is that I'm a textbook overthinker. I overthink everything, not just drinking. So part of my brain wants to argue that I'm simply overthinking my alcohol problem.
Any help would be appreciated. I'm currently not going to any meetings but I am thinking of talking to my wife about this.
I'm not even sure how you define over-thinking. Most humans don't think enough, so rather than worry about over-thinking or under-thinking, focus on logical thinking, as opposed to the thinking of your AV that wants to outsmart reality, and gum up the works.
Just because it's fun to play with word meanings, try this:
Over-thinking: thinking past a rational conclusion in order to justify the absurd.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Just to jump in and clarify - by NA I mean stuff like a coke, sparkling water, or juice. Not virgin alcoholic drinks or things that mimic alcohol.
I agree that drinking the latter can be triggering. Not here to get into the NA beer debate again
I agree that drinking the latter can be triggering. Not here to get into the NA beer debate again
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Hello, freshout. Welcome.
Does freshout mean fresh out of rehab or, like, just starting out?
I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't chosen to go to meetings. It was in meetings and by reading the Big Book that I learned about the disease of alcoholism. I had a difficult time admitting I was alcoholic because I kept comparing my drinking with my brother's, my dad's, my aunts', etc.
I learned in meetings that alcoholism is a disease, not a weakness; that it was a disease that told me I didn't have it; that alcoholism was an obsession of the mind, and that one's too many and a thousand's not enough; that if I didn't pick up that first drink, I wouldn't get drunk.
I always considered myself a pretty intelligent person, but the simple things, I had a hard time understanding; like, one day at a time, easy does it, progress not perfection, the Serenity Prayer.
For me, I found that I had an obsession to "More." more money, more love, more security, more, more, more. Those states of mind began to ease up the more days I strung together.
I still attend meetings. I have 21 years of continuous sobriety, and I love this way of life.
Hang in there. You've already earned almost a month's sobriety by doing something right. Try the meetings. You'll find people just like you, sharing their experience, strength, and hope, and you'll find out that all alcoholics are overthinkers. You're not alone.
Does freshout mean fresh out of rehab or, like, just starting out?
I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't chosen to go to meetings. It was in meetings and by reading the Big Book that I learned about the disease of alcoholism. I had a difficult time admitting I was alcoholic because I kept comparing my drinking with my brother's, my dad's, my aunts', etc.
I learned in meetings that alcoholism is a disease, not a weakness; that it was a disease that told me I didn't have it; that alcoholism was an obsession of the mind, and that one's too many and a thousand's not enough; that if I didn't pick up that first drink, I wouldn't get drunk.
I always considered myself a pretty intelligent person, but the simple things, I had a hard time understanding; like, one day at a time, easy does it, progress not perfection, the Serenity Prayer.
For me, I found that I had an obsession to "More." more money, more love, more security, more, more, more. Those states of mind began to ease up the more days I strung together.
I still attend meetings. I have 21 years of continuous sobriety, and I love this way of life.
Hang in there. You've already earned almost a month's sobriety by doing something right. Try the meetings. You'll find people just like you, sharing their experience, strength, and hope, and you'll find out that all alcoholics are overthinkers. You're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by djlook
I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't chosen to go to meetings.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by freshout
I want to believe I can be a person who goes out for drinks once or twice a month with friends.
I take it you've never totally accepted that you can't drink normally and therefore can never drink again?
Because drinking often starts because you think you can.
Take drinking off the table. Completely. Accept never drinking. Ever. Or you will torture yourself needlessly.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,944
After years of quitting for a few weeks, I always thought I could become a moderate or occasional drinker, but I became a heavy drinker again. It dawned on me that I had two options:
a) be a heavy drinker
b) stop drinking forever
There was no middle ground there unfortunately. I’m now 5 months sober, and the urge to drink is very rare. The first few weeks were tough, so well done on one month as we all acknowledge that’s a big achievement.
If you drink again, you’ll revert to heavy drinking and have to go through withdrawal again.
a) be a heavy drinker
b) stop drinking forever
There was no middle ground there unfortunately. I’m now 5 months sober, and the urge to drink is very rare. The first few weeks were tough, so well done on one month as we all acknowledge that’s a big achievement.
If you drink again, you’ll revert to heavy drinking and have to go through withdrawal again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by freshout
Hi everyone I've been sober for about a month and everything was going fine. Suddenly, today, I found myself ruminating about alcohol like I used to, trying to convince one part of my brain that I don't actually have a problem and that I should be able to drink on occassions.
It's hard because I want to believe I can be a person who goes out for drinks once or twice a month with friends. It never worked before but even as I type this the cognitive disonance is ringing in my ears.
What I struggle with is that I'm a textbook overthinker. I overthink everything, not just drinking. So part of my brain wants to argue that I'm simply overthinking my alcohol problem.
Any help would be appreciated. I'm currently not going to any meetings but I am thinking of talking to my wife about this.
It's hard because I want to believe I can be a person who goes out for drinks once or twice a month with friends. It never worked before but even as I type this the cognitive disonance is ringing in my ears.
What I struggle with is that I'm a textbook overthinker. I overthink everything, not just drinking. So part of my brain wants to argue that I'm simply overthinking my alcohol problem.
Any help would be appreciated. I'm currently not going to any meetings but I am thinking of talking to my wife about this.
You can't get addicted to a substance or a behavior, unless you have learned it does something for you! The important question to ask yourself is, what emotion do I "feel," right before I have that urge to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior?
"A fool vents all their feelings, but a wiser person holds them in control." Proverbs 29:11 "Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed with new thinking." Romans 12:2
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by Hodd
After years of quitting for a few weeks, I always thought I could become a moderate or occasional drinker, but I became a heavy drinker again. It dawned on me that I had two options:
a) be a heavy drinker
b) stop drinking forever
a) be a heavy drinker
b) stop drinking forever
The next night, I decided to put my mind to it, and I didn't drink. I felt greatly self reassured. I passed that on to my buddy, and both of us felt a sense of relief. I was not an alcoholic. I had passed the "24 hours without a drink" test.
In retrospect, this is now laughable, but at the time, I was sure that I had proof that I was OK, and the following night, I got good and sloshed, and why shouldn't I? I had had every reason to celebrate by drinking with impunity once again. But deep down I actually sensed that something might be wrong. I pushed it out of my mind for a while, and continued to drink nightly, but I think I sensed that my new found proof of not being alcoholic, wasn't changing anything about the way I was behaving. And the validity of my proof began to come under question again.
And so it went for a few more months, a time that coincided with the beginning of a sharp downward spiral. I was getting worse and aware of it at the same time. That was my personal bottom (defined as the point immediately before I changed direction). It took me a long time to get there, as it does for many of us. For me, it's because I was really good a playing mind games with myself. We call it our AV, but in reality, it was me playing those games, and I became fully aware of it during the early stages of recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Do you really want to drink normally? I highly doubt you'll have a couple beers with dinner. That's what drinking normally is.
I certainly don't want to drink normally. If I drink, it's to get ****** up. That's why I don't drink. Because drinking like that ruins my life and drinking normally is impossible for me and quite frankly sucks more than being sober
But being sober doesnt suck anymore. Though I think you know what I mean.
I certainly don't want to drink normally. If I drink, it's to get ****** up. That's why I don't drink. Because drinking like that ruins my life and drinking normally is impossible for me and quite frankly sucks more than being sober
But being sober doesnt suck anymore. Though I think you know what I mean.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Big time overthinker here too...... having a career as a financial planner / stockbroker / investment advisor let me put it into practice pretty much full time. Little did I know I was really overworking a "muscle" that didn't need to grow nor did I see that doing so would so severely hamper me in many many way.
Anyway..... use our gifts right? Spend some time considering these -
Have I made the decision to stop before?
Was I able to stick to that decision?
If no, then what makes me think that making the same decision now will be successful?
Is it possible I need to do more now, perhaps a lot more, than I've been willing to in the past, to get to where I want to go?
Haven't I mostly done things I liked and or agreed with - whether it was just for fun or even in my past attempts at recovery - attempts that ultimately were not successful?
If that's the case ^^^^ is it possible (logical) that I'll have / be required to do things I don't necessarily like nor believe will work to achieve that goal that's eluded me so far?
Questions like that helped me begin get past all the brilliant ideas my mind had come up with (plans and ideas that "seemed" so wonderful to me...... up until I started to look at the results they led to) and start to consider that maybe.......... maybe...... I would need some help outside of myself, some knowledge I didn't poses or understand, and I'd probably have to do some things on faith that I didn't fully comprehend at the time.
Anyway..... use our gifts right? Spend some time considering these -
Have I made the decision to stop before?
Was I able to stick to that decision?
If no, then what makes me think that making the same decision now will be successful?
Is it possible I need to do more now, perhaps a lot more, than I've been willing to in the past, to get to where I want to go?
Haven't I mostly done things I liked and or agreed with - whether it was just for fun or even in my past attempts at recovery - attempts that ultimately were not successful?
If that's the case ^^^^ is it possible (logical) that I'll have / be required to do things I don't necessarily like nor believe will work to achieve that goal that's eluded me so far?
Questions like that helped me begin get past all the brilliant ideas my mind had come up with (plans and ideas that "seemed" so wonderful to me...... up until I started to look at the results they led to) and start to consider that maybe.......... maybe...... I would need some help outside of myself, some knowledge I didn't poses or understand, and I'd probably have to do some things on faith that I didn't fully comprehend at the time.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: London
Posts: 232
textbook overthinker!
Hi I swallowed may be a hundreds of books and thousands of podcasts regarding the addiction .I am overthinker too.Very sensitive and of course creative .I always do fun to do something that never happened before around us.I was successful and been business advisor for many companies .But I was struggling a lot with myself .I was feeling so unsecured and lonely.Which took away my all finances and relationships because I made decisions of my personal life under influence of alcohol.Because of text book and other education it gave me false sense of confidence that I can control my drinking pattern.But when took a drink it took me.
I have a very interesting story in regards this.I was completly sober for a year and had no craving at all .I used to hate drink .Whenever I saw people drinking ,my mind said its stupid habit .I used to hate those people and drink !!!
One day I bought a Carabean Cola thinking its a alcohol free drink.I smelled an alcohol on that first drink .My mind got fantasy and I bought another and then after beers.Finally got completely drunk.I couldn't stop me for 4 years until I got a car crash.I thought I was managing my drink and didn't have any visible diseases ,however my brian was not functioning well .It was just running on fight and flight mode.
I was just surviving but not growing.
Once I got a car accident I lost everything to that .Now I am homekess however I am hopeful being a sober.
I can make a decision on a rstional manner and can see good future after losing all.What we need is a healthy brain not only so called healthy body.
I believe we have an allergy of drink so that we can't enjoy our drink until we got drunk and lost.
So never get trapped on the false decision of addicted brain .Its not healthy and cannot give a right decision.
We alcoholic once alcohokic is forever !!!
So to avoid insecurity we need a support and fellowship .We only get non judgemental support from AA friends or from professional people not from our wifes.Talking with wife who never know about an addition could be a sign of break up !!
So please think before you take a decision ask help.Your brain may not give you the right decision.!!
Take care mate never get back that road of drinking fantasy !!!
Hi I swallowed may be a hundreds of books and thousands of podcasts regarding the addiction .I am overthinker too.Very sensitive and of course creative .I always do fun to do something that never happened before around us.I was successful and been business advisor for many companies .But I was struggling a lot with myself .I was feeling so unsecured and lonely.Which took away my all finances and relationships because I made decisions of my personal life under influence of alcohol.Because of text book and other education it gave me false sense of confidence that I can control my drinking pattern.But when took a drink it took me.
I have a very interesting story in regards this.I was completly sober for a year and had no craving at all .I used to hate drink .Whenever I saw people drinking ,my mind said its stupid habit .I used to hate those people and drink !!!
One day I bought a Carabean Cola thinking its a alcohol free drink.I smelled an alcohol on that first drink .My mind got fantasy and I bought another and then after beers.Finally got completely drunk.I couldn't stop me for 4 years until I got a car crash.I thought I was managing my drink and didn't have any visible diseases ,however my brian was not functioning well .It was just running on fight and flight mode.
I was just surviving but not growing.
Once I got a car accident I lost everything to that .Now I am homekess however I am hopeful being a sober.
I can make a decision on a rstional manner and can see good future after losing all.What we need is a healthy brain not only so called healthy body.
I believe we have an allergy of drink so that we can't enjoy our drink until we got drunk and lost.
So never get trapped on the false decision of addicted brain .Its not healthy and cannot give a right decision.
We alcoholic once alcohokic is forever !!!
So to avoid insecurity we need a support and fellowship .We only get non judgemental support from AA friends or from professional people not from our wifes.Talking with wife who never know about an addition could be a sign of break up !!
So please think before you take a decision ask help.Your brain may not give you the right decision.!!
Take care mate never get back that road of drinking fantasy !!!
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