A strange state
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
A strange state
2 months and having strange feelings . Sadness over people close that have passed on regret missing my childhood a kind of meloncolly feeling. The feeling that for 30 years iv missed life. Yes I was there did everything I should but ahh I don’t know how to explain it. Then I have this huge health anxiety going on about various serious illnesses and how short life is etc etc and how I want to make things ok for my kids. Also iv given up smoking and that’s hit me how I could have been so irresponsible with my health I just can’t believe how I hurried my head in the sand. I can’t explain this just a sadness I suppose and a fear of the future. I in no way want to pick up a drink or a smoke I’m just done but it’s like a bulb has gone in my head and I think what the hell have I done for so long. I hope the health anxiety calms down as it’s scary. Thabks for being there. Anybody else feel like the shoe finally dropped and that you woke up and acctually see life as the fragile gift it is ?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Hi there eve- all that sounds familiar to me! Early sobriety has SO much to it, as you are feeling. We get it. People telling me it takes time made sense- but annoyed me as I was impatient to "right things."
It proved true that I had to be sober first, every day, and keep doing that and all a new sober life entailed, to fix literal problems, rebuild relationships, stabilize emotions, everything.
If you aren't already, what program and IRL recovery support are you doing? My program is AA and there are plenty of others around here who can suggest what they have done, from the start thru their current life in sobriety.
It proved true that I had to be sober first, every day, and keep doing that and all a new sober life entailed, to fix literal problems, rebuild relationships, stabilize emotions, everything.
If you aren't already, what program and IRL recovery support are you doing? My program is AA and there are plenty of others around here who can suggest what they have done, from the start thru their current life in sobriety.
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Thabks August yes iv been in Aa for 6 years and it’s helped me for sure. Iv has long sober periods before and did steps but it never felt like this like a total change. Feel very curable and not someware I have been before. I spent years thinking on resentments stupid plans to fix my life etc etc and it’s like I never dealt with anything deep.this constant paranoia about my own mortality is hard work though but it’s like I want to go further and right my life before it too late. Don’t try sound depressing it’s just that sad meloncolly feeling I have right now.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I get it Eve- I had such regret and shame and pain and....when I quit. Since you are familiar w AA, and if you haven't truly 'worked' the program with a sponsor - or if you did at one point even- I'd suggest that as a good place to start. Like I hear many say, just 'trying' AA doesn't get the results promised, or that I definitely want and do indeed find (most of the time- there are still times like you describe! We are humans too). Take care.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Being just done with the craziness of the addiction is a great place to be, despite all the feelings of regrets. Those feelings of remorse can only take us so far. I have to think about the future now, and what does that mean?
I share what it means to be worried about illness other than the alcoholism, the specter of whether it will flare up again with a vengeance or more complications. I try not to let it rule my life any more than the alcohol once did, but it's there lurking, and I'm fighting one complication from it presently the best that I can with medical care. Too many visits to the doctor lately, but it is what it is right now. Try to keep the stress manageable, it doesn't help at all.
Thanks for sharing where you are at the moment.
I share what it means to be worried about illness other than the alcoholism, the specter of whether it will flare up again with a vengeance or more complications. I try not to let it rule my life any more than the alcohol once did, but it's there lurking, and I'm fighting one complication from it presently the best that I can with medical care. Too many visits to the doctor lately, but it is what it is right now. Try to keep the stress manageable, it doesn't help at all.
Thanks for sharing where you are at the moment.
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