didn’t expect to feel this
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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didn’t expect to feel this
been in my new place a week with my doggies! They are doing very well and adjusting to “city life”, they have a nice big back yard to run around in and the oldest (who is 15) seems the most adaptable. I keep thinking they are missing soon to be ex AH.
Woke up SO depressed yesterday and ended up sending XAH a huge long text msg! Ugh! So mad at myself. And true to form he responded in the same fashion, everything is my fault and he’s praying for me.
kept thinking that I made a mistake but after his response I know I didn’t. Guess I just needed that reminder.
We met up on Saturday to close joint bank accounts and unravel the cell phone account.
Had friends over on Sunday and they helped for like 6 hours getting curtains ironed finishing painting and hanging TVs...
another friend came over yesterday and helped with the same. My house finally feels like a home.
Then last night I had sewage back up in the basement. BUT I didn’t panic or get all freaked out or anything. Called roto rooter this morning and problem is solved. If I would’ve still been at the house with him I would’ve been all freaked out and unreasonable.
So reflecting on that I really am thankful that one of us had the sense to walk away. Even though he isn’t drinking he is not working a program and I am working my program hard. I don’t like who I am around him, and I don’t like him. I love him, or rather the man I married but have seen a side of him that I know I can never go back. But my heart is still breaking and I was just so depressed this weekend. Probably also due to my dad who has been less than supportive throughout this whole situation. He finally came to my new house yesterday and was so “relieved” he was so worried “about the dogs”. And asking how XAH is going to take care of the property by himself, and on and on... not once did he say “are YOU ok?”. Well and what do I expect from an alcoholic father who my co dependent mother left over 30 years ago.
And my addict brother is back in the state and living with my mom who is falling right back into her raging co dependence! I feel like I lost her again to the whole addiction situation. I cannot even stand to be around her and my brother and her ever controlling ways. It just makes me a little sick.
ok, I totally regressed in this post! Lol! If you got to here thank you for listening to my pity party!
I am going to read my AlAnon literature and journal about it and that will help! I also need to get back to practicing my gratitude! And be grateful for the things I have and how much I have grown. Just feeling really lonely right now. It will pass I know! 😁
Woke up SO depressed yesterday and ended up sending XAH a huge long text msg! Ugh! So mad at myself. And true to form he responded in the same fashion, everything is my fault and he’s praying for me.
kept thinking that I made a mistake but after his response I know I didn’t. Guess I just needed that reminder.
We met up on Saturday to close joint bank accounts and unravel the cell phone account.
Had friends over on Sunday and they helped for like 6 hours getting curtains ironed finishing painting and hanging TVs...
another friend came over yesterday and helped with the same. My house finally feels like a home.
Then last night I had sewage back up in the basement. BUT I didn’t panic or get all freaked out or anything. Called roto rooter this morning and problem is solved. If I would’ve still been at the house with him I would’ve been all freaked out and unreasonable.
So reflecting on that I really am thankful that one of us had the sense to walk away. Even though he isn’t drinking he is not working a program and I am working my program hard. I don’t like who I am around him, and I don’t like him. I love him, or rather the man I married but have seen a side of him that I know I can never go back. But my heart is still breaking and I was just so depressed this weekend. Probably also due to my dad who has been less than supportive throughout this whole situation. He finally came to my new house yesterday and was so “relieved” he was so worried “about the dogs”. And asking how XAH is going to take care of the property by himself, and on and on... not once did he say “are YOU ok?”. Well and what do I expect from an alcoholic father who my co dependent mother left over 30 years ago.
And my addict brother is back in the state and living with my mom who is falling right back into her raging co dependence! I feel like I lost her again to the whole addiction situation. I cannot even stand to be around her and my brother and her ever controlling ways. It just makes me a little sick.
ok, I totally regressed in this post! Lol! If you got to here thank you for listening to my pity party!
I am going to read my AlAnon literature and journal about it and that will help! I also need to get back to practicing my gratitude! And be grateful for the things I have and how much I have grown. Just feeling really lonely right now. It will pass I know! 😁
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Scarytime, so glad you posted an update, also glad to hear that overall you are doing really well.
Really, you are handling all this with your eyes open and that has to be such a relief, accepting him for who he actually is, knowing how your Father operates etc.
You sound very clear.
It can be a bit rocky at first, but you will just get stronger and stronger. I hope you will stick around and share your wisdom!
Really, you are handling all this with your eyes open and that has to be such a relief, accepting him for who he actually is, knowing how your Father operates etc.
You sound very clear.
It can be a bit rocky at first, but you will just get stronger and stronger. I hope you will stick around and share your wisdom!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
ScaryTime, I can relate very much to relatives being "concerned" for you and wondering "how you will handle things." While a touch of genuine concern from others can be nice, it sounds like what you received is of the type that implies that you're not quite capable. I've received some of that too and it almost always makes me doubt myself, thinking "surely they know something that I don't, what is the pitfall that I'm missing?" I have a strong tendency to believe that somehow others know better than I do what I can do, what I need, and what will make me happy. Still working on this, but progress has definitely been made. Sounds like you're gaining ground too, and I'm glad to hear it.
BTW, I'm a dog mom too, and it really strikes at my very being when someone implies that I'm not taking the best care of them that I can. Sometimes, though, something good comes of it, like my mother continuing to tell me how much happier the dogs would be if they had a fenced yard, something I'd always felt was far too expensive. I'd end up feeling inadequate and defensive any time that topic arose.
Well, last fall I finally realized it didn't have to be anything fancy and I could do it myself, or mostly myself. I measured the area I wanted to fence, went online to compare prices and then ordered nine 50-foot rolls of 4-foot tall welded wire fencing and 70 six-foot tall T-posts, plus a post pounder and clips for the wire. I was worried about being able to get the posts pounded, afraid of rocks and roots, but I was able to get them all pounded in a couple of days. XAH helped me start the wire, and I took care of the rest of it myself.
Yes, the dogs ARE much happier w/a fenced area to run free, and I am much happier being able to open the door and let them out, not having to put on collars and leashes and go stand out there with them every single time they go out! So something that had annoyed me and made me feel inadequate for years finally turned out to be something that increased my self-confidence and general happiness as well as benefiting those dear houndies.
I feel sure that you'll rise to every challenge, too, ST. Thanks for the update.
BTW, I'm a dog mom too, and it really strikes at my very being when someone implies that I'm not taking the best care of them that I can. Sometimes, though, something good comes of it, like my mother continuing to tell me how much happier the dogs would be if they had a fenced yard, something I'd always felt was far too expensive. I'd end up feeling inadequate and defensive any time that topic arose.
Well, last fall I finally realized it didn't have to be anything fancy and I could do it myself, or mostly myself. I measured the area I wanted to fence, went online to compare prices and then ordered nine 50-foot rolls of 4-foot tall welded wire fencing and 70 six-foot tall T-posts, plus a post pounder and clips for the wire. I was worried about being able to get the posts pounded, afraid of rocks and roots, but I was able to get them all pounded in a couple of days. XAH helped me start the wire, and I took care of the rest of it myself.
Yes, the dogs ARE much happier w/a fenced area to run free, and I am much happier being able to open the door and let them out, not having to put on collars and leashes and go stand out there with them every single time they go out! So something that had annoyed me and made me feel inadequate for years finally turned out to be something that increased my self-confidence and general happiness as well as benefiting those dear houndies.
I feel sure that you'll rise to every challenge, too, ST. Thanks for the update.
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Originally Posted by honeypig 
ScaryTime, I can relate very much to relatives being "concerned" for you and wondering "how you will handle things." While a touch of genuine concern from others can be nice, it sounds like what you received is of the type that implies that you're not quite capable. I've received some of that too and it almost always makes me doubt myself, thinking "surely they know something that I don't, what is the pitfall that I'm missing?" I have a strong tendency to believe that somehow others know better than I do what I can do, what I need, and what will make me happy. Still working on this, but progress has definitely been made. Sounds like you're gaining ground too, and I'm glad to hear it.
BTW, I'm a dog mom too, and it really strikes at my very being when someone implies that I'm not taking the best care of them that I can. Sometimes, though, something good comes of it, like my mother continuing to tell me how much happier the dogs would be if they had a fenced yard, something I'd always felt was far too expensive. I'd end up feeling inadequate and defensive any time that topic arose.
Well, last fall I finally realized it didn't have to be anything fancy and I could do it myself, or mostly myself. I measured the area I wanted to fence, went online to compare prices and then ordered nine 50-foot rolls of 4-foot tall welded wire fencing and 70 six-foot tall T-posts, plus a post pounder and clips for the wire. I was worried about being able to get the posts pounded, afraid of rocks and roots, but I was able to get them all pounded in a couple of days. XAH helped me start the wire, and I took care of the rest of it myself.
Yes, the dogs ARE much happier w/a fenced area to run free, and I am much happier being able to open the door and let them out, not having to put on collars and leashes and go stand out there with them every single time they go out! So something that had annoyed me and made me feel inadequate for years finally turned out to be something that increased my self-confidence and general happiness as well as benefiting those dear houndies.
I feel sure that you'll rise to every challenge, too, ST. Thanks for the update.
BTW, I'm a dog mom too, and it really strikes at my very being when someone implies that I'm not taking the best care of them that I can. Sometimes, though, something good comes of it, like my mother continuing to tell me how much happier the dogs would be if they had a fenced yard, something I'd always felt was far too expensive. I'd end up feeling inadequate and defensive any time that topic arose.
Well, last fall I finally realized it didn't have to be anything fancy and I could do it myself, or mostly myself. I measured the area I wanted to fence, went online to compare prices and then ordered nine 50-foot rolls of 4-foot tall welded wire fencing and 70 six-foot tall T-posts, plus a post pounder and clips for the wire. I was worried about being able to get the posts pounded, afraid of rocks and roots, but I was able to get them all pounded in a couple of days. XAH helped me start the wire, and I took care of the rest of it myself.
Yes, the dogs ARE much happier w/a fenced area to run free, and I am much happier being able to open the door and let them out, not having to put on collars and leashes and go stand out there with them every single time they go out! So something that had annoyed me and made me feel inadequate for years finally turned out to be something that increased my self-confidence and general happiness as well as benefiting those dear houndies.
I feel sure that you'll rise to every challenge, too, ST. Thanks for the update.
I also can totally relate to taking others’ opinions that I am inadequate to heart and thinking surely they know better than I do! But I am getting better at trusting myself and my own instincts.
I am also proud of myself for not responding to his brothers FB posts directed at me - kinda nasty stuff... I just deleted his comment and I unfriended him as well as AH brother in law who also posted nasties on my page. I have not posted anything about my personal life on FB and don’t want to delete my account as I have a lot of family I keep up with via FB. I will just keep reacting in the same manner... it hurts though that both of these people I have helped and loved as my own family and they are posting nasties. I think that added to my depression last weekend.
My step daughter has reached out though and she is going to stop by when she is in the city and bring the babies. So happy about that.
I just keep taking it one day at a time and trying to continue to trust myself.
Thank you for all the positive comments. I do know it will get easier just from seeing similar stories on this forum. ❤️
Just need to slow down and let myself feel it and I know it will pass.
I look around my house at this point and think holy sh!t I did it! I got out of an unhappy marriage and changed my life! Yay me! lol!
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