Astrube

This is hard for me to talk about but I need advice/reassurance I guess that I've done the right thing. Last week my husband, who is addicted to meth, texted me asking me to send him somewhere to get help, that he was ready. So I did just that, I got him into a treatment facility. Well Friday he flipped out and was placed in the hospital on the behavioural level. He called begging for me to come get him, that he was clean and ready to come home, he's only been detoxing for about 3 days at this point, I told him that I couldn't do that, that where he was would provide him the care he needed to get better, that I couldn't do it, I didn't have the resources he needed. Fast forward to today, he's been in the hospital 4 days and is being released back to the facility today. He called to talk to me but it was more of him constantly saying he hates me, that he'll never forgive me for abandoning him. This hurts about as much as him using the drug. I have spent countless hours on the phone getting updates from doctors and nurses, praying non stop for him, trying to stay calm for the sake of our two boys. But hearing those words has me questioning everything that is going on.

ChloeRose63

Are you getting any family counceling?

SparkleKitty

You did the right thing. He is where he needs to be. He is just not where he WANTS to be.

Astrube

I actually set up an appointment with a therapist for tomorrow. I am looking forward to being able to talk to her about all of this

Astrube

Thank you, I've never been through anything like this before. My sister was in rehab but she never acted this way.

Astrube

I set up an appointment for me and the boys with a therapist so we can get the help we need.

ChloeRose63

Great! You will be getting the "tools" you need to start putting you and your children's well-being first! Start preparing to take care of yourselves because that is what matters now. It may be hard to hear but it is true.

AnvilheadII

many treatment facilities have or had a black out period during which time the patient could not make calls out nor receive calls in. and part of it was for exactly this reason. he's blowing up the phone begging you to come SAVE HIM when he is already IN the best place possible to be saved. then when you don't obey, he gets nasty. i'd say by about 7-10 days, he'll settle down. don't take any crap. you've had more than your share.

what is your plan if he does NOT complete treatment?
what is your plan if he gets out and then relapses?
meth is awful and what it does to people horrific.

Astrube

I told him that he needed to listen to his therapist and really dig deep to get the tools he needed to stay in recovery because it's going to be hard. He said he was only going to do the 30 days and that was it. I really want him to do 90 but I can't control him. He does know that if he comes back and doesn't take the steps to change then we're getting divorced. I've told him that it's not only about him but the safety and mental stability of me and our kids. Meth is a horrible drug and the effects it has on the brain are life altering. I am for supporting him but if he doesn't put forth the effort, I can't help him.

Astrube

Thank you!

Troubledone

You are doing the right thing - bravo!

There is a common pattern among addicts in treatment- whether they go willingly or are forced by circumstances (the law). The pattern is that once they realize what it is really about, they want to escape.

The best thing you can do is hold your ground. My addict has been through 4 courses of treatment - three residential (28 days, 60 days and 4 months) and a year long outpatient program - and still relapsed this past year.

Not to say that will be your husband's path - but you are doing all the right things to take this one step at a time and put your boys first. If I had it to do over again, I'd be tougher.

Prayers for strength - this IS hard!

hopeful4

You are absolutely doing the right thing. If they could not handle him at rehab, you certainly cannot handle him at home. How would it be for your boys to see him spewing that to their own mother??

He wanted help, and now it's in his lap. I suggest you stop calling, let him take care of this, and you focus on you and your boys. If you are not in counseling, now is the time.

Sending you a big hug.

atalose

Yes you have done the right thing. I’m sure it took a lot of courage and strength along with much fear to listen to his words of hate, that is not easy. I:f the facility is allowing him to call you maybe don’t take those calls for a few more days. As long as you are in contact with the doctors there is no need to place yourself in the position of being verbally abused.

That’s good that your boundary is, if he comes back and does not change and or continues to use drugs, you will leave the marriage. Are you actually prepared right now to do that? Financially? Do you and your kids have some place to and live should he not voluntary leave the current residence?