Well crud, I’m back.

Old 05-27-2019, 10:44 AM
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Well crud, I’m back.

Found this wonderful place in 2013 I think? My Narcissistic, evil & cruel sister had the world by the tail. Would sabotage job interviews to not get hired so her husbands would have to be the bread winner even before she had a child. Then she had a child and he’s not “perfect” but happens to have Ds. So the next 18 years plays out that she is the exceptional mother of the year bc of what a great kid my nephew is and being accepted by his peers, holding jobs, being involved in sports, going to MS schools, etc. I’ve been NC w/her since they took her off life support from her alcoholism at least 5 years ago after our mom died and I no longer had to hear “just be the bigger person” in her wrath of destruction. She reached out to me via text that she “needs me in her life” and invited me to my nephew’s last HS track meet. She was a no-show and fessed up hours later she had been drinking but she “quit again”. Now I’m only going to see her for the 1st time in 5-6 years on my nephew’s graduation in about one week. God help me.
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Old 05-27-2019, 12:34 PM
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Anytime an alcoholic uses the word "need", I cringe.
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Old 05-27-2019, 01:51 PM
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I guess I would ask...what do YOU need in this situation? Your needs count, too.

Just because she texted you doesn’t mean you have to respond. You did, understandably so...and she showed you that nothing has changed.

NC again, yes? This is only me, but I would send your nephew a nice card and a great gift and skip the graduation. It’s got too much potential for drama, given her history.

I’m sorry this is happening again and I hope you can take back your serenity.
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Old 05-27-2019, 04:46 PM
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Thank you Aries and others who may have chimed in. Aries, thanks to learning so much about codependency at this forum, also learning about Narcissism at others, i have no problem going NC again. I really miss my nephew but he’s pretty non-verbal and I don’t think misses me much so there’s that. Hopefully he can have some independence from his parents in his adult life that affords me opportunities to spend time with him without them.
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Old 05-28-2019, 10:56 AM
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Hi Refiner. It's good to hear from you.

I am sorry for the stress this causes you. I am however glad you are strong enough to go NC once this is over.

Sending out a big hug!
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Old 05-28-2019, 11:11 AM
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Refiner your title made me laugh. Oh Crud, indeed.

Being NC with a parent and having a relationship with the child is definitely an OhCrud type of situation.

Do the best you can whatever that looks like.
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Old 05-31-2019, 09:58 PM
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Your nephew needs you. It takes a village to raise a kid.

This is your sister's failure really, not yours, this is her "well, crud!!!"

But it probably does make you think what your life would be if you did have a sister who was kind, responsible, caring, sober (not needy). That is honestly what I thought about when my husband kept relapsing. He has been sober for over 5 years now. I just see him for now for who he really is. It is not perfect, but my kids have their dad completely.
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