The truth at last
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 8
The truth at last
My first ever post , time to unburden myself....
Im 35 years old and knew I had a problem with alcohol for my whole adult life,i knew this because even during my 2 years "sober" I was having the odd secret beer, smoking weed and using cocaine. But I wasnt going full throttle every day and every night so in my fantasy world I was boss and everything was under control.
This state of mind made me believe I must be cured from my addiction and recently ive been drinking most days and going for it big time over the weeknds to stupid levels and spending stupid sums of money I simply couldnt/cant afford. Ive upset people, fallen out with friends , said things I dont remember, been involved in physical arguements,been arrested and sat outside waiting for 4 hours in a t shirt and shorts in the bitter freezing cold just hoping to hitch a train ride home i had no money to pay for anyway whilst on a cocktail of substances and alcohol, with people walking by as if im homeless, an all time low! Its rapidly destroying my life and taking away everything Ive built up over the years, or be it not alot. I can honestly say I dont even respect myself anymore and ive become everything I once claimed to hate growing up from an early age with hopes and dreams.
I simply cant continue down this road, as I feel demoralised, low, down, sad, ashamed , depressed, alone ,tired, broken, and yet everytime I give in, always saying this is the last time, but of course it never is , is it!
Im seeking help, but help I now know I want and desperately need, rather than someone suggesting it to me and just going through the motions to please others knowing full well I wasnt going for me personally. Time to wake up because I dont even feel in reality just lately, im living in some make believe world which infact feels like hell.
Thanks.
Im 35 years old and knew I had a problem with alcohol for my whole adult life,i knew this because even during my 2 years "sober" I was having the odd secret beer, smoking weed and using cocaine. But I wasnt going full throttle every day and every night so in my fantasy world I was boss and everything was under control.
This state of mind made me believe I must be cured from my addiction and recently ive been drinking most days and going for it big time over the weeknds to stupid levels and spending stupid sums of money I simply couldnt/cant afford. Ive upset people, fallen out with friends , said things I dont remember, been involved in physical arguements,been arrested and sat outside waiting for 4 hours in a t shirt and shorts in the bitter freezing cold just hoping to hitch a train ride home i had no money to pay for anyway whilst on a cocktail of substances and alcohol, with people walking by as if im homeless, an all time low! Its rapidly destroying my life and taking away everything Ive built up over the years, or be it not alot. I can honestly say I dont even respect myself anymore and ive become everything I once claimed to hate growing up from an early age with hopes and dreams.
I simply cant continue down this road, as I feel demoralised, low, down, sad, ashamed , depressed, alone ,tired, broken, and yet everytime I give in, always saying this is the last time, but of course it never is , is it!
Im seeking help, but help I now know I want and desperately need, rather than someone suggesting it to me and just going through the motions to please others knowing full well I wasnt going for me personally. Time to wake up because I dont even feel in reality just lately, im living in some make believe world which infact feels like hell.
Thanks.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
It's great to meet you, Ben. I'm so glad you want to make this big change in your life.
I knew at your age that I was dependent on alcohol, but did nothing to stop the runaway train. I could have avoided all the chaos & tragedy my untreated alcoholism caused. I hope you'll stay with us & find the strength to get free. We know you can do it.
I knew at your age that I was dependent on alcohol, but did nothing to stop the runaway train. I could have avoided all the chaos & tragedy my untreated alcoholism caused. I hope you'll stay with us & find the strength to get free. We know you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome to the forums. You'll find a lot of support here.
Your story sounds very much like mine, at thirty five I drank for another fourteen years before stopping. It's been ten years sober now.
In my younger years, until about thirty, I was walking chaos while drinking.
I was wild. I looked for trouble. I looked for woman and I looked for my next drink.
They were some wild, and I thought, exciting times. I could tell you stories about my behavior you wouldn't believe.
Then I grew up a little and mellowed about, but by then I was seemingly hopelessly dependent on alcohol. And I was.
Then came the survival drinking. The fun was long gone and so were the 'friends'.
I was a lone drinker. drinking for no other reason than I was addicted. Mentally and physically.
This would last for ten more years. All the while trying to quit, but unable to string together more than a few days.
Now the alcohol had me, and not me it.
The withdrawals, fear and anxiety. For ten very miserable years.
I'm telling you all this because I can relate to your post. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those last ten years of my drinking are what you have to look forward to if you're anything like me. Or not, even
Spare yourself a lot of misery and quit now. I wouldn't wish those last ten years on anyone.
It sounds like you're at a pretty bad low point. I was, too. Ten years.
I know this isn't how you want to live your life, and you don't have to.
You came here. There is other help available. I found AA helpful, but there are others.
I wish you the be, my friend, it's been over ten years since this drunk has had a drink of alcohol. It can be done.
I somehow made it through alive. You can too.
Best to you and I hope you stick around here. And remember, you never have to drink again.
Your story sounds very much like mine, at thirty five I drank for another fourteen years before stopping. It's been ten years sober now.
In my younger years, until about thirty, I was walking chaos while drinking.
I was wild. I looked for trouble. I looked for woman and I looked for my next drink.
They were some wild, and I thought, exciting times. I could tell you stories about my behavior you wouldn't believe.
Then I grew up a little and mellowed about, but by then I was seemingly hopelessly dependent on alcohol. And I was.
Then came the survival drinking. The fun was long gone and so were the 'friends'.
I was a lone drinker. drinking for no other reason than I was addicted. Mentally and physically.
This would last for ten more years. All the while trying to quit, but unable to string together more than a few days.
Now the alcohol had me, and not me it.
The withdrawals, fear and anxiety. For ten very miserable years.
I'm telling you all this because I can relate to your post. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those last ten years of my drinking are what you have to look forward to if you're anything like me. Or not, even
Spare yourself a lot of misery and quit now. I wouldn't wish those last ten years on anyone.
It sounds like you're at a pretty bad low point. I was, too. Ten years.
I know this isn't how you want to live your life, and you don't have to.
You came here. There is other help available. I found AA helpful, but there are others.
I wish you the be, my friend, it's been over ten years since this drunk has had a drink of alcohol. It can be done.
I somehow made it through alive. You can too.
Best to you and I hope you stick around here. And remember, you never have to drink again.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
Hey Ben, sorry to hear you're feeling down. A lot of us can relate.
The good news is that there's a way out -- stop drinking and using. The bad news is that you have to stumble around in the dark for a while sometimes before you find the door.
I hope you find it soon. This place is great, by the way. It's helping me a lot.
The good news is that there's a way out -- stop drinking and using. The bad news is that you have to stumble around in the dark for a while sometimes before you find the door.
I hope you find it soon. This place is great, by the way. It's helping me a lot.
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