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All-round Addict

Old 05-24-2019, 03:59 AM
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All-round Addict

Hi everyone,

Just need to reach out as I feel like a caged animal, pacing and confused.

Today is Day 9, and my cravings have reached fever pitch. I rose early, did some shopping, cleaned the apartment, went for a bike ride, meditated, played with my cats, and now I'm reading.

Also, I've been smoking a small joint each night to sleep and relieve anxiety, however, I know this is not a long-term solution. I've been smoking approximately 4 times a week for 2.5 years, while binge drinking the times I'm not smoking. I can't sleep without some sort of drug. Or feel 'normal.'

It feels like there's no forward without my two crutches. But these crutches, they started by propping me up. Now they just splinter my hands and make me bleed.

In the past, I've been addicted to numerous vices, which I return to periodically, before replacing them with another when the former becomes unsustainable. But it's all unsustainable now :/

Apologies for rambling - I'm home alone and just need to speak.


Thanks for listening.

Last edited by Resurgence; 05-24-2019 at 04:00 AM. Reason: .
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Old 05-24-2019, 05:54 AM
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Congrats on day 9!

Having quit weed easily, I'd say don't beat yourself up about it too bad. It's illegal but it's not much worse than valerian or chamomile in my opinion. Speaking of valerian, you might want to try that. It helps me get to sleep on occasion.

Whatever you do, don't drink.
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Old 05-24-2019, 06:14 AM
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I had a similar revelation at rehab. I entered thinking my problem was alcohol addiction and had only had the problem for the last 6-7 years. The more I learned and the more counselling I had one day I just blurted out “oh my god...I am not an alcoholic...I am an addict and have been one all my life!!!”

I worked out the times and years when I didn’t drink I smoked weed, when the weed ran out I would have a couple of shots of vodka to help me sleep but rarely ever drank alcohol. When I couldn’t buy any more weed I started drinking regularly.

Life only started to get better for me once I really understood and accepted I am an addict, stopped using what ever the crutch of the month was (my addictions changed all the time) and started working on my addictive thinking and behaviours.

Because I changed my addictions over the past 30 years from one thing to the next I never really believed I had a problem till alcohol came into the frame. Alcohol made my problems obvious to others, affected my judgement and safety, landed me with a DUI and a criminal record and so on. The consequences of alcohol addiction were far more impacting on my life so in a way I am grateful to have been there as without that extreme set of consequences I would never have tackled the real problem. xx
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Old 05-24-2019, 04:36 PM
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I'm gonna go an opposite way on the weed. I was as addicted to weed first and I became as much addicted to it as I was addicted to alcohol later.

It hit the same pleasure centres in the brain for me and it became an obsession just like alcohol did.

Whenever I was high I wanted to drink and vice versa.

You can't feel normal until you give yourself a chance to be normal. No crutches.

Weed might be legal but so's alcohol and tobacco. Legal does not always mean good.

You might find quitting the doob sucks for a week or two but I think you find the way easier overall once you do.

Being high on something was my norm for 30 years. All round addict is something I'm familiar with.

It took a little time and effort and some tough decisions to change that.

D
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Old 05-25-2019, 02:10 AM
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I met an awesome guy in patient rehab who was there for alcohol. He would get completely out of control and destroy things, become violent. He was there this time because he stole the HUGE official bible from the local church then walked 4 km to the pub to give everyone benedictions. Obviously the police were called and he got into a nasty fight with them, losing several teeth and was black and blue up and down.

But, the weird thing was he could quit drinking fairly easily and stay sober if needed. But he smoked weed every single day. Without fail. And the reason he lost his driver's license was because he was high on weed, not for alcohol, so he has to regularly test for that.

He is a gardener by trade and offered to come help me with my garden when we got out. I took him up on it. Huge mistake. He was smoking from morning to night, in my house (although I don't smoke in my house ever) and just out of control with the need to go find more. I don't smoke so I didn't know where to send him, I could only direct him to the local bar where the sold the legal stuff. By day 3 I woke up with a panic and when he came out of his room I told him he had to leave, I could not be around that kind of addictive behaviour, it made me want to drink.
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