Was l wrong?
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Was l wrong?
Its been a while since l posted. Ive been working hard on detaching from my husbands 'activities' with the bottle.
However...we have just had a weeks holiday and have been together almost all the time and all he had to drink was 1 or 2 pints of beer at lunchtime with a meal and a brandy nightcap late evening. Seems like normal holiday behaviour to me.
There were no mood swings and we got on really well. Could a true alcoholic sustain this for a week? Did l get it wrong and worry for nothing? 🤔
However...we have just had a weeks holiday and have been together almost all the time and all he had to drink was 1 or 2 pints of beer at lunchtime with a meal and a brandy nightcap late evening. Seems like normal holiday behaviour to me.
There were no mood swings and we got on really well. Could a true alcoholic sustain this for a week? Did l get it wrong and worry for nothing? 🤔
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 330
Hey Awal! I had went off the SR grid for a while too. It's nice to be back and see your post. I'd been thinking of you. 
I think yes, an A can sustain that for a week or longer.... my A can go months with hardly drinking at all... then quit for weeks... then go on a binge. Then have a drink day to day, then nothing again for weeks / months.
He admits of his alcoholism so that reaffirms that he is one but it's an interesting question you ask... because it really comes down to outlook and what you can live with regardless of the official self-diagnosis / label.
As for worrying over nothing, I think reflecting can be clarifying but worry is indicative of the mind controlling you. Perhaps you're tired of worrying now? Perhaps you're recognising the pointlessness of worry.
"All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."
- Eckart Tolle
x
I think yes, an A can sustain that for a week or longer.... my A can go months with hardly drinking at all... then quit for weeks... then go on a binge. Then have a drink day to day, then nothing again for weeks / months.
He admits of his alcoholism so that reaffirms that he is one but it's an interesting question you ask... because it really comes down to outlook and what you can live with regardless of the official self-diagnosis / label.
As for worrying over nothing, I think reflecting can be clarifying but worry is indicative of the mind controlling you. Perhaps you're tired of worrying now? Perhaps you're recognising the pointlessness of worry.
"All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."
- Eckart Tolle
x
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Easy peasey to stop for many alcoholics for a short or even longer time--I quit sometimes a month or more, but always went back. He also may have a little something hidden to take the edge off. Depends on his body's ability to detox.
I know you want things to be "normal" but drinking hard spirits at home the way he does is alcoholic behavior. You are not overthinking, overreacting to his behavior at home and lack of engagement with you.
It's great you are having a nice holiday, but it is just that--a respite from underlying issue which is your daily married life.
Enjoy, and maybe he will remember how great life was with you and for himself before daily drinking
I know you want things to be "normal" but drinking hard spirits at home the way he does is alcoholic behavior. You are not overthinking, overreacting to his behavior at home and lack of engagement with you.
It's great you are having a nice holiday, but it is just that--a respite from underlying issue which is your daily married life.
Enjoy, and maybe he will remember how great life was with you and for himself before daily drinking
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
he didn't STOP drinking, he continued to consume alcohol just in lower amounts for a period of a few days. that could be considered maintenance drinking....just enough booze to ward off cravings or the shakes or whatever. as long as he is still drinking, he's still drinking.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by Awal 
Its been a while since l posted. Ive been working hard on detaching from my husbands 'activities' with the bottle.
However...we have just had a weeks holiday and have been together almost all the time and all he had to drink was 1 or 2 pints of beer at lunchtime with a meal and a brandy nightcap late evening. Seems like normal holiday behaviour to me.
There were no mood swings and we got on really well. Could a true alcoholic sustain this for a week? Did l get it wrong and worry for nothing? ��
However...we have just had a weeks holiday and have been together almost all the time and all he had to drink was 1 or 2 pints of beer at lunchtime with a meal and a brandy nightcap late evening. Seems like normal holiday behaviour to me.
There were no mood swings and we got on really well. Could a true alcoholic sustain this for a week? Did l get it wrong and worry for nothing? ��
Alcoholics drink for emotional reasons.
Addictions always serves an emotional purpose. When circumstances in life are overwhelming to the alcoholic, they regain control of how they feel with a quick fix or mood changer of alcohol. You can't get addicted to a substance or a behavior unless you have learned it does something for you. (Trigger-Behavior-Reward=Repeat). Stress, drink, feel better, repeat.
"As a dog returns to his own vomit, So a fool repeats his folly." Proverbs 26:11
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Seems like normal holiday behaviour to me.
Is normal also healthy?
For some people, perhaps or perhaps not. That's up to the individual to work out in their own timing.
The questions I found more helpful are:
Is my behavior supportive to my personal/life goals?
Am I enjoying life?
Am I taking time to fully relax mind, body and spirit?
Is normal also healthy?
For some people, perhaps or perhaps not. That's up to the individual to work out in their own timing.
The questions I found more helpful are:
Is my behavior supportive to my personal/life goals?
Am I enjoying life?
Am I taking time to fully relax mind, body and spirit?
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 319
Maybe look at the overall pattern of behavior over the course of time that you’ve known him. Going through phases where a person tries to limit/ moderate the drinking is pretty common.
As an example, I remember a friend of mine zeroing in on this type of thing in someone we knew, who had severe alcoholism/ dependence (and was using various other substances), and there were some periods of time when he was limiting his drinking to a couple of beers (in front of her, at least). But it was short lived, and he slipped back into his usual patterns. In his case he escalated badly and started using heavier drugs too, and sadly, he didn’t make it.
Sure, you can look back and say, but there was that time he was limiting himself to 2 beers- but bottom line, he was still drinking, and he slipped back into his usual patterns eventually.
As an example, I remember a friend of mine zeroing in on this type of thing in someone we knew, who had severe alcoholism/ dependence (and was using various other substances), and there were some periods of time when he was limiting his drinking to a couple of beers (in front of her, at least). But it was short lived, and he slipped back into his usual patterns. In his case he escalated badly and started using heavier drugs too, and sadly, he didn’t make it.
Sure, you can look back and say, but there was that time he was limiting himself to 2 beers- but bottom line, he was still drinking, and he slipped back into his usual patterns eventually.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,636
Absolutely they can and do. I've seen it.
In my own family my Father was an alcoholic all his life, never had any recovery, never tried that I am aware of.
He did however have an occupation that required no drugs or drinking and that would be for 1-2 weeks at a time. Now, were they truly alcohol free? I have no idea, they were in an isolated area (no stores at all) in a very strict environment - but I don't know, you certainly could not be walking around drunk.
How did he handle this? I have no idea. I do have to say one thing for him (although he was not a terrible person) he never discussed his drinking, he didn't feel sorry for himself, he was not calling any pity parties.
I don't know how much he drank, when, when he wasn't drinking etc - he kept all that to himself. I mean I witnessed it, however he never talked about it.
I actually appreciate that.
In my own family my Father was an alcoholic all his life, never had any recovery, never tried that I am aware of.
He did however have an occupation that required no drugs or drinking and that would be for 1-2 weeks at a time. Now, were they truly alcohol free? I have no idea, they were in an isolated area (no stores at all) in a very strict environment - but I don't know, you certainly could not be walking around drunk.
How did he handle this? I have no idea. I do have to say one thing for him (although he was not a terrible person) he never discussed his drinking, he didn't feel sorry for himself, he was not calling any pity parties.
I don't know how much he drank, when, when he wasn't drinking etc - he kept all that to himself. I mean I witnessed it, however he never talked about it.
I actually appreciate that.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Awal
. Could a true alcoholic sustain this for a week? Did l get it wrong and worry for nothing? ��
long term? i havent met one or been able to do it myself. typically i did that when there was some form of heat on my ass. heat lowered and back to drinking like a true alcoholic drinks.
p.s.
i noticed in your very first thread:
(l know if a few occasions he has hidden alcohol)
and
A big part of me wants to play it down in my head...but I am realistic enough to know the signs don't look good
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by Surfbee
Hey Awal! I had went off the SR grid for a while too. It's nice to be back and see your post. I'd been thinking of you.
I think yes, an A can sustain that for a week or longer.... my A can go months with hardly drinking at all... then quit for weeks... then go on a binge. Then have a drink day to day, then nothing again for weeks / months.
He admits of his alcoholism so that reaffirms that he is one but it's an interesting question you ask... because it really comes down to outlook and what you can live with regardless of the official self-diagnosis / label.
As for worrying over nothing, I think reflecting can be clarifying but worry is indicative of the mind controlling you. Perhaps you're tired of worrying now? Perhaps you're recognising the pointlessness of worry.
"All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."
- Eckart Tolle
x
I think yes, an A can sustain that for a week or longer.... my A can go months with hardly drinking at all... then quit for weeks... then go on a binge. Then have a drink day to day, then nothing again for weeks / months.
He admits of his alcoholism so that reaffirms that he is one but it's an interesting question you ask... because it really comes down to outlook and what you can live with regardless of the official self-diagnosis / label.
As for worrying over nothing, I think reflecting can be clarifying but worry is indicative of the mind controlling you. Perhaps you're tired of worrying now? Perhaps you're recognising the pointlessness of worry.
"All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence."
- Eckart Tolle
x
l think you hit the nail on the head...l think the worrying is absolutely pointless xx
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,636
I want to clarify what I posted.
While I have seen alcoholics abstain that doesn't mean they are somehow "cured" for a week or two.
Ever been on a strict diet? How long did you last? A week, a few days? Although you can grit your teeth, go to work, do whatever else you have to do, even be pleasant to people, your stomach is growling and really you just want a chocolate cookie (in fact you think about food pretty much all day).
Now multiply that. I believe that is what it's like to abstain when you are an addict. The "cookie" is calling all the time.
He had at least 3 drinks a day, his 3 chocolate cookies a day - so yeah, not that difficult.
It doesn't really matter anyway. He will do whatever he wants, that is his prerogative.
While I have seen alcoholics abstain that doesn't mean they are somehow "cured" for a week or two.
Ever been on a strict diet? How long did you last? A week, a few days? Although you can grit your teeth, go to work, do whatever else you have to do, even be pleasant to people, your stomach is growling and really you just want a chocolate cookie (in fact you think about food pretty much all day).
Now multiply that. I believe that is what it's like to abstain when you are an addict. The "cookie" is calling all the time.
He had at least 3 drinks a day, his 3 chocolate cookies a day - so yeah, not that difficult.
It doesn't really matter anyway. He will do whatever he wants, that is his prerogative.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by trailmix
I want to clarify what I posted.
While I have seen alcoholics abstain that doesn't mean they are somehow "cured" for a week or two.
Ever been on a strict diet? How long did you last? A week, a few days? Although you can grit your teeth, go to work, do whatever else you have to do, even be pleasant to people, your stomach is growling and really you just want a chocolate cookie (in fact you think about food pretty much all day).
Now multiply that. I believe that is what it's like to abstain when you are an addict. The "cookie" is calling all the time.
He had at least 3 drinks a day, his 3 chocolate cookies a day - so yeah, not that difficult.
It doesn't really matter anyway. He will do whatever he wants, that is his prerogative.
While I have seen alcoholics abstain that doesn't mean they are somehow "cured" for a week or two.
Ever been on a strict diet? How long did you last? A week, a few days? Although you can grit your teeth, go to work, do whatever else you have to do, even be pleasant to people, your stomach is growling and really you just want a chocolate cookie (in fact you think about food pretty much all day).
Now multiply that. I believe that is what it's like to abstain when you are an addict. The "cookie" is calling all the time.
He had at least 3 drinks a day, his 3 chocolate cookies a day - so yeah, not that difficult.
It doesn't really matter anyway. He will do whatever he wants, that is his prerogative.
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