Tetrax

I felt I had to go, to see my old workmates before yet more friendships evaporate into thin air, but jeez that was tougher than I thought. I basically reverted back to the shy, awkward teenager I was before I started drinking.

I felt in limbo, between two different lives, and deeply, deeply uncomfortable.

Still, I held out and left when everyone else did and sure it was good to see them, but I ain't gonna be doing that again in a hurry.

WhoDeyPI

I know what ya mean, Tetrax. When I'm with "my group" of about 4-6 friends I'm fine...but when I'm out with a big group and they're all drinking....I revert back to being shy and awkward. I feel comfortable around alcohol, but not comfortable being sober around big crowds.

Anna

I'm glad you got through that, Tetrax. Maybe you can come up with a different plan if you decide to get together with them again.

Caprice6

Tetrax, you sure do seem to enjoy fighting it. Perhaps next time if you wanna meet up with some buddies, plan on doing something else, like an an activity. congrats on passing another test.

ReadyAtLast

Walking into the lion's den to see if we don't get attacked probably not the best plan

I hope you can meet your friends in other places in future. If they don't want to then maybe they're not true friends.

Congrats on staying sober though.

Kaboom123

Caprice6

Kaboom - good for you, but it wasn't easy for Tetrax. Maybe you're further along and feel fine and that's all good, but for people still in the grips of temptation, maybe it's not the best of ideas to have it present or in the corners of your mind as much.

tomsteve

but I ain't gonna be doing that again in a hurry.


i hope youre DONE with russian roullette.

Dee74

Hi Tetrax

I remember when I would stop drinking it was almost like a point to prove to me to live my old life, sober.

I would go out of my way to put myself into what AA calls slippery or wet situations.

It was more than road testing...I was living vicariously...and a part of me wanted to fail.

Everytime I'd drink again and conclude I must not be ready to quit or the good old 'if you had my life you'd drink too...'.

The last time, the time I did quit for good, I changed everything.... and I stayed sober.

D

August252015

Tetrax, I hope you stop trying to learn everything the hard way.

Newbeginning421

For me going to bars the times I did not drink was just not fun. Was fine for the first few rounds but then I realized it was not much fun talking to drunk people when sober. Found it much more fun to meet them over lunch or dinner where the main activity did not focus over drinking. Even though newly sober i continue to think what the hell was i doing spending so much time doing nothing at the bar. The conversations that take place in bars are very rarely meaningful as well

ThatWasTheOldMe

When I was in detox last time, there was a guy that couldn't stop dry heaving for 3 days straight. There was a heroin addict who started shaking so bad her jaw clenched up. Granted, that's not alcohol, but that was a SCARY sight.

Is it worth the potential pain?

SoberCAH

I would never go into a bar in early sobriety.

Not going to bars and not hanging out with old drinking buddies were sacrifices I made to get sober.

I was, and I hope that I remain, willing to go to any lengths to get sober.

There was a bar I went to every night for several years.

I hung around with some good folks, some of whom were drunks like myself.

I gave up that bar and those relationships to get sober.

I could go to that bar today, I'm sure, and have no desire to drink.

I haven't had a drink in many years and have no real desire to do so these days.

But I guard my sobriety as if I was newly sober.

I also don't like to "test" my sobriety.

The consequences of failing any such arbitrary test are more than I'm willing to pay.

Good luck to you.

I hope that you don't go back.

August252015

Three things from the posts since I last checked this thread -

From Dee - ".....as if I wanted to fail." THAT.

From SoberCAH (all of the post actually, but - ): "....arbitrary tests." EXACTLY. Unnecessary, too.

Living protectively and for safety at first; living smart and as we prefer as we go further along. But never taking sobriety for granted - different than living in fear, and natural to me now. But not for....

as TWTHOM said..."worth the potential pain?"

I can tell ya, Tetrax - I've been the person dry heaving (and more) for three days. That didn't stop me for four more years, and it wasn't even the worst of my physical terrors and experiences.

I'm going back to my This Is Not Sensitive August mode - this is life and death and you are f*cking around with it.

I hope you stop, but frankly? You aren't looking at this as a permanent deal - yet.

That YET word? Doesn't end a sentence forever.

Tetrax

Thanks for your responses. I genuinely wasn't trying to test myself, I really wanted to see these guys, to cement a post-job relationship with them (we all lost our jobs at the same time - long story), who are not big drinkers either, and I felt strong enough that I wouldn't be tempted. I see now that was naive and that I am nowhere near strong enough to be in that situation without my AV pestering me. I guess I'll just say I got away with it and am beyond grateful I didn't choose to drink.

Anyway I went to my 5th meeting in 6 days tonight and shared and am feeling more and more comfortable there. I am taking this more seriously as I go. Day 21.

Onwards.

August252015

It's so weird at first, Tetrax, but realizing that I can say "no" to anything, and eventually, when I actually did start going "out," dare to ask people to do things at different places (that was so foreign to me!) or be the one to make the plans suggested in the first place....

I can promise you one thing pertinent to your last post: new habits are crucial. At first, life or death, even.

Whatever protects your fledgling sobriety is the right thing. Friends will wait.

dpac414

Also, as August and a few others (on here and in AA) put it, protecting your sobriety after a stressful or tempting event is as important, if not more important, as protecting it during the event itself.

So, stay vigilant. I would just focus on you right now. I understand wanting to stay in contact with friends, but being sober is the most important thing to you. You can't really have great relationships if you're still drinking yourself to death.

You don't have to share your sobriety with everyone, but it might be cool to share it with a few people who are close enough with you. Even just one person knowing is a huge help (as it is in my case). You'd be surprised how little they judge you, if at all. Most see it as a positive thing...acknowledging you have a problem and working to help yourself isn't shameful, ya know. Even tho it can feel like admitting to a weakness.

I don't have all the answers cuz I'm in early sobriety myself, but just some thoughts for you to consider. Anyway, still rooting for you and reading all your threads even though I said I wasn't going to.

kinzoku

Congrats! Easy does her eh? Baby steps

MindfulMan

I can go with my friends on one of their wine tasting trips, be the designated driver, and smell what they're tasting. I've done it a few times now, and haven't had any desire to drink.

However, I NEVER would have done that in early sobriety. The first time I did it was because a friend I was visiting up in Sacramento really wanted to go, and I figured what the hell. One of the ladies is a pretty serious alcoholic, and was loaded after the first winery....apparently she'd popped a Xanax or two prior to the trip. My friend stopped after a few wineries, the rest proceeded to get wasted. I really had no desire to drink, but watching her in-denial alcoholic friend go into jags that didn't make sense, get really belligerent, etc., made my attitude go from indifference to disgust.

I don't think I'm going to do this any more, not because I want to drink, but because I get bored. It used to be my life and I love seeing some of the winery owners I'd befriended over the years...of course I also put their kids through college with all the wine I bought. But it's just dull now. It's fun hanging out with my friends for the first winery or two, but after that they start to get drunker and I tend to check out.

I go to gay leather bars with certain people because that's the only place I'll see them. The bars themselves are boring AF, particularly when they have loud music and I can't even talk to anyone. The Abbey in West Hollywood used to be a blast, the best place for people watching, porn stars, drag queens, dancing...and heavy drinking. I don't need to go in to know that the environment will NOT be fun sober. Total debauchery as only the gays know how to do it. No thanks. They even made a reality show about it, which oddly enough I discovered in rehab!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Happens_at_The_Abbey

Be careful Tetrax. I did so knowing that my sobriety was, and is, rock solid. Looking back it was a risk I probably shouldn't have taken. What I did find out is that drunk people and bars are really boring places when you're sober...but seeing it through sober eyes made me realize that I wasn't missing anything.

August252015

How are you this morning mentally, Tetrax?