Anger continues
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Anger continues
the hurt I’ve felt the past few days has turned to all out rage. Sober, I can clearly see all the hurt, trauma and abuse people close have put me through. Even worse, they’re not sorry. I read on here how people want a relationship, a partner. I just want to be alone. For one, I’m not very pleasant company right now. Second, I’m furious for all the things I’ve done to help others or make them proud but there’s no appreciation, no gratitude. I was a bit disappointed my husband didn’t pull his classic abandonment of me while I was working to go get drunk with his friends who “really care” about him. I’m in such a rage. I’m job hunting and basically see my positions filled by way less qualified people and I feel like not interviewing for nada, it’s like look at my resume hire me or not.... I’m not in the mood to prove **** to nobody. I’m not even willing to accept an apology from my husband or family because it’s a bunch of other false words. But that’s good because I’m not even getting any apologies. So day 40, here I am angry, hating life, giving up on hope to avoid just being let down again. I’m going to nap again and just hope I wake up early enough to get in some exercise at the gym.
I’m so sick of everything, even the stupid American TV with canned laughter makes me want to bust up my tv. Anyone says hello to me, I glare “hi”. I’m a miserable piece of work right now. All the anger and abuse has brought me here. And no I can’t afford therapy or meds. I can barely afford gas for my car with a broken AC and transmission going out to get to my ****** job where I’m paid less than half those in my position without benefits because the state takes its sweet time to process my out of state certification and to feed myself. Does this pass? How?
I’m so sick of everything, even the stupid American TV with canned laughter makes me want to bust up my tv. Anyone says hello to me, I glare “hi”. I’m a miserable piece of work right now. All the anger and abuse has brought me here. And no I can’t afford therapy or meds. I can barely afford gas for my car with a broken AC and transmission going out to get to my ****** job where I’m paid less than half those in my position without benefits because the state takes its sweet time to process my out of state certification and to feed myself. Does this pass? How?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 526
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch, hopefully, you will be cleared to get a higher pay and benefits soon. Did they give you a time frame it could take?
I like living by myself and with 3 dogs, I really do not feel lonely whatsoever. There are people everywhere and I get to socialize enough. When my ex left, it was a bit downing, but then I realized that I am much less stressed out and/or angry and better off (apart for footing the entire bills on my own now), but for the freedom and peace of mind, it's worth it.
I like living by myself and with 3 dogs, I really do not feel lonely whatsoever. There are people everywhere and I get to socialize enough. When my ex left, it was a bit downing, but then I realized that I am much less stressed out and/or angry and better off (apart for footing the entire bills on my own now), but for the freedom and peace of mind, it's worth it.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Resentments are an alcoholics cryptonite!! I think you would benefit greatly from doing the 12 steps, I don’t do AA but I do follow a 12 step style process to deal with all the bitterness and anger I felt. xx
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Congrats on 40 days. So you are discovering the emotional roller coaster that is early sobriety. Two days ago you were feeling blah, today anger...up and down, up and down. But it passes.
In the meantime you need some coping strategies. I was angry in early sobriety and had to learn to cope with it, as rage was a trigger (read excuse) for me to drink. So many things made me angry. Then I realized only one thing was making me angry, and that was ME. I was letting external things dictate my emotions. I learned how to dial it back. I still get angry, but I don't let it fester, I don't let it turn into a resentment. Resentments are recovery killers.
In the meantime you need some coping strategies. I was angry in early sobriety and had to learn to cope with it, as rage was a trigger (read excuse) for me to drink. So many things made me angry. Then I realized only one thing was making me angry, and that was ME. I was letting external things dictate my emotions. I learned how to dial it back. I still get angry, but I don't let it fester, I don't let it turn into a resentment. Resentments are recovery killers.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I am not a 12 Step person, but I did do a modified 4th Step with my therapist, who has also gone through recovery. I have a lot of rage that predates drinking, I found in sobriety that ALL emotions are uncovered and amplified, love, joy, anger, fear, etc. I've also learned that anger often covers up fear and pain.
It does get easier over time, but until you deal with these negative emotions in some way, they're going to be with you. Step 4 is a good thing, for me therapy was the answer. I understand that you cannot afford therapy at the moment, but you should be able to once your financial situation improves.
In the meantime, if it were me I would try and practice mindfulness. Meditate on and look at your anger without judging it. It helps to just let it be, just like cravings it can decrease or go away for a time if observed without trying to change it.
The most important part of my Step 4 work was...what part do I have in the anger and resentment? I invariably did. Even the highly toxic employment situation I was in...my part was that I didn't leave it.
Again, non-judgmental. I don't use the Step 4 lingo, particularly "character flaws."
It does get easier over time, but until you deal with these negative emotions in some way, they're going to be with you. Step 4 is a good thing, for me therapy was the answer. I understand that you cannot afford therapy at the moment, but you should be able to once your financial situation improves.
In the meantime, if it were me I would try and practice mindfulness. Meditate on and look at your anger without judging it. It helps to just let it be, just like cravings it can decrease or go away for a time if observed without trying to change it.
The most important part of my Step 4 work was...what part do I have in the anger and resentment? I invariably did. Even the highly toxic employment situation I was in...my part was that I didn't leave it.
Again, non-judgmental. I don't use the Step 4 lingo, particularly "character flaws."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
I'll echo what others have said about resentment. There is nothing that will derail recovery quicker in my opinion than letting transgressions both new and especially old continue to boil within you.
With that said I do not believe anger itself is negative. I too was angry for a long time. I felt like I had been beaten up by family, friends, women, work, even God. You better believe I had a huge chip on my shoulder when I started sobriety.
Although it took some time to let go of resentments, the anger helped me in one way: I was absolutely 100% determined to improve myself with gazelle like intensity. I'm feeling a little tired and lethargic? Then I better lift even harder at the gym. I'm feeling like throwing a pity party for myself? Then I need to get my head out of my ass and find a quiet space to meditate. I'm pissed because I'm not making as much money as my colleagues? Then I need to save even more money so my financial future is secure.
I've made some remarkable improvements in my life in a very short time and I'm still not finished. Yet I find the more my life gets better the less angrier I am.
If you're angry use that anger as fuel to make positive changes to your life.
With that said I do not believe anger itself is negative. I too was angry for a long time. I felt like I had been beaten up by family, friends, women, work, even God. You better believe I had a huge chip on my shoulder when I started sobriety.
Although it took some time to let go of resentments, the anger helped me in one way: I was absolutely 100% determined to improve myself with gazelle like intensity. I'm feeling a little tired and lethargic? Then I better lift even harder at the gym. I'm feeling like throwing a pity party for myself? Then I need to get my head out of my ass and find a quiet space to meditate. I'm pissed because I'm not making as much money as my colleagues? Then I need to save even more money so my financial future is secure.
I've made some remarkable improvements in my life in a very short time and I'm still not finished. Yet I find the more my life gets better the less angrier I am.
If you're angry use that anger as fuel to make positive changes to your life.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I suggest you start practicing gratitude every day.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Some good ideas and suggestions here.
It helped me to see my moods and my anger as a product of getting sober - not that I didn't have valid things to be angry/sad/depressed about - but that all consuming anger (or whatever) was more about the poison leaving my body and mind and body healing than anything else.
The main thing to remember is this is not the best things are going to get - and you are not alone - most of us habe experienced these violent mood swings ...and we get it.
We're here for you
It helped me to see my moods and my anger as a product of getting sober - not that I didn't have valid things to be angry/sad/depressed about - but that all consuming anger (or whatever) was more about the poison leaving my body and mind and body healing than anything else.
The main thing to remember is this is not the best things are going to get - and you are not alone - most of us habe experienced these violent mood swings ...and we get it.
We're here for you
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Hi Mariposa:
Your post reminded me of a passage I read many moons ago that gave me great comfort when I was struggling in sobriety. I have no words of wisdom as I am facing new sobriety again myself...but the author Glennon Doyle sure does.
"That’s what crises do. They shake things up until we are forced to decide and hold onto what matters most. And what matters most right now is that you are sober. You owe the world nothing else. And so you will not worry about whether the real you will be brave or smart or funny or beautiful or responsible enough. Because the only thing you have to be is sober. You owe the world absolutely nothing but sobriety. If you are sober, you are enough. Even if you are shaking and cursing and boring and terrified. You are enough.
But becoming sober, becoming real, will be hard and painful. A lot of good things are.
Becoming sober is like recovering from frostbite.
The process of defrosting is excruciatingly painful. You have been so numb for so long. And as feeling comes back to your soul, you start to tingle, and it’s uncomfortable and strange. But then the tingles start feeling like daggers. Sadness, loss, fear, anger, all of these things that you have been numbing with the booze . . . you start to FEEL them for the first time. And it’s horrific at first, to tell you the damn truth. But feeling the pain, refusing to escape from it, is the only way to recovery. You can’t go around it, you can’t go over it, you have to go through it. There is no other option, except for amputation. And if you allow the defrosting process to take place, if you trust that it will work, if you can stand the pain, one day you will get your soul back. If you can feel, it means there has been no amputation. If you can feel, you can hope. If you can feel, you are not too late."
Your post reminded me of a passage I read many moons ago that gave me great comfort when I was struggling in sobriety. I have no words of wisdom as I am facing new sobriety again myself...but the author Glennon Doyle sure does.
"That’s what crises do. They shake things up until we are forced to decide and hold onto what matters most. And what matters most right now is that you are sober. You owe the world nothing else. And so you will not worry about whether the real you will be brave or smart or funny or beautiful or responsible enough. Because the only thing you have to be is sober. You owe the world absolutely nothing but sobriety. If you are sober, you are enough. Even if you are shaking and cursing and boring and terrified. You are enough.
But becoming sober, becoming real, will be hard and painful. A lot of good things are.
Becoming sober is like recovering from frostbite.
The process of defrosting is excruciatingly painful. You have been so numb for so long. And as feeling comes back to your soul, you start to tingle, and it’s uncomfortable and strange. But then the tingles start feeling like daggers. Sadness, loss, fear, anger, all of these things that you have been numbing with the booze . . . you start to FEEL them for the first time. And it’s horrific at first, to tell you the damn truth. But feeling the pain, refusing to escape from it, is the only way to recovery. You can’t go around it, you can’t go over it, you have to go through it. There is no other option, except for amputation. And if you allow the defrosting process to take place, if you trust that it will work, if you can stand the pain, one day you will get your soul back. If you can feel, it means there has been no amputation. If you can feel, you can hope. If you can feel, you are not too late."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Thank you all for the support. I don’t do AA, I did court ordered once and hung out with a group we all relapsed and I ended up on meth. Which I haven’t touched in 20 years. Also, I’m not powerless over alcohol, I choose if I drink or not. I’m responsible for my own self inflicted suffering, not some powerless slave to the bottle. And the whole higher power thing, if there is a higher power, I’m sure world hunger and curing cancer comes a little higher on the list than my drinking.
What do I do? I do yoga twice a week, I do weights and cardio three times a week. I read the 30 day solution, do the smart recovery workbook and read refuge recovery. I follow my Buddhist beliefs and accept suffering is part of life. Something that helps at night is bilateral beats. https://youtu.be/zsHJHcGCGU8
not sure of all the science of the sound waves, but I love it.
After my nap earlier, husband came home, I left for the gym, bought a new pair of workout pants afterwards and a multivitamin. Sorry if I’m being a big pain but I’m in pain and the support here, means the world to me. Thanks SR, night
What do I do? I do yoga twice a week, I do weights and cardio three times a week. I read the 30 day solution, do the smart recovery workbook and read refuge recovery. I follow my Buddhist beliefs and accept suffering is part of life. Something that helps at night is bilateral beats. https://youtu.be/zsHJHcGCGU8
not sure of all the science of the sound waves, but I love it.
After my nap earlier, husband came home, I left for the gym, bought a new pair of workout pants afterwards and a multivitamin. Sorry if I’m being a big pain but I’m in pain and the support here, means the world to me. Thanks SR, night
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Sounds like you are doing Smart Recovery in some fashion. I'm not familiar but it's something. Otherwise it sounds like you aren't doing anything else to actually deal with Alcoholism. Hopefully while in AA you at least learned that just not drinking only makes things worse for an Alcoholic. It sounds like that's where you are at right now. I got through this by working with a sponsor through the steps of AA. That's the only suggestion I have for you because it worked for me and millions of others. I'm sorry you had a bad experience before before but maybe this time you can try again with more knowledge and will have more success. Beyond that I would just wish you the best of luck in what ever method you use.
And the powerless over alcohol doesn't mean that you can't choose to not drink, it means once you start you can't stop or once you decide that you are going to drink than you will obsess about it until you do drink. If you didn't learn that in AA than you didn't have a good sponsor and owe it to yourself to try some other meetings and really work the program before giving up on it.
And the powerless over alcohol doesn't mean that you can't choose to not drink, it means once you start you can't stop or once you decide that you are going to drink than you will obsess about it until you do drink. If you didn't learn that in AA than you didn't have a good sponsor and owe it to yourself to try some other meetings and really work the program before giving up on it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
There are other options besides AA.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Refuge Recovery may be of particular interest to you
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Refuge Recovery may be of particular interest to you
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 598
Perhaps there are times when we are entitled to be angry. Being sober does not automatically comes with a pair of wings. Many of us were hurt and abused in some or other way. Being sober will not make those feelings disappear but I hope in time it will enable us to deal with it rationally.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Originally Posted by Callas 
Perhaps there are times when we are entitled to be angry. Being sober does not automatically comes with a pair of wings. Many of us were hurt and abused in some or other way. Being sober will not make those feelings disappear but I hope in time it will enable us to deal with it rationally.
The one thing I can't do tho is drink on it - unless I want to risk everything...and that's the point I think a lot of people in this thread are sharing.
D
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Originally Posted by WeThinkNot
I'll echo what others have said about resentment. There is nothing that will derail recovery quicker in my opinion than letting transgressions both new and especially old continue to boil within you.
With that said I do not believe anger itself is negative. I too was angry for a long time. I felt like I had been beaten up by family, friends, women, work, even God. You better believe I had a huge chip on my shoulder when I started sobriety.
Although it took some time to let go of resentments, the anger helped me in one way: I was absolutely 100% determined to improve myself with gazelle like intensity. I'm feeling a little tired and lethargic? Then I better lift even harder at the gym. I'm feeling like throwing a pity party for myself? Then I need to get my head out of my ass and find a quiet space to meditate. I'm pissed because I'm not making as much money as my colleagues? Then I need to save even more money so my financial future is secure.
I've made some remarkable improvements in my life in a very short time and I'm still not finished. Yet I find the more my life gets better the less angrier I am.
If you're angry use that anger as fuel to make positive changes to your life.
With that said I do not believe anger itself is negative. I too was angry for a long time. I felt like I had been beaten up by family, friends, women, work, even God. You better believe I had a huge chip on my shoulder when I started sobriety.
Although it took some time to let go of resentments, the anger helped me in one way: I was absolutely 100% determined to improve myself with gazelle like intensity. I'm feeling a little tired and lethargic? Then I better lift even harder at the gym. I'm feeling like throwing a pity party for myself? Then I need to get my head out of my ass and find a quiet space to meditate. I'm pissed because I'm not making as much money as my colleagues? Then I need to save even more money so my financial future is secure.
I've made some remarkable improvements in my life in a very short time and I'm still not finished. Yet I find the more my life gets better the less angrier I am.
If you're angry use that anger as fuel to make positive changes to your life.
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Originally Posted by mariposa
Thank you all for the support. I don’t do AA, I did court ordered once and hung out with a group we all relapsed and I ended up on meth. Which I haven’t touched in 20 years. Also, I’m not powerless over alcohol, I choose if I drink or not. I’m responsible for my own self inflicted suffering, not some powerless slave to the bottle. And the whole higher power thing, if there is a higher power, I’m sure world hunger and curing cancer comes a little higher on the list than my drinking.
What do I do? I do yoga twice a week, I do weights and cardio three times a week. I read the 30 day solution, do the smart recovery workbook and read refuge recovery. I follow my Buddhist beliefs and accept suffering is part of life. Something that helps at night is bilateral beats. https://youtu.be/zsHJHcGCGU8
not sure of all the science of the sound waves, but I love it.
After my nap earlier, husband came home, I left for the gym, bought a new pair of workout pants afterwards and a multivitamin. Sorry if I’m being a big pain but I’m in pain and the support here, means the world to me. Thanks SR, night
What do I do? I do yoga twice a week, I do weights and cardio three times a week. I read the 30 day solution, do the smart recovery workbook and read refuge recovery. I follow my Buddhist beliefs and accept suffering is part of life. Something that helps at night is bilateral beats. https://youtu.be/zsHJHcGCGU8
not sure of all the science of the sound waves, but I love it.
After my nap earlier, husband came home, I left for the gym, bought a new pair of workout pants afterwards and a multivitamin. Sorry if I’m being a big pain but I’m in pain and the support here, means the world to me. Thanks SR, night
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