90 Days... lack of motivation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
90 Days... lack of motivation
Hi all,
I’m about to hit 90 days and I’m struggling with a lack of motivation. It feels as if I’ve hit a new phase. I feel a lot of guilt that I’m being super lazy and stuck in the mud. It’s like I’m afraid to really engage with the world and I only do the bare minimum. The behavior reminds me of when I was drinker... except minus the drinking. I know that if I can break through this, I can learn what’s on the other side. I’m not tempted to drink but I’m just sitting around, living vicariously through television and others’ stories. I do go to AA meetings and this helps.
I wish I could understand what is paralyzing me. Just curious if anyone else experienced this or is now.
thank you!
I’m about to hit 90 days and I’m struggling with a lack of motivation. It feels as if I’ve hit a new phase. I feel a lot of guilt that I’m being super lazy and stuck in the mud. It’s like I’m afraid to really engage with the world and I only do the bare minimum. The behavior reminds me of when I was drinker... except minus the drinking. I know that if I can break through this, I can learn what’s on the other side. I’m not tempted to drink but I’m just sitting around, living vicariously through television and others’ stories. I do go to AA meetings and this helps.
I wish I could understand what is paralyzing me. Just curious if anyone else experienced this or is now.
thank you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Congratulations on 90 days of sobriety.
Have you wondered if you might be depressed? It's something to consider, and if so, maybe you could talk to your doctor?
I hope you can think of something that will motivate you to get involved. Did you have hobbies and interests that you enjoyed in the past? You might find that, if you try something, you might really enjoy it.
Have you wondered if you might be depressed? It's something to consider, and if so, maybe you could talk to your doctor?
I hope you can think of something that will motivate you to get involved. Did you have hobbies and interests that you enjoyed in the past? You might find that, if you try something, you might really enjoy it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Hello, Liveher.
Congratulations on 90 days. That's a big deal.
I got stuck, like you, at 90 days. It was a turning point for me, as it continues to be even after my 21 years of continuous sobriety.
Meetings helped me too, and I went to plenty of them. I still go to meetings.
When I asked someone to be my sponsor, things really changed for me. My sponsor took me through the Big Book and the steps and it truly saved my life. Maybe it's time for you to get a sponsor?
Congratulations on 90 days. That's a big deal.
I got stuck, like you, at 90 days. It was a turning point for me, as it continues to be even after my 21 years of continuous sobriety.
Meetings helped me too, and I went to plenty of them. I still go to meetings.
When I asked someone to be my sponsor, things really changed for me. My sponsor took me through the Big Book and the steps and it truly saved my life. Maybe it's time for you to get a sponsor?
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
Originally Posted by Liveher 
Just curious if anyone else experienced this or is now.
this is why having a formal service position at the meeting is so important for me
gets my lazy butt out of the house!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I felt that way for a long time. I didn't beat myself up for not getting much done though, I let myself take it easy. Not drinking was hard enough as it was. Pretty much the entire first year I just focused on not drinking one day at a time and as long as I was able to do that I felt good at the end of the day.
Things really cleared up mentally around the 13th month mark, it was like a breath of fresh air washed over me.
Things really cleared up mentally around the 13th month mark, it was like a breath of fresh air washed over me.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
I have often heard that "3's" are for whatever reason...difficult times. 3 days...3 weeks...3 months....3 years. And not kidding, I had an addictions counsellor once tell me that a surprising number of people "go out" at the 30 year mark.
Congratulations on enduring a virtual season of sobriety! I don't think it's unusual to hit phases of "no man's land" in sobriety - doesn't make it easier to know I'm sure but who the hell knows what is truly lurking beneath our many year alcoholic fog? What did alcohol enable us to do that we did not think we could do for ourselves. I'm sitting here wondering how I will do housework with out it! Did we suffer with staggering social anxiety that made us steel ourselves with liquor? Did we have a chemical imbalance or deficiency of dopamine or serotonin? If we have addressed every adversity by putting something in our mouth to get something off our mind...how the hell do we deal with any sort of metaphoric hiccup in middle age? Maybe some fresh air? Slap some headphones on a go for a walk? I know that when I'm depressed ....I pretty much "act" like a depressed person. I watch tv with the curtains closed (no matter how bright the sun is outside). I eat crap food and watch heavy drama or other dark topics - and maybe wait until 4 pm to pour myself some elixir ..rather than any old thing that will make me laugh or feel better in anyway. Scratch that...I mentioned alcohol right? A pitiful remedy
Congratulations on enduring a virtual season of sobriety! I don't think it's unusual to hit phases of "no man's land" in sobriety - doesn't make it easier to know I'm sure but who the hell knows what is truly lurking beneath our many year alcoholic fog? What did alcohol enable us to do that we did not think we could do for ourselves. I'm sitting here wondering how I will do housework with out it! Did we suffer with staggering social anxiety that made us steel ourselves with liquor? Did we have a chemical imbalance or deficiency of dopamine or serotonin? If we have addressed every adversity by putting something in our mouth to get something off our mind...how the hell do we deal with any sort of metaphoric hiccup in middle age? Maybe some fresh air? Slap some headphones on a go for a walk? I know that when I'm depressed ....I pretty much "act" like a depressed person. I watch tv with the curtains closed (no matter how bright the sun is outside). I eat crap food and watch heavy drama or other dark topics - and maybe wait until 4 pm to pour myself some elixir ..rather than any old thing that will make me laugh or feel better in anyway. Scratch that...I mentioned alcohol right? A pitiful remedy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Oh my gosh... I loved these responses and I am really grateful thanks. We get so used to isolating in our drinking and it’s easy to forget in sobriety that sometimes others’ voices and shared sentiments are our life lines.
I’m sure I am depressed. It’s also right before Mother’s Day which is a doozy for me. I lost my mother and I’m saying goodbye to my failed fertility window and hello to menopause. Yeppppp... chose to quit drinking at a time when a lot of women choose to start. Wah wahhhh.
I suspect that I do have dysfunctional neurotransmitter levels... in fact, I learned during genetic testing that I have a genetic set up for low MAO A activity or what they call the warrior gene. This potentially means that my neurotransmitters become excessive which is also not good because it can cause agitation, anxiety, anger. It’s interesting because I just read that it’s likely that a lot of alcoholics have issues with excessive adrenaline circulating.
I don’t want to go an antidepressant for several reasons (no judgement towards anyone who has chosen this route).
Today I laid in bed eating a pint of ice cream watching the Netflix film Wine Country. I know people are going to think that was a bad idea but I laughed my head off. It was a good reminder of how ridiculous we can be and how our brains can just be our own worst enemies.
Then I read your responses and I actually feel like joining the land of the living again.
Thank you 🙏
I’m sure I am depressed. It’s also right before Mother’s Day which is a doozy for me. I lost my mother and I’m saying goodbye to my failed fertility window and hello to menopause. Yeppppp... chose to quit drinking at a time when a lot of women choose to start. Wah wahhhh.
I suspect that I do have dysfunctional neurotransmitter levels... in fact, I learned during genetic testing that I have a genetic set up for low MAO A activity or what they call the warrior gene. This potentially means that my neurotransmitters become excessive which is also not good because it can cause agitation, anxiety, anger. It’s interesting because I just read that it’s likely that a lot of alcoholics have issues with excessive adrenaline circulating.
I don’t want to go an antidepressant for several reasons (no judgement towards anyone who has chosen this route).
Today I laid in bed eating a pint of ice cream watching the Netflix film Wine Country. I know people are going to think that was a bad idea but I laughed my head off. It was a good reminder of how ridiculous we can be and how our brains can just be our own worst enemies.
Then I read your responses and I actually feel like joining the land of the living again.
Thank you 🙏
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by Liveher
Today I laid in bed eating a pint of ice cream watching the Netflix film Wine Country. 🙏
I too missed the baby train my friend..... and hitting menopause was like 'holy eff - that ship sailed!". I think my relationship with the bottle was far too important too put much effort into spawning. Sad to say.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Liveher- I had to giggle at the ice cream in bed thing. I've shared often around here about my best friend ice cream and our path together (in sobriety!). And sometimes watching a "Drinking" movie is like watching a sad one on purpose- if it fits the right psychological need, cool. One I always suggest (free on Amazon I think) is "Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot." The tragic-al twist is at the beginning and it's a great story with some great actors.
Also....I felt a large shift forward in a lot of ways around 100 days. For me the "good pops" have often been right before or after the "big" markers like 9 mo or a year. Ex 10 mo and 13 were notably good in retrospect (here at 3 yrs and 2 ish mo).
Not sure if you've shared elsewhere but what are you doing for a recovery program? I've got AA plus a number of other things (psychiatrist is indeed one for me, and meds; spiritual component and learning about all kinds of health and mental and emotional stuff; exercise; so on)....
And I'm a stepmom - no kids of my own- and this is the 2d year of a weird no-womans land for Mother's Day. My husband and I are in tune about how hurtful it was last year that EVERYONE failed to notice my existence in this fam...and we also know we are all still figuring out where I "fit" in the fam, apart from the two of us knowing where I do in the marriage
Take care of yourself- whatever that means TODAY. Glad you are here.
Also....I felt a large shift forward in a lot of ways around 100 days. For me the "good pops" have often been right before or after the "big" markers like 9 mo or a year. Ex 10 mo and 13 were notably good in retrospect (here at 3 yrs and 2 ish mo).
Not sure if you've shared elsewhere but what are you doing for a recovery program? I've got AA plus a number of other things (psychiatrist is indeed one for me, and meds; spiritual component and learning about all kinds of health and mental and emotional stuff; exercise; so on)....
And I'm a stepmom - no kids of my own- and this is the 2d year of a weird no-womans land for Mother's Day. My husband and I are in tune about how hurtful it was last year that EVERYONE failed to notice my existence in this fam...and we also know we are all still figuring out where I "fit" in the fam, apart from the two of us knowing where I do in the marriage
Take care of yourself- whatever that means TODAY. Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: sydney nsw
Posts: 785
I was in a lull around 3 months as well. Fast forward another 3 months and couldn't be happier. Perhaps meditation and pranayama breathing exercises could be an option for you? There is a great app called Smiling mind its free and has guided meditation if you never done it. I could not live without meditation. I do an hour everyday it sets the tone for the day. Just an idea 
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Oh em gee....I watched Wine Country this evening with pizza and grape fizz made with my sodastream. Laughed until my abs actually hurt. Blessed to have the same old school posse the movie illustrates. And the song at the end? Slayed me.... we gals used to skip out in our senior year and head over to my house (and yes we were imbibing by then) we would put that album on the ole parents stereo and dance around joyously together. Good memories...precious ones. Haven't laughed this much on a Friday night...since I can't remember when.
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