Two sides to the coin: Gratitude & Fear
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Two sides to the coin: Gratitude & Fear
Hey guys,
The more I trudge the road to happy destiny..ehem..sometimes I feel like I’m up to my waist in mud trudging (like this past week) I realize that there are two ways to go through life and the last few months I’ve been flipping back and forth. They are gratitude and fear. Somedays I wake up and I embrace how grateful I am and how much I have in my life to be grateful for and other days I look at what’s wrong in my life currently and the fear creeps in. This week the fear has been full on. I’m praying a lot and trying to use the tools that I have to wade the rough waters. The two biggest fears that I have are an accident i had a few months ago and a medical condition i've been dealing with.
A few months ago I found someone to help me fix my brakes on craigslist and the guy that was helping me was injured. Long story short the brake line was damaged on my truck and the brakes weren’t working. The mechanic asked me to pull the truck around the back of his truck and while I was doing that he was in between the two trucks. I hit the brakes and the brakes weren’t working then I panicked and hit the gas and ran into him. His leg was damaged and he needed surgery but is on the mend. Now I have a fear that this poor guy isn’t going to have a normal life again and I also have a self centered fear that when I go to court for careless driving they’re going to give me jail time. I have a pretty decent driving record and have done some research and wouldn’t think they’d do that but my alcoholic minds thinks that. I am grateful that I was sober through the whole thing and that I had my girlfriend, friends and family to support me through the whole thing. Fear/Gratitude.
My other big fear is that this condition that I’ve had for a couple of years now is not going to go away. Some of you have seen some posts about my itching problem and I am sad to say that I’m still dealing with it. I’ve been to doctors and allergists and none of them have any answers for me and say there is nothing wrong with me. The allergist seems to think I should take 2 180mg Allegras each day for a month. That seems irresponsible. I took the medication for a week and didn't get any relief. I could write an entire post on this problem alone. It started over two years ago after visiting with a homeless friend. I got rid of the problem by spraying but visited him again the following year and got the same thing transmitted to me. I’ve been living with my girlfriend and she is more apprehensive about spraying and cleaning. It’s made it difficult and I feel like the problem has spread everyone which is going to make it close to impossible to clean up. I’m having fear that this is eventually going to drive us apart for good and that I’m never going to get rid of it. She thinks I need to see a therapist and take pills and I say that we need to do a thorough cleaning. I told her I would see a therapist and take pills as long as she lets me clean when we move. She still has a fit. Talk about stubborn! I’m trying to compromise with her. Anyway guys my gratitude is that this is not something life threatening and that I have a great life here in CO. Most importantly I’m grateful to be sober!
Would love to hear everyones experience, strength and hope regarding with what I feel is two sides to the coin Gratitude and Fear.
Garrison
The more I trudge the road to happy destiny..ehem..sometimes I feel like I’m up to my waist in mud trudging (like this past week) I realize that there are two ways to go through life and the last few months I’ve been flipping back and forth. They are gratitude and fear. Somedays I wake up and I embrace how grateful I am and how much I have in my life to be grateful for and other days I look at what’s wrong in my life currently and the fear creeps in. This week the fear has been full on. I’m praying a lot and trying to use the tools that I have to wade the rough waters. The two biggest fears that I have are an accident i had a few months ago and a medical condition i've been dealing with.
A few months ago I found someone to help me fix my brakes on craigslist and the guy that was helping me was injured. Long story short the brake line was damaged on my truck and the brakes weren’t working. The mechanic asked me to pull the truck around the back of his truck and while I was doing that he was in between the two trucks. I hit the brakes and the brakes weren’t working then I panicked and hit the gas and ran into him. His leg was damaged and he needed surgery but is on the mend. Now I have a fear that this poor guy isn’t going to have a normal life again and I also have a self centered fear that when I go to court for careless driving they’re going to give me jail time. I have a pretty decent driving record and have done some research and wouldn’t think they’d do that but my alcoholic minds thinks that. I am grateful that I was sober through the whole thing and that I had my girlfriend, friends and family to support me through the whole thing. Fear/Gratitude.
My other big fear is that this condition that I’ve had for a couple of years now is not going to go away. Some of you have seen some posts about my itching problem and I am sad to say that I’m still dealing with it. I’ve been to doctors and allergists and none of them have any answers for me and say there is nothing wrong with me. The allergist seems to think I should take 2 180mg Allegras each day for a month. That seems irresponsible. I took the medication for a week and didn't get any relief. I could write an entire post on this problem alone. It started over two years ago after visiting with a homeless friend. I got rid of the problem by spraying but visited him again the following year and got the same thing transmitted to me. I’ve been living with my girlfriend and she is more apprehensive about spraying and cleaning. It’s made it difficult and I feel like the problem has spread everyone which is going to make it close to impossible to clean up. I’m having fear that this is eventually going to drive us apart for good and that I’m never going to get rid of it. She thinks I need to see a therapist and take pills and I say that we need to do a thorough cleaning. I told her I would see a therapist and take pills as long as she lets me clean when we move. She still has a fit. Talk about stubborn! I’m trying to compromise with her. Anyway guys my gratitude is that this is not something life threatening and that I have a great life here in CO. Most importantly I’m grateful to be sober!
Would love to hear everyones experience, strength and hope regarding with what I feel is two sides to the coin Gratitude and Fear.
Garrison
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
Originally Posted by comtnman740 
I am grateful that I was sober through the whole thing and that I had my girlfriend, friends and family to support me through the whole thing.
imagine how much worse these things are for everyone if we are drunk
my experience has been over and over that if we stay sober these problems seem to work themselves out
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi contnman
whenever I get overwhelmed with fear I try and tease out things that have happened from things I fear might happen.
the former is always much smaller than the latter
Of course the best solution is to fix the problem but that's not always possible - sometimes its not entirely in our hands- like the injured guy/ the courts/your gf's reluctance to use chemicals .
sometimes we have to let go and let God as they say in AA.
Not easy for scared mistrustful alcoholics who prefer to be in control like a lot of us are
here are some things that helped me
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-o...-in-your-head/
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...g-rabbits.html (Fear - Lessons Learned from Running Rabbits)
whenever I get overwhelmed with fear I try and tease out things that have happened from things I fear might happen.
the former is always much smaller than the latter
Of course the best solution is to fix the problem but that's not always possible - sometimes its not entirely in our hands- like the injured guy/ the courts/your gf's reluctance to use chemicals .
sometimes we have to let go and let God as they say in AA.
Not easy for scared mistrustful alcoholics who prefer to be in control like a lot of us are
here are some things that helped me
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-o...-in-your-head/
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...g-rabbits.html (Fear - Lessons Learned from Running Rabbits)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Thanks so much you guys!
Dee - i checked out the links you sent and will definately try and put them into practice. I know that mindfulness and living in the moment is something i need to get better at. Too often i like to go down a rabbit hole with my thoughts about the what if's and the doomsday scenarios. I love my girlfriend so much and i think i have alot of fear that this itching problem is going to do us in.
I have to try my best to stay in the moment.
Thanks!
Garrison
Dee - i checked out the links you sent and will definately try and put them into practice. I know that mindfulness and living in the moment is something i need to get better at. Too often i like to go down a rabbit hole with my thoughts about the what if's and the doomsday scenarios. I love my girlfriend so much and i think i have alot of fear that this itching problem is going to do us in.
I have to try my best to stay in the moment.
Thanks!
Garrison
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
