And I thought
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And I thought
I was getting off light this time. Maybe the several day bender wasn't going to be so hard to overcome. Yeah I was exhausted from being awake for 30 hours since my last drink. The fluids and ativan at the ER were a huge help. Thought the rest would have me feeling better when I woke up.
Wow did I fool myself (again)! The voices I kept hearing last night didn't make it pleasant. I searched the house wondering if I left a radio on, but the direction of the music kept changing. Definitely in my head. Then the good ol' nightmares, topped with waking up freezing, drenched in sweat. I can deal with those though. It's feeling like my eyes are wonky and won't focus is the one that drives me nuts. At least the anxiety is almost nil, so I'm avoiding taking an ativan and just sucking it up.
Day 2 for the...3rd time? Maybe 4th, I don't remember. Just downloaded a bunch of different sober apps on the phone to check out.
Wow did I fool myself (again)! The voices I kept hearing last night didn't make it pleasant. I searched the house wondering if I left a radio on, but the direction of the music kept changing. Definitely in my head. Then the good ol' nightmares, topped with waking up freezing, drenched in sweat. I can deal with those though. It's feeling like my eyes are wonky and won't focus is the one that drives me nuts. At least the anxiety is almost nil, so I'm avoiding taking an ativan and just sucking it up.
Day 2 for the...3rd time? Maybe 4th, I don't remember. Just downloaded a bunch of different sober apps on the phone to check out.
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I I have to find other means. Last night I was looking for local addiction counselors, psychologists. I've tried doing it on my own, failed. I have tried different AA groups and just didn't feel like it was for me, or helping. Maybe I just need to keep looking for the right AA group.
Yep, as Ghostlight said, you'll never have to go through this again if you choose not to.
Most of us can't do it alone. There are several ways of getting the help we need, AA is just one of them. I went to outpatient treatment, and it was great for me. I also went to AA - took me a while to find a meeting I really liked, but I kept trying. AA is good for me because I need the face-to-face contact with other sober folks and I also found out that helping newcomers is a huge help to me. I'd keep trying to find a good meeting. Just my 2 cents.
Most of us can't do it alone. There are several ways of getting the help we need, AA is just one of them. I went to outpatient treatment, and it was great for me. I also went to AA - took me a while to find a meeting I really liked, but I kept trying. AA is good for me because I need the face-to-face contact with other sober folks and I also found out that helping newcomers is a huge help to me. I'd keep trying to find a good meeting. Just my 2 cents.
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Yep, as Ghostlight said, you'll never have to go through this again if you choose not to.
Most of us can't do it alone. There are several ways of getting the help we need, AA is just one of them. I went to outpatient treatment, and it was great for me. I also went to AA - took me a while to find a meeting I really liked, but I kept trying. AA is good for me because I need the face-to-face contact with other sober folks and I also found out that helping newcomers is a huge help to me. I'd keep trying to find a good meeting. Just my 2 cents.
Most of us can't do it alone. There are several ways of getting the help we need, AA is just one of them. I went to outpatient treatment, and it was great for me. I also went to AA - took me a while to find a meeting I really liked, but I kept trying. AA is good for me because I need the face-to-face contact with other sober folks and I also found out that helping newcomers is a huge help to me. I'd keep trying to find a good meeting. Just my 2 cents.
There are still several AA meetings in the area I haven't tried and I will keep trying. When I can safely drive, of course. Thanks
Although it's clear you feel like turd on toast, commend yourself for picking yourself up, dusting off and trying again. It's a process, not an event. I also believe this is not something done easily alone - although some do. There is community recovery, there are addictions counsellors and psychologists, faith groups or some even throw themselves into activity alternatives like martial arts or volunteering. I'm only on day 3 and know I have to find my true commitment by figuring out how exactly I'm going to handle this... what am I going to do when I want to pick up? How am I going to handle those situations when offered a drink or when it seems attractive to indulge with others. What will I do when home alone and feeling sorry for myself and a drink seems like a great elixir for all that ails me. I myself had not found those answers for myself just yet and I fear the change within I'm seeking might not take flight.....but hanging out here is certainly helping.
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Outpatient or addiction counselors are my first step. I feel like I need one on one guidance to develop a plan. I can read all these suggestions, plans, etc online from people who have been through it, but it feels like it's just not registering with my dumb butt lol. I shrug it off like, "that doesn't seem like it'll do any good....".
I find it very difficult to get past the self loathing for failing at sobriety.
I find it very difficult to get past the self loathing for failing at sobriety.
Outpatient or addiction counselors are my first step. I feel like I need one on one guidance to develop a plan. I can read all these suggestions, plans, etc online from people who have been through it, but it feels like it's just not registering with my dumb butt lol. I shrug it off like, "that doesn't seem like it'll do any good....".
I find it very difficult to get past the self loathing for failing at sobriety.
I find it very difficult to get past the self loathing for failing at sobriety.
I understand the self-loathing. I had a lot of that, for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was failing to get sober on my own. Thought I was strong enough, smart enough, had enough will-power, to just quit. I wasn't, because I was addicted to alcohol and had no clue how to survive without it for any length of time. Not only was I addicted to alcohol, but I needed a whole bunch of work on myself in other areas so that I could learn to cope with life on life's terms without looking for an escape. Quitting the physical act of pouring booze down my throat was just the beginning, the real work has been since then. Learning to be a whole person, filling my toolbox with tools so that I don't pick up again. It's a process.
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The funny thing about the self loathing, it's not there (at least not on the surface, maybe in my subconscious) when I'm sober. When I'm in withdrawals, it's all I can think of. Which is where I think a psychologist would come in handy here. Get on down to the deeper reason. Being alone on a Saturday night shouldn't be cause to throw away how great I feel and productive I'd been. Not to mention earning a paycheck to pay the mortgage lol
At the same time, I'm also feeling very fortunate that my boss doesn't care. My talents at work are worth it for him to have me out a little bit and he just wants to see me get better, so he's really working with me on this.
At the same time, I'm also feeling very fortunate that my boss doesn't care. My talents at work are worth it for him to have me out a little bit and he just wants to see me get better, so he's really working with me on this.
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Hello, Abgator.
Pick up the phone and call any AA meeting. If you can't drive right now, someone will come by and pick you up and take you to a meeting. There are lots of clubhouses around and from my experience, they sit around between meetings and drink coffee.
Pick up the phone and call any AA meeting. If you can't drive right now, someone will come by and pick you up and take you to a meeting. There are lots of clubhouses around and from my experience, they sit around between meetings and drink coffee.
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That's interesting to know, thanks. As soon as one of my parents gets off work, they're going to come pick me up, grab my kid, and stay out at their house for the night. I'm planning on an AA meeting tomorrow.
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Well, I made my first real step at help. Found an organization that accepts my insurance for outpatient and contacted them. Of course now I have to wait for them to call me back. But it's more of a step than I've taken before outside of AA which I may not have had an open mind about.
That's a great first step. I'm tellin' ya - I learned a TON at outpatient. I like science, and I got that at my outpatient. Lots of touchy-feely stuff too, and practical tools for relapse prevention. It was a good mix for me. I like to understand how things work, then how to fix them. AA does that, too, but it's presented a whole different way.
Good sleuthing to find that outpatient program that accepts your insurance. I had a very good OP group that put me a long way toward getting on the sober path. Those negative feelings should begin passing now that you are on the action road.
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That's a great first step. I'm tellin' ya - I learned a TON at outpatient. I like science, and I got that at my outpatient. Lots of touchy-feely stuff too, and practical tools for relapse prevention. It was a good mix for me. I like to understand how things work, then how to fix them. AA does that, too, but it's presented a whole different way.
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