Kixster

Hello all I am new here.I am married to an alcoholic.I have reached out for help at a local recovery center and am presently in the midst of planning a family intervention ~ However I am scared and apprehensive to move forward...I guess I'm afraid of how he will react/respond.He becomes terribly angry and defensive at the mere mention of his alcohol use,no matter how calm and kind I approach the subject.I hold tightly to the memories we shared when things were not like this and still love him and probably always will love him.I love the man I married but despise the man he has become now..Does that make any sense ?? I walk around in my daily life with a sense of hopelessness and sadness in my soul.I feel like life has no meaning for me anymore..just empty.

Dee74

Hi and welcome kixster
I'm sorry for what brings you here but this is a place of great support.

There are sometimes happy endings - I have not taken a drink for 12 years. and there are others like me around

I hope your husband will decide like I did to leave his addiction behind.
I wish you and your family the best

Please do also check out our Family and Friends forums as well
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/#friends-family

D

Kixster

Thank You Dee,I probably should have posted this there but I'm new here and just clicked on the suggested link to introduce myself and post here.

Hevyn

I'm glad you found us Kixster. I'm sorry too for the painful time you're going through. I hope it helps to be here.

I've been on both sides of this thing. I was the wife whose life was being torn apart - then later, I was the one doing the damage & causing chaos. Like Dee, I've been sober for a long time (11 yrs.) after drinking for 30 yrs. So it can be done, for sure. We have to want it though. Please let us know how things are going - we care about you.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope our support can make you feel less alone and confused.

BethanyBoo

Hiya. Thanks for being here and sharing some of what you’re going through. I am brand new here too (this is my first post!). I just went through a treatment center for alcoholism a few weeks ago. My rock bottom was just in early April when my fiancé and I called off our wedding because I was just spiraling, paralyzed by fear and boozing way too much.
His support through this epic ordeal has been such a blessing.
I’m sure it’s extremely nerve-wracking to consider how your husband might react to an intervention; have you sought out any Al-Anon meetings? A month or so before my going to rehab, my fiancé confessed that he’d been going to them, to try and seek out some tools for coping with the fact that I am an alcoholic, and he brought it up in a gentle way when we were having a calm and quiet evening at home, and I was in a place mentally where I could begin to hear him.. and that was the beginning of a turning point. Granted, I went on a crazy last-hurrah month-long bender that resulted in the cancelling of our wedding when it was only a month out (yeah. Not a good situation.) .. but, meh. We’re going to work through this together and I hope that you and your husband can do the same. Best of luck to ya and keep seeking help.


I’ll add one great thing I heard in treatment from a guy who’s been sober over ten years.. that, in AA meetings, you’re surrounded by other folks you’d have seen at the bars or wherever - the only difference is, you’re not drinking, and the friendships you make in that fellowship are SO much stronger than the 15-minute acquaintances you might make at the pub.

Kixster

Oh Thank You all for your kindness and gentle words and warm and caring welcome.I can do this I just need encouragement, strength and hope...I lost my 1st husband of 23 years to alcohol in 2002,he died from it.I swore then that I would never marry another alcoholic ~but~ Just like my 1st husband...He was NOT an alcoholic when we fell in love and decided to marry.At first it was a cocktail when we were out on a romantic date and then perhaps a couple of cold beers after working hard doing yard work on a hot spring/summer day~honestly~I don't know how it got like this but it happened over time and spiraled out of control.Things got bad and he was coming home from work drunk daily and sadly one day ran his car into a tree less than 3 blocks from our home.He doesn't drink and drive anymore thank goodness but that near death experience did not convince him to quit or even cut back.If I could upload a picture of that car for all of you to see I'm sure you all would not believe anyone would have survived such a crash..his knees even buckled under him when he saw it it for the first time when he was sober and we had to go to the junk yard where it was towed to get our belongings out of it.I must admit that I enjoyed drinking a glass of wine in the evening while relaxing,but this man means the world to me and I don't want to lose him.I want to help him through this and totally support him and I have not had my evening glass of wine in over a month now and know that will never be a part of my life anymore.I want him to have his life back,I want us to have our lives back.Any words of wisdom as to how I could or should approach him one on one that may work would be appreciated~but~If that doesn't work I'm fully prepared to go through with the intervention,I've even already wrote my intervention letter to him and have a professional interventionist lined up who will take him to the detox and recovery center on the spot if he agrees to go, all insurance issues checked, room reservation and everything is all in place.I just wish that he would totally decide to do it on his own in the first place because it would be better for him if he could take a week of leave from work to go into detox and then continue with outpatient treatment along with the support of his loved ones.The reason I feel this way is because his work place would never have to know,which would make him feel much better about the whole ordeal.He is actually a functioning hard worker at work and in charge of "supervises" a team of other workers.I worry about the job position he holds if he gets sent away for a month

january161992

how are you today Kixster

Kixster

I'm doing OK I guess..got up this morning and see his bottle got EMPTY while I was sleeping during the night.I'm feeling anxiety and plan on riding with him as soon as he gets ready to go to town and purchase a new one.I'm going to try to persuade him not to on the way.Not sure how that will turn out but I plan on being kind and calm while asking him please,please,please just try to stop.